Weekend randoms 1/20-1/21

glitterfingers · January 2018

@ffw0617 that dress looks so good!

@llamamama14 what other shows have you liked? I haven’t seen Episodes but if you like comedies (FYI none of these are kid safe) Party Down (I think it’s on Hulu), Glow, Wet Hot American Summer (any of them), Better Call Saul. I tried watching Kimmay Schmidt but didn’t really get into it.

@doxiemoxie212 have you looked at Walnut Creek? I know a few people who have bought condos there but things have gone crazy in general for both the Bay Area and Sacramento over the past 6 months.

@dinodna3 minivans are totally more practical! This is always an ongoing debate in my neighborhood mom group.

catlady1215 · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 that's really hard. I'm sorry he's struggling so bad. Was it D.C. that was also an area you guys would look into? I know cali would be top choice cause of family though. I don't know much of anything about cali to suggest another area but are there other areas that could be cheaper? A small stepping stone to get where you want to be?

catlady1215 · January 2018

DH worked sat this week, and didn't get home till after 11 last night. Today, his usual off day, but was suppose to have a quick trip in to work.. maybe an hour or two. Well he's still stuck there. Uuugh! I hate when this happens! Feels like such a waste of a wkend.

doxiemoxie212 · January 2018

On mobile so hard to tag. Thank you all for the kind words. Regarding other areas of CA, we’re definitely open to it, but it’s really difficult to get a legal job that pays market in CA without significant ties to the community. And if the job doesn’t pay market/isn’t big law, it would put us in the same financial situation, and wouldn’t set us up for the Bay Area to be possible in the future. That’s really what’s depressing DH the most: the realization that he might have to be in big law forever for us to afford to live in the Bay Area. I think he thought it would be cheaper and he could quit in a few years to go into govt or a smaller firm or in house, and that just is not realistic.

@glitterfingers we’ve looked in Walnut Creek, but that’s a pretty pricey area with a very significant commute. The biggest issue is how expensive public transit or a car/gas/parking would be. Right now in nyc it’s $5/day, but we’d more than double that in the Bay Area. Plus DHs commute is only 35-40 min right now, but would be soooo much more in CA.

Honestly it’s sad bc DH makes good money. It’s really depressing how far it does not go.

@catlady1215 dc is still technically in the mix but it’s gone way up in price recently too so I’m not sure it would be less/the same $ than staying here. Though admittedly we wouldn’t have to get a car, and that would help a lot compared to ca.

llamamama14 · January 2018

@helenbz I'll try Peaky Blunders. Saw and loved the Crown. @glitterfingers I liked the 1st season of Kimmy Schmidt but not the later ones. Love 30 Rock, The Office, Parks and Rec. I also like BBC stuff and mysteries. Really it's hit or miss what DH and i will both get into.

@dinodna3 Get. the. minivan.

@May14th2011 Sorry. I'm glad he'll be doi ng counseling.

llamamama14 · January 2018

@helenbz I'll try Peaky Blunders. Saw and loved the Crown. @glitterfingers I liked the 1st season of Kimmy Schmidt but not the later ones. Love 30 Rock, The Office, Parks and Rec. I also like BBC stuff and mysteries. Really it's hit or miss what DH and I will both get into.

@dinodna3 Get. the. minivan.

@May14th2011 Sorry. Glad he'll be getting counseling.

glitterfingers · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 I’d agree with your assessment that your money won’t necessarily go further in the Bay Area. SF and New York realty are basically competing for the most expensive market but the Bay Area is right behind.

PatientlyWaiting10 · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 I'm so sorry last night was rough! Finances are NEVER a fun topic to discuss especially when it comes to spending more or taking less...

I'm glad he agreed to the therapist; now if he would just call so he can take out some of his feelings/emotions on them, not you!

Sorry you're dealing with so much right now!

jsl82 · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 sorry your finances are getting in the way of you moving. I know you said the apartments would both be 2 bedroom 1 baths in Bay Area or NYC- but what about square footage? It really makes a difference to have bigger rooms. Also, consider things like childcare. It sounds like he's family is East Coast and your family is West Coast. Having family around to help with the baby is huge especially in the first few weeks after she is born and a few months later when you and DH need a night out just the two of you. Cost of living is a huge consideration but quality of life will make all of the difference. When looking at your budget you may want to also consider the pros/cons of the quality of life too. Also, could the increase in cost be seasonal? I'm not sure about Bay Area costs but I know some markets will have different times of year where apartment cost spike (typically around college schedules since that is when you will see a lot of apartments being rented). It may be worth it to talk to someone involved in real estate to give you a prediction on how the market will look in a new months to a year.

@dinodna3 sorry YH hasn't come around on the minivan yet- but all of the space is so important. I almost cried while buying mine, but I'm so glad we did (especially since we have been talking about a 3rd a lot recently).

@ffw0617 & @helenbz you both look amazing! Yay dressing up the bump. Can't wait for all of the baby shower pictures for more dressed up bumps- meanwhile I'll be here in sweats and partially brushed hair.

@May14th2011 that is horrible. So sorry for YH and the families involved.

@Amphibious22 I'm glad you and DH are getting away for a babymoon- hopefully it helps both of you bounce back from your rough patches.

AFM, we did DD's 1 year pictures yesterday and she did so well. We have been discussing looking into baby modeling and putting the money in a college fund for her.

doxiemoxie212 · January 2018

@jsl82 Yea, DHs parents currently live a 15 min walk from us. If we moved to CA, we couldn’t afford to live in the county my mom does, so we’d be about an hour or more drive away without traffic. From my experience in the Bay Area and my friends’ experience that cyclical cost variance doesn’t happen — it just keeps going up and up. I mean, UC Berkely and Stanford are great schools, but they’re barely a dent in why folks move to the area. I really think our quality of life would suffer in ca given 1) increase in costs, 2) more than doubling DHs commute, 3) only having one car in areas where we really need two cars bc public transpo sucks.

ffw0617 · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 since housing cost is the biggest discrepancy would it be possible to maybe buy a house and he use his salary to pay it off in 3-5 years? I've been practicing 4 years, and I have several friends & classmates that worked in big law across the country almost none of them stay pass 3-5 years. They get their house and spend those 5 years paying off their house, cars, and student loans and then go do what they really want to do for the rest of their career.

doxiemoxie212 · January 2018

@ffw0617 a fixer upper/starter house in the bay area is roughly $1 million... so... probably not? (I mean, ditto here in NYC, but we have a unique housing situation here)

ffw0617 · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 I see yeah that sucks. Any other Cali cities where he could make just as much that's more affordable ? I'd just hate for your husband to be resentful his entire career. I never wanted to live in Texas permanently nor did I want to take the Texas bar, I am only here bc this is where DH wants to be. And with the baby coming it only makes me feel worse knowing my children will grow up 13 hours away from their cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles and will only likely see them twice a year.

doxiemoxie212 · January 2018

@ffw0617 LA might be slightly cheaper, but his commute would obviously be just as bad (duh, LA), and housing is pretty much the same at this point. Plus we'd definitely need two cars. And we'd have no childcare. I don't think there's much big law in San Diego or Sacramento, and they're not inexpensive. The main thing is that most big law firms in CA won't hire you without "significant ties to the community" so without my parents living nearby, firms don't really have any interest in him. Too many other good candidates. I'm jealous of people who have families that live in inexpensive areas. Why did our parents have to raise us in the bay area and Manhattan?? lol

ffw0617 · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 I honestly think you can make a compelling significant ties argument with anywhere in Cali given you parents live there and you are from the state. I don't think that would limit you to just the Bay area. I'm on my third job since graduating law school. I'm not from Texas at all and I wasn't even married a year when I got my first 2 jobs, my husband is from New Orleans. We have no family ties here yet I haven't had a problem getting a job, I've turned down way more offers than I can count. And Houston isn't a small legal market, its very competitive. When I'm asked that question at interviews I explain we have a house here, we've built a community here, this is where we (he) want to be.

doxiemoxie212 · January 2018

@ffw0617 I would agree if they would even put him in the maybe pile. We've been trying since April of last year, and he's had one interview so far. There are just so many good candidates in CA, big law firms aren't that interested in hiring from out of state to begin with (which you'd think is crazy since he works in NYC big law and went to a T-14 law school). LA is like a 6-hour drive from the Bay Area, so it's sort of like being out of state, honestly, in their opinion - they know you'll likely move in a year or two so they don't see the point. Houston is a huge legal market, that's true, but they don't have nearly as many lawyers applying, and the sizes of the offices are larger because of all the energy work done in Houston. The sizes of the offices in the CA firms are oddly small most of the time, and there are just so many more lawyers already in CA looking for jobs from top schools. It's not quite as crazy as DC, maybe, but it's pretty close.

ffw0617 · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 hopefully he finds something. Its so easy to get suck in this career. I'm in grad school part time right now for Christian Counseling and absent starting my own business (something I already do/ done) going to school is the only way I see out of this career absent taking a major step back in life. Hope he doesn't end up like me, feeling option-less in a city he doesn't really want to be in.

ffw0617 · January 2018

*I'm only on my 2nd semester and only going part time, so it'll probably take another 5 years before I'm doing something else. But at least by then the baby will be school age.

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