GTKY: Childhood Misunderstandings

stothi · April 2018

I was dirty lurking over on Oct and they have this thread and it's hilarious!!!
What as a child (or teenager or adult even) did you misunderstand? The more embarrassing the better!

stothi · April 2018

I'll start- I'm still really embarrassed by this btw... So, as a teenager I was a bit, shall we say, naive? Sheltered? A little bit not bright? Anyhow, somehow I was under the impression that erections were caused by the penis being filled with semen. Yup. I totally thought that. And I was really confused about where all the semen went if the guy didn't have an orgasm. Like did it get reabsorbed into the body? Slowly leak out? I didn't know, lol! I was really, really, reeeeeaaaalllly embarrassed when a girlfriend basically called me dumber than a box of rocks and explained how erections actually worked.
I seriously think I'm blushing right now by admitting to this.

Car0liiine · April 2018

I think I was in 6th grade when I realized that balls were a thing. I just thought balls, nuts, etc. were odd slang for a penis. Just thought there was a stick and that it came down straight between the legs like where a vagina is.
Don't feel bad @stothi, I had to explain erections and ejaculation to a roommate in college. And her boyfriend at the time somehow didn't realize that periods involved blood. Dunno what he thought happened instead??? They were both homeschooled and had very religious families. They are married now and have 3 kids so I guess they figured it out! lmao!

stothi · April 2018

@Car0liiine I have no idea how long I thought that a penis was always the same size and didn't understand the whole flaccid state thing. So I thought they had to tuck basically a fully erect penis like straight down one leg or something. But only grown-ups cause I didn't really think kids had penises other than tiny little baby, like infant penises? Honestly, I don't even know what I thought, but I really didn't understand male anatomy as a child.

Here's another one, I thought monogamy was a type of wood...

jumpy57 · April 2018

Someone in our neighborhood had a snowmobile and drove it through the edge of the front yards to get out to the fields (this part I didn't figure out until later). I was really excited and thought the tracks were winter train tracks... No trains ever came through though

Also... My friend didn't know until like 6th grade that water towers actually had drinking water in them. She just thought they were just big signs for the town name

pourmeanothermocktail · April 2018

My mom was really open about sex, so I had the gist of the idea at probably 5. But didn't find out until middle school when a friend of mine hijacked my computer to check out porn (female friend, but apparently she didn't get unsupervised internet time, lol) that do erection also brought penis up. I thought it just got hard in it's usual down position, so I was confused on the specific mechanics-I thought sex might have to happen in an almost scissor position.

Also, I heard about masturbation, but just boys throwing the word around-so I thought it was some form of foreplay. So when a male friend asked how girls masturbate I told him "just like boys do" trying to not show that I didn't really understand what it was.

Side note: I was super pissed when I found out that the boys sex talk in fifth grade was mostly about masturbation, while the girls covered like 5 min of contraception, 2 min of anatomy, and the rest was your period. Like hey, we should have all learned the same stuff-even if they wanted to separate us just to ease embarrassment and make it easier to ask questions.

magnolia209 · April 2018

I watched Seinfeld as a kid with my parents. I am watching it again now on Hulu. Wow! There is so much I didn’t understand but still thought was funny as a kid!

I too was was very confused about penises before getting to really interact with them. I also thought they were always erect.

And, even the other day, we were at a restaurant with a unisex bathroom that had a urinal and a toilet. I think urinals are the grossest things ever and I hate going near them. I asked my husband - if both options are equally available, what do you use (thinking toilet - obviously) and he said he STRONGLY prefers urinals! What??? He said when we have a house he wants to put a urinal in the master bathroom. Eww!!! I was shocked! And, we are having a boy. There is so much I still don’t know about boys!

stothi · April 2018

@magnolia209 I actually really want a urinal for my husband and a lower one for my boys. Then maybe, just maybe, they'd get their damn pee in it instead of all over my floor!

Oh my gosh, as a kid I thought urinals were some weird kind of sink! I may or may not have "washed" my hands in one when I was 5/6 o_0

magnolia209 · April 2018

@stothi I thought that there were urinals in men's public restrooms just because it saved space and was cheaper than stalls and toilets! Also, I guess I never really thought about it.

Yep, if it helps them aim properly, then I guess I'm all for it!

I grew up sharing a bathroom with my little brother. And, yes, he missed frequently. I trained him to clean it up though! Luckily, my husband is extremely clean, so I hope he can teach our son how to aim properly - when the time comes.

I'm so glad they are babies first!

[Deleted User] · April 2018

Along the more literal lines, I thought for some time (until I finally read it in a book and put 2+2) that the ladies' part was called her, "BAGINA". With a B. I guess my friend who was explaining it to me sort of said it that way???? I felt so dumb when I realised I'd been mispronouncing it in my head. :#

jhjocelyn · April 2018

Oooo I was ssooo that naive homeschooler... there is SO much I had no idea about. DH and I both waited till marriage, but he still had a lot more knowledge than I did in the bedroom.

One easily sharable example: I thought oral was only something hookers do.

starla · April 2018

@magnolia209 +1 to thinking urinals are gross. Also, I laughed at "getting to really interact with" penises.

sclarke7 · April 2018

Looking back I realize that health class in those pre teen years totally had me believing " If you have sex, you WILL get pregnant ". So I was naturally terrified until my later teen years. Now as an adult who has experienced IF I shake my head.. cause that notion couldn't be farther from the truth in many cases

oh How Naive I was...

nackie · April 2018

sclarke7 said:

Looking back I realize that health class in those pre teen years totally had me believing " If you have sex, you WILL get pregnant ". So I was naturally terrified until my later teen years. Now as an adult who has experienced IF I shake my head.. cause that notion couldn't be farther from the truth in many cases oh How Naive I was...

A friend and I recently had a conversation about that. It took both of us over a year of trying to get pregnant and we were joking about how we’d been lied to when we were kids about how easily you would get pregnant if you ever had sex.
Even after college and when I was on birth control I used to get anxious when ever my period was supposed to be coming because I was so worried it wouldn’t show up since I’d had sex.

yogapants247 · April 2018

I though "sex" meant...doing a cartwheel naked.

I have no idea why I thought this, but I did, probably for too long of a time.

(I have never done a cartwheel, naked or otherwise, for the record).

Car0liiine · April 2018

@BusinessWife that's how I pronounced it when I was little.
@jhjocelyn Hey, my mom still says oral is something only prostitutes do. In a fight I once told her to get off her high horse and go give her poor husband a blow job.

SkilledSailor · April 2018

I was homeschooled til sophomore year. I distinctly remember my new friends having a conversation about STD’s and me naively asking what that stood for. So embarrassing. I thought it must have been slang for something like LOL or BRB.

southernlady07 · April 2018

Just remembered this because the movie is on TV! When I was in third grade I went to a sleepover with a bunch of girls and they said they were going to watch Dirty Dancing. I thought it was a movie involving people literally dancing naked together and doing other things beyond my comprehension and told my friends I couldn’t watch it because my parents wouldn’t want me to.

(R.I.P Patrick Swayze

)

GTKY: Childhood Misunderstandings

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