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Feeling left out: mother-in-law speaks different language

jhart297jhart297 member
edited December 2017 in Families and Friendships
Hey community, 
Looking for some advice on how to handle this situation, or if I even should at all. 

My MIL speaks primarily Spanish, I do not and my BF only speaks it to her. Although Spanish is her primary language, she does know English.. at least to an extent, but she ONLY speaks Spanish when she's in our home. Now, of course I want our daughter growing up knowing Spanish (she is half Puerto Rican), but whenever MIL comes over, I feel extremely left out and have no idea what she's even saying to our daughter.. I'm almost practically ignored in my own home. 

My SIL lives across the street, so we can't have one visitor without the other, and then the 3 of them are just speaking and conversing while I usually just sit there, totally unaware of what's going on. I honestly feel that my BF is just oblivious to it and I don't really know how to bring it up without sounding like a bitch, but I'd like to feel included during these visits (at least) in my own home.

What also urks me is that our daughter usn't wicked familiar with them yet (she's 10 weeks), so she gets pretty fussy pretty quickly and although I'm sitting RIGHT THERE, MIL and SIL will talk with each other and try to soothe her without asking me how to calm the babe and because she doesn't know them real well, she just gets fussier.

Again, I do want my daughter to be able to embrace her fathers heritage, but I also want to feel included in my own home. 

Advice? Suggestions? Comments? Thank you!! Xo

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Re: Feeling left out: mother-in-law speaks different language

  • mothernorthmothernorth member
    Hey girl! I don't think you would be in any sort or wrong to calmly and respectfully bring this issue to your SO's attention, and then let him talk to your MIL and SIL about it. If they are all capable of speaking English, but you can not speak Spanish (which I would recommend you have SO help you learn!), it should go without saying that they should speak English in the home so as not to alienate you from conversation. That is honestly very rudeon their part, especially if they aren't at least making an effort to translate what is being said to you.
    Duolingo is free and great for learning languages! I would use that and then practice with your SO so that hopefully one day, you'll be able to keep up with the Spanish and not have rely on English :) Good luck, and this can really be a fun, adventurous learning experience if you make it that way!
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  • jhart297jhart297 member
    Thank you!  :p 
    Report Reply
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member


    jhart297 said:
    Hey community, 
    Looking for some advice on how to handle this situation, or if I even should at all. 

    My MIL speaks primarily Spanish, I do not and my BF only speaks it to her. Although Spanish is her primary language, she does know English.. at least to an extent, but she ONLY speaks Spanish when she's in our home. Now, of course I want our daughter growing up knowing Spanish (she is half Puerto Rican), but whenever MIL comes over, I feel extremely left out and have no idea what she's even saying to our daughter.. I'm almost practically ignored in my own home. 

    My SIL lives across the street, so we can't have one visitor without the other, and then the 3 of them are just speaking and conversing while I usually just sit there, totally unaware of what's going on. I honestly feel that my BF is just oblivious to it and I don't really know how to bring it up without sounding like a bitch, but I'd like to feel included during these visits (at least) in my own home.

    What also urks me is that our daughter usn't wicked familiar with them yet (she's 10 weeks), so she gets pretty fussy pretty quickly and although I'm sitting RIGHT THERE, MIL and SIL will talk with each other and try to soothe her without asking me how to calm the babe and because she doesn't know them real well, she just gets fussier.

    Again, I do want my daughter to be able to embrace her fathers heritage, but I also want to feel included in my own home. 

    Advice? Suggestions? Comments? Thank you!! Xo


    "Hey, I'd like to talk to you all too. Would you mind speaking English?" is not at all bad to say or "bitchy."

    To the bolded, I think most people who hold a baby do this. My own mother does it! If she doesn't settle down, I will ultimately say, "here, maybe she needs to nurse" and will take her, or I'll say, "you can keep holding her if you want but if you get tired of a fussy baby, I can take her."
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  • dragonette505dragonette505 member
    I don't have the kid issue (yet), but my inlaws are german... when I first spent time around them and would visit I would end each day emotional and with a pounding headache because I definitely felt isolated by my lack of ability to communicate. Same if they were visiting over here. I ended up taking college courses in german so now I speak it. They would try to speak English around me, but it was hard for some, some didn't know it at all (older people) and also when a family is used to communicating in one language, its really hard for them not to do that. It was annoying and distressing, but I solved it by learning the language. I actually want to learn Spanish next!!
    I'm not saying that's your only solution... I def think the other ladies had some great ideas... just wanted to tell you what I did to deal with the problem. Its actually cool because sometimes when I'm in Germany and we are out to eat, other tables will ask me where in Germany I come from. When I tell them I'm from New York they are blown away.... :) 
    PS I actually decided to learn when I thought about what it would be like for my kid to be able to speak german but not me!
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