Hi all! This is my first IVF cycle. I have had one failed IUI & one miscarriage from Natural Pregnancy. Anyway, I just found out I have six little embryos. Doing PGS so won't transfer for some time, if there is anything viable to transfer, that is! So I am writing because I would love to hear what others have to say about how open they are about their cycles. I have taken my friends & family through all the gnarly details of everything so far, but am beginning to feel a little weird about that for a number of reasons.
So here's my question: Do you tell your friends/family about your IVF cycles?? I have this really close knit group of girls--I tell them everything--but I told them last summer when I first got a positive pregnancy test, only to have to tell them that I lost it at 10 weeks. It feels like I am taking them through the wringer with me, which is at times helpful, but I HATE the random questions about our fertility/IVF cycles.. I have basically told them that we can only talk about it when I bring it up, which makes me feel kind of controlling. BUT Random fertility texts in the middle of my work day are the worst! So, am I being nuts? Are people on here public or private about their cycles?
Thanks!!!
Re: Do you tell your friends/family about your IVF cycles??
Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born.
6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived
10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP
Poor Ovulation & MFI (very low for all counts)
TTC #1 12/2006.
Clomid for ovulation- 10/2007 & 11/2007- no effect- Told we'd never conceive naturally.
Natural BFP- 10/2008, Miracle Boy born 6/18/2009
TTC #2- Since 6/2011
1st RE apt- 2/2014
TTC put on back burner 6/2014-1/2016
Diagnosed w/ Thyroid Cancer- 3/2016, Radiation 9/2016 (no ttc x 1 yr)
Resume RE- 9/2017- Myomectomy 6 Fibroids- 12/2017
IVF w/ICSI #1- 8r,5m,5f, Transferred 1 5d blast, 0 made freeze. Bets #1-8dp= 7
*TW loss and children mentioned*
Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen
Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
I haven't told any of my colleagues. I just started a new job in September and don't feel close enough to any of them yet.
In my last job a number of my colleagues knew about the fertility treatments and losses we went through and it made it easier when it came to all the time off I needed for appointments etc. as they were very understanding.
For me it's about having people I can open up to when I feel like it but at the same time avoiding the possibility of interfering questions or insensitive remarks.
TTC since July 2015
Unexplained infertility - delayed/weak ovulation but don't know why
BFP Feb 2016 MC at 6.5 weeks
Started Clomid November 2016
BFP March 2017 (third cycle on Clomid) HCG failed to rise, MC at 6 weeks.
IUI July 2017 BFP which turned out to be CP
IVF scheduled for Feb 2018
Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born.
6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived
10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP
When we first started TTC, I was private about it; I only talked to my sister. But eventually, it became this thing in my life that wasn't working, and became something that was actually a struggle, so I mentioned it to a few more people, like: "We're having trouble" .
Once actually starting treatment, it was more of the same - we wanted to keep it private (we wanted to surprise people if it worked!) - but after a couple of the IUIs failed, I needed more of a support network.
For our IVF, when we were actually going through stimming and the ER, I was very selective who I told. Since then, I've been very private about the FETs. I know my friends are curious and want to be supportive, but a few times now, they've asked about it at the wrong time. Like, I'll have dragged myself out of bed after bad news from my RE, gone to meet someone, and finally - finally! - been thinking about something other than IF and a friend will be like: "So, how are the treatments coming?"
I've just said: "You know, it's going badly. It's been really hard. I get a lot of bad news and it's a real struggle, and it's all I think about, every morning I wake up and every night I fall asleep. When I'm here with you, if I'm not talking about it, chances are I'm trying to forget about it. Please don't bring it up."
It's not that I'm embarrassed or ashamed, and later on I hope to talk about this struggle more freely. It's just that right now, it's very painful, and I'm looking for relief from it IRL rather than the opportunity to talk about it more.
@Orlaa - is that your dog? So beautiful!! We also have a lab, he is our pride and joy.
In our eyes, we’ve had soooo many people thinking and praying for us that if we would’ve kept it all in, we wouldn’t have had those extra prayers and support.
I will say, after our first failed FET, my mother in law took the news extremely hard and didn’t want to know about anymore of it unless we were successful lol. We did tell just her about our recent BFP on our beta two weeks ago and she was overwhelmed with joy.
Good luck with PGS and your upcoming transfer @PosieJ
Dx: MFI
TTC since 2016
August 2017: IVF #1 (11 eggs retrieved, 8 mature, 3 fertilized with ICIS, 2 Frozen)
FET #1: October 11th -- Beta only 12. CP
FET #2: January 12th -- BFP!
either way we are all here too and it’s so nice to not have to explain things so much
I go back and forth on this. We are starting IVF in the next 2-3 months (we'll know more after my one day workup), and a lot of my friends at work know we've been working with an RE for a year and had a loss. I'm fairly open, especially after being asked SO MANY times if I want another child. If it's someone I'm not comfortable going into details with I will tell them we have fertility issues and that usually ends the conversation. My parents also know, but DH's don't. We had to tell my parents about IVF, because we need someone to watch our son since our new clinic is in another state. Some people at work know we'll be doing IVF along with my best friends. I feel like it's less lonely if we're not totally closed off about it.
Dx: PCOS
DS1 born 11/2014
DS2 born 11/2018
3 previous losses
Rainbow baby due 12/2021 - Team Green
Definitely no right or wrong answer.
I find I have moments where I want to tell the person I'm with but hesitate knowing that I may regret it later on.
What I dread the most is if it doesn't work and people start asking me how it went. On the other hand if we end up with a BFP I don't want to tell anyone until we're ready.
TTC since July 2015
Unexplained infertility - delayed/weak ovulation but don't know why
BFP Feb 2016 MC at 6.5 weeks
Started Clomid November 2016
BFP March 2017 (third cycle on Clomid) HCG failed to rise, MC at 6 weeks.
IUI July 2017 BFP which turned out to be CP
IVF scheduled for Feb 2018
I’m an open book, always have been! I’m proud of my beautiful embryos waiting for us come April just like anyone would be proud of any of children. Do what you feel comfortable with, that’s my advice.
I only tell my SO, my mom and my really close girlfriend. I don't like people asking too many questions or know what's going on b/c it is a sensitive topic. It's not really something a lot of people know how to react or respond to. Sometimes they say the wrong thing, so I made sure only the strongest of my support system knows and that's who I'm trying to conceive with and the person that gave me birth and a friend to comfort me through it all. But people are there for you.
XOXO goodluck!
Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born.
6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived
10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP
TTC 21 cycles
All TI cycles BFN (with letrozole, ovidrel, prometrium)
Hysteroscopy + Polypectomy + D&C on 1/3
IUI #1 February 6, BFP 2/21, CP 2/26
IUI #2 March 14, BFN
IUI #3 April 11, BFN
IUI #4 May 11, BFN
July 2018 IVF, developed lead follicle, converted to TI, BFN
August/September 2018 IVF converted to freeze-all: 7 mature eggs; we fertilized 3 and froze 4. 3/3 fertilized and 1 blast!
October 2018 FET-BFN
November 2018 FET-TBD
TTC since 2015 - low ovarian reserve
March/April 2017 IVF #1 - 2 eggs retrieved - 2 fertilized - 0 blasts transferred/frozen
May/June 2017 IVF #2 - 2 eggs retrieved - 2 fertilized - 1 blast frozen
July 2017 FET - BFN
October 2017 IVF #3 - 7 eggs retrieved - 6 fertilized - 2 transferred - 1 blast frozen - BFN
February 2018 - FET - BFN
I wanted to be able to surprise DH's family when everything was okay and safe to do so. I feel that my mom took that option away from me because my MIL is smart as hell and pretty much knows that there's something happening but thankfully she doesn't know it's through IVF. I'm just nervous that every time I see her, she's going to mention wanting a grand child which is honestly too much right now to deal with. So ya as you can see, I'm still a little raw about last Saturday and with my mom in general. I know she's just excited for the future but I wish she'd put herself in my shoes.
I personally told my best friend/cousin but I keep it vague with her and my boss due to all the appointments. I've asked that DH not tell anybody in his family or friends because again it's a personal medical process for me and I don't want to have to give updates every time I see them.
@CourtRoseS I know exactly how you feel and that was one big reason I wanted to tell the least amount of people. Once your family/friends know, every time they see you, they'll ask for updates and sometimes the last thing you want to talk about is your IVF journey.
@dragonette505 Yes, if you share with those not familiar with IVF then you became a teacher, explaining all of the steps to the process. For some, it's not a big deal, for others, like myself, it can get annoying and I'd rather keep it brief.
Together since: May 2005
Married: June 2015
TTC #1 with IVF & PDG/S (reduce the chance of our child being born with Nager Syndrome)