For those of you who have room shared- did you put your babies down in your room during the day, or did you put them in the nursery, or somewhere else?
One of the day cares that I am looking at told me that infants need to be able to sleep in cribs by the time they get to the day care. So, that is a thing I’m kind of worried about.
I feel like the answer with all baby things is 5 people saying 'this is the answer!' and then 5 more people chiming in with 'that thing is terrible! thing B is the greatest!' ...stupid individual personalities.
I think maybe I should have had a robot instead of a baby...
For those of you who have room shared- did you put your babies down in your room during the day, or did you put them in the nursery, or somewhere else?
One of the day cares that I am looking at told me that infants need to be able to sleep in cribs by the time they get to the day care. So, that is a thing I’m kind of worried about.
I'm really lax about napping for the first few months. They really don't fall into a reliable pattern of 3 naps for awhile, at which time I then committed to afternoon naps in a consistent place. My second always took first nap on the go, second in the crib and third on me in the evening in a baby carrier as we went about dinner etc. Before that I can say most naps happened in the baby carrier, the car seat, stroller, dock a tot on my family room floor....you get the idea.
I agree, naps for the first 3 months were kind of all over the place. We had a pack n play set up in our living room. It had a 'sleeper' attachment for newborns. DS took many naps in there as it was just convenient.
With my first I was so anti-co-sleeping because of all the 'unsafe' literature out there so she slept in a bassinet in our room for about 5 months and then moved into her crib in her own room.
With my second I tried for the same thing but because I had another child getting any sleep took precedence over sleep location so he slept in our bed for about 7 months - it also made breastfeeding way easier because I just had to rollover and I could doze while he ate. Moving him from our bed to his own crib did take a lot more effort than with my first though - and I think a lot of that was because he was so used to being right beside me all night long and having free range buffet access.
This time the plan is a crib in our room for at least 6 months or so and then somebody will be room sharing - likely my two older kids at least until baby sleeps through the night. We only have 3 bedrooms upstairs and my DD won't be ready at 8 to move to the basement by herself. But once again, getting any sleep will be priority and I am definitely more open to co-sleeping from the get go this time.
Oh and for naps - we always tried to do naps in their cribs when they were a bit older in whatever room they normally slept in. When they were newbies a lot of their naps were on us or in a swing.
A couple of people have tried to clarify this, but the terms are still being improperly used.
cosleeping- having baby in the same room on a separate sleep surface.
bedsharing- having baby in the same room on the same sleep surface.
With DS we started out cosleeping with him in the PNP for a few months. Then around 6 months he switched to his own room. By that point I was so tired I would fall asleep in the rocking chair, which is dangerous because he could fall in between the pillows. So I bought a bed rail and started bed sharing in the guest room. I did my best to make it safe. No blankets, one small pillow under me. It was not my plan, but I was SO exhausted. That being said DS STILL tries to climb in my bed at night.
For this baby I’d like to get a bassinet or cosleeper for next to the bed because the PNP is so big. Everyone swears by the RNP, but I’m super anxious about using it overnight. Beyond that, I have no plans its SURVIVAL MODE.
We’re “no plan, do what works today” people. Previously we’ve done a mish-mash of co-sleeping, bed sharing, CIO, RnP sleeping... we do what works today. RnP was awesome for DD1 because she had crazy reflux problems and would spit up in her sleep and it would get all in her nose and she’d freak out, unable to breathe or yell/cry for like 10 seconds. The angle of RnP helped a lot, so mostly for the first couple months she slept in that by my bed. On really bad days I’d sleep with her in bed with me, contorted into a ridiculous position with her head up on my arm so she wouldn’t have a reflux attack in her sleep, and so I’d wake up immediately if she did. Couldn’t turn my head to the left for a month after that shit, but it worked. As she got older she was a CIO baby. Only thing that worked.
DD2 was a unicorn. I’d nurse her to sleep and put her down in her room and she’d sleep through the night, starting at 2-3 months. Before that I’d nurse her to sleep and she slept in the sidecar crib by my side of the bed.
TL;DR, I have no idea what we’ll do. It’ll depend on what works with this kid.
Also, fwiw, before we had DD1 I was sure I was 100% against bed sharing bc I used to move around in my sleep a lot, and the reasons it’s not recommended made total sense to me. All of that went out the window once we had her. I was so hyper aware of her whenever she was in my bed and so worried about making sure it was safe that I barely slept anyway. Being a mom to a newborn turned me into an insanely light sleeper. Not to mention it just wasn’t comfortable because I was sleeping in the most ridiculous position ever and I couldn’t have a blanket, because safety worries. I hated bedsharing and had to do it out of necessity, so I get touchy about this one.
Also, fwiw, before we had DD1 I was sure I was 100% against bed sharing bc I used to move around in my sleep a lot, and the reasons it’s not recommended made total sense to me. All of that went out the window once we had her. I was so hyper aware of her whenever she was in my bed and so worried about making sure it was safe that I barely slept anyway. Being a mom to a newborn turned me into an insanely light sleeper. Not to mention it just wasn’t comfortable because I was sleeping in the most ridiculous position ever and I couldn’t have a blanket, because safety worries. I hated bedsharing and had to do it out of necessity, so I get touchy about this one.
This is 100% me too. I thought I was going to have DS in his own room by 6 weeks. Can we all just laugh at naive me together?
Team no plan as well. I have no expectations nor will I set a goal timeline.
We will have their crib and a rock and play in our room close to my side of the bed.
All of my other kids have been vastly different. I had one that was a perfect sleeper at 4 weeks and never had an issue with. I’ve had one that didn’t sleep through the night until they were two (and never in a crib), I’ve had one with a propped crib mattress, one that slept with me on the couch for months, I’ve had one sleep in a rock and play, and one that preferred a laundry basket over anything else. Some preferred to be swaddled, one a sleep sack, others would scream if they were wrapped up, and one would not sleep unless both arms were over their head. I’m assuming this one will be just as quirky.
Also, fwiw, before we had DD1 I was sure I was 100% against bed sharing bc I used to move around in my sleep a lot, and the reasons it’s not recommended made total sense to me. All of that went out the window once we had her. I was so hyper aware of her whenever she was in my bed and so worried about making sure it was safe that I barely slept anyway. Being a mom to a newborn turned me into an insanely light sleeper. Not to mention it just wasn’t comfortable because I was sleeping in the most ridiculous position ever and I couldn’t have a blanket, because safety worries. I hated bedsharing and had to do it out of necessity, so I get touchy about this one.
This is 100% me too. I thought I was going to have DS in his own room by 6 weeks. Can we all just laugh at naive me together?
I changed my mind. That’s my plan too this time. A girl can dream, right?
DS was in his own room from day 1 and it was the best thing we ever did. Our room is right next door, so it wasn’t that big of a deal to get up during the night to nurse him, and we have a video monitor, so we could see him at all times. We had him in our room maybe twice in a pack and play, and I got no sleep because I was so fixated on every single sound he made. I needed some sleep, so back into your room you go.
There were a few times I brought him into our bed to nurse and then I fell asleep with him on me, and every time I woke up, I felt guilty - what if I rolled onto him? And then I had nightmares for weeks because of it.
Anyway, it worked so well for us because we never had to do any sort of transition into his own bed - he was already used to it. Plus he slept through the night since he was about 5 months old, so that helped too, haha. I kinda think him being comfortable in his own bed helped with that, who knows. We’ll do the same thing with this baby, too.
Oh yeah - regarding naps, for the first three or so weeks he either napped on me while I watched TV or in the rock and play, but then when I realized he barely napped at all, I started putting him down in his crib.
I just want to say that accidentally bed-sharing (falling asleep sitting up nursing in bed, falling asleep with baby on the couch, falling asleep in the rocker, etc.) is FAR more dangerous than bed-sharing intentionally following all guidelines. Whether you're planning on it and getting ready or if you're sleep deprived in November and winging it, please find a reputable source and prepare tour bed and your lifestyle. There are guidelines for a reason, and regardless of your stance, the reported benefits are based on doing it all safely. MANY of the stories out there about bed-sharing tragedies have unsafe practices in the details.
One that many don't realize is you can't take any medications or substances that might alter your sleep, not even a glass of wine. You can't have anyone in the house who is a smoker. You can't have gaps between your headboard and mattress. So on and so on. It's not incredibly difficult, however, it does take some planning.
FWIW I bed-shared on and off with my first and once it stopped working for me i stopped. My second never needed it. We will see this time.
Haha speaking of bed-sharing: the only time I’ve had to do this was when DS was 13 months old - we were in a hotel and didn’t have a crib or pack and play. Uhhh... yeah. No thanks. Getting kicked every hour didn’t result in the best sleep. My kid moves around WAY too much.
I feel like the answer with all baby things is 5 people saying 'this is the answer!' and then 5 more people chiming in with 'that thing is terrible! thing B is the greatest!' ...stupid individual personalities.
I think maybe I should have had a robot instead of a baby...
so. many. options. I'm on your side for having a robot. I think I'll just put my baby back up into my uterus every time he needs to sleep and then he can come out after nap time lmao
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
I feel like the answer with all baby things is 5 people saying 'this is the answer!' and then 5 more people chiming in with 'that thing is terrible! thing B is the greatest!' ...stupid individual personalities.
I think maybe I should have had a robot instead of a baby...
I have no clue what half of these items/acronyms are but I definitely see a million different votes. I'm on your side for having a robot. I think I'll just put my baby back up into my uterus every time he needs to sleep and then he can come out after nap time lmao
Oh gosh once he comes out you'll definitely change your plan so you don't have to do that again!!!!
Naïve FTM question - is it easy to sleep while nursing? I feel like it I wouldn't be able to do it but I see a lot of people who can. Hell, DH gets frisky and tries to run his hand up my leg when I'm sleeping and I smack it away lol. I can't imagine I can sleep through my nipples being sucked on lol.
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
Also, my plan for now is a bassinet/dock a tot/rock and play/something like that next to the bed in the beginning and then moving to the nursery. I really don't want to bedshare, but I am also Team Do-What-You-Need-To-Do-To-Survive, so we'll see what happens
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
Naïve FTM question - is it easy to sleep while nursing? I feel like it I wouldn't be able to do it but I see a lot of people who can. Hell, DH gets frisky and tries to run his hand up my leg when I'm sleeping and I smack it away lol. I can't imagine I can sleep through my nipples being sucked on lol.
For the first two or three weeks, nursing hurt so badly that I cried during most of it, so no, I was not sleeping during that, haha. But after that, I could maybe doze for a couple seconds or so, but nah, never slept during nursing.
@sarahzett The first few weeks, maybe months, not so much. At least not for me. But DS had latch issues so he had to be in just the right position. Once he got a little bigger and stronger, it was easy. When a baby is nursing correctly, you shouldn’t really feel anything. Plus you’re so tired you could sleep through anything.
I feel like the answer with all baby things is 5 people saying 'this is the answer!' and then 5 more people chiming in with 'that thing is terrible! thing B is the greatest!' ...stupid individual personalities.
I think maybe I should have had a robot instead of a baby...
I have no clue what half of these items/acronyms are but I definitely see a million different votes. I'm on your side for having a robot. I think I'll just put my baby back up into my uterus every time he needs to sleep and then he can come out after nap time lmao
Oh gosh once he comes out you'll definitely change your plan so you don't have to do that again!!!!
I was going to say, that sounds rather painful, do you know how much babies sleep?
@kiwi2628 I once saw advice from John Rosemond (a parenting expert) that said you are the expert on your children and no matter how good a “parenting expert” is, their advice is not going to work for your children 100% of the time. You can ask for advice, from experts or not, but in the end, you’re going to have to decide if it works for you and your baby. Wouldn’t it be nice though, if it was a simple answer?
@sarahzett for me it made me sooooo sleepy. It was insanely easy. Apparently it releases some hormone that can make you sleepy. That coupled with exhaustion was a lot.
My son slept with us in a pack and play for like a week we couldn't sleep with his constant moving and then moved to the crib in his bedroom. He first slept with swaddles then a blanket he is still sleeping with a blanket at 6 months. I'm worried he's cold now its turned into a comfort object. Theres been a handful of time its been over his nose I freaked out but I check on him if hes napping and at night ive found it like 1 time over his nose. I tuck it under his arms and that seemed to stop it. Sleeping on his back has caused a mod/servere flat head that he is using a helmet to correct it. I'm thinking about this one sleeping on its stomach. You dont have to follow the guidelines completely! You know what's best for your baby. SIDS is real and it used to worry me a ton but now that's hes older I feel better about it. Not saying anyone should do what ive done just stating what I've done!
Naïve FTM question - is it easy to sleep while nursing? I feel like it I wouldn't be able to do it but I see a lot of people who can. Hell, DH gets frisky and tries to run his hand up my leg when I'm sleeping and I smack it away lol. I can't imagine I can sleep through my nipples being sucked on lol.
As baby gets bigger and you get more and more comfortable with nursing, it becomes more feasible. I always found that my super young babies just can't quite handle my giant nursing boobs on their own until they were maybe 2 months.
We’ll have Squish in our room for the first year in a pnp. We did the same with both other kids and it works best for me with nursing. We also bedshare at times for sanity’s sake, because Mama can’t handle working on no sleep. We always start the night off with them in their beds though. I was always okay with bed sharing but my husband wasn’t onboard until we had our first. Then it became survival.
I'm really glad to read these posts! My plan is to have baby in our room for probably 4-6 months. We live in a bungalow and the baby's room is downstairs. It is right at the bottom of the stairs so I think it will be easy to get to but it really makes me nervous. I have a cradle that my great grandfather made for me and my siblings. It needs a new mattress, but I think we will plan to use that in our room.
I'm really glad that my SS was "trained" to sleep in his own bed very young. He's never come into bed with us and knows he's not allowed in our room without us. My siblings who are 8 and 10 still crawl into bed with my mom. I don't know how she does it. Although, my step dad worked midnights when they were babies, so they often ended up in my mom's bed.
Whatever ends up working is what we will do. However, I'd like baby boy to stay in his bed. Otherwise I might have to start wearing clothes to bed.
We had DD in a rock n play next to our bed for the first 8ish weeks, then transitioned to crib in her room.
I know many people who have had or are dealing with the headache of getting their 3/4/5/6 year olds out of their beds and into their own rooms since it became such a habit the kids are now dependent. That was all I needed to hear to get her in her own room early.
This is such a "what works for you topic". We coslept for the first two months (with the pack n play which we learned really quickly was no bueno for sleeping through the night), then bed shared with a cosleeper for another two months. Then DD slept in our actual bed, no co sleeper from 4 months until 10 months. I was the first woman in my family to nurse, so I was pretty hard core about making the nursing relationship work and it was so much easier to do it while bed sharing/co sleeping. @mariek312 brought up some great points though, we definitely had to "set up" our bed sharing. We have a really low bed, baby slept with zero blankets, I slept below her (where my head was closer to her stomach, so I couldn't actually roll on her), etc. She didn't sleep through the night until she weaned at a year. We'll see with this one. I'd love to say they'll be in their own bed the whole time because DD still comes into ours but with two I'm thinking sleep is a priority. So we're investing in a larger bed and a cosleeper in addition to our other goodies.
edited to add:
@knottieamusements we DID have DD nap on her own throughout the day in her crib. You can definitely so both. Plus I wouldn't worry too much about daycare time because they seem to really figure it out on their own. At home DD has to cuddle with us to go to bed but at school she lays herself down and dozes off alone.
I think we are going to go with the flow. With our first, the plan was to keep her in our room in the PnP for a few months. She HATED the PnP, so we tried the Rock N Play. She liked that better but was a super noisy sleeper. We ended up moving her to her room at 2 1/2 weeks. I think we were all keeping each other up (hubby snores and every movement my daughter made kept me up). It worked incredibly well for us. She started sleeping 7-8 hour stretches at about 8 weeks and then through the night completely about a month later. She's a fantastic sleeper. I think I'm doomed with this one because we got so lucky with our first! Ha!
With this baby, the nursery is a little further down the hall so I'm not sure what we'll do. We'll just see how things go and decide later. lol
For those that are planning on getting baby to sleep in their own room right away to avoid bad sleep habits down the line, I’ll warn you this: My daughter never slept in our bed as a baby. Not once ever. And now at 2.5 the little gremlin sneaks on up in there almost every night
It’s not ideal, but better than 2am meltdowns and going back and forth across the house a dozen times. They’re only little once and you’ll never get those snuggles back. Kids have a mind of their own, and can make the best laid plans crumble. Stay open minded and find what works best for your family.
We have gone all different routes with different kids (like others have said, it has been more about what works in each individual case than what we decided on...best laid plans and all that). But with our youngest we had a pnp that attached to our bed (tethers that run under our mattress to keep it close) and i am hoping that it will work well for this one as well. DH works nights so it keeps baby close to me without being actually in my bed, which for me means max sleep possible.
sammierose464 for my DS we had a bassinet that we borrowed from my in-laws that was used for DH and all of his siblings. If you are at all uncomfortable with the hand-me-down bassinet don't be afraid to say no. I couldn't figure out a nice way to say no and we ended up using it for DS for the first 6 months when he slept in our room. I say all this because the bassinet made me very nervous, it was made well but was meant to swing. We didn't want it to swing so we put in this rod thing that was supposed to keep it still...that did not work and everytime DS would move so would the bassinet. I have put my foot down this time and said I'll be getting something else and perhaps if there's room downstairs the baby can nap in it during the day but NO WAY are we doing over nights in it again.
@acdc1109 Thanks for your thoughts! This one is also supposed to swing, and has something that is supposed to stop it. We put it together briefly at my in-laws. I'm thinking about registering for what I want, and if we get it I'll use that, if we don't I'll try the wooden bassinet.
@sammierose464 My littlest sister used to crawl into my mom and stepdad’s bed until she was 14. My mom got mad and told her it was ridiculous that she was a teenager and still coming to bed with them. Turned out my sister was sleepwalking. She thought my parents were weird for moving her into their bed after she went to sleep, but never said anything to them.
Re: Sleeping Options (also known as 'let's talk about sleep, baby')
One of the day cares that I am looking at told me that infants need to be able to sleep in cribs by the time they get to the day care. So, that is a thing I’m kind of worried about.
I think maybe I should have had a robot instead of a baby...
With my second I tried for the same thing but because I had another child getting any sleep took precedence over sleep location so he slept in our bed for about 7 months - it also made breastfeeding way easier because I just had to rollover and I could doze while he ate. Moving him from our bed to his own crib did take a lot more effort than with my first though - and I think a lot of that was because he was so used to being right beside me all night long and having free range buffet access.
This time the plan is a crib in our room for at least 6 months or so and then somebody will be room sharing - likely my two older kids at least until baby sleeps through the night. We only have 3 bedrooms upstairs and my DD won't be ready at 8 to move to the basement by herself. But once again, getting any sleep will be priority and I am definitely more open to co-sleeping from the get go this time.
cosleeping- having baby in the same room on a separate sleep surface.
bedsharing- having baby in the same room on the same sleep surface.
With DS we started out cosleeping with him in the PNP for a few months. Then around 6 months he switched to his own room. By that point I was so tired I would fall asleep in the rocking chair, which is dangerous because he could fall in between the pillows. So I bought a bed rail and started bed sharing in the guest room. I did my best to make it safe. No blankets, one small pillow under me. It was not my plan, but I was SO exhausted. That being said DS STILL tries to climb in my bed at night.
For this baby I’d like to get a bassinet or cosleeper for next to the bed because the PNP is so big. Everyone swears by the RNP, but I’m super anxious about using it overnight. Beyond that, I have no plans its SURVIVAL MODE.
DD2 was a unicorn. I’d nurse her to sleep and put her down in her room and she’d sleep through the night, starting at 2-3 months. Before that I’d nurse her to sleep and she slept in the sidecar crib by my side of the bed.
TL;DR, I have no idea what we’ll do. It’ll depend on what works with this kid.
We will have their crib and a rock and play in our room close to my side of the bed.
All of my other kids have been vastly different. I had one that was a perfect sleeper at 4 weeks and never had an issue with. I’ve had one that didn’t sleep through the night until they were two (and never in a crib), I’ve had one with a propped crib mattress, one that slept with me on the couch for months, I’ve had one sleep in a rock and play, and one that preferred a laundry basket over anything else. Some preferred to be swaddled, one a sleep sack, others would scream if they were wrapped up, and one would not sleep unless both arms were over their head. I’m assuming this one will be just as quirky.
I changed my mind. That’s my plan too this time. A girl can dream, right?
You’ve convinced me. This will be my new proposed sleeping arrangement:
But yeah, I know what I hope will happen, but tiny human (or dinosaur!) may have different plans.
There were a few times I brought him into our bed to nurse and then I fell asleep with him on me, and every time I woke up, I felt guilty - what if I rolled onto him? And then I had nightmares for weeks because of it.
Anyway, it worked so well for us because we never had to do any sort of transition into his own bed - he was already used to it. Plus he slept through the night since he was about 5 months old, so that helped too, haha. I kinda think him being comfortable in his own bed helped with that, who knows. We’ll do the same thing with this baby, too.
Oh yeah - regarding naps, for the first three or so weeks he either napped on me while I watched TV or in the rock and play, but then when I realized he barely napped at all, I started putting him down in his crib.
One that many don't realize is you can't take any medications or substances that might alter your sleep, not even a glass of wine. You can't have anyone in the house who is a smoker. You can't have gaps between your headboard and mattress. So on and so on. It's not incredibly difficult, however, it does take some planning.
FWIW I bed-shared on and off with my first and once it stopped working for me i stopped. My second never needed it. We will see this time.
so. many. options. I'm on your side for having a robot. I think I'll just put my baby back up into my uterus every time he needs to sleep and then he can come out after nap time lmao
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
With this one, we're just going to see what works for the baby. DS needed to be close when he was born or he wouldn't sleep.
Edited to correct the terms.
@kiwi2628 I once saw advice from John Rosemond (a parenting expert) that said you are the expert on your children and no matter how good a “parenting expert” is, their advice is not going to work for your children 100% of the time. You can ask for advice, from experts or not, but in the end, you’re going to have to decide if it works for you and your baby. Wouldn’t it be nice though, if it was a simple answer?
Whatever ends up working is what we will do. However, I'd like baby boy to stay in his bed. Otherwise I might have to start wearing clothes to bed.
I know many people who have had or are dealing with the headache of getting their 3/4/5/6 year olds out of their beds and into their own rooms since it became such a habit the kids are now dependent. That was all I needed to hear to get her in her own room early.
edited to add:
@knottieamusements we DID have DD nap on her own throughout the day in her crib. You can definitely so both. Plus I wouldn't worry too much about daycare time because they seem to really figure it out on their own. At home DD has to cuddle with us to go to bed but at school she lays herself down and dozes off alone.
Married: 12/16/12
TTC #1: 06/15 BFP #1:07/13/15
D&C: 08/28/15
BFP #2: 09/26/15
M: 06/03/16
BFP #2: 02/12/18
L : 7/26/18 (SIUGR, micropreemie)
With this baby, the nursery is a little further down the hall so I'm not sure what we'll do. We'll just see how things go and decide later. lol
My daughter never slept in our bed as a baby. Not once ever. And now at 2.5 the little gremlin sneaks on up in there almost every night
It’s not ideal, but better than 2am meltdowns and going back and forth across the house a dozen times. They’re only little once and you’ll never get those snuggles back. Kids have a mind of their own, and can make the best laid plans crumble. Stay open minded and find what works best for your family.