TFAS w/o 4/23 GTKY & Randoms

Whitmore1027 · April 2018

So I think we all decided to have this weekly thread as more of a GTKY and Randoms for those of us with children. If anyone has any different ideas or wants to add anything, we can do that next week if you like!

I thought the was super funny! Would you rather game for moms:

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/wc/b4t8v47wm7dt.jpg

meggyme · April 2018

So there’s a podcast I used to listen to called Totally Mommy and every week they’d tell a good, a bad, and a funny story that happened with their kids each week. That might be a fun use of this thread if we start to run out of GTKY ideas.

1. Backwash
2. Target accident
3. Babysit
4. Teething 18m/o, they’re easier to distract.
5. That one’s tough, but I’d probably take engorgement.
6. Dora
7. Another toughy. I haven’t dealt with either yet, but lice gross me out, so stomach flu.
8. Again, haven’t dealt with either but I think I’f choose the teenager. It would be quieter.
9. Bad breath.
10. We don’t do church, so I guess that leaves us with the library.

Whitmore1027 · April 2018

@meggyme Ohh I'll have to listen to that podcast. And I really like that idea to tell each of those stories each week!!

1. Probably the chewed food. I don't even like to drink my own drink if there is only a little left because of the backwash fear.
2. Soaked in their pee. I don't have to panic and rush to get it cleaned up. I have to deal with cat vomit on the bed quite often, so I am used to cleaning the mattress!
3. Where I can't stand the mom. I am pretty good at handling the mom pretty well, but I don't like kids who are mean to mine. Haha
4. Teething 6 mo old because breastfeeding was an easy soothe. My 20 month old is teething (canines) and it's so hard to help him with his pain.

5. Sneeze and pee pants in public. Engorged breasts are HORRIBLE and so freaking painful. I couldn't deal with it for 2 weeks in a row!
6. Dora!
7. This one was hard...vomit is gross...lice is gross...But I will go with the Stomach flu because I have a fear of parasites.
8. Colicky infant! Teenage years scare me, and at least the infant can't give me attitude.
9. Farts!
10. Church. I think they would be more understanding. Haha

meggyme · April 2018

@Whitmore1027 unfortunately they ended it but they had a couple years worth of old episodes.

oaklandava · April 2018

1. backwash
2. Target accident
3. Playdate
4. Teething 6 mo
5. Sneeze
6. Dora
7. Lice kind of freak me out...because they're actual bugs. So I'd stay stomach flu.
8. Hormonal teenager
9. Bad farts
10. Ummmmm library

quidditchcapn1120 · April 2018

1. Chewed food
2. Target accident- at least it's not on me
3. Playdate- I can ignore her and sit on my phone haha
4. Teething 6 month old, breastfeeding FTW
5. Sneeze and pee, I'm always in leggings anyway so no one would know the difference
6. Dora because Caillou is the worst!
7. Flu for sure. I've dealt with the lice thing, it was a long process. At least flu doesn't last forever and everyone just sleeps.
8. I'm not to the teenage stage yet, but I would probably choose that because hopefully they would just go to their room and sulk.
9. Bad breath. Not as embarrassing in public.
10. Library- easier to leave quickly

prpl11butterfly · April 2018

1. Backwash
2. Target
3. Playdate
4. Def 6m old
5. Sneeze pee (and this is from experience)
6. Dora
7. Flue. If I never see another louse in my life I am 100% cool with that. Ugh, I'm itchy just remebering....
8. Oh god I don't know. I have a preteen already terrorizing me.... but at least I can send her to her room. So This over colic.
9. Farts. Bad breathe raises hygiene questions to others. Farts are just digestion issues.
10. Library

lelkcot · April 2018

1. Definitely backwash

2. Target accident - at least I’m not laying init!

3. Mom at a playdate

4. Guess at 18 months - ds didn’t get teeth until after a year, so no experience with teething early!

5. Sneeze & pee

6. Dora

7. Flu - it’s miserable for 24 hrs and you’re done. Lice are creepy!

8. Hormonal teenager

9. Bad farts - already deal with the dogs epic gas

10. Library I guess...?

emmaaa · April 2018

I like the idea of this weekly thread to post and vent and GTKY, talk about our children etc. I know TFAS can be a tough subject for others and I want to mindful of that.

1.Chewed food
2. Target accident
3. Play date with the mom
4. Teething 18 month old - DD didn't get any teeth until 11 months old and I think we had it easier than those with early teethers. It was so much easier to distract her and keep her mind off the pain.
5. Sneeze and pee
6. Dora
7. Stomach flu
8. Hormonal teenager
9. Farts
10. Library

AdorkablePixie · April 2018

Oh this is interesting. lol

1. Drink backwash. I'm pretty sure I already have anyway.

2. Target accident.

3. Probably a playdate where I can't stand my mom because I can text DH or my best friend and complain the whole time.

4. I'm not sure. I'll go with 18m/o. DS was amazing while teething and most of the time you wouldn't even know it except for he woke up 1-2 times more a night.

5. Sneeze and pee for sure. Engorged breasts are not fun.

6. I have no idea what either of them sound like honestly. We don't do TV.

7. Stomach flu.

8. Hormonal teenager.

9. Bad breath, at least I wouldn't have to smell that constantly.

10. I'm going to go with library, at least I won't see most of those people on a regular basis.

wishiwaspreggo · April 2018

1. Backwash.

2. Target accident. Waking up to a pee filled bed and having to clean it up in the middle of the night is the worst!!!

3. I’m with @Whitmore1027, I hate when kids are mean to my kid so I’d much rather deal with a mom I don’t like.

4. Teething 6 month old. A little pop of Tylenol and boom, problem solved. My 18 month old was on a perpetual rampage that only stopped when he was sleeping and teething made it sooooooo much worse.

5. Sneeze and pee pants in public. Happens to me all the time anyway, and yes, engorged breasts are very, very painful.

6. Do I have to answer this? I’d probably have to go with Dora. And I have a son. That’s how much I hate Caillou’s whiney voice.

7. Stomach flu. Fast and furious. I have no idea how to deal with lice.

8. Teenager. I’ve never had a colicky baby but I can imagine a screaming baby is much more stressful than a sulky teenager.

9. Farts.

10. Library. I don’t go to church.

nmbrcrnchr1 · April 2018

Hi Ladies, I’ve been MIA for a few weeks on this thread, since I’m benched it’s sometimes hard for me to contribute so I like this idea!!!

1. Backwash, pretty sure I’ve done both though, no shame!
2. Peed bed
3. Mom I didn’t like, I could just ignore her and I don’t want to deal with a child who hates my kid
4. 18 month old, they are old enough then I don’t worry about giving Tylenol/Motrin:)
5. Anyone who picks engorged breasts has clearly not had engorged breasts LOL!! I pick sneeze/pee in public, it’s happened before for me as well.
6. So I don’t know or haven’t heard Caillou’s voice so I’ll stick with Dora
7. Flu
8. Teenager, and hope they go to their room if they are crabby/sulky
9. Farts
10. Library

AdorkablePixie · April 2018

@nmbrcrnchr1 I agree about the engorged breasts! lol I was thinking the exact same thing. I like your username, are you an accountant?

wishiwaspreggo · April 2018

I have a WWYD question for you, ladies.

How do you deal with spoiled children in public places? I live in a town where there a bunch of hippy women who don't "do" discipline because - God forbid - they don't want to impede on their free spirits. I took my son to the library to play with the train set he loves last night and there was a little monster who was just out of control and his mom didn't do ANYthing to intervene. He ran around and grabbed toys from other kids screaming "THAT'S MINE!" and he shoved other kids, knocked things over, and was being a general hellion. I was walking towards a play area and the little shit pushed me out of the room. A child, putting hands on an adult, is absolutely unacceptable. The mom just cooed from across the room "Gentle, Monkey, gentle." NO. I'd have grabbed my son, thrown him over my shoulder, and marched him right out of the library. No more play time if you are aggressive toward anyone, much less another parent.

Said little shit then grabbed a toy out of my kid's hands and again screamed "THAT'S MINE!" so I bent down, looked in his eyes, and said in my "I'm not fucking around" low mom voice: "Excuse me. He was playing with that. Give it back to him now, please. You can have a turn when he's done." I don't think the boy has ever been scolded or told what to do in his whole life. He was so shocked he gave the toy back but then he turned to me and screamed as loud as he could right in my face.

The mom was pissed at me but I didn't care. Kids need to learn to respect authority. They won't do that if you give in to their every whim and let them behave however they please in public. Oh, and I'll add, this child was 4 years old. That's when impulse control should start kicking in so if they're raised properly, that should absolutely not be a problem anymore.

Okay, end rant. Anyone else have a story to share or am I the only Angry Mom who scolds other kids?

ETA: I was watching for potential signs of a sensory processing disorder, which could explain why a child may act like that when they're 4. But generally if there IS a sensory issue the mother usually looks more anxious and knows the triggers, and will step in quickly. The mom in question was more interested in chatting with her friend than monitoring her kid.

prpl11butterfly · April 2018

@wishiwaspreggo wow! I'm with you on this. Children need some discipline. I would have removed my child from play for repeating any of those offences toward another child (and rest assured he would have been spoken to about them on the first incident). Putting hands on another adult would be grounds for going home and having some time to himself (at 4). I actually avoid most play situations like that because of careless parents. I do not have the patients to put up with spoiled selfish children and would rather my children not be exposed to that behavior.

Kids like that grow up to be spoiled selfish adults who can't handle discipline or rejection and think that everything should just be handed to them.

Okay, I'm hoping of my soapbox for now....

meggyme · April 2018

I'll confess that I walk the hippy mom line when it comes to discipline. I don't do time outs or spankings and instead try to opt for talking it out with my kid (then again she's not quite 2 yet, so I may be eating my words soon). But there is a big difference between addressing problems with words and not doing anything. There should DEFINITELY be boundaries in place that sometimes need to be enforced, even if that is removing your child from the situation and talking about what happened and what could be done better. Especially when behavior is rude or aggressive.

Sometimes I catch myself parenting my friends kids. Not in a "you're doing a shitty job" kind of way but more of a "hey you're busy or sitting down over there and I'm right here so I'll help" kind of way. I sometimes feel bad about it, but I'd hope if my kid was acting out that someone would intervene appropriately. I'd probably remove ourselves from the situation if some stranger's kid was being crazy.

wishiwaspreggo · April 2018

I'll add that I've never spanked my son, or used any form of corporal punishment. However, I do use a stern tone when he's misbehaving, especially when he's being cruel to an animal or another person. I also make him say please and thank you. It's so ingrained he just does it now without me asking, unless he's in a bad mood and I still make him be polite then, too. I'm lucky in that my kid naturally bends towards obedience, especially when he can see disapproval written on my face. I make a point to exaggerate my expressions so he's aware. Sometimes all it takes is a pointed frown and he'll stop being a jerk.

But still, some people take the "no discipline" thing too far and don't do anything at all. Like zero consequences. To me that's just not right. There are always consequences to your actions. I'm a big fan of natural consequences. You hit the dog with your toy? We take the toy and put it on a shelf for a few minutes. You demand I give you a bowl of Cheetos? No, you ask nicely and say please and then I will bring you Cheetos. You start fights at the library? Time to go home unless you shape up.

I've only done time out once. He found it so traumatic for whatever reason that even mentioning it makes him stop misbehaving. I have no idea why, though... I put him in his room, told him he was in time out and I even left the door open so he could see me in the kitchen. He stood at the threshold crying for a couple minutes and then I let him back out. I think it was just the idea of being in trouble that upset him so much.

emmaaa · April 2018

My daughter is 18 months so not to the age of dealing with the situation you mentioned because every 18mo thinks everything is "theirs", lol. But I have been at the playground in the tot lot and had big kids run in and bump the little ones or get in front of them to play with something. I am not above telling said child that they weren't nice and that it wasn't okay.

You did nothing wrong. It would have been different if you had spanked the littler boy but you simply told him what he was doing was not appropriate.

lelkcot · April 2018

Those situations are the worst and make me completely uncomfortable. I think you handled it really well. I tend to err on the strict side and can’t imagine letting my kiddo act like that!

That said, 3 seems to be all about the attitude/defiance and figuring out he can say no... so my stricter parenting style seems to mean regular power struggles.

wishiwaspreggo · April 2018

@LElkCot - I have a 3 year old and I pick my battles lol... I don't have the energy to be very strict about a lot of things. I let him stay at the park longer than I'd rather be there, and let him eat when he wants, things like that, but when it comes to interacting with others, being courteous and polite, and public behavior I put in the effort to instill manners. One of my crappier parenting tactics is bribery

Eh, it works for potty training and getting him to willingly hop in the tub for bath time!

lelkcot · April 2018

@wishiwaspreggo I’m trying to get better about picking my battles... we may have had a 20 minute tantrum about toothbrushing this morning....
But I’m totally with you on courtesy and kind/appropriate behavior being non-negotiable. And bribes. Alllllll the bribes for potty training and for eye drops (allergies got his eyes so inflamed we’re dealing with 7 days of steroid eye drops).

holly321 · April 2018

@wishiwaspreggo, I just wanted to say I love and appreciate your ETA. DS can act horribly sometimes (which kid doesn't) and if he wants out of a situation, he is purposefully loud sometimes, and if I over correct, he does it more. He tries to horrify me, lol. By, in general, I watch my two Asders like anhaek because I don't trust them, lol.

wishiwaspreggo · April 2018

@LElkCot - Oh no!! Lol I just let DS brush his own teeth and hope for the best. I have a dental appointment for him tomorrow and I'm so worried about getting lectured by the dentist. I'm probably going to leave the office hanging my head in shame. I know I have to do better about that. I'm just banking on the fact that DS doesn't really like sweets that much so hopefully the foods we've been giving him won't have impacted his teeth *too* badly... but kudos to you for staying strong!

@holly321 - I totally get it. My godson is on the spectrum and he has terrible tantrums but I can tell when they're triggered by sensory overload. That is 100% understandable, I couldn't imagine how stressful it would be to try to calm your child down when it's beyond your control. I always try to step back when I witness misbehavior and determine if maybe it is sensory processing and have empathy towards the parent. But when it's just plain spoiling that could be easily resolved with a healthy dose of corrective action... THEN I get annoyed

meggyme · April 2018

@wishiwaspreggo @LElkCot I agree with picking your battles, but the I think the battles that need to be chosen are ones where your choice affects other people and their children and their enjoyment of a public space. Otherwise it’s that parent being rude, not the kid that doesn’t know better.

gorgeousariel · April 2018

@wishiwaspreggo
This happens fairly often at my church. There is one family that comes sparingly and the younger daughter is in the same nursery class as DD. (DD is almost 2 this girl is 3) She will rip toys out of anyone's hands and never asks for anything. If I'm in the room and see it happen, I will take the toy away from her And give it back to the other child. And tell her " no, so and so is playing with that". It doesn't matter if she has 2 or 3 of the same thing ( ex. Lego) if she sees another child with one she " has to have it" She has an older sister who is 5, so I can see some of that is from home and I don't think parents really disapline. I have no problem stepping in and telling any child "no" if then parent isn't here to do it.

emmaaa · April 2018

meggyme said:

@wishiwaspreggo @LElkCot I agree with picking your battles, but the I think the battles that need to be chosen are ones where your choice affects other people and their children and their enjoyment of a public space. Otherwise it’s that parent being rude, not the kid that doesn’t know better.

AMEN! Quoting because this needs to be seen again.

thatbaintforbetty · April 2018

Howdy!
I was on the bump back in 2013 when KU with DD. DH and i decided to start TFAS this month so i thought i'd jump back in.

1 Backwash, have probably already done this many times
2 accident in target, i've been reluctant to move her into real underwear at night for fear of waking up in pee
3 mom for sure
4 6 mo old
5 sneeze and pee my pants, my milk never really came in so i didn't BF but it sounds like the 9th ring of hell from everyone i've talked to
6 I actually hate Dora and don't let my kid watch it, i don't think ive ever seen Calliou because of how many people complain about it. Kid shows drive me fucking nuts and i'm super picky about what i'll sit through 15 times in a row, lol. (side note - have you guys seen Puffin Rock? it's like the least annoying kids show ever)
7 flu. quicker and easier to deal with
8 colicky infant, nothing helps a hormonal teen
9 farts
10 library

ETA- Bribery is the ONLY way we got through potty training. Candy for her and occasionally booze or cookies for me, hahaha

lelkcot · April 2018

@meggyme I completely agree, behavior that is negatively impacting others, or that is disrespectful/setting a bad precedent I don’t stand for.

Whitmore1027 · April 2018

@wishiwaspreggo I am totally with you on this too. I haven't had to deal with that yet, but I would like to think that I would totally tell another kid to back off if he is being aggressive and loud to me or my kid. I HATE that some moms don't watch their kids. She should have come over and taken her son away.
And YES I do believe that kids need to have consequences! Disciplining is such a "bad word" to people, that they don't understand that discipline doesn't have to mean spanking. Your examples on taking the toy away, and time outs are perfect in my opinion.

My son is 20 months old, and is starting to get a bit more bold with his attitude, so I am starting my research on how to handle them. I have been listening to the podcast Unruffled by Janet Lansbury. So far I like her ideals. I think we have to start time outs. I am also SUPER guilty about yelling when my son does something that can hurt him (ex. climbing on his toy totes, or crawling over the dog). I am like, "NO get down!! You are going to hurt yourself!!!" I feel I need to express myself very clearly and sometimes it turns into yelling, and I don't want to do that. I want to have that gentle sterness.

I also want to read "Love and Logic" by Foster W. Cline. I started reading it about a year ago, but my son was a bit young then, and I didn't finish it, but I am going to check it out again. There are also some videos on youtube about it too.

lelkcot · April 2018

@Whitmore1027 just started listening to the “Unruffled” podcast and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks for sharing!

meggyme · April 2018

@Whitmore1027 and @LElkCot I love Janet Lansbury and the main philosphy she has toward treating kids with respect, but some of her suggestions go a little too far. I have to take them with a grain of salt. Potty training for example, I will not just let my child decide when she is ready to start going on the toilet.

ETA: I recommend her book "No Bad Kids". I have it marked up on my bedside table and need to leaf through it occasionally.

wishiwaspreggo · April 2018

@Whitmore1027 - I've only ever full-on yelled at my child once and that was when he was running fast as he could straight toward a street with cars going 45 MPH. I stupidly thought he'd listen when I told him to stand by the car while I opened the door to put our bags away and then he giggled and bolted off. I screamed at him to stop and my wife was with me so she grabbed his arm and we were both yelling because we were so panicked. It's hard to keep yourself calm when your kid puts themselves in serious danger.

I also screamed at a guy at the park the other day... oops. To my credit, he had a massive (young) dog that was poorly secured to a tree right outside the toddler park. The dog saw my kid running, got excited, chased him, and knocked him to the ground. My son is afraid of dogs so he was crying and this dog was all over him, licking and nipping at his clothes. I mean, the dog didn't do anything to hurt him, but it still scared me to death. One wrong move and a dog can easily turn if it feels threatened. No parent wants a dog's jaws that close to their baby's neck and face. So after I scooped up my son I got in guy's face and screamed "What the hell, dude?!"

I swear I'm not a confrontational person but I turned into a mama bear after I had a kid

general_organa · April 2018

Hi new friends! I just added my intro to the newbie thread. I didn't see a new TFAS thread for this week, so I thought I would just jump in here!

1. Both options severely gross me out, but I will take backwash over chewed food.
2. Target accident
3. Mom playdate
4. I have a teething 18 mo old. She didn't get teeth until 10 months so I have no idea what a teething 6 month old is like! I guess I'll take the 6 mo since they can't yell at me with words.

5. Sniss in public
6. Dora. Caillou will never exist in my house.
7. Ugh, I guess stomach flu.
8. Hormonal teenager. At least I can probably sleep at night. My daughter was colicky and no one got any sleep.
9. farts
10. Library

@wishiwaspreggo I have scolded other people's children at public events twice thus far in my mom career. I don't have a problem doing it - and if their parents have a problem with it they can take it up with me. Both times were at library story times and the parents where nowhere in sight (playing on their phones, I assume), so I stepped in. I'm not going to let kids rip a toy away from my 17 mo old baby. She can't defend herself, so I will. Both times the little boys looked like they were going to cry when I corrected them, but IDGAF. The parents need to be there to teach their kids how to take turns and have manners, or they can deal with other parents scolding their kids. I would hope another parent would be there to do the same for my kid if she was trying to bully someone else.

marebear15 · May 2018

1. Food

2. Accident

3. Can't stand the mom. I wouldn't want to put my child through that

4. 6 m/o. Haven't done an 18 m/o yet though.

5. Definitely sneeze and pee, engorged breasts are awful!

6. Dora

7. Stomach flu

8. Hormonal teenager. At least you can try talking some sense into them.

9. Bad breath. It's not quite as stinky

10. Library??

snarkles · May 2018

Hello, all! I decided to jump in and join the boards yesterday and was hoping to find a TFAS thread. Can I join you all here?

1. I'll go with backwash.
2. Target "accident."
3. Ugh...both sound awful, but I'll go with the playdate.
4. 6 m/o. My DD is almost 13 mo. Not ready to think about her teething at 18m.
5. Sneeze and pee. Engorgement is sooooo freakin' uncomfortable.
6. Dora. I refuse to expose my child (or myself) to Caillou.
7. As a teacher, I fear my students having lice. I would rather have a stomach bug.
8. I've helped with colicky twins AND I teach teenagers. I would gladly take the teenager. I think someone else said it would at least be quieter, and I would agree.
9. Bad breath.
10. Library?

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