Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
MrsBrando
member
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Sad
MrsBrando
member
I posted previously that I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. Well, at the follow-up ultrasound a week later, there was an embryo, but no heartbeat. So I chose to wait for my body to miscarry on its own. That was 10 days ago. My cramping and spotting started tonight, and I'm going through this alone. My kids are in bed, and so is my husband. He doesn't seem to care if there's no baby at the end. Any tips to help me through it? TIA
Re: Sad
In terms of your husband, it is possible that he cares and doesn't know what to do, so is keeping busy. Obviously, I don't know either of you or your marriage, but I do know that my husband had a hard time with our losses because he couldn't fix them, felt powerless, and so he would retreat emotionally.
I remember realizing this with our third loss; we were in the ER and he was with me in the room, but he was so detached that I felt completely and utterly alone, and it hurt and made me angry. It wasn't until three weeks later that he got drunk, bawled his eyes out, and punched a brick wall until his knuckles bled that I understood what was happening. Partners often have no outlet for this. :-/
After that, I had a heart to heart with him about being there, what I needed from him, and what I could do for him, and we both handled losses much better after that. Sometimes, it just involved us being angry at the universe together, sometimes we were just really sad together, but what it boiled down to was telling him that I don't want him to try to fix it, that neither of us even could, and that we just had to process it for what it was.
I'm sorry you're going through it, and I'm sorry that you are doing so alone. I will keep you in my thoughts, and I hope you feel better soon.
Be kind to yourself.. men don't seem to get it. It's not their body
TTC#2: 2/2018; BFP: 2/26/18; MC 4/4/18.
TTC#2: 4/2018; BFP: 5/12/18; EDD: 1/19/19 (boy)
2 fur babies: Oakley Marley (11.5) & Ava Lynn (2)
But obviously too, some men can be callous and cold, or not take enough responsibility for asking/figuring out what their partners need, and you know your husband best. Even if they're working through their own emotions, they need to be there for their partners. I hope he is being supportive now.