Oh wow. Anything I have to say about my ILs sounds so petty now. My ILs are wonderful caring people, with definite quirks. MIL is way overprotective of DD to the point of overriding my descision as the mother sometimes. I mostly let it go, but I've had DH step in and say something to her before. FIL is super carefree, but exceptionally entitled since he retired. My main complaint about them is that we have completely opposing political views. They let their stances be known, but then we are expected to keep quiet about ours. They told SIL that DH and I were lost causes and can't be convinced to believe them. Very true. SIL and BIL are awesome people and they are actually our chosen couple to take DD if DH and I die unexpectedly.
I have a wonderful relationship with my ILs. Honestly I am closer to them my own dad. Sure sometimes they do goofy things and I just roll my eyes as I am sure they don't always agree with what I do. But, I could not have asked for better. They only have 2 sons so maybe that is part of why MIL and I get along so well. I am close with DHs extended family as well like his cousins and aunts and uncles. My family and theirs blend really well together as well so that is nice.
@Firemanswife11 It's so frustrating. Last time they asked us for over $1,000 and DH said he would only consider helping them out if they would give him all of their financials. DH was a bank manager for a while, so he knows what he's doing when it comes to finances. But his parents refused to let us see them, so we just tell them no.
Yeah my ILs don’t seem quite as bad and are most similar to @7425cait. We have opposite political and religious views (H and I are progressive liberal atheists) and ILs are non-confrontational, so they never ask us about our thoughts/feelings on anything. It’s not bad to ignore these things, but we have a very superficial and shallow relationship with them. I definitely worry about them trying to influence or indoctrinate our kids though, but I haven’t seen it when we’re around. They are nice people, but they ask to see us ALL THE TIME—like every weekend. I told them no last week, they asked to stop by tomorrow to see DS (meaning we have to pick him up from daycare early), and we have plans to spend the next 3 weekends with them for various parties/luncheons/easter. They’re very high anxiety and it doesn’t mesh well with my laid-back personality. It’s just draining always being “on.”
However, H’s sister and her husband are the real issue. I would go no contact with them if H would let us. SIL is just dumb and says and does and thinks whatever her husband tells her to. She’s also a pathological liar. BIL is the worst and is a very confrontational bully, manipulator, emotionally and mentally abusive to SIL and their kids (aggressive and watches them throughout the day on video cameras he has placed around their home). He’s literally the worst person I’ve ever met in my life, but feigns devout Christianity. ILs don’t care and are kind of the middle men between us.
Did I mention I’m dreading the next 3 weekends being around these people?
MIL and FIL are well meaning people but have enjoyed their ego centric jobs for so long that they have moved past forgetting that the world doesn’t revolve around them to expecting it.
MIL’s particularly focused on control of family through money/resources. Everyone has to stay where she wants and follow her schedule/plans at all family gatherings in or out of town, regardless of group size. She pays for it all, so most people shrug and go along with it.
FIL is over indulgent with food, alcohol, smoking cigars, and buying all the expensive toys for himself. It’s to the point that he is very morbidly obese (must be 330-350 pounds minimum). He also loves striking conflict and sitting back to watch it unfold.
As an only child, I was raised to be very independent. When I first met MIL & FIL in college, it felt somewhat refreshing to be treated a bit like one of the kids. But now, over 10 years later, I’m tired of not being ‘allowed’ to have a voice in anything, including my son’s welfare. Needless to say, our relationship is very tenuous
DH’s immediate relatives (minus his sister) have all asked us for money at one point or another. We let MIL & FIL borrow a few times until we realized FIL was buying large, expensive stuff instead of paying their bills. Now we tell them no. He has at least 4 major credit cards and another dozen store cards, mostly maxed out. It wouldn’t surprise me if they have at least $40K in credit card debt.
BIL & SIL will spend $$$$ on cigarettes, beer, and liquor. Then SIL sends me FB messages asking us to buy their kids expensive birthday & Christmas gifts because they can’t afford them. No. Cut your drinking in half or stop smoking two packs a day. She bitches about being broke all the time, but they blow so much money on the above list, fast food, gas to drive all over the place, etc. It sickens me.
I used to have the very best relationship with my in laws. MIL and I would hang out often and FIL was always very nice. My SILS's (4 of them) and 1 BIL were always super close. Traveling, having bbq's, and visting each other very often. For 12 years I enjoyed it and loved it to the fullest. Almost a year ago after a simple misunderstanding it all changed. Even though i've tried to clear it all up and have apologized more times that i care to admit. None of them talk to me anymore and after 11.5 years of infertility and them being by our side and cheering us on, they've ignored our pregnancy. Not once have they asked how I am or the baby. It hurts to the core and i cry so much. I've stopped going over and trying so hard--hopefully once the baby comes it will all change. I still love them with all my heart but I can't force them to like me. There not bad people they're just good at holding grudges over something sooooo minor.
My in-laws aren't horrible people, they just don't seem to understand social norms. They also aren't good at adulting: only ever make last minute plans, forget about appoinment until the last minute when they're supposed to watch DS, don't keep their house clean etc.
My MIL is the worst offender, here's a short list of things that drive me crazy:
Since the day he was born MIL will always takes DS away from me if I'm holding him. DH could hold him for an hour but the second I have him she's like I need to hold the baby. Fortunately now that he's older he just runs back to me
She routinely forgets DH's birthday and never gets him a gift but always has a party and gift for DH's sister.
She complains about DS eye color because they're not blue like her eyes are and that DS looks like DH and not like her.
Claims every DS personality and physical trait comes from her or DH.
Basically she's just a very self centered person.
All of DH's siblings are really great so there is that at least.
I’m so glad that we are finically nc with H’s dad, and vlc with his mom’s side. Novel of why we are NC with FIL below. TLDR at the bottom.
His dad had this live in ‘thing’. She was a kept woman. Like refused to do dishes, laundry, house train her 4 adult and x amount of pups, would leave raw meat on the counter so the Great Dane would eat on it then cook it. . . She was just awful, had no job, no $, and would just mooch of FIL. FIL wasn’t ever getting sex on reg as they had separate rooms(she had the master, in FILs house). Anyways, on Halloween 1.5 years ago, H, L, FIL, and I were going t&ting at FILs work. The thing came out, watched us load the car, then put her ‘delicate’ foot into my dogs ribs and ‘pushed’ him 4 feet into the air and off the porch. (Their story, not what actually happened. She booted him and broke ribs doing it).
She then called FIL on the drive, complaining that my dog was whining about being outside(he’s a Kelpi, he hated indoors) and that if she tried to move him he would growl and bit at her. So me being the smart ass I am, and being fed up with her BS, I said ‘well, if you don’t abuse him he might not bite you.’
Full stop. FIL turned around and told me to shut up, learn to respect my elders, and that I was lucky he didn’t go home and shoot my dog. The thing was screaming about ‘cuttin’ a bitch’ and stuff. Had FIL turn the car around and haven’t spoken to him since, other than ‘have you apologized yet? No? Goodbye’
TL:DR. FIL let his kept ‘lady’ abuse my dog one time to many, then told me to learn some respect before he shot the dog. Haven’t spoken to him since.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Re: TTMA your In-Laws!
My ILs are wonderful caring people, with definite quirks. MIL is way overprotective of DD to the point of overriding my descision as the mother sometimes. I mostly let it go, but I've had DH step in and say something to her before. FIL is super carefree, but exceptionally entitled since he retired. My main complaint about them is that we have completely opposing political views. They let their stances be known, but then we are expected to keep quiet about ours. They told SIL that DH and I were lost causes and can't be convinced to believe them. Very true. SIL and BIL are awesome people and they are actually our chosen couple to take DD if DH and I die unexpectedly.
However, H’s sister and her husband are the real issue. I would go no contact with them if H would let us. SIL is just dumb and says and does and thinks whatever her husband tells her to. She’s also a pathological liar. BIL is the worst and is a very confrontational bully, manipulator, emotionally and mentally abusive to SIL and their kids (aggressive and watches them throughout the day on video cameras he has placed around their home). He’s literally the worst person I’ve ever met in my life, but feigns devout Christianity. ILs don’t care and are kind of the middle men between us.
Did I mention I’m dreading the next 3 weekends being around these people?
MIL’s particularly focused on control of family through money/resources. Everyone has to stay where she wants and follow her schedule/plans at all family gatherings in or out of town, regardless of group size. She pays for it all, so most people shrug and go along with it.
FIL is over indulgent with food, alcohol, smoking cigars, and buying all the expensive toys for himself. It’s to the point that he is very morbidly obese (must be 330-350 pounds minimum). He also loves striking conflict and sitting back to watch it unfold.
As an only child, I was raised to be very independent. When I first met MIL & FIL in college, it felt somewhat refreshing to be treated a bit like one of the kids. But now, over 10 years later, I’m tired of not being ‘allowed’ to have a voice in anything, including my son’s welfare. Needless to say, our relationship is very tenuous
BIL & SIL will spend $$$$ on cigarettes, beer, and liquor. Then SIL sends me FB messages asking us to buy their kids expensive birthday & Christmas gifts because they can’t afford them. No. Cut your drinking in half or stop smoking two packs a day. She bitches about being broke all the time, but they blow so much money on the above list, fast food, gas to drive all over the place, etc. It sickens me.
My SILS's (4 of them) and 1 BIL were always super close. Traveling, having bbq's, and visting each other very often. For 12 years I enjoyed it and loved it to the fullest.
Almost a year ago after a simple misunderstanding it all changed. Even though i've tried to clear it all up and have apologized more times that i care to admit. None of them talk to me anymore and after 11.5 years of infertility and them being by our side and cheering us on, they've ignored our pregnancy.
Not once have they asked how I am or the baby. It hurts to the core and i cry so much.
I've stopped going over and trying so hard--hopefully once the baby comes it will all change.
I still love them with all my heart but I can't force them to like me.
There not bad people they're just good at holding grudges over something sooooo minor.
My MIL is the worst offender, here's a short list of things that drive me crazy:
Since the day he was born MIL will always takes DS away from me if I'm holding him. DH could hold him for an hour but the second I have him she's like I need to hold the baby. Fortunately now that he's older he just runs back to me
She routinely forgets DH's birthday and never gets him a gift but always has a party and gift for DH's sister.
She complains about DS eye color because they're not blue like her eyes are and that DS looks like DH and not like her.
Claims every DS personality and physical trait comes from her or DH.
Basically she's just a very self centered person.
All of DH's siblings are really great so there is that at least.
His dad had this live in ‘thing’. She was a kept woman. Like refused to do dishes, laundry, house train her 4 adult and x amount of pups, would leave raw meat on the counter so the Great Dane would eat on it then cook it. . . She was just awful, had no job, no $, and would just mooch of FIL. FIL wasn’t ever getting sex on reg as they had separate rooms(she had the master, in FILs house). Anyways, on Halloween 1.5 years ago, H, L, FIL, and I were going t&ting at FILs work. The thing came out, watched us load the car, then put her ‘delicate’ foot into my dogs ribs and ‘pushed’ him 4 feet into the air and off the porch. (Their story, not what actually happened. She booted him and broke ribs doing it). She then called FIL on the drive, complaining that my dog was whining about being outside(he’s a Kelpi, he hated indoors) and that if she tried to move him he would growl and bit at her. So me being the smart ass I am, and being fed up with her BS, I said ‘well, if you don’t abuse him he might not bite you.’
Full stop. FIL turned around and told me to shut up, learn to respect my elders, and that I was lucky he didn’t go home and shoot my dog. The thing was screaming about ‘cuttin’ a bitch’ and stuff. Had FIL turn the car around and haven’t spoken to him since, other than ‘have you apologized yet? No? Goodbye’
TL:DR. FIL let his kept ‘lady’ abuse my dog one time to many, then told me to learn some respect before he shot the dog. Haven’t spoken to him since.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.