Sad — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Sad

I posted previously that I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. Well, at the follow-up ultrasound a week later, there was an embryo, but no heartbeat. So I chose to wait for my body to miscarry on its own. That was 10 days ago. My cramping and spotting started tonight, and I'm going through this alone. My kids are in bed, and so is my husband. He doesn't seem to care if there's no baby at the end. Any tips to help me through it? TIA

Re: Sad

  • No advice other then otc pain meds to help with pain. I am so sorry your going through this and that your H isn't being supportive. 
    MrsBrandoprojectalice
  • I am so sorry this is happening. I know men don't always understand but I would certainly hope for support and a hand to hold. How are you this morning?
    MrsBrando
  • MrsBrandoMrsBrando
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Photogenic
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    edited April 7
    Trying to take care of kids through cramping. Ibuprofen and Tylenol didn't help much. Hopefully the worst of it will happen during the nights so at least the kids are asleep. My husband volunteered to work today, so... :/
  • I'm sorry, all of that really sucks. A heating pad might help to augment the pain relievers, or a warm shower/bath.

    In terms of your husband, it is possible that he cares and doesn't know what to do, so is keeping busy. Obviously, I don't know either of you or your marriage, but I do know that my husband had a hard time with our losses because he couldn't fix them, felt powerless, and so he would retreat emotionally. 

    I remember realizing this with our third loss; we were in the ER and he was with me in the room, but he was so detached that I felt completely and utterly alone, and it hurt and made me angry. It wasn't until three weeks later that he got drunk, bawled his eyes out, and punched a brick wall until his knuckles bled that I understood what was happening. Partners often have no outlet for this. :-/

    After that, I had a heart to heart with him about being there, what I needed from him, and what I could do for him, and we both handled losses much better after that. Sometimes, it just involved us being angry at the universe together, sometimes we were just really sad together, but what it boiled down to was telling him that I don't want him to try to fix it, that neither of us even could, and that we just had to process it for what it was. 

    I'm sorry you're going through it, and I'm sorry that you are doing so alone. I will keep you in my thoughts, and I hope you feel better soon. 
    MrsBrandoserinserin
  • I had a natural MC 3 days ago. I spotted brown blood for a week, and finally started spotting really bad on Easter Sunday...it took about 4 days for it to be heavy red blood. Wednesday was absolutely horrible pain wise, and moving helped. Sitting on the toilet, hot shower, etc. Finally it all just stopped. I was making dinner and then I passed him naturally. No pain since, but still bleeding a lot. Drink a lot of water, help replenish the fluid you are losing in the blood plasma my OB said. 

    Be kind to yourself.. men don't seem to get it. It's not their body :(
    Me: 30 I DH: 31
    Met: 9/8/08; Engaged: 9/8/11; Married 6/30/12
    TTC#1: 8/2013; BFP: 9/30/13; born June 2014 (boy)
    TTC#2: 2/2018; BFP: 2/26/18; MC 4/4/18.
    TTC#2: 4/2018; BFP: 5/12/18; EDD: 1/19/19
    2 fur babies: Oakley Marley (11.5) & Ava Lynn (1.5)

    BabyGaga
    MrsBrando
  • I'm sorry you've gone through that and hope you are doing OK now, that your cramping stopped, and that things feel more supportive from your husband. I've heard of men acting as though it doesn't matter to them whether there's a baby in the end because they don't want to put that pressure onto the woman. She's already dealing with loss, some men think, I don't want her to have to bear the emotional burden of my disappointment. Or that what matters to him is she's OK, and they'll try again later. But not all men are, uh, so good at articulating that. We don't give men a lot of practice finding words for their emotions in many of our cultures.

    But obviously too, some men can be callous and cold, or not take enough responsibility for asking/figuring out what their partners need, and you know your husband best. Even if they're working through their own emotions, they need to be there for their partners. I hope he is being supportive now.
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