Sex and Relationships

Sex

Let's talk about it. I know this is a chit chat board and is supposed to be a break from ttgp, but I think this topic can go beyond that. We struggle with our sex life and it's hard. I thought this could be a great thread to share tips and advice with each other. It doesn't have to be a raunch fest unless you want it to be ;). Things like sharing about where you get lingerie, how you keep yourself looking fresh (hair, makeup, etc.), good articles you've read about how to keep the passion alive, how you find the time to go on dates, exercises for sex stamina, date ideas, etc. Let's hear it ladies! 


People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.

How I feel all of the time.
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!

TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF

IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine 
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
 

Re: Sex

  • Loading the player...
  • Not a weird topic but I have such a little interest (plus on pelvic rest until the 13th at minimum) in sex atm I can"t offer any advise :( 

    BFP 3/21/2020!  OMG We're having TWINS! 4/17/2020
    --------------------------------
    LO arrived 11/9/2018!  We have a baby!
    --------------------------------
    Me: 33 | DH: 41
    Married: March 2016
    TTC #1/IUD out January 2017
    PCOS dx January 2018
    Medicated cycle 2.5mg Letrozole CD3-7 February 2018
    BFP 3/10/2018! 
    -------------------------------

    TTGP December Siggy Co-Winner: Favorite Moments from Holiday Movies/TV 
    TTGP October Siggy Winner: Animals in Costume 



  • Ouch. Pelvic rest sucks I do know that. Sorry coconuts. Is that a first tri thingy?
    People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.

    How I feel all of the time.
    My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
    IVF
    IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
    Back on Levothyroxine
    FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
    FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
    Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 
    1st Beta on 7dpt 93
    2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!

    TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
    Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
    New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF

    IUI
    IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
    BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine 
    IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
     
  • Eh... It's more of a spotting thing (to be on the safe side). I assume my OB said it to make me feel better/make me feel like I'm "doing" something as opposed to the truth which is that whatever will be, will be. Seems okay the past few days though. It's really intermittent and associated with constipation.

    BFP 3/21/2020!  OMG We're having TWINS! 4/17/2020
    --------------------------------
    LO arrived 11/9/2018!  We have a baby!
    --------------------------------
    Me: 33 | DH: 41
    Married: March 2016
    TTC #1/IUD out January 2017
    PCOS dx January 2018
    Medicated cycle 2.5mg Letrozole CD3-7 February 2018
    BFP 3/10/2018! 
    -------------------------------

    TTGP December Siggy Co-Winner: Favorite Moments from Holiday Movies/TV 
    TTGP October Siggy Winner: Animals in Costume 



  • I’d love some tips on how everyone else gets in the mood when you aren’t feeling it. My libido has tanked while on BC and it hasn’t recovered yet.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • @prpl11butterfly @holly321 sigh, that’s kind of where I’m at, which makes for maybe once a week. That won’t fly for baby making when we start TTC in about a month. I’ve only had my nexplanon out for a week, so I’m hoping that my libido will bounce back. I’m going for a haircut today, so hopefully a little more self care will help. I might need to go on an underwear shopping spree too. Mine are pretty sad.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • @meggyme, I find I am supper into during FW, because of the hormones, hopefully it will be the same for you.
  • I think you'll start feeling better in another week or so. Definitely will help taking better care of your self. If I actually put effort into how I look on the weekend, I feel better. Weekdays I'm all dressed and made up for work anyway. I also find I feel sexier when I've recently shaved my legs and .....
  • @meggyme Getting lingerie that I liked, felt comfortable in, and felt sexy in then I was more into it. One of my favorite teddy's is from Target and super comfy! 
  • Before Ttc we would maybe have sex twice a month and that was all either of us needed. That's why when people (MIL) tell us to stop trying and quit forcing it I just want to laugh in their face.

    Now Ttc, I used to try to be seductive and wear lingerie. I'd even offer BJs to get things going. After many fights and arguments we've gotten on the same page of ever other day. No discussion needed. We pop in the porn and we're good to go!
    *TW* TTC history
    Me:32 DH:31
    Married: 8/2015

    TTC #1: 4/2017
    Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal
    DX: Unexplained
    8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN
    9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
    11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
    12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst
    1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019
    10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!

    TTC #2: 12/2020
    2/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
    3/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
    4/2021: Surprise! Natural BFP! \\ EDD Jan 6th, 2022 \\ Chemical, betas not rising
    8/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
    9/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
    10/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
    11/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD July 29th, 2022

  • @doxiemoxie212 I started always reading literotica.com before sex. I feel bad because mh doesn’t know! He doesn’t watch porn or even look at magazines because it just doesn’t do it for him. He also hates strip clubs. Anyway, I can never get out of my own head during sex and reading some smut beforehand really just gets me into a place where I can let go a little bit. Just glad I’m not the only one!
    **June Siggy Challenge - P.I.L.Fs**
    httpsstaticboredpandacomblogwp-contentuploads201702best-dad-ever-chris-hemsworth-thor-589aec291b80c__700jpg
  • suzycupcakesuzycupcake member
    edited April 2018
    Thank you for the literotica suggestion!  :#
    People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.

    How I feel all of the time.
    My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
    IVF
    IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
    Back on Levothyroxine
    FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
    FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
    Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 
    1st Beta on 7dpt 93
    2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!

    TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
    Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
    New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF

    IUI
    IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
    BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine 
    IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
     
  • @meggyme when we were TTC, I literally would read erotic fiction and masturbate before we'd do anything. DH would watch porn on his phone. Sometimes in separate rooms, sometimes next to each other. Neither of us had any motivation to get there organically. Now? I have zero interest, at fucking all, and the few times we've tried it hurts -- not a lube issue, just feels decidedly bad. And I think DH is weirded out by it. But our relationship has never really been that big on sex. We would have sex maybe once every 1-2 weeks prior to TTC? I just prefer naked snuggles TBH. 
    We had this happen, and I still have no idea why! Everything was fine for the first two years or so, and then it just started hurting every time. Nothing triggered it that I know of. It started right when we stopped using BC to try to have a baby, but our BC was non-hormonal (diaphragm) and so it shouldn't have affected anything like that. I tried (TMI) stretching myself a bit prior to sex the way inserting the diapragm would, and even putting the diaphragm in with no spermicide, and it was still painful. We tried a lot of things - more foreplay, more lube, etc.

    >TW<then I got pregnant, and it still hurt throughout pregnancy. After I had our daughter, we waited about seven weeks, and then it still hurt. I had an eight week appointment where they checked me down there, and I got BC. >End TW.<

    She said I had vaginismus, which is where the muscles contract involuntarily causing pain. I ordered a book about it that she recommended, and it was interesting, but it didn't have a lot of concrete things to do to fix it. We had sex a couple times with BC (the diaphragm, same as before) and it still hurt. Anyway, we ended up not having penetrative sex for another six to eight weeks after those couple times, and when we did again, the pain was gone! I really don't understand why? Maybe the voluntary pelvic rest helped? Although, in the 14 months or so of pain prior, we had had some stints of around that length, and it didn't do anything. I will never understand it. 
  • I just found this board after someone posted it on the TTCAL the other week and I think this is amazing!
    Also totally agree with the erotic reading over porn comment, I like to read fanfics on Tumblr (Any supernatural fans out there, there are hundreds about Dean) and that works for me but Fi’s drive is super low atm so I read him a story one morning and it totally worked for us 
  • Late to this thread but this is such an awesome discussion! I always feel really guilty because I have a very low sex drive when I'm tired and I've basically been tired all of the time for the last like, 3 years. I need to follow some of these suggestions to get in the mood because I would *like* to have a higher sex drive (and my husband has a very high sex drive, so I feel bad when I don't), I just think I need some sort of something to get me in the right mindset. Literotica sounds like a great idea.

    Thanks @suzycupcake for starting this!
  • Our sex life is usually fairly decent. We decided to take this cycle off, since I unfortunately needed x-rays for my ankle and am having an arthrogram MRI in a couple of weeks, so we've only had sex once. Further complicating things is my medication regiment, which has an effect on my libido. There are things we do that get us both going, so that's fun to play with :)
    Me: 36 | DH: 35 | Married: 9.17.16
    Diminished ovarian reserve
    BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
  • So, ever since I got off BC, my libido SHOT up. Before that, I hardly ever was in the mood. So, it's made things a lot easier. I do find though, that I have ZERO interest in sex if my husband smells of work day. Haha. So, I get in the mood after he showers, and brushes his teeth and gets all fresh. It's sad to me, because when we were in college we would ravage each other anytime of day, multiple times. Now, I am so sensitive to "being clean". I have also had lots of UTI's over the years, so maybe it's psychological that way. I get super turned on when he is clean and has his beard oil in...yummmyyy....

    I also read erotic books. It helps. Like, those free raunchy books on kindle. Not even always the best writing, but it can get me in the mood.

    With us woman, it's all mental. So, thinking about it throughout the day, putting on sexy lingerie can help.

    *TW previous pregnancy* When I was pregnant with my DS, I NEVER felt like having sex. We had it maybe 3 times the entire pregnancy. My husband was always sad that I was never one of the woman who was horny during their pregnancy. Also, I had a c-section, and for some reason, I was DRY like crazy for about 15 months after I had DS. I think it was because I was breastfeeding, but sexy HURT LIKE HELL. I cried. Not even lube worked. Like, I was dry but also there was so much pain, like he would hit a wall that was never there before (I don't know how else to describe it. It didn't feel like cervix, it was weird!). Since I stopped breastfeeding, and got off BC, it's been fine. SO WEIRD. *End TW*

    @rosebud332 Thanks for that website suggestion! I will totally be checking that out. lol. And my husband knows I read erotic stuff. He gets all curious sometimes and asks what it's about. lol.
    @CraftyG Super cool to see someone else liking fanfics, I totally read them too (and yes, raunchy ones too!) But I haven't of supernatural and I totally should now!
    @suzycupcake Great thread!!

    Me: 32 | DH: 33
    Met: 2005 | Started Dating: 2009 | Married: 2013

    TTC#1: 06.2014;   BFP: 12.2015; DS Born: August 16, 2016
    TTC#2: 12.2017; BFP: 02.26.2018; CP 03.02.2018
                                BFP: 04.26.2018 DD Born: December 26, 2018
    Surprise Pregnancy #3; BFP: 01.11.2020; Due Date: September 19, 2021




  • +1 for literotica!  <3 that site! it really helps me get in the mood. we both have lower libidos, i really only get super horny during FW. it's hard to not make DH feel like "i only want sex to make a baby". we don't have the easiest time syncing up feeling sexy. 
    *TW*
    Me: 38 DH: 41
    Married: 2016
    BFP #1 4/23/18, blighted ovum 5/29/18
    BFP#2 7/14/18, DS 4/5/19
  • @Whitmore1027 I’ve had the same problem post c-section. It sucks. Lube does help but it took me a long time to figure that out. Glad to know yours went away eventually! I hope it will for me too.
    **June Siggy Challenge - P.I.L.Fs**
    httpsstaticboredpandacomblogwp-contentuploads201702best-dad-ever-chris-hemsworth-thor-589aec291b80c__700jpg
  • suzycupcakesuzycupcake member
    edited April 2018
    This cycle, I've discovered that riding my bike a few times a few miles really boosted my libido. I'm not sure if it's just related to fertile week because I mainly started this last weekend. But anyway, it made me feel better mentally. After riding for about 15 minutes, colors became more vivid and I felt good. 

    Also, I found that making a sex calendar and hanging it up on the wall has been fun for both of us. It has been easier for us to hio this time and we are going as planned. That has never happened before.

    I also pulled up literotica the other day which was something new and exciting. It gave me the idea to write a story for my husband which he is looking forward to. Lol I purchased soft cups and he ran to get one after sex one morning. We had a good laugh at how it looks like a gigantic condom. 

    This is all great ladies. I hope we can check in this thread from time to time and continue sharing advice. It really helps me to know that I'm not alone and I've used some of your tips already. 
    People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.

    How I feel all of the time.
    My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
    IVF
    IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
    Back on Levothyroxine
    FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
    FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
    Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 
    1st Beta on 7dpt 93
    2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!

    TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
    Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
    New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF

    IUI
    IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
    BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine 
    IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
     
  • @suzycupcake The calendars a great idea to pop up so it’s visual for everyone! And without sounding like a child, what’s a soft cup? Haha!
  • @CraftyG You don't sound like a child. No question seems like that to me. <3 

    So a soft cup (I just learned recently and there are different brands) are for catching your period rather than wearing tampons or pads. You squeeze the ring together, insert it and cap it over your cervix. It sounds really difficult and I was intimidated by it at first but it was surprisingly easy to do, for me. 

    We are specifically using it to do at home intracervical insemination (also offered by fertility clinics) because it's safe to do so. That's where you can shoot your husband's sperm into the vagina with a medical (no needle) syringe to get it really close to your cervix. Then you place the soft cup over your cervix to hold it there. You can also just have him go into the cup and place it over your cervix. A lot of the time, when you have sex, the sperm swims past the cervix and takes awhile to find the opening to go into your uterus (for example, say he shoots 32M sperm into your vagina; maybe only 8M end up finding the opening<---not a statistical number, just a hypothetical example) so it just gives you a bit of a leg up. 

    It looks like this

    People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.

    How I feel all of the time.
    My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
    IVF
    IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
    Back on Levothyroxine
    FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
    FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
    Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 
    1st Beta on 7dpt 93
    2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!

    TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
    Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
    New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF

    IUI
    IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
    BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine 
    IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
     
  • I just discovered this thread! so interesting! Again I not gonna have a decent sleep)
  • Sex has been so minimal lately. Too tired and busy half the time, and then when I feel up for it, DH doesn’t and vice versa. I know I’m sexually frustrated when I start having dreams, and last night was full of them. I feel bad, because I usually have sex dreams about my ex, but my drive was higher with him, so I guess that makes sense. Plus, I can’t really control my subconscious. But last night I had some lesbian action mixed in. Not sure what that was about.... That’s new.
    iyoni app I use to track ovulation launched their super helpful feature for partners to increase play. I especially  I love the emphasis on practicing ways of connecting deeper with a partner and yourself.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"