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December 2018 Moms
maureenmce
member
PGAL Check In (Pregnancy After a Loss) 4.4
maureenmce
member
Hey PGAL friends, how are you doing today?
**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned. With this general warning up top, we don't need to use TW within this thread unless you really want to.**
1. Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up?
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)?
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):
5. Any appointments this week?
6. GTKY: If you could have another job other than the one you have, what would it be?
**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned. With this general warning up top, we don't need to use TW within this thread unless you really want to.**
1. Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up?
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)?
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):
5. Any appointments this week?
6. GTKY: If you could have another job other than the one you have, what would it be?
Re: PGAL Check In (Pregnancy After a Loss) 4.4
MMC last year (confirmed 9.18.17, D and C 10.9.17), early loss in February.
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up?
4 weeks and 5 days! I have officially passed the milestone of my most recent loss which was 4 weeks and 3 days, so I'm happy about that. Looking forward to hitting the 5 week mark Friday.
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)?
The only symptom I've had this morning is that I've been on the verge of tears and depressed/emotional all morning. I know it's the pregnancy hormones but man does it suck. And I've been feeling tons of anxiety and fear about this pregnancy over the last day or two.
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):
I thought I would feel more confident after betas, but now I'm in that limbo between betas and my ultrasound on the 24th and my fears of another MMC are off the charts. I can't stop obsessing. I'm out of pregnancy tests but I want to buy some, but I'm *terrified* to buy some and test negative or with a faint line. I need to chill out but I'm having trouble.
5. Any appointments this week?
Nope. Nothing until my ultrasound on 4.24.
6. GTKY: If you could have another job other than the one you have, what would it be?
Well, my goal is to transition to writing full time eventually, but if I lived a *completely* different life, I think I'd like to work with something related to foreign policy (the State Department maybe?) I'm very interested in global politics. (I think my answer to this question probably changes on a daily basis.)
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up? 5 weeks 3 days. I was happy to get to the 5 week mark!
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)? So. Much. Bloat. As for anxiety, I'm doing surprisingly well. I am 100% aware of out out of control this is, that I'm doing a pretty decent job of just being happy and excited. I'm pregant today.
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): I gained a crapload of weight with my last pregnancy so i'm ultra obsessive right now about everything that's going into my body and I'm working out as much as I can tolerate. Stupid bloat is making the scale go up, so that's infuriating.
5. Any appointments this week? Not until 4/23. So basically 4 million light-years away.
6. GTKY: If you could have another job other than the one you have, what would it be? I'm in I.T. and I really like my job. I don't think I'd change it, I just want to enhance it by continuously adding on to my education to stay ahead of the game.
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
Hello. This my first pregnancy after an early loss in December.
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up? Right now I'm 4w 5d. My last one didn't develop past 5w so I'd like to get to week 6 and somehow know that the gummy bear is still growing.
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)? Anxious. Excited but cautious. I wont feel ok really until I hear a heartbeat.
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): my raves is that I just got my numbers back from second blood draw and I went from 87 to 1014!
5. Any appointments this week? Im getting a 3rd blood draw tomorrow and hoping to be above 2000.
6. GTKY: If you could have another job other than the one you have, what would it be? Medical technologist maybe? I always loved science, medical specifically. I did go to school for nursing but soon learned that loving medical science did not translate to loving direct patient care. I also always wanted to be a stay at home mom with all my heart but it's just not possible.
@GoyaBean913 Still can't get over how great your numbers are! I'm so excited for you. Wishing you luck for your third draw too! And yes, I am counting down the days until my ultrasound and won't really feel at peace until a heartbeat is confirmed either. Time speed up already!
1. Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
1 pregnancy, 1 early loss in Dec, ended with a D&C
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up?
Like 4w-4w3d depending on what i go with. If i go with LMP i'm 4 weeks, but I'm pretty sure I o'd early (and turned a test really strongly on CD 21) so I think I'm closer to 4.3. Like 3 days one way or another really matters lol. But to me, getting past 5.3 matters, and I would rather that be one week away and not 10 days away.
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)?
Symptom wise i'm fine. A little cramping/pulling/pinching which then gives me anxiety because I'm like "oh, is it just my period coming?". PGAL brain is hard. I keep finding myself thinking more about if the pregnancy doesn't work than if it does. Which sucks. I am struggling to be excited.
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):
Oh, I think I just did this in my "how am I feeling" lol. Also 3 of my good friends are out on maternity leave and I love their little sweeties, but i don't have anyone to talk to at work now! I'm glad it makes it easier to keep my mouth shut about being PG, though.
5. Any appointments this week?
Nope, still haven't called the doc. I'm waiting till I "officially" miss my period, so I'll call on Friday or Monday.
6. GTKY: If you could have another job other than the one you have, what would it be?
I've always wanted to be a nail polis/ lipstick namer. They always have great names
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
*Edited to add - speaking of which, I forgot the other reply I was going to write!
@morgantu That would be SUCH a fun and creative job! And yes, ultrasound is basically *forever* away. I can't deal.
Hello everyone!
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up? 5 +2
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)? Still very few actual symptoms, except eating everything in site, irritability and I've been having the worst night sweats (TMI? lol)
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): Just anxious.
5. Any appointments this week? Second round of beta testing and next week is my first appt!
6. GTKY: If you could have another job other than the one you have, what would it be? My job right now is just the means to an end. I am bored with it and it's stressful, but it's where I need to be right now because it allows me to work from home part time and take care of my son the rest of the time. If I wasn't doing what I'm doing now, I would do what I did for years prior and went to school for which is cooking/baking. The plan is to have this baby, move, and open our own restaurants. But if it wasn't THAT (because I really consider that my real career), real estate and flipping houses. Which still may be in our future.
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
3 losses in the last 5 months. MMC in early December discovered at 9 weeks (baby stopped growing at 7w4d) and two early losses in February and March
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up?
3w5d. 1st milestone will be getting to 5 weeks, next one will be getting past 8 weeks.
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)?
No real symptoms except thirst. So thirsty. Anxiety is pretty bad, I'm not sure if taking tests every day is better or worse for my anxiety. Probably worse but I can't seem to help myself. Still not allowing myself to think about this actually leading to a baby. When I was pregnant with my first loss I bought a bunch of maternity and baby stuff and I can't even bear to look at any of that stuff right now.
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):
Annoyed that my doctor didn't want me to come in for betas until I'm at 4 weeks. Rave is that it's my 5 year wedding anniversary tomorrow!
5. Any appointments this week?
Betas Friday morning. Should have the results within a few hours of the blood draw.
6. GTKY: If you could have another job other than the one you have, what would it be?
Well I'm currently not working because of my full time internship, but I'm hoping to get a job doing occupational therapy in mental health.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Hello! I just intro’d yesterday. I’ve had one early loss before a successful pregnancy. Had my daughter 2/2017 and here I am again. I was hoping to have less anxiety this time around since I’ve had a successful pregnancy, but no. I took two more tests this morning, the wondfo looked lighter to me than yesterday, but who knows if I’m just crazy. But a digital said pregnant. I’ve had a few cramps which I know is totally normal but doesn’t stop it from freaking me out. Now I’m checking for blood in the bathroom. This is all after a grand total of one day of knowing I’m pregnant. Ugh.
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up?
Im at about 3w6d. Looking forward to hearing the heartbeat but that’s not for a while. I think I’ll feel slightly better when I officially miss my period.
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)?
Symptom wise...basically nothing, which is to be expected. Anxiety...see above. Lol
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):
Part of my issue is that I’ve always felt I would have a loss before any successful pregnancy because that’s what happened to my mom. I know this is somewhat irrational. But it did happen the first time and now I feel like I’m “due “ for another miscarriage. I’ve been anxious about this even before I got pregnant.
5. Any appointments this week?
Not until 5/10! A lifetime.
6. GTKY: If you could have another job other than the one you have, what would it be?
I’m a SAHM at the moment and I wouldn’t change it.
@maureenmce I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious. I wish I had some advice for you, but I’m in the same boat. I always think in these early days a glass of wine would be so nice, but, alas.
@texas_t I’m trying to get where you are, attitude-wise! I know this is out of my control. I just have to wait, leave it in God’s hands. It’s hard.
@GoyaBean913 Congrats on some great numbers!
@morgantu I’m feeling very similar to you in that I’m thinking more about how I’ll handle a loss than the pregnancy actually continuing. It’s awful. I’m having a hard time being excited too. I hope it gets easier for both of us soon.
My MS in 2014 was found out at my 8 week appointment. I had no bleeding or anything else to indicate their was an issue. Fast forward to second pregnancy; I spotted and FTFO, but lo and behold, that pregnancy ended up fine. Now, here I am with my third pregnancy with no spotting. Can anyone imagine what's going on in my head? Any guesses? lol
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
@texas_t Yeah, a MMC is my number one fear at this point. There's just nothing to do but wait and see, I guess. I just wish time was going by a little faster.
As for me, I am just a ball of anxiety today. I was happy with my betas at first, but now that I'm obsessively thinking about them, they were not very high because I had them done SO early (3 weeks 3 days and 3 weeks 5 days.) They more than doubled and my OB was happy with them, but I just keep wanting to test one more time to see that big leap they take. But my OB won't do that, my ultrasound is already scheduled and I just need to wait until April 24th like an adult. And since I know this, I am tempted to run out and buy more pregnancy tests (I'm out) and just keep peeing on sticks until my ultrasound. Is this crazy? (Tell me yes and talk me down, because I am also terrified of getting a faint line or no line at all, and probably having to wait the same wait anyway, but full of dread and sadness.)
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
On 4/3 it was at 1014 and on 4/5 it was at 2675!
I set up my first ultrasound for 4/20 which will be exactly 7 weeks. This will be the longest 2 weeks ever!
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
I'm a tech at a nursing home. I've been doi g this for 10 years now. The only other job I'd like to have is to eventually go back to school ans further my eduacation and become the RN i always wished to be.
1. Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Hey everyone! I had one miscarriage in October. It was earlier in in my pregnancy and it broke mine and my husbands hearts. It took a long time for my cycle to come and since then it's been pretty irregular. We were so excited to that I am pregnant again... but also a bit nervous
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up?
I am 4 weeks 3 days.
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)?
So far feeling very anxious but also have a few symptoms. Tender breasts, bloated and cramping, feel very full/heavy in my lower abdomen and I'm exhausted! I am anxious with every cramp! They feel the same when I had my miscarriage. And every time I go to the washroom I pray that I don't see blood. I'm nervous that I currently don't have a doctor (hubby and I just moved to a new town).
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here):
5. Any appointments this week?
I am hoping to go to a walk in clinic to ask to get my blood drawn and pregnancy confirmed. Hopefully they say yes to blood work so I can see my HCG levels. I am hoping they will also refer me to an OB
I am 5w6d by lmp, but I might be earlier, as my cycles are more 32 days than 28.
I had Betas Tue & TR & they went from 1237 to 2657, so that's good. But I was over 20,000 with my mmc, so I will be stressed until I see a heartbeat. I'll be 39 on my due date, so I really really hope this one sticks. I feel like it's my last chance.
Happy healthy 9months to everyone!
And @Knottie98838ef853a2413d you may want to change your name to something easier to tag, it's tough with all those numbers!
Hello, three losses in the last three years. Two D&C ad two surgeries (one was more corrective). All ended between 6-8 weeks. I was way to scared to get pregnant right away so it took me awhile to build the courage. I have had all kinds of testing, even to make sure my husband and I don’t have a chromes mismatch (we are good). I have a few medical conditions but the only one my doctor believes will have a slight impact is my MTHFR mutation.
2. How far along are you? Any milestones coming up? 4w 6d
3. How are you feeling (symptom or anxiety wise)? Horribly sick. Breast were tender at first that now has subsided quit a bit, bloated and body aches are pretty frequent lately. I feel like throwing up all day everyday, with today being the worst. Acid refulx increased more then normal andloads of anxiety. Hungry and crazy thirsty. It’s been pretty hard for me to accept it this time around.... so it’s been crazy hard to want to post anything or talk about it much.
4. Any rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): I kinda wish I would throw up instead of feeling like I need to all the time, but honestly don’t know which is worse.
5. Any appointments this week? 4/18 and I kinda don’t want to go. I normally go in early for blood work but I refused this time. I don’t care to see numbers and/or possibly watch them fall again
6. GTKY: If you could have another job other than the one you have, what would it be? A less stressful job lol. I work in compliance and everyone is always on pins and needles.
Eta: I know now it wasn't the cause. At the time, i had no idea. But now i know my betas were crazy low, it was just a timing coincidence.
@maureenmce I'll take it in steps for now I think. Maybe once I hear/see a heartbeat I'll know that it's so far so good and see if I'm less scared at that point. I know I'll go crazy if I wait the whole trimester!