Travel 39 to 40 weeks Funeral

crudd49 · February 2018

I am 39 +3 with my first LO. Due date March 5. My grandfather who I was extremely close to passed away. Funeral would probably be Friday and we would have to drive 5 hours one way to the funeral. Any thoughts or comments. I would ask my doctors but I had my 39 week appointment at 39 +2. I was 2 cm and 70% effaced but they seemed to think baby was sitting high not engaged in pelvis during appointment. Any thoughts from anyone. I am lost at what to do right now.

kiki75 · February 2018

I am sorry for your loss. You can always call your doctor’s office and ask what they think. Or does yours do email? This is the kind of thing that my doctor would be completely fine with me calling or emailing and would even prefer that over me not asking. Without a definitive answer from your doctor, I would consider few things.
1. What kind of drive is this? Are you going five hours through some place more like New England where you’re usually pretty close to cities or are you going five hours over a remote mountain pass?
2. How your pregnancy has gone generally. If there has been anything weird, I’d err on the side of caution.
3. What would be your goal in attending the funeral? They really are just for the living. The person who passed doesn’t care if you go or don’t. Perhaps you could do a small thing at home (do something you used to do together, go to dinner with YH and talk about him, light a candle, etc.) for now and then go visit his grave later. If you think your parent needs support, do you have a sibling who can take care of them for you?

Overall, I would be cautious. Stress can bring on contractions and a loss + travel could be stressful to your body. I don’t think it’s worth taking much risk. It’s too bad to miss it but everyone would understand, including your grandpa. Take care of yourself and your baby.

stardustskies · February 2018

Personally, I wouldn't risk it because you never know.

sassypants2010 · February 2018

Call your OB to verify that they are ok with you traveling that far. You are so close that it might be dicey to travel 10 hours.

becausescience · February 2018

I second @kiki75 's advice.

muggle621 · February 2018

I am faced with a similar situation as a close family friend I've known most my life passed away suddenly yesterday in my hometown which is 4 hours away. I am choosing not to go to the funeral b/c I'm 90% effaced and higher risk due to age and hydramnios. I will be 37 +5 on Friday (when the funeral is) so I'm not even as far along as you. I agree with @kiki75, you really need to evaluate risks(do you want to risk delivering in an unfamiliar hospital etc? ) and call your doctor's office.

citygirl17 · February 2018

Definitely call your doctor and go from there. I agree to use caution when making your decision and kiki75 had a lot of good advice! Not trying to play devils advocate or make your decision more difficult, but if you were to go, traveling in a car is not exactly strenuous on your body; I'd be more concerned about the stressful environment you'd be putting yourself in once there. I'd also factor in how long you'd be going for. Since it's a five hour drive I'm assuming you'd stay in the area for at least one night?

[Deleted User] · February 2018

@muggle621 I'm so sorry for your loss

gh515 · February 2018

Agreed- @muggle621 and @crudd49, I'm sorry for your loss at an already tough time. Hope you find the best way to grieve FOR YOU and don't have too much extra stress on your mind or body.

muggle621 · February 2018

@antoto @gh515 Thank you!

crossfitbabybump · February 2018

Sorry for your losses ladies. Hang in there ❤️

kgilly17 · February 2018

If you do decide to go, your clinic can release your medical records to you so you have them on hand in case you do need to deliver elsewhere. I would map the hospitals on the way, and my OB said it was important to get up every 1-2 hours in order to prevent clotting in your legs. I am so sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort and peace.

baybeesunflower · February 2018

Im so sorry for your loss.

kiki75 · February 2018

As a follow-up, I had an OB appointment today (38 + 4 and 1cm + 25%) at which we talked a lot about travel. H was supposed to leave in the morning on a three-day trip and would have been home by about noon on Saturday. During the course of that conversation it came down to her saying that she would not want ME to even travel 2.5 hours away and mentioned that she once told a patient she could go to a city 2.5 hours away for a baby shower at 38 weeks. Sure enough, that patient delivered in that other city. As for H, she said that if it were really necessary, it would probably be okay for him to go but if he could skip it, that would be safer. So I'm pretty sure that if your doctor were my doctor, she would say absolutely not.

I was also thinking, that this is the internet age. Do you have a tech-savvy relative who could set up their phone with a little tripod or something and do a FaceTime/Google Hangouts/Skype and let you "attend" the funeral that way? Maybe the location has wifi but even if you ended up reimbursing them for extra data, it would still probably be within the realm of what you would have paid for gas.

Dumbgurl04 · March 2018

April 18 Lurker

First off i'm so sorry for your loss. When I was pregnant with my DD my aunt passed away 2 weeks before I gave birth. Her funeral was about 5 hours away and it was pretty much a small town and there would be certain points in the drive where you are just going through country side, so not a lot of good places to stop. I did ask my OB, even though I was sure I wouldn't be able to make it (5 hours in a car is rough being pregnant would have been 1000 times worse). She said with the distance and the fact there wouldn't be a lot of good places to stop for breaks probably wouldn't be the best idea especially with how close I was. I while it wasn't fun to miss it to be there with my family, I did send flowers.

citygirl17 · March 2018

Is there an update from OP on this? What did you decide? I hope everything worked out for you!

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