Sex

suzycupcake · April 2018

Let's talk about it. I know this is a chit chat board and is supposed to be a break from ttgp, but I think this topic can go beyond that. We struggle with our sex life and it's hard. I thought this could be a great thread to share tips and advice with each other. It doesn't have to be a raunch fest unless you want it to be

. Things like sharing about where you get lingerie, how you keep yourself looking fresh (hair, makeup, etc.), good articles you've read about how to keep the passion alive, how you find the time to go on dates, exercises for sex stamina, date ideas, etc. Let's hear it ladies!

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/QIrDZH9awQO9G/giphy.gif

suzycupcake · April 2018

Was it a weird topic?

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/11R5KYi6ZdP8Z2/giphy.gif

lurvleybunchococonuts · April 2018

Not a weird topic but I have such a little interest (plus on pelvic rest until the 13th at minimum) in sex atm I can"t offer any advise

suzycupcake · April 2018

Ouch. Pelvic rest sucks I do know that. Sorry coconuts. Is that a first tri thingy?

lurvleybunchococonuts · April 2018

Eh... It's more of a spotting thing (to be on the safe side). I assume my OB said it to make me feel better/make me feel like I'm "doing" something as opposed to the truth which is that whatever will be, will be. Seems okay the past few days though. It's really intermittent and associated with constipation.

meggyme · April 2018

I’d love some tips on how everyone else gets in the mood when you aren’t feeling it. My libido has tanked while on BC and it hasn’t recovered yet.

prpl11butterfly · April 2018

@meggyme BC kills me too. I usually just cave after a few nights. But really, the more you "cave", the more you will start to actually want it.

holly321 · April 2018

@prpl11butterfly, I agree. If I just have sex because DH wants to, the more I do, the more I want sex. BC is the worst, it completely kills my sex drive.

When I was on it before, I ofund putting lingerie on helped sometimes too, ifvi felt sexy, I usually wanted to have sex.

Exercise helps my sex drive too. I have noticed I have more of one since I started running regularly, and that was with BC.

meggyme · April 2018

@prpl11butterfly @holly321 sigh, that’s kind of where I’m at, which makes for maybe once a week. That won’t fly for baby making when we start TTC in about a month. I’ve only had my nexplanon out for a week, so I’m hoping that my libido will bounce back. I’m going for a haircut today, so hopefully a little more self care will help. I might need to go on an underwear shopping spree too. Mine are pretty sad.

holly321 · April 2018

@meggyme, I find I am supper into during FW, because of the hormones, hopefully it will be the same for you.

prpl11butterfly · April 2018

I think you'll start feeling better in another week or so. Definitely will help taking better care of your self. If I actually put effort into how I look on the weekend, I feel better. Weekdays I'm all dressed and made up for work anyway. I also find I feel sexier when I've recently shaved my legs and .....

SkilledSailor · April 2018

@meggyme Getting lingerie that I liked, felt comfortable in, and felt sexy in then I was more into it. One of my favorite teddy's is from Target and super comfy!

doxiemoxie212 · April 2018

@meggyme when we were TTC, I literally would read erotic fiction and masturbate before we'd do anything. DH would watch porn on his phone. Sometimes in separate rooms, sometimes next to each other. Neither of us had any motivation to get there organically. Now? I have zero interest, at fucking all, and the few times we've tried it hurts -- not a lube issue, just feels decidedly bad. And I think DH is weirded out by it. But our relationship has never really been that big on sex. We would have sex maybe once every 1-2 weeks prior to TTC? I just prefer naked snuggles TBH.

josie12367 · April 2018

Porn... definitely porn for me. I take so long to get warmed up that it's just easier to do it myself and then bring DH into the mix. Our sex life got immensely better since doing this...

LJMoon6 · April 2018

Before Ttc we would maybe have sex twice a month and that was all either of us needed. That's why when people (MIL) tell us to stop trying and quit forcing it I just want to laugh in their face.

Now Ttc, I used to try to be seductive and wear lingerie. I'd even offer BJs to get things going. After many fights and arguments we've gotten on the same page of ever other day. No discussion needed. We pop in the porn and we're good to go!

suzycupcake · April 2018

@prpl11butterfly Wait.... we're supposed to shave our legs??

prpl11butterfly · April 2018

@suzycupcake every now and then

rosebud332 · April 2018

@doxiemoxie212 I started always reading literotica.com before sex. I feel bad because mh doesn’t know! He doesn’t watch porn or even look at magazines because it just doesn’t do it for him. He also hates strip clubs. Anyway, I can never get out of my own head during sex and reading some smut beforehand really just gets me into a place where I can let go a little bit. Just glad I’m not the only one!

rosebud332 · April 2018

Can I just add that I love this thread. I think it’s bs that in real life it’s assumed if you’re not doing it like rabbits all the time your marriage is failing. Mh and I just don’t need to have that much sex. I feel more pressure from the outside world to do it all the time than I do from him. He’s older than me so I always assumed that’s why his libido was on the lower side, and birth control messed mine up pretty good. So we have sex when we feel like it, but it’s definite not once a week (outside of ttc).

doxiemoxie212 · April 2018

@rosebud332 Yeah, I think different people just have different types of relationships. I've had boyfriends in the past where I'd see them and like immediately want to jump their bones, and like I couldn't think about anything else with them. But did we talk? Or want to go places? Not really. And for some people I think that's the kind of relationship they want with their spouse, and then they have friends or other family for the other things and their spouse is really more a sexual relationship. For us it's not like that. MH is my best friend first (and was my best friend before we started dating) so the sex thing is secondary. I think if either of us had higher sex drives, we have the type of relationship that one might explore an open marriage, but neither of us really give a shit about sex, so why would we do that with strangers lol. We're both so goal oriented and efficiency minded that it's like, well wouldn't this just be faster on my own? And then we can snuggle and talk. lol

I do agree, though, that it's annoying that that is then depicted as a sad marriage. I think any marriage where both people are happy is a good marriage! Want to bang all day and don't really love talking? Great if it's great for you! But IDK why it's like this sad thing if we only have to have sex 1-2x/month but we're constantly snuggling, kissing, talking, etc. Like, why is that sad? I love it!

jrm_14 · April 2018

@doxiemoxie212 @rosebud332 I have a much higher drive than MH. He is a 1-2x/month person. I’m a 2-4x/week. Well, I was until TTC. It has completely killed my sex drive. Now if we have sex once outside of FW, I call it good enough! It bothered me previously he watched porn instead of having sex, when I was always willing. Now, have at it & leave me to soak in the tub!

^MH was not necessarily denying me. It was mostly when I was working, interning, & going to grad school 80+hrs/week.

holly321 · April 2018

DH and I used to have high sex drives, he still doesn't, I don't quite as much. One week I want sex like crazy then for a week I have no interest. It can cause some strain. He gets annoyed thinking I only want to have sex TTC, but I think he finally gets it, that it is hormonal, and not just for babies.

suzycupcake · April 2018

Thank you for the literotica suggestion!

lovesclimbing · April 2018

doxiemoxie212 said:

@meggyme when we were TTC, I literally would read erotic fiction and masturbate before we'd do anything. DH would watch porn on his phone. Sometimes in separate rooms, sometimes next to each other. Neither of us had any motivation to get there organically. Now? I have zero interest, at fucking all, and the few times we've tried it hurts -- not a lube issue, just feels decidedly bad. And I think DH is weirded out by it. But our relationship has never really been that big on sex. We would have sex maybe once every 1-2 weeks prior to TTC? I just prefer naked snuggles TBH.

We had this happen, and I still have no idea why! Everything was fine for the first two years or so, and then it just started hurting every time. Nothing triggered it that I know of. It started right when we stopped using BC to try to have a baby, but our BC was non-hormonal (diaphragm) and so it shouldn't have affected anything like that. I tried (TMI) stretching myself a bit prior to sex the way inserting the diapragm would, and even putting the diaphragm in with no spermicide, and it was still painful. We tried a lot of things - more foreplay, more lube, etc.

>TW<then I got pregnant, and it still hurt throughout pregnancy. After I had our daughter, we waited about seven weeks, and then it still hurt. I had an eight week appointment where they checked me down there, and I got BC. >End TW.<

She said I had vaginismus, which is where the muscles contract involuntarily causing pain. I ordered a book about it that she recommended, and it was interesting, but it didn't have a lot of concrete things to do to fix it. We had sex a couple times with BC (the diaphragm, same as before) and it still hurt. Anyway, we ended up not having penetrative sex for another six to eight weeks after those couple times, and when we did again, the pain was gone! I really don't understand why? Maybe the voluntary pelvic rest helped? Although, in the 14 months or so of pain prior, we had had some stints of around that length, and it didn't do anything. I will never understand it.

CraftyG · April 2018

I just found this board after someone posted it on the TTCAL the other week and I think this is amazing!
Also totally agree with the erotic reading over porn comment, I like to read fanfics on Tumblr (Any supernatural fans out there, there are hundreds about Dean) and that works for me but Fi’s drive is super low atm so I read him a story one morning and it totally worked for us

izza2 · April 2018

When we were TTC (and even pre TTC), we were solidly in the 2 to 3 times a week club unless we were stressed or super busy.

Now we both have zero sex drive so it's like a once a week thing if even that. And it's really only because H wants it, and I know that if I let him try I'll eventually get in to it and have fun.

But my sex drive was always higher than H's. I'm very imaginative so if I so much as thought of sex with H, I was rearing to go. Same if I got to touch his butt.
I swear I used to be a nymphomaniac.

maureenmce · April 2018

Late to this thread but this is such an awesome discussion! I always feel really guilty because I have a very low sex drive when I'm tired and I've basically been tired all of the time for the last like, 3 years. I need to follow some of these suggestions to get in the mood because I would *like* to have a higher sex drive (and my husband has a very high sex drive, so I feel bad when I don't), I just think I need some sort of something to get me in the right mindset. Literotica sounds like a great idea.

Thanks @suzycupcake for starting this!

dreamscapes_ · April 2018

Our sex life is usually fairly decent. We decided to take this cycle off, since I unfortunately needed x-rays for my ankle and am having an arthrogram MRI in a couple of weeks, so we've only had sex once. Further complicating things is my medication regiment, which has an effect on my libido. There are things we do that get us both going, so that's fun to play with

lalala2004 · April 2018

Sex has been so minimal lately. Too tired and busy half the time, and then when I feel up for it, DH doesn’t and vice versa. I know I’m sexually frustrated when I start having dreams, and last night was full of them. I feel bad, because I usually have sex dreams about my ex, but my drive was higher with him, so I guess that makes sense. Plus, I can’t really control my subconscious. But last night I had some lesbian action mixed in. Not sure what that was about.... That’s new.

Whitmore1027 · April 2018

So, ever since I got off BC, my libido SHOT up. Before that, I hardly ever was in the mood. So, it's made things a lot easier. I do find though, that I have ZERO interest in sex if my husband smells of work day. Haha. So, I get in the mood after he showers, and brushes his teeth and gets all fresh. It's sad to me, because when we were in college we would ravage each other anytime of day, multiple times. Now, I am so sensitive to "being clean". I have also had lots of UTI's over the years, so maybe it's psychological that way. I get super turned on when he is clean and has his beard oil in...yummmyyy....

I also read erotic books. It helps. Like, those free raunchy books on kindle. Not even always the best writing, but it can get me in the mood.

With us woman, it's all mental. So, thinking about it throughout the day, putting on sexy lingerie can help.

*TW previous pregnancy* When I was pregnant with my DS, I NEVER felt like having sex. We had it maybe 3 times the entire pregnancy. My husband was always sad that I was never one of the woman who was horny during their pregnancy. Also, I had a c-section, and for some reason, I was DRY like crazy for about 15 months after I had DS. I think it was because I was breastfeeding, but sexy HURT LIKE HELL. I cried. Not even lube worked. Like, I was dry but also there was so much pain, like he would hit a wall that was never there before (I don't know how else to describe it. It didn't feel like cervix, it was weird!). Since I stopped breastfeeding, and got off BC, it's been fine. SO WEIRD. *End TW*

@rosebud332 Thanks for that website suggestion! I will totally be checking that out. lol. And my husband knows I read erotic stuff. He gets all curious sometimes and asks what it's about. lol.
@CraftyG Super cool to see someone else liking fanfics, I totally read them too (and yes, raunchy ones too!) But I haven't of supernatural and I totally should now!
@suzycupcake Great thread!!

catlady2015 · April 2018

+1 for literotica!

that site! it really helps me get in the mood. we both have lower libidos, i really only get super horny during FW. it's hard to not make DH feel like "i only want sex to make a baby". we don't have the easiest time syncing up feeling sexy.

rosebud332 · April 2018

@Whitmore1027 I’ve had the same problem post c-section. It sucks. Lube does help but it took me a long time to figure that out. Glad to know yours went away eventually! I hope it will for me too.

suzycupcake · April 2018

This cycle, I've discovered that riding my bike a few times a few miles really boosted my libido. I'm not sure if it's just related to fertile week because I mainly started this last weekend. But anyway, it made me feel better mentally. After riding for about 15 minutes, colors became more vivid and I felt good.

Also, I found that making a sex calendar and hanging it up on the wall has been fun for both of us. It has been easier for us to hio this time and we are going as planned. That has never happened before.

I also pulled up literotica the other day which was something new and exciting. It gave me the idea to write a story for my husband which he is looking forward to. Lol I purchased soft cups and he ran to get one after sex one morning. We had a good laugh at how it looks like a gigantic condom.

This is all great ladies. I hope we can check in this thread from time to time and continue sharing advice. It really helps me to know that I'm not alone and I've used some of your tips already.

CraftyG · April 2018

@suzycupcake The calendars a great idea to pop up so it’s visual for everyone! And without sounding like a child, what’s a soft cup? Haha!

suzycupcake · April 2018

@CraftyG You don't sound like a child. No question seems like that to me.

So a soft cup (I just learned recently and there are different brands) are for catching your period rather than wearing tampons or pads. You squeeze the ring together, insert it and cap it over your cervix. It sounds really difficult and I was intimidated by it at first but it was surprisingly easy to do, for me.

We are specifically using it to do at home intracervical insemination (also offered by fertility clinics) because it's safe to do so. That's where you can shoot your husband's sperm into the vagina with a medical (no needle) syringe to get it really close to your cervix. Then you place the soft cup over your cervix to hold it there. You can also just have him go into the cup and place it over your cervix. A lot of the time, when you have sex, the sperm swims past the cervix and takes awhile to find the opening to go into your uterus (for example, say he shoots 32M sperm into your vagina; maybe only 8M end up finding the opening<---not a statistical number, just a hypothetical example) so it just gives you a bit of a leg up.

It looks like this

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/xu/2b27t8m8ctk4.png

ellielo · July 2021

I just discovered this thread! so interesting! Again I not gonna have a decent sleep)

blacksnoww · April 2023

lalala2004 said:

Sex has been so minimal lately. Too tired and busy half the time, and then when I feel up for it, DH doesn’t and vice versa. I know I’m sexually frustrated when I start having dreams, and last night was full of them. I feel bad, because I usually have sex dreams about my ex, but my drive was higher with him, so I guess that makes sense. Plus, I can’t really control my subconscious. But last night I had some lesbian action mixed in. Not sure what that was about.... That’s new.

iyoni app I use to track ovulation launched their super helpful feature for partners to increase play. I especially I love the emphasis on practicing ways of connecting deeper with a partner and yourself.

Want a personalized experience?

Sex

Re: Sex

Choose Another Board

Search Boards