PGAL Check in 4/29-5/1

BitterBetty12 · May 2018

@KariAnn323 My 10dpo beta with DD was 11.something. And she’s now a happy healthy 10.5 month old! So ignore the nurse for sure on that. It’s low because you were 10dpo and it should be low! I had a similar issue with the nurse at my OBs office when I had that first blood draw with DD. When I talked to my actual OB she was furious with the nurse for putting me through the ringer.

KariAnn323 · May 2018

@BitterBetty12 Thank you so much. I keep reading that the doubling is the most important part this early but then I worry I’m reading that because that’s what I want to hear. I did message my OB’s office for a second opinion. Hopefully I’ll hear back from him Monday.

dragonette505 · May 2018

@KariAnn323 10 dpo is really early. My first beta was at 11dp5dt or equivalent of 16 dpo and my number was 200. At the same time there are women who have, say 80 at 11 dpo and go on to have perfectly healthy babies. It really differs so much because implantation is a process that can take up to almost a week, so even women who have and embryo transfer on the same day will likely not implant on the same day. And it still takes a day or two for the embie to start producing hcg. And again a day or two for that to be measured in the blood. The reason folks say it’s about how it doubles is because you can’t really compare person to person. As long as your betas are doubling at this stage , you’re good.

tosh24 · May 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 4+5 today, I think. Well, I had two great betas this week, so that's a good start! I've had a 9 w loss after seeing the heartbeat 3 times and baby wiggling around on u/s so I don't think I'll be able to sigh a little bit of relief until 2nd tri at least.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? They are coming and going, which of course has my PGAL brain on overdrive. Sore boobs, cramping, lower backache, random nausea/motion sickness feeling here and there.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? Off the charts. I want to be positive but it's so hard. Sometimes I feel OK enough to let myself daydream about the future, and then I get angry at myself for doing it. The days are definitely long right now.

4. Any appointment updates? My RE typically only does 2 betas and then u/s at 7 weeks. Given my anxiety and history, I asked them if I could do some additional blood work between now and my u/s on May 18th. They emailed me a requisition form for hcg and said I can get the betas done as much as will make me comfortable. For now, I have made an appointment for Monday the 7th and the following Monday (14th). Hopefully my hcg will show good climbs and it will help with my anxiety.

5. What's been happening in your life this week? Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): It's been a rollercoaster of pure elation and pure terror

GTKY: Tell us anything. Lets get to know each other in this one. I made a pretty detailed intro and my deets are also in my siggy. In short, DH and I have been married for 12 years. We have struggled with secondary infertility since 2009 and this current pregnancy took 6 years, 3 losses, 5 IUIs, 1 IVF cycle, and 3 FETs to happen. I'm really hoping this is my THB.

dragonette505 · May 2018

@tosh24 hoping this is your thb too!

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

galactickates said:

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
4 weeks. I’m in shock and tired.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
Just tired and irritable
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?
I’m a total mess. Like I can’t begin to describe how close to tears I’ve been since I saw the line.
4. Any appointment updates?
I’ll call on Monday and he’ll get me in right away due to HR and previous losses.
5. What's been happening in your life this week? Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):
we got back from vacation on Sunday, my daughter broke her wrist in two places on Monday, and she had two performances at school. I’m so so tired. I would be tired if I weren’t KU. But the only thing that made me feel like I might be is the complete and utter exhaustion I get in first tri.
GTKY: Tell us anything. Lets get to know each other in this one.
I have two cats. Cleo and Louie. That’s about all I’ve got right now.

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

Can someone here tell me it's okay if I go lurk on my May 18 BMB and it won't devastate me to be there? Am I setting myself up for a fall? Of course I am. Who am I kidding. But I really want to.

zamoraspin · May 2018

@KariAnn323 I almost wonder if the nurse is more used to calling people who’ve had transfers. As @dragonette505 said if you were like 10dp5dt they’d expect a higher number. But like... implantation generally doesn’t start before 7dpo at the earliest and you start from zero so 10dpo you just don’t expect a high number.
Fx for your next draw!

AFM I stopped spotting by late morning yesterday so I’m hoping it was nothing.

dragonette505 · May 2018

@sparkymcgeee it’s really up to you... in December I poked my nose in at my old bmb and frankly it was a major downer.... they were delivering when I was supposed to be and I wasn’t. I personally don’t think it’s helpful, but sometimes the only way to know is to try.

dragonette505 · May 2018

@zamora_spin yaaaas! Stay away, spotting!!

KariAnn323 · May 2018

@dragonette505 @zamora_spin That's a good point. Thank you

@zamora_spin Yay!!! I'm so glad the spotting stopped.

tosh24 · May 2018

@sparkymcgee I haven't been able to go back to June 17 since my loss. It's just too hard, especially since I spent almost all of 1st tri with those ladies. I did lurk on March 18 after my second loss and I didn't find it too hard because the loss was somewhat early and I knew it wasn't looking good right from the beginning (my hcg at 18dpo was only 11). I haven't been able to go back since they all had their babies, though. Like @dragonette505 said, it's kind of a downer, but sometimes the only way to know how you'll feel is to do it. Just know that it may put you in a funk for the rest of the day.

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

dragonette505 said:

@sparkymcgeee it’s really up to you... in December I poked my nose in at my old bmb and frankly it was a major downer.... they were delivering when I was supposed to be and I wasn’t. I personally don’t think it’s helpful, but sometimes the only way to know is to try.

I know. I can't even look at my coworker because she's due the same week I was. So why would I go look at birth announcements. Like come on. But I'm tempted. I'm avoiding for now.

zamoraspin · May 2018

@sparkymcgeee I tortured myself a few times by looking at my Jan 18 BMB. Then I didn’t for a long while and then I think in late December or early Jan I looked and almost everyone had migrated to FB or a private group or something. Something about that made me feel like - I’m not a part of this anymore in a way that helped with closure.

ChasingTheDog · May 2018

@sparkymcgeee hey there! We were are on the May bmb together and I’ve thought of you often since then. I’m very glad you’re here too ❤️

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

ChasingTheDog said:

@sparkymcgeee hey there! We were are on the May bmb together and I’ve thought of you often since then. I’m very glad you’re here too ❤️

Aw, that's so sweet! Are you here too or lurking?

ChasingTheDog · May 2018

I’m here! Due date of 1/1 and all the fingers are crossed, as I’m sure yours are too

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

ChasingTheDog said:

I’m here! Due date of 1/1 and all the fingers are crossed, as I’m sure yours are too

AAAAHHHH!!! That makes me so happy for you! And you totally made me feel all warm and squishy about our old board. You made me feel loved and I appreciate that.

CoastieGirl79 · May 2018

galactickates said:

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? I am 4 weeks, 3 days. No milestones

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? I started with on and off nausea, which has subsided. Now my boobs are tender.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? My anxiety Friday was sky high. I was shaking almost all all day. I had my second set of betas done Friday at 0630. Saturday morning I got my progesterone back, which went up from 16.35 to 17.90. After my first CP, any increase to me is a good one. I'll hang on to any sign of positivity. I never heard back on my HCG level. I've taken an obscene amount of pregnancy tests since April 29. I find myself holding my breath when I pee praying I don't spot.

4. Any appointment updates? I am supposed to have another set of betas drawn tomorrow (Monday) based off Friday's results, but I'm in limbo right now because I'm still waiting on my HCG levels. The RE said he will schedule me for an ultrasound this week to see how things are going.

5. What's been happening in your life this week? Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): This will be a busy week at work but I look forward to it because it helps keep my mind occupied. The weather is finally warming up here. I live in the vicinity of Washington, D.C.

GTKY: Tell us anything. Lets get to know each other in this one. I am 39 and my husband will be 40. We have one son who will be three this summer. It took us four months of trying to get pregnant with our son without any medical intervention. We've been trying for 20 months for our second. I had a chemical pregnancy March 2018. I feel like I need to put this out there: my heart breaks for women who struggle with primary and secondary infertility. I took for granted how easy it was for us to get pregnant the first time. I carry a lot of guilt with me because I didnt appreciate my first pregnancy as much as I feel like I should have now that we are struggling with our second. I find myself walking around and silently praying and apologizing to God for not being more grateful. Does that make sense? In that inner monologue I keep saying "I learned my lesson."

zamoraspin · May 2018

@CoastieGirl79 I get what you are saying but try not to feel guilty. I don't think anyone can fully appreciate what loss is like until they go through it. I find myself jealous of people who can have that blissful ignorance during pregnancy, but I don't want them to feel badly about it, if that makes sense. I hope your hCG is doubling perfectly, it's a great sign that your progesterone is going up. FX for you.

CoastieGirl79 · May 2018

@zamora_spin yes it makes total sense. That's one thing I can remember about my first pregnancy: the blissful ignorance. Knowing the numbers this early has instilled a paranoia in me.

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

I lost my first pregnancy so I had about two weeks of blissful ignorance. I don't wish the knowledge and understanding of loss on anyone. I do feel bad I wasn't as sensitive before to friends and family about it but I can't turn back the clock and change the stupid comments I said. You know better and then you do better.

Andplusalso, just because you know what loss is like doesn't mean you have to love every second of your successful pregnancies. I get so annoyed by people that say, "well you should just appreciate what you have". Um, who says I'm not grateful or appreciate what is going on just because I also hate sciatic pain, feet in my ribs, morning sickness, and not sleeping? I can have both emotions, k thx.

galactickates · May 2018

@sparkymcgeee I know first hand about insensitive stupid comments. You can obviously feel more then one feeling at a time. And just because you might not be enjoying every second of pregnancy doesn't mean you don't want a child. I didn't realize that those two things were connected. Seriously rude stupid people can F*ck right off.

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

After my first loss someone told me if I didn’t want it so much I would have thought it was my period. Which is just BS.
After my losses last year I had separate people both times say "Well at least you have the two you have." As if that makes the loss of my child any better. I love all of my babies. I wanted all of my babies. If we pretend I didn't have a loss during pregnancy and then I lost my healthy six month old, no one would say, "well at least the other two are okay".

Edit because ipad sucks and cuts me off all the time. I've got to stop using that thing for bumping.

j19mama · May 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 4+3, and my milestone for my pPROM will be at 17w.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Extremely tired. Chasing a nearly 18m old around all day doesn’t help.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? I’ve been pretty cranky since finding out I’m KU, which is generally my first sign of anxiousness. I’m hoping since I already have my son that it will ease some fears this time around- we’ll see!

4. Any appointment updates? First appt. is set for 8ish weeks, on 6/6.

5. What's been happening in your life this week? Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): Just kind of settling into the feeling associated with finding out. We told our parents and my sister— everyone is happy and excited. But, life just kind of keeps going on. I remember with my last two pregnancies that I had much more time to sleep and relax, it’s just not that way anymore.

GTKY: Tell us anything. Lets get to know each other in this one. I’m really close with my last BMB. I was hesitant to even jump in over here, so I may not be super active, but it’s nice to have people to chat with when you can’t sleep or are up for MOTN feedings. Something fun I’m trying to do this pregnancy is find a new trail to hike every weekend! We’re going to one I’ve wanted to check out forever next weekend for Mother’s Day and then brunch after.

BitterBetty12 · May 2018

@j19mama Life just keeps moving is the best way to explain pregnancy with #2! I feel like I just don’t have the time to focus on being pregnant the way I did before. Which for me
is a really good thing, because PGAL anxiety is tough. Glad you’re jumping in! I didn’t participate in my last BMB so this is kind of my do over for that because I feel like I really missed out on an opportunity!

joniandtoe · May 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
5+4 today. Our loss was at 20 weeks, and we had our rainbow baby (dd) in May 2016 I am still feeling anxious, but less than last time, and will until we pass our anatomy scan.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
Heartburn through the roof and some mild nausea. With DD I got KU two months after our loss and symptoms were like a wrecking ball. Things feel milder so far which is both appreciated AND anxiety causing. Dr. Has told me third pregnancies and pregnancies after a 2 yr recovery time should be less difficult symptoms wise.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?
So. Much. Less than with my daughter since I have had a healthy pregnancy - but when my symptoms go into hiding or I start to visualize life after bb#2 I have to remind myself to be in the here and now and just find the joy in carrying this baby today.

4. Any appointment updates?
Scheduled for 6/4 and will likely follow the same modified visit schedule (every 3 wks through anatomy scan) as last time.

5. What's been happening in your life this week? Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):
I'm negotiating a large grant with the national science foundation for my university and they've asked for a lot of timelines which has been so helpful- so now my team and I are forced to have a plan for my potential maternity leave.

GTKY: Tell us anything. Lets get to know each other
Will share our loss story as others have. Got KU in February of 2015 with our first pregnancy, our son. Little Man had a flawless 18 weeks, passing every test and milestone including a healthy 12 week US. The results of my AFP test came back elevated in week 18 and our anatomy scan was moved up from 20 wks to 19. He was diagnosed with 3 fatal fetal anomalies- severe open neural tube defect, anencephaly, and a heart condition called aortic atresia. We terminated for medical reasons (tfmr) at 20 wks. Was put on prescription folic acid for subsequent PG with our daughter and this one. Have a healthy, fierce daughter but several complications during childbirth so it's been a hard road- PPA, PPD... I am feeling much less stress this pregnancy and as stated above trying to find joy in every day. Because our loss was late, and public, and not a miscarriage, our approach to announcing our pregnancies is a bit unorthodox- we live with a perspective that every day is a gift with this child for however long they are with us. Our close family, friends and colleagues lived the joy and sorrow of our son and the anxiety and joy of our daughter with us. Their support and understanding in these early weeks are so important that we have already told them.

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

@joniandtoe I'm so sorry about the loss of your son. I can't even imagine that kind of loss.

joniandtoe · May 2018

Thanks @sparkymcgeee. If there is one thing I have learned from talking with other mothers of PGAL it is that loss is loss, and while our experiences are different, our thoughts and feelings are often quite similar. I noticed their are a few other mothers with later term losses who have been open to sharing their stories as well. It is nice too know we are not as alone as we sometimes feel.

julesf817 · May 2018

@joniandtoe I’m so sorry for your loss.

zamoraspin · May 2018

@joniandtoe I'm sorry for your loss. I agree with you that people should tell their best support system as early as they feel comfortable. I didn't tell my sister and mom about my first pregnancy until I learned I was likely having an mmc. I also told them after the fact about my second loss. Now I just tell them as soon as I feel ready, this time less than a week after my first positive test (my BIL also knows because I told my sister she could tell him). They know that early pregnancy is very hard on me and check-in on me and are hopeful for us. I have friends who are supports who I feel I can tell whenever the mood strikes me to do so.

I do think carefully about who I tell - I happened to be visiting my grandmom during my first pregnancy. I was a few days shy of 6w and decided to tell her. It really broke her heart to learn of my mc and she was so sad about it she couldn't talk to me for months. So, now I only want to tell her when we are sure things are going well, like maybe after the NIPT.

However, overall there is such a stigma/resistance to telling people about early pregnancy. But if you don't tell anyone, you either have to suffer in silence through a loss or your support system only gets to share in your bad news and not your good. My approach now is to tell anyone I would feel comfortable telling about a loss.

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

I am losing it right now. I just got a call from my doctors nurse and she told me my progesterone is only 7 ("we like to see that over 10") and my HCG from yesterday is only 25 ("that should be a lot higher for 4 weeks").

I went off. I told her that she has my chart and she can see my history of loss. She can see the follow up appointment getting on drugs to cope and she's not helping with the anxiety. Telling me my numbers are all wrong and my pregnancy is essentially not succeeding is terrible.

She apologized and said she wasn't used to people understanding the numbers and she has to explain them. Well she probably doesn't talk to women that have had multiple miscarriages. I'm so mad.

I just got another call and they are putting me on progesterone. I'm still mad and therefore crying at work but my HCG level is not that low and as long as I'm on progesterone then I at least feel there's a chance.

zamoraspin · May 2018

@sparkymcgeee I'm sorry the nurse spoke to you that way. Idk why OB's and nurses don't do required sensitivity training. One hCG draw can't really tell you anything. There is such a wide range of "normal" for hCG. I am glad they are putting you on progesterone but I'm so sorry for the uncertainty.

baileym9126 · May 2018

1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
4+6. My previous losses were both at 10 weeks, so I have a little ways to go yet.

2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
Super thirsty and tired, that’s about it. I’ve been taking progesterone, so that’s been messing with me a bit, but nothing too bad.

3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?
I’m finally starting to calm down. My doctor put me on progesterone and low dose aspirin, so at least I feel like I’m doing something different this time around.

4. Any appointment updates?
I got my beta’s back, and they’re more than doubling (even though they were on the low side of normal), so I have my first ultrasound at 6+6 on May 22.

5. What's been happening in your life this week? Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):
nothing, really. Just trying to keep busy.

GTKY: Tell us anything. Lets get to know each other in this one.
I just turned 27 on the 30th and DH is 29. We have one dog, Dixie, who is a big suck. And we live in a small town in Saskatchewan, Canada.

baileym9126 · May 2018

@joniandtoe I’m so sorry for your loss.

@sparkymcgeee I’m sorry your going through that. I agree that one draw can’t tell you much. I’ve been told what really matters for HCG is the doubling time.

*edited because I’m apparently terrible at spelling.

dragonette505 · May 2018

sparkymcgeee ugh... sorry about the anxiety.... I totally understand. Are they doing another beta for you?

KariAnn323 · May 2018

@sparkymcgeee I’m so sorry the nurse said those things. I understand not wanting to give false hope, but I feel like some nurses are too quick to turn to gloom and doom.

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

dragonette505 said:

sparkymcgeee ugh... sorry about the anxiety.... I totally understand. Are they doing another beta for you?

Yeah. I'm going tomorrow. Hopefully the numbers double. I'm only 16dp conception (I for sure know the date since we only dtd once in like 3 weeks) so 25 is actually fine if I'm technically 4w2d.

dragonette505 · May 2018

@sparkymcgeee plus implantation can take a week... if you implanted on the later end, then it’s a great number! And of course, all that matters now is the doubling

PGAL Check in 4/29-5/1

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