@klj0228 I've never been close to my mom. I think she found out a worse way than your MIL... my mom found out via Facebook when we announced at 11 and half weeks.
@klj0228 I've never been close to my mom. I think she found out a worse way than your MIL... my mom found out via Facebook when we announced at 11 and half weeks.
There was a 18-wheeler wreck right in front of my house and I was the first one out there with my almost 2 year old. I ran so fast that I was out of breath. Totally should not have done that because I’ve been cramping the rest of the afternoon and now my body is sore.
@klj0228 I feel your MIL pain! Mine asks if H is “being a good boy” literally every time I see her. I frequently have to remind her no one is a good teenager and that he grew up to be wonderful. Is your H an only child too?
@SkilledSailor yes, he is an only child! His mom is the main reason I don’t want anyone to know when I go into labor. I don’t want her coming to the hospital while I am in labor.
@klj0228 That's messed up. @megnwingate I hope nobody got hurt. Take it easy the rest of the week!
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@klj0228 Yup, that's an actual fear of mine! We're considering lying to MIL about how many people are allowed to be at the birth center at once. H doesn't want her there either. We love her, but she would make the whole thing stressful.
@SkilledSailor We politely told our moms that labor and delivery was going to be a “husband and wife only” experience, because we wanted time to be a family alone together before the parade of visitors. In retrospect, I wish we limited our visitors a little more as well. Anyhow, they seemed to respect that request. Although that didn’t keep my mom from waiting in the waiting room allllll day on induction day.
@wishilivedinflorida So...we both want my mom there. Haha, maybe not in the actual birthing room the entire time but at least in the family waiting room so she can pop in and out. We have a few months to figure out the mom/MIL logistics.
Good point about visitors! We'll need to think about that as well. We only stay at the center for a few hours after birth so I feel like more people will feel like they can drop by our house than they would have if we were at the hospital.
@klj0228 and @SkilledSailor I’m the only child between my H and I so it’s my mom who’s overbearing and wanting to be involved with everything. If I had let them both sets of parents would have waited in the waiting room while I was in labor but that was a hard no from me. And I definitely plan on limiting visitors at the hospital and at our home afterwards without second thought.
@smsaulino I know I saw that too! I can’t believe my anatomy scan will be in less than 7 weeks and I’ll be at the halfway point. It’s crazy how fast this is going.
Omg, I’m getting scared at how fast this is going! I’m 15+3 and the checklist is starting to make me feel a little overwhelmed. I didn’t realize how much I relied on having friends and family living in the same place as me. The whole “researching childcare options” has made me break down in tears every time I look. I have to rely solely on the internet since I have no one to ask “hey, what did you do with your babies when you went to work?”
@ashh2018 childcare is stressful! Try to stay calm. Looking at stuff online was stressful for me, but I found once we interviewed nannies in person and when we went to my son's preschool in person, it was a lot easier. Once you are actually with the person or at the place, you can really get a feeling for if it/they make you feel comfortable or not.
@ashh2018 your state may have a website that ranks childcare facilities. North Carolina has a star system and the only way to get 5 stars is for the preschool teachers to have a masters. There are also sometimes local organizations that can provide resources. We have a non profit here that parents can join for like $25 a year and you can check out toys for a few weeks at a time and then get a new toy. They also have craft projects and stuff that parents can pick up to do with their kids. Aside from that they offer some parenting classes and will give you resources to find the best childcare options for your family in the area.
Thanks @stothi and @klj0228! Good points. I’m actually thinking of joining meet-up and seeing if there are any new/first time mom-to-be type groups. Going to look for info on a state website like you mentioned as well. It really is a scary thought! Haha
@ashh2018 you’re in the Bay Area, right? We had 4 Bay Area moms in my last BMB (one who is in this group too), and I’m sure they’d be able to provide tips on where to look for classes and such (I guess it depends on what area you’re in but it’s a start...)
@ashh2018 I would check out your states department of child and family services website since there’s usually a way to look up licensed day care providers and see their history of any violations of regulations. That’s where I started when I was looking for daycare and they might have a county based website available too.
I get along well with my MIL and for all my babies she has seen me in labour, however, with my last two (first was c-section at 4amish) when it came time for pushing we asked her to leave. She then came back after the baby was born and we were cleaned up. Not the original plan with my first (plan was just to have parents meet the baby in the hospital) but it's worked fine for us..
Also, I'm in BC, Canada and only get one ultrasound at 18-20 weeks unless there is a need for more.
Daughter #1 - Feb 2012 Daughter #2 - Oct 2014 Daughter #3 - Nov 2016 Baby #4 - Sept 2018
@ashh2018 have you looked to see if there’s a Facebook group for moms in your area? Mine is soooo valuable. These ladies know everything from childcare recommendations, handyman recommendations, where are those fireworks I hear coming from, playgroups, when to get a discount on a museum pass, etc. Its amazing.
Re: mom/MIL at the hospital for delivery...while there’s still plenty of time, set expectations early! I wanted my mom in the delivery room. Not because she’s the grandma and gets to meet the baby, but because I’d want her there for ANY major medical procedures. She was there for me, not for the baby. I think it helped to make that distinction for my MIL.
I didn’t want any visitors (other than my hubby and Mom who I also wanted in the delivery room) at the hospital, but conceded and had my MIL and FIL visit briefly at the hospital after the birth. Our ”rule” was they were not to leave their house until AFTER we called and told them the baby was here. And they would have to make it brief. They could visit longer at the house a few days after we got home...that way I could stay in bed and my husband could see them with the baby and let me rest (and take the baby back to me to eat) and I didn’t have to be sitting there in a robe with tubes attached to me and on drugs with them 3 feet away.
If you chicken out of talking to your MIL or you have someone in your family that just doesn't listen, apparently you can ask your nurses to do the dirty work for you...I was so overwhelmed by big groups of visitors popping in to check on me and DS in the hospital that my blood pressure started spiking. One of my (amazing!!) nurses saw how stressed I was getting, and kicked everyone out! She asked if I wanted her to tell my family that the hospital had a "2 at a time" rule, and said you can't imagine how many new moms ask her to kick out their loved ones. Not too proud to admit that I took her up on it!
First pregnancy was only my husband and medical staff. My family came in and visited briefly at 3-4am. I got to the hospital at 2. Labor was right at 7 hours long.
Second pregnancy my mom drove me to the hospital while my grandma stayed home with my oldest. My doula and my mom walked in the door at the same time and I told my mom that there was a waiting room down the hall and that the nurse would show her where she could wait. My husband was offshore at work and was not able to make it in for birth. Labor was 3 hours 44 mins long
This pregnancy will will be the same as #2 only I hope my husband will be home or able to make it in time.
When my SIL was induced my mom and grandma waited in the waiting room all damn day. Fuck that. I’m not about that life. Haha. The way I feel is if I’m my daughter wants me in the delivery room I will be there for her 100% but it’s her choice and I will respect her wishes. I refuse to be like my mother.
My kid climbed out of his crib and completely ate shit. Cause of course he did. He already doesn't sleep. Why should he stay in his crib? It just makes the sleep deprivation that much more exciting when you are waiting for your kid to fall! Kiddo's fine. I watched the video and he kinda flipped when he fell and landed on his shoulder and rolled. He immediately started screaming and got up and wandered off. I of course still feel like I'm going to puke.
My mom, sister and H were in the delivery room last time, along with about 11 other people by the end (doctors and nurses... eek!). After DD was born my sister and H went over to keep an eye on DD (who they were getting to breathe for a minute, that was 3 of the doctors/nurses) and my mom stayed next to me. I was sooo thankful she was there. I had H keeping me updated on DD (I could only see her feet from where I was) and my mom to hold my hand. Also since she works at the hospital she knew all the doctors and nurses and helped advocate for me. My sister will be skipping out on this one but my mom is definitely invited in again. Hopefully we won’t need so many people in the room this time!
Afterwards we had a lot of visitors. My dad and BIL were the only ones allowed in the delivery room and my FIL, his wife, SILs, other BIL, my aunt and grandma all came afterwards. However we told them when we were ok with visitors and they couldn’t come until they got word. Definitely have your nurses say something if needed to unwanted visitors. They really do this all the time.
*Also I hate entertaining so I would rather have people visit in the hospital then at home. We stayed at my parents for most of the first week home so people were allowed to visit there (plus they hosted Thanksgiving when she was 5 days old). But again, that was only for pre-approved guests.
@stothi nooooooo, I'm team #cribforlife. Does he use a sleep sack? My son is such a climber so I'm basically waiting for this day to come, but I'm keeping him in a crib as long as I can. Ugh, I'm so sorry. Were you and your husband talking about toddler beds before baby gets here? I'm sure this isn't something you wanted to deal with yourself while your H is traveling. Hope you got some more sleep, lots of hugs!
So I'm apparently a grump who wants no one around, like ever haha. My H was the only one in the delivery room along with the OB and 3 nurses. Afterward my mom and dad and MIL and sFIL came in for a little while. The next day they all came back at some point, but I made the mistake of caving and letting one of H's aunt and cousin come with my MIL, and they ended up showing up at the same time as my FIL and his GF. It was too many people, I'd been awake for more than 24 hours and was grumpy AF and told my H he needed to get them to leave. I had mentioned that I was really tired at one point, and my MIL (who is a wonderful woman) said, "well it's okay, you can go to sleep" and I think that was the last straw. No, no I cannot just go to sleep with a room full of people talking and lights on.
And then the day after I was discharged was fathers day and we had both sets of parents over for a cook out. Needless to say, it was too much, too soon and I lost my shit (due to sleep deprivation, learning to breastfeed, and hormone crash among other things) and I don't think things ended well that night.
Sorry for the horror stories group, but I had an ugly PP experience. Not sure exactly what rules I'm going to enforce this time around, but less is more for me.
@stothi I’m sorry he fell! Glad he seems to be ok.
I have a genuine question for those of you with nonsleeping toddlers. Did you sleep train them as an infant? Did they ever STTN and then regress, or has this always been an issue? DS is one next week and STTN (sleep trained at about five months, but didn’t give up night feeds until around 10 months) but I need to prepare myself if there will be a sudden toddler hell where he suddenly won’t sleep anymore (probably right when this LO arrives).
Can we start a separate thread for STM questions? I feel like there's a lot of toddler talk on here that I don't find relevant right now (I'm sure I will in the future!). UO?
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
We didn't tell anyone I was in labor until I knew I was being admitted to the hospital (except our neighbor who knew quickly because she took our dog for us). I labored all night and no one tried to invite themselves to the hospital. The delivery room was me, MH, the OB, and a nurse and I loved that it was such a small group.
I plan to do the same this time, except we'll let our parents know when labor starts this time since one set will be taking DS for us so they kinda need to know. But since no one tried to barge in the first time, I'm ok with them knowing earlier this time around.
While in the hospital my mom visited twice, a couple of my brothers stopped by, my ILs came, as well as my BFF, a cousin, and an aunt. But they all came one or two at a time and I was feeling pretty good so I didn't mind the company.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
For those of you who had lots of family visiting in the hospital or within 24 hours, do they all live nearby? H's parents are the only ones who live in town. All of my family is scattered throughout the state or further so I feel like I'll probably get some leeway in how long it will be before we get too many visitors.
@SkilledSailor - Our house is 20 minutes from both sets of parents. The hospital is closer to my hometown so it's only a 20 minute trip for my family, but was still only 40 minutes for my ILs.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
@SkilledSailor my parents live less than 10 min from the hospital and in laws are about 20. The only one out of town is my MIL and she waited a few weeks to visit. The only people who visited that night though were my side of the family since it was my grandma’s birthday dinner nearby so she, my aunt, my BIL, etc. were already right down the street. This time my dad will likely be the one watching DD and my sister will stay at home and wait for the call (she has a newborn at home now anyway to take care of).
I only had DH in the delivery room and have zero regrets about it. I was induced so my parents knew when I would be in the hospital and drove up from out of state that day. After DD had arrived we called people for visiting. They were spaced out and it worked well. My parents stopped by during the day, DHs parents were local and stopped by after work, same for SIL and one niece. At some point my sister and BIL stopped in. I did say no to a co-worker and a close friend.
Having people over to our house after was a little more stressful (just playing host). We went to a family party the week after and it was nice to come say hi then leave when I was tired.
I'm sure I will only have DH in the delivery room again, I might be willing to accept more visitors at the hospital this time
One more thing I just thought of regarding visitors - the first people invited to visit will be whichever set of parents ends up watching DS during L&D for #2. I think DS deserves to meet his sibling before any other family members get to meet baby, so that's what will happen.
I feel bad for families who had kids this winter. They put strict visitor limits in place because of the bad flu season so no kids under 12 were allowed to visit the hospital, even L&D which usually has more family friendly rules. Thankfully being due in September means baby will be here before flu season this year so we won't have to worry about it.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
Re: Weekly Randoms 3/12
BFP#1: 11/15/2010 * Missed M/C 12/28 * D&C 12/29/2010
BFP#5 12/26/2017 *SURPRISE* Due 09/02/2018
@megnwingate I hope nobody got hurt. Take it easy the rest of the week!
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
Good point about visitors! We'll need to think about that as well. We only stay at the center for a few hours after birth so I feel like more people will feel like they can drop by our house than they would have if we were at the hospital.
Also, @stothi YGPM.
Also, I'm in BC, Canada and only get one ultrasound at 18-20 weeks unless there is a need for more.
Daughter #2 - Oct 2014
Daughter #3 - Nov 2016
Baby #4 - Sept 2018
I didn’t want any visitors (other than my hubby and Mom who I also wanted in the delivery room) at the hospital, but conceded and had my MIL and FIL visit briefly at the hospital after the birth. Our ”rule” was they were not to leave their house until AFTER we called and told them the baby was here. And they would have to make it brief. They could visit longer at the house a few days after we got home...that way I could stay in bed and my husband could see them with the baby and let me rest (and take the baby back to me to eat) and I didn’t have to be sitting there in a robe with tubes attached to me and on drugs with them 3 feet away.
First pregnancy was only my husband and medical staff. My family came in and visited briefly at 3-4am. I got to the hospital at 2. Labor was right at 7 hours long.
Second pregnancy my mom drove me to the hospital while my grandma stayed home with my oldest. My doula and my mom walked in the door at the same time and I told my mom that there was a waiting room down the hall and that the nurse would show her where she could wait. My husband was offshore at work and was not able to make it in for birth. Labor was 3 hours 44 mins long
This pregnancy will will be the same as #2 only I hope my husband will be home or able to make it in time.
When my SIL was induced my mom and grandma waited in the waiting room all damn day. Fuck that. I’m not about that life. Haha. The way I feel is if I’m my daughter wants me in the delivery room I will be there for her 100% but it’s her choice and I will respect her wishes. I refuse to be like my mother.
BFP#1: 11/15/2010 * Missed M/C 12/28 * D&C 12/29/2010
BFP#5 12/26/2017 *SURPRISE* Due 09/02/2018
Afterwards we had a lot of visitors. My dad and BIL were the only ones allowed in the delivery room and my FIL, his wife, SILs, other BIL, my aunt and grandma all came afterwards. However we told them when we were ok with visitors and they couldn’t come until they got word. Definitely have your nurses say something if needed to unwanted visitors. They really do this all the time.
*Also I hate entertaining so I would rather have people visit in the hospital then at home. We stayed at my parents for most of the first week home so people were allowed to visit there (plus they hosted Thanksgiving when she was 5 days old). But again, that was only for pre-approved guests.
And then the day after I was discharged was fathers day and we had both sets of parents over for a cook out. Needless to say, it was too much, too soon and I lost my shit (due to sleep deprivation, learning to breastfeed, and hormone crash among other things) and I don't think things ended well that night.
Sorry for the horror stories group, but I had an ugly PP experience. Not sure exactly what rules I'm going to enforce this time around, but less is more for me.
*spelling
I have a genuine question for those of you with nonsleeping toddlers. Did you sleep train them as an infant? Did they ever STTN and then regress, or has this always been an issue? DS is one next week and STTN (sleep trained at about five months, but didn’t give up night feeds until around 10 months) but I need to prepare myself if there will be a sudden toddler hell where he suddenly won’t sleep anymore (probably right when this LO arrives).
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
I plan to do the same this time, except we'll let our parents know when labor starts this time since one set will be taking DS for us so they kinda need to know. But since no one tried to barge in the first time, I'm ok with them knowing earlier this time around.
While in the hospital my mom visited twice, a couple of my brothers stopped by, my ILs came, as well as my BFF, a cousin, and an aunt. But they all came one or two at a time and I was feeling pretty good so I didn't mind the company.
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
Having people over to our house after was a little more stressful (just playing host). We went to a family party the week after and it was nice to come say hi then leave when I was tired.
I'm sure I will only have DH in the delivery room again, I might be willing to accept more visitors at the hospital this time
I feel bad for families who had kids this winter. They put strict visitor limits in place because of the bad flu season so no kids under 12 were allowed to visit the hospital, even L&D which usually has more family friendly rules. Thankfully being due in September means baby will be here before flu season this year so we won't have to worry about it.
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!