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First Baby advice you wont hear anywhere else (any hopefully a reminder to the STM, TTM etc.)

mrs_massiemrs_massie member
in September 2018 Moms


1.       You know babies cry and keep you up all night. I don’t think anyone goes into pregnancy with the expectation that their baby will sleep through the night and sleep all day and never cry. What you might not know is how the crying will actually make you feel.   When your baby cries, you will start to run through the list of things to stop your baby from crying-feeding, diaper changing, rocking, changing positions, etc. etc. etc. Sometimes babies just like to cry, especially in the evening, and sometimes no matter what you do, they will cry. The crying that you can’t stop might actually make you feel anxious. So anxious, that you start to feel anxiety every time your baby lets out a whimper, in fear that it will be another crying fit you can’t help. My advice is to just relax and if you know you’ve tried everything to help your baby, they might just want to cry and it’s OK to let them cry. I wish I had this advice with my first because I would drive myself crazy trying to get him to stop crying, when he would only stop crying all on his own in his own timing anyway.

2.       Be ready to be so tired that you might cry. You’re going to miss sleeping with no interruption. You’re going to wish for just ONE night of a full sleep. The nap you take when baby is napping will never be long enough and some nights you won’t even want to eat dinner because you would rather get a head start on sleeping while your hubby has the baby. And every time you HAVE to get up from your sleep, you’re going to want to cry. My advice is to know this phase doesn’t last forever. When you’re in it and you’re exhausted, the end will feel so far away, but you will get there and you will forget what is was like to be so tired.   

3.       Speaking of crying…You’re going to want to cry a lot at first. EVERYTHING will make you cry. Commercials, songs, crying babies, lack of sleep, thoughtful gifts and gestures, even the decisions you have to make for your baby like “He ate an hour ago, but he’s crying. I think he’s hungry. Should I feed him again? I don’t know. Should I wait a little longer? Should I just feed him now? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!” *start crying*. My advice is to CRY.  There is nothing you can do about it   

4.       The evenings will cause you to be anxious. So many moms and dads will tell you this, but there’s just something about 5pm that will make you nervous.

5.       You will never think you’re a “good” Mom. Everyone will tell you how great of a job your doing and your such a good mom, but you will never believe it.  You will always think you can do better and mom guilt is a real thing. 

6.       If at times you feel like you’ve “ruined” your life, you had it so easy before why did you make the decision to have a baby, know that you’re not alone with these feelings.  It doesn’t make you a bad mom to feel like this, it doesn’t make you crazy to have these thoughts.  It is perfectly normal to second guess why you wanted this so bad. 

7.       Showering, doing your hair or makeup, getting out of the house on time, just getting out of the house in general, will seem like a thing of the past. You will get into a routine and so will your baby and slowly but surely, you will find the time to get these things done again. 

8.       I can’t stress this one enough. DON’T COMPARE YOUR CHILD OR YOUR EXPERIENCES TO ANYONE ELSE’S. ESPECIALLY WHAT YOU SEE ON SOCIAL MEDIA. There’s nothing real or honest about social media posts. When I had my first son, we knew 3 or 4 other people who delivered right around the same time. Their posts consistently made me feel like I was the only one with a cranky baby and like I was the only mom who wasn’t enjoying the infant stage. Sometimes their posts still make me feel like my toddler is the only toddler who hates to eat and is really going through the terrible two’s.  But, after really talking to them about the problems I’m having with my 2 year old going on 13, and they let out a huge “we’re going through the same thing!” you realize they aren’t showing a real interpretation on social media.  Also, what their baby is lacking in, your baby is accelerating in and vice versa.  All babies develop differently and at different ages. The important thing is to focus on what your baby is doing, not what your baby isn’t doing yet.

I don’t tell you all of this to sound like a Negative Nancy and I surely don’t want to scare you. I’m giving you the advice I wish people had given me. I wish people were more real with me rather than make me feel like I wasn’t normal because of the experiences I was having.

Also, I want to let you know that I went through a pretty bad bout of Post-Partum Depression and I didn’t seek help until my son was nearly 14 months old. First, please seek help if you think you might be going through PPD. No one will think any differently of you as a mom or a person and the help will make you feel like so much weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.  Second, keep reminding yourself that you can and will get through it because they DO grow up and they WILL grow out of the stages that you think you will never get through.   

I hope when we’re all in the thick of it, we can remember this post, and it can be a light for some of you.  

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Re: First Baby advice you wont hear anywhere else (any hopefully a reminder to the STM, TTM etc.)

  • mrs_massiemrs_massie member
    And I apologize in advance before anyone comments about who I am. I am from the April 2018 BMB, but somehow posted here. Nevertheless, I think this is advice for anyone, not just moms due in April. Good luck to everyone with their pregnancies. May they be sticky, healthy and not too hard. 
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  • Patience7150Patience7150 member
    MrsMassimilla said:


    1.       You know babies cry and keep you up all night. I don’t think anyone goes into pregnancy with the expectation that their baby will sleep through the night and sleep all day and never cry. What you might not know is how the crying will actually make you feel.   When your baby cries, you will start to run through the list of things to stop your baby from crying-feeding, diaper changing, rocking, changing positions, etc. etc. etc. Sometimes babies just like to cry, especially in the evening, and sometimes no matter what you do, they will cry. The crying that you can’t stop might actually make you feel anxious. So anxious, that you start to feel anxiety every time your baby lets out a whimper, in fear that it will be another crying fit you can’t help. My advice is to just relax and if you know you’ve tried everything to help your baby, they might just want to cry and it’s OK to let them cry. I wish I had this advice with my first because I would drive myself crazy trying to get him to stop crying, when he would only stop crying all on his own in his own timing anyway.

    2.       Be ready to be so tired that you might cry. You’re going to miss sleeping with no interruption. You’re going to wish for just ONE night of a full sleep. The nap you take when baby is napping will never be long enough and some nights you won’t even want to eat dinner because you would rather get a head start on sleeping while your hubby has the baby. And every time you HAVE to get up from your sleep, you’re going to want to cry. My advice is to know this phase doesn’t last forever. When you’re in it and you’re exhausted, the end will feel so far away, but you will get there and you will forget what is was like to be so tired.   

    3.       Speaking of crying…You’re going to want to cry a lot at first. EVERYTHING will make you cry. Commercials, songs, crying babies, lack of sleep, thoughtful gifts and gestures, even the decisions you have to make for your baby like “He ate an hour ago, but he’s crying. I think he’s hungry. Should I feed him again? I don’t know. Should I wait a little longer? Should I just feed him now? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!” *start crying*. My advice is to CRY.  There is nothing you can do about it   

    4.       The evenings will cause you to be anxious. So many moms and dads will tell you this, but there’s just something about 5pm that will make you nervous.

    5.       You will never think you’re a “good” Mom. Everyone will tell you how great of a job your doing and your such a good mom, but you will never believe it.  You will always think you can do better and mom guilt is a real thing. 

    6.       If at times you feel like you’ve “ruined” your life, you had it so easy before why did you make the decision to have a baby, know that you’re not alone with these feelings.  It doesn’t make you a bad mom to feel like this, it doesn’t make you crazy to have these thoughts.  It is perfectly normal to second guess why you wanted this so bad. 

    7.       Showering, doing your hair or makeup, getting out of the house on time, just getting out of the house in general, will seem like a thing of the past. You will get into a routine and so will your baby and slowly but surely, you will find the time to get these things done again. 

    8.       I can’t stress this one enough. DON’T COMPARE YOUR CHILD OR YOUR EXPERIENCES TO ANYONE ELSE’S. ESPECIALLY WHAT YOU SEE ON SOCIAL MEDIA. There’s nothing real or honest about social media posts. When I had my first son, we knew 3 or 4 other people who delivered right around the same time. Their posts consistently made me feel like I was the only one with a cranky baby and like I was the only mom who wasn’t enjoying the infant stage. Sometimes their posts still make me feel like my toddler is the only toddler who hates to eat and is really going through the terrible two’s.  But, after really talking to them about the problems I’m having with my 2 year old going on 13, and they let out a huge “we’re going through the same thing!” you realize they aren’t showing a real interpretation on social media.  Also, what their baby is lacking in, your baby is accelerating in and vice versa.  All babies develop differently and at different ages. The important thing is to focus on what your baby is doing, not what your baby isn’t doing yet.

    I don’t tell you all of this to sound like a Negative Nancy and I surely don’t want to scare you. I’m giving you the advice I wish people had given me. I wish people were more real with me rather than make me feel like I wasn’t normal because of the experiences I was having.

    Also, I want to let you know that I went through a pretty bad bout of Post-Partum Depression and I didn’t seek help until my son was nearly 14 months old. First, please seek help if you think you might be going through PPD. No one will think any differently of you as a mom or a person and the help will make you feel like so much weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.  Second, keep reminding yourself that you can and will get through it because they DO grow up and they WILL grow out of the stages that you think you will never get through.   

    I hope when we’re all in the thick of it, we can remember this post, and it can be a light for some of you.  


    ***STUCK IN BOX***

    QFP

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  • dAsch14dAsch14 member
    To #4 YASSS! So much! The evenings, right before DH's went to bed, would cause me these feelings of dread that were awful. I would get so anxious thinking about not sleeping and being up with DS by myself. It faded after a month or so, but it was really rough in the beginning. 
    So nice to know that I wasn't the only one!
    Report Reply
  • pourmeanothermocktailpourmeanothermocktail member
    stothi said:
    I hate blanket advice of you WILL feel this way and your baby WILL do this or that. Nope. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Some babies do, some babies don't. No one knows in advance what will or won't happen and it all depends on the parents, the baby and the extended support system.

    I don't mind stuff like this as much when it comes with phrases like, "could happen," or "commonly happens." I just hate generic this WILL or WON'T happen baby advice like somebody's got a freaking magic crystal ball or has met every baby and parent in the history of time.



    Agreed! Also, I had so many people tell me so many many bad stories before birth. My aunt told me I wjpmt going to sleep for another 20 years....cuz that's not exaggerating, and it's SO helpful.

    Granted, my nearly 20 month old generally doesn't sleep through the night.
    _______________________________________________
    Me: 33
    DH: 32
    Married 7/18/15
    1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
    Team green turned BLUE!
    2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 
    Team green turned PINK!
    Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • spottedgingerspottedginger member
    @Jyoung327 I’ve been guilty of that last pregnancy when I was lurking an adjacent BMB, but it was a post in the Tw tues thread, not a new post of my own preaching 
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  • stothistothi member
    @pourmeamocktail several of her comments actually could have described my life with a new baby and currently with that same baby as a toddler cause he hasn't grown out of some of that ish yet.  But without taxing my pregnant brain I can list half a dozen friends or family who didn't have an experience anything like what she describes. So yeah, some of that very well might happen but it also might not. Gah. Unsolicited "advice" is my least favorite.
    Report Reply
  • ashh2018ashh2018 member
    This made me anxious. 
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  • ashh2018ashh2018 member
    stothi said:
    adirat said:
    @stothi Oh my gosh your post made me cry. Thank you <3
    I do what I can <3
    It made me cry too! Lol thanks ladies
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  • olliedog3olliedog3 member
    @sreysaw I had the same exact experience. I keep reminding myself of that phenomenon.
    Report Reply
  • nackienackie member
    I agree with almost all of the previous posters, the tone in this is way off. 
    With my first, I did actual feel almost everything she described and I thought for months that I was the only one feeling that way and I was a terrible mother.  Realizing I wasn't alone was a huge relief, but I don't by any means imagine that everyone, or even most people felt that way.
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  • stothistothi member
    stassischroeder said:
    *lurking from April18*

    I just wanna put this here. It was refreshing to read when what we usually get is unsolicited advice and blanket statements. 
    Bwahahaha! Sorry, but I hate those articles almost as much cause that wasn't my experience either. This article is at least trying to be positive, I'll give you that.
    Report Reply
  • nackienackie member
    stothi said:
    stassischroeder said:
    *lurking from April18*

    I just wanna put this here. It was refreshing to read when what we usually get is unsolicited advice and blanket statements. 
    Bwahahaha! Sorry, but I hate those articles almost as much cause that wasn't my experience either. This article is at least trying to be positive, I'll give you that.
    Exactly! Its still trying to tell you how you're going to feel.  It doesn't apply to everyone. It sounds lovely, but I would think anyone with PPD wouldn't be able to relate to that article at all. It certainly doesn't describe my experience well.
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  • stassischroederstassischroeder member
    @nackie @stothi *shrug* take it however you like. I was just trying to show a perspective that differed from what the OP posted. I'll let you know if I find any articles that explain each of your individual experiences perfectly  ;)


    *Formerly LuND*
    Me: 35 | DH: 37
    TTC: 7/2016
    Low AMH, mild MFI
    BFP 7/29/17
    EDD: 4/5/18
    <3  DS born 4/4/18  <3
    BFP #2 7/2/19
    EDD 3/13/20


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  • cbobell2009cbobell2009 member

    @stothi that made me cry as well. This is the kind of stuff I want to hear. Yeah you may struggle at first but it will be the best feeling all at the same time. You're perspective was perfect!

    After reading through all of these responses, I think I'll stick with my September BMB gals and leave the rest of the "advice" at the door!

    Me: 26 DH:28

    Married:10/25/14

    TTC#1: August 2016

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  • sclarke7sclarke7 member
    edited January 2018
    Maybe we can just delete this unsolicited advice since it wasn't meant for Sept 2018 moms anyways... 
    And I will leave it at that. 
    Says the girl whose really is just still happy to be pregnant today.....


    Me: 34 DH:33
    TTC since Oct 2016
    DX: Undetermined possible PCOS+MFI 
    July 2017-Dec 2017 Letrozole+TI
    Dec 2017 CP
    Jan 2018 BFP:EDD 9-25





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  • prpl11butterflyprpl11butterfly member
    I wish people would stop dropping in from other BMB. You want to lurk, fine. But please know what it means to lurk (in regards to the internet). So far all contributions from members outside of S18 have been negative or spam.



    *This opinion does exclude those on the cusp of Aug/Sept and Sept/Oct BMB. You may actually belong here and we are happy to have you. 
    Report Reply
  • stothistothi member
    stassischroeder said:
    @nackie @stothi *shrug* take it however you like. I was just trying to show a perspective that differed from what the OP posted. I'll let you know if I find any articles that explain each of your individual experiences perfectly  ;)
    No need to look for an article for me :) I was there when it happened so I already know all about my experience, but thanks for the offer!
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  • WishilivedinfloridaWishilivedinflorida member
    Can we let this thread die already? I think that would be best. 
    Report Reply
  • prpl11butterflyprpl11butterfly member
    @pourmeamocktail yea, if they are helpful it's not so bad. But thus far they have not been (or not announced they were lurkers, which makes them more legit IMO)
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