Grief Support w/o 4/2

suzycupcake · April 2018

**This is a general trigger warning that death, disease, bodily functions, and / or loss from miscarriage and suicide may be mentioned in here.**

This is a thread to provide a safe space of thoughtful conversation and support for those who have lost family, babies, friends, significant others, etc. No trigger warnings/spoilers need to be added in here unless you really feel it's necessary.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), who you lost, when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions / circumstances surrounding the loss, etc.

Status (what stage of grief do you feel like you're in this week?):

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

GTKY: Two part. (a)We all know Easter was hard. Hard hard. Please share about that particular struggle and get some support. (b) Go online and find a picture, any picture (of a person, landscape, place, object, etc.) that reminds you of the person you lost and tell us about it/share a memory. For those of us who have had miscarriages, it's absolutely okay to share the picture of that onesie we were gonna get, a nursery room idea, or anything we want to.

Disclaimer: Ladies, I know how hard it is to post in this thread and think there is an understanding when posts/responses don't flurry in like they do in other bump threads. It's okay. We are all doing the best we can and it's amazing that we are even sharing this stuff with each other in the first place.

holly321 · April 2018

@suzycupcake, thanks agian for starting this.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), who you lost, when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions / circumstances surrounding the loss, etc. My brother committed suicide a little over a year ago, this week is my due date from my miscarriage, also, this week was 5 years since my dad's brother died.

Status (what stage of grief do you feel like you're in this week?): This week, I feel depressed. My emotions are more focused on my miscarriage. I feel like I never processed it emotionally, since I found out. I probably had cancer immediately after.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Crappy. I am crying at the sight of babies. I can not wait for this week to be over with.
But, on a happier note, my brother's kids visited today. It was great to see them,and hey are moving closer, so I will be able to see them more. But, it is so hard to say goodbye, the older two cry (5 & 6). And the baby (2) asked me to bring her Daddy next time we visit.

Stuck in spoiler box....

GTKY: Two part. (a)We all know Easter was hard. Hard hard. Please share about that particular struggle and get some support. (b) Go online and find a picture, any picture (of a person, landscape, place, object, etc.) that reminds you of the person you lost and tell us about it/share a memory. For those of us who have had miscarriages, it's absolutely okay to share the picture of that onesie we were gonna get, a nursery room idea, or anything we want to.

My brother died in the mountains in an orchard, he said he was going someplace pretty. It was somewhere we had gone every year of our lives. So it is a bittersweet place. I didn't go there this past year, but I want to go myself this summer. As for Easter, there was hope in it. I mentioned issues with not having a church last week, and I think we found one, we are going this week. We had a family friend come yesterday for dinner. He has little family and is a Vietnam vet, he shared yesterday he saw 3 friends die on Easter. Not that that helped, but I guess it did in a way because my thoughts were for him and how he still feels the pain after all these years. And by to self brag, but it made me feel good that we did invite him, because otherwise he may have been alone on Easter, which is a really hard day for him.

oaklandava · April 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), who you lost, when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions / circumstances surrounding the loss, etc.
This week, it's my miscarriage. It was complete tonight.

Status (what stage of grief do you feel like you're in this week?):
Relief? Physically, I feel a million times better. That was some of the most excruciating, unmedicated pain, of my entire life. I prayed the entire time for God to let me miscarry before the D&C scheduled for tomorrow. I wanted to see him/her. When I finally passed him, I had a gut feeling it was a boy. We named him and buried him in the yard.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Well, I am relieved physically. Emotionally, I am drained.

GTKY: Two part. (a)We all know Easter was hard. Hard hard. Please share about that particular struggle and get some support. (b) Go online and find a picture, any picture (of a person, landscape, place, object, etc.) that reminds you of the person you lost and tell us about it/share a memory. For those of us who have had miscarriages, it's absolutely okay to share the picture of that onesie we were gonna get, a nursery room idea, or anything we want to.
Easter was hard because we were going to announce to my husband's family with my son wearing a shirt we ordered. I packed before we found out, so I was getting my son dressed on Easter and found the shirt and lost it.

coco2787 · April 2018

I've been thinking of you @oaklandava. I'm glad you were able to avoid the D&C and bury your baby, even though it came with so much physical pain. MC is so hard and so unfair. Sending you lots of love

@holly321 I'm sorry you're struggling this week. MC is so cruel in the way we think we're fine one week and then it all comes crashing down again without warning. I'm glad you were able to give your friend a family to spend Easter with, that was a nice gesture and I'm sure he really appreciated it.

coco2787 · April 2018

I'll come back to answer the questions in this thread properly, but I need to put this somewhere. TW in spoiler for pregnancy.

As some of you know, I'm pregnant again. So far things are looking okay in comparison to my CPs (no betas until tomorrow) but if this works out, my due date is the anniversary of my mom's death. And also the same week I lost my first baby, BIL, and stepmom. I'm so scared to lose this baby. I don't think I can take any more heartache associated with that week. I want so badly for this baby to be our rainbow and be a reminder that joy can be found in the midst of pain.

suzycupcake · April 2018

Awww @holly321

Precious little baby. I bet that brought you to tears when she said that. I cannot imagine. When will they move near you? Depression is the worst. I hope that it lifts for you soon to have some relief from it. Hugs

You know, I don't know where I've been but I don't think I knew that you had/have cancer?

((((( @oaklandava )))))

How are you feeling?

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), who you lost, when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions / circumstances surrounding the loss, etc.

I cannot even get myself to talk about my best friend right now. It's gonna be just my Daddy right now. It's 12:25 am. 3:15 pm CST today will be 4 months.

Status (what stage of grief do you feel like you're in this week?): I feel numb. I keep trying to busy myself to forget and then it suddenly hits me. I still cannot believe he is gone. It still does not feel real and I don't know why.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm struggling with all of this busyness but at the same time, it has been the best thing for me to fight through the depression.

GTKY: Two part. (a)We all know Easter was hard. Hard hard. Please share about that particular struggle and get some support. (b) Go online and find a picture, any picture (of a person, landscape, place, object, etc.) that reminds you of the person you lost and tell us about it/share a memory. For those of us who have had miscarriages, it's absolutely okay to share the picture of that onesie we were gonna get, a nursery room idea, or anything we want to.

(a) I didn't even remember it was Easter and then my Mom mentioned that it would be her first Easter without Dad. I was never really a holiday person so I mostly felt really awful for her that day. I cannot imagine ever losing my husband so it was just....about her...instead of me. I spent a lot of time with her on the phone that day.

(b) Pic in spoiler. I found one of a father and daughter fishing. My Daddy was an avid fisherman. My first time fishing was with him. He taught me how to worm my own hook and everything awhile later, but the first time, he taught me with a kernel of corn. My first nickname was red because I had wild red hair. The first fish I caught was a bluegill. After that, my nickname was blue until one day it was sue bucket but that's another story. While I was crying tonight, I wished that I could fish with him one more time. I wonder if that's why water has always calmed me--because it reminds me of fishing with him. It was always so peaceful and taught me a lot of patience.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/vx/3u4xisfhzhcm.jpg

holly321 · April 2018

@oaklandava, I am sorry again for your loss. I am certain it was incredibly painful physical, but I am glad things ended physically the way you wanted, hopefully that helps with the healing begin. I too, felt my losses we're boys. I am glad you were able to bury him.

@suzycupcake, *hugs*. My family and I have a lot of discussions over the last year of our different perspectives of grief, how certain things are harder for SIL, my mom, etc. Like my brother's birthday, to me it was almost a happy day to remember him, but hard for her. it can be hard to remember stuff like that especially with my our own grief. Although Easter itself was not a big deal to you, I am certain it is still hard emotionally to feel your mom having such a hard time, I am certain she is thankful that you kept in touch throughout the day.
AFM, my pathology from my molar pregnancy showed high concern for choriocarcinoma, but was uncertain. My HCG levels rose after a few weeks, which is another sign the molar pregnancy was malignant. One doctor said they could never confirm if you was or wasn't (you need multiple rises, but with the bad pathology, we were waiting to start chemo.) But, have esaid, it is acting like cancer, it looks like cancer, we are treating it like cancer, so, essentially it is cancer. My other oncologist (other than my first visit) also referred to it as cancer.

oaklandava · April 2018

@suzycupcake I am feeling ok. Slightly sad because of the fact that I had an awesome spring break planned for my son, and I spent 3/4 of it bleeding and in pain in bed. I am sad I didn't get to spend it with him like I had planned, and my husband has some alumni football thing for his college tomorrow, so we will be tied up with that.

oaklandava · April 2018

@holly321 Thanks. I agree.

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