Mental Health Check-In (Jan/Feb)

izza2 · January 2018

Considering this journey is effecting not only us, but our s/o's, feel free to use this thread to discuss your s/o's mental health issues and get support for their struggles as well as your own.

***This thread has a general trigger warning.***

This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.
Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in several dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health. Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports.

This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others.

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread.

If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:

Mental health diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?

How are you/your S/O feeling?

izza2 · January 2018

Online therapy links, for anyone who needs them:
https://www.talkspace.com/
https://www.betterhelp.com/
https://www.breakthrough.com/
https://www.mytherapist.com/

izza2 · January 2018

I'm here, I'm doing okay.

I've only had one break down since being pregnant, and that was a couple of days ago, actually. H was just being miserable, I didn't feel good, and I felt like everything was coming to a head between us both being miserable, DSS having attitude/listening problems, and the test results from the quad screen.

I haven't been taking my medication since first getting pregnant, and I think I may start it up again. I stopped because I didn't want to run the risk of serotonin syndrome while using Zofran, and since I won't be getting a script for that again, there's no risk of that happening. I was doing awesome until a few days ago, but I don't want that to be the start of a downward spiral.

H has been okay. He gets the winter blues every year, and this year has been no different. He tends to drink (3-4 beers a night, which is excessive IMO) during the winter months because he's depressed, but he won't admit it's his coping mechanism, so it causes issues between us. His mother is an alcoholic and couldn't stop drinking even if she wanted to, without being in rehab or an inpatient somewhere. My only consolation with H is that he goes a few days without anything and he's perfectly fine. So while I know he's not at the point of being in his mother's shoes, I constantly worry that he's headed there. I've tried talking to him about it in the past, and I bring it up on occasion still, but he just shuts down. He won't go to therapy, and thinks there's nothing wrong with drinking 4 beers a day, and I disagree.
I've told him a few times throughout the pregnancy that I won't be dealing with him being tipsy every night once LO gets here. Our struggle was supposed to be with his smoking habit, not with a drinking habit he's developed. I can't be the only adult sober and able to drive us to the hospital if anything happens. Especially if I'm the one something has happened to.

doxiemoxie212 · January 2018

Thanks for starting this @izza2 and including S/Os. I can certainly relate to the drinking situation you're dealing with with YH. I'm sure it is doubley frustrating since you are not much of a drinker. And those moments where everything comes to a head are always terrible. It sounds like you're being proactive about your own mental health, though, and that's a good thing.

AFM...

Before I got pregnant, DH and I probably drank a little too much. We love (ugh, I hate this phrase) fine wine, and we drank an entire bottle of wine throughout the night roughly 4-5 nights a week. We always shared a single glass at home, so it was difficult to track how much I was drinking vs how much he was drinking, and in retrospect, I think I was not drinking that much, and he was drinking a lot more than either of us realized.

Because he wanted to have a baby so much more than I did, the rule was that once I got pregnant and couldn't drink anymore, neither could he -- at least not when we're just at home the two of us. And honestly, that's when his depression and anxiety started to show through a lot more -- suddenly his feelings were no longer masked by wine at the end of the night.

I'm not sure he ever learned how to deal with his feelings other than some form of avoidance -- which is problematic because he has a lot of feelings. He has always been a crier (he'll cry watching House Hunters on HGTV because someone is just so happy with their new home, lol), but lately he says he feels on the verge of tears nearly every minute he's awake. He'll text me during the day saying, "I'm laying on the floor in my office with the door closed crying, and I don't know what to do." On Saturday night he sobbed for probably two hours in our bed and then essentially became comatose and fell asleep. Then he woke up at 3am and started doing work again.

I don't mean to sound like his job doesn't suck. It's true that a lot of people in big law feel this way -- it's soul sucking, and boring, and mostly unfulfilling -- but his particular situation isn't that bad. It shouldn't be want-to-kill-yourself bad (not that anything should be). It's not life or death. No one yells at him. No one is mean to him. Everyone loves him! He gets 11 out of 10 on most of his reviews. And big law has always been a temporary stepping stone -- do this for 4-5 years and then get a job he really likes once he has the experience under his belt. This is year 3.

I can't help but look back on every past phase of our life and how he responded to it, and how he re-writes history now. In law school, I used to find him sobbing, hiding inside our coat closet in the middle of the night, but now he pretends he always knew it was the best thing ever (honestly, it was; I was so jealous of all the guys because they just got to learn stuff they were interested in and hang out most of the rest of the day while I was at work). Before law school when he worked in film & TV, he was miserable, but now he pretends it wasn't that bad, that he didn't mind getting paid $30k/year with no overtime to work 16 hour days. He was absolutely depressed in undergrad, but now he pretends he was happy all the time. Etc., etc., etc. He has this history of thinking what he's going through at this very moment is the worst thing that has ever happened to him, and then once he's out of it instead of realizing, "Oh, hey, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought, and maybe I can bring this lesson I've learned with me into future situations," he just pretends he was never miserable. It's maddening because we've lived together since we were 19-years-old -- and, like, I remember; I was there.

I guess I should be happy that he can stop drinking? But sometimes I want him to drink just so we can have a happy night together. Ugh. That's depressing.

Anyway, this has been a novel. TL;DR: DH's sadness has been magnified by his lack of drinking, and I am skeptical that any external changes in his life (moving, switching jobs, etc.) will be mentally/emotionally beneficial for more than a few weeks until he starts to be less avoidant of his feelings, learn from his feelings, and get perspective. And I don't think he will improve at those things without therapy. So onward I go in my quest to get him into therapy.

izza2 · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 - I want to cry for two reasons reading your post: one, because I tend to feel like I'm the only one with a s/o who is/has used alcohol to handle his emotions/issues on a regular basis (I know people who do this on weekends, or once in a while, but I don't know anyone who has shared that they or their s/o does this daily/regularly), and two, because I just want to hug you so hard because I'm right there with you.

This line hit me so hard, because I never really realized that this was what H was doing, and it is:
"He has this history of thinking what he's going through at this very moment is the worst thing that has ever happened to him, and then once he's out of it instead of realizing, "Oh, hey, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought, and maybe I can bring this lesson I've learned with me into future situations," he just pretends he was never miserable. It's maddening because we've lived together since we were 19-years-old -- and, like, I remember; I was there. "

I've been with MH since I was 19 as well. We've been through a lot in our (relatively short) time together. I understand that right now we're not in a great spot financially because my school is taking up more time than it has in the past, but it's not the worst position we've been in, and he seems to think it is. Back in 2013 or so, I injured a nerve in my neck that made it impossible to use my right arm without extreme pain, and it was eventually to the point my left arm would cause pain, moving my head was painful, and sitting/standing/lying for too long of times was painful. I was doped up on pain killers while the nerve was healing itself, and I was out of work for 6 or so months as a result. That was the worst position we've been in, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Right now sucks, but it's nothing compared to that.

I realize this wasn't your intent, but I do have to thank you because your openness/honesty actually helped me figure something out about MH, which, you'd think I would've caught at some point, but I just haven't.

I've also been in the position where I'll see how MH is when he doesn't drink a few after work, and he's so stressed and won't stop talking about stressful things, and I've felt bad because as much as I really want him to stop or cut down, those are moments where I want to go buy him some beer because I just want to have a good night that doesn't make it hard for me to sleep. So, I understand you there, too.

I wish that I had some piece of advice or a hopeful story for you that would help you feel better. I really do.
I'm just hoping that YH sees the light so to speak and decides that it's time for him to get some professional help. I'm not a therapist, but it sounds like he definitely has a depressive disorder. It's hard for people to admit that they have a mental illness, and I think as stereotypical as this is, it's more difficult for men because they feel like it makes them a failure in some way to their families - but I hope he realizes that's not the case, and that his depression can really be detrimental once LO is here. Men can get PP depression.

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

I think this is the first winter - *knock on wood* - that I don't feel absolutely down.

In winter of 2015 I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression {my dr isn't sure if seasonal or year round, she's treating for year round with flux in the meds during winter if rougher}
Unfortunately, the meds I was switched to before TTC my dr isn't a fan. I was on celexa and was switched to prozac while pregnant and if I breastfeed. {my 2 options were prozac and zoloft and my brilliant self decided to go off meds right before xmas and was in a dark hole until February when dr switched meds}

Little back story - it's hereditary but dr didn't want to give meds yet since for a long time I was in grey area. In 2014 I lost my dad to a cardiac arrest and that kind of took everything to a boiling point. I now have PTSD {I can explain why if anyone asks}, mild-severe anxiety and depression.
The loss of my dad in 2014 basically set everything into motion.
Side note - I have had the conversation with my dr about post-pardum because she isn't sure what will happen. She said the second I am not breast feeding {if I opt not to or it doesn't work} I'm back on celexa. She's advised if I was due in winter months, she would tell me that my mental health is more important and request I don't breastfeed so I could be back on celexa.

Hugs and support to all that are having a hard time

doxiemoxie212 · January 2018

@izza2 hugs girl. Yeah, I'm all for using alcohol/weed occasionally as a way to give your brain time to breathe; sometimes you just need a bit of distance. But all the time? It gets worrisome. I feel like DH is more likely to get PPD than I am, honestly (though PPA is a different story; I'm guessing that'll be this Type A personality's jam). He's so much more emotional than I am, and he's also smart enough that he can create these justifications that are hard to break through. I also think I make a lot of excuses for him because of that, though - like, I'm fine, I can handle it, I can talk him through it, I can talk him down. But like you said -- I don't think I (or any of us moms-to-be) will be able to once baby is here. I keep thinking about our wedding, and how I thought I could plan everything myself and didn't need anyone else involved, and then the day came, and I was like oh shit, I am the bride, fuck, I am the bride and no one else knows what's supposed to happen, and I can't be the star of the show and the stage manager at the same time, oh shit. And it's like I'm having that same realization all over again, lol -- I am the one having the baby, I have to actually have this baby, I have to keep this baby alive, I have to feed the baby, and I likely cannot do that and the other things. I need him to get his shit together before the baby gets here in case I lose my effing mind due to hormones and sleep deprivation after lol.

@MissKittyDanger to clarify, are you on Prozac now, or did your doctor move you off all meds for your pregnancy?

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 On prozac now. Not a fan personally. I'm lucky I'm doing well because I don't think it would work like celexa did.

edit: Next time you're at the OB, some have info for dads about after baby's born. It's typically geared towards women with post-pardum but it might be useful for both of you. I remember pointing it out to my H as a reference he may want to look into

abteamb · January 2018

I suffered from PPA after DD1 was born for about a year or so. DH didn't really understand what was wrong with me Bc he thinks I could just make a choice to stop it. I never went on any medication, but definitely therapy and reading a lot about it helped me cope. I'm already trying to prepare myself for when this LO is born.

amys614 · January 2018

@izza2 @doxiemoxie212 I cried and nodded my head the whole time I was reading your posts. My S/O off and on uses alcohol to cope as well. We've always been a couple who likes to go out and drink socially, however for me it has always been just that; social. I actually didn't allow myself to enjoy a drink until I was about 25 bc I have a long blood line of alcoholism in my family. It took me a long time to learn and trust myself with it and realize I am fine drinking socially, and it doesn't turn into more than that for me. My S/O on the other hand, can go days, weeks without it, but if he's really stressed or we are arguing, he can binge drink days in a row. He just tries to forget. Uses it as a coping mechanism. Always realizes it wasn't worth it after it's over, but in the moment he can't see that. He too is very emotional and does not know how to deal with it. I wonder the same thing; how are you going to keep it together after I have this baby when I may or may not lose my shit. I am terrified of PPD and PPA. My mental health issues are strongly tied to hormonal changes and I can only imagine the tidal wave possible with the sudden changes in hormones after delivery. Even now, a piece of me feels resentful because I have not missed one day of work since pregnant, while being sick, tired, in pain, depressed, hormonal, etc. I still get up and feed the growing baby healthy nutritious food (mostly) and do what I need to do for the sake of everyone. He has called off, checked out, shut down, drank, etc to cope here and there when he needs to and I can't do anything to cope besides just handle my shit. Sometimes I wonder when I get a turn to not be the one holding it together. I find some peace in knowing I'm not alone, no one has a perfect situation, and that someone understands so hugs to you for that tonight.

@MissKittyDanger I'm glad this winter is better for you. Mental health issues are so tough. I wish they were more openly talked about.

doxiemoxie212 · January 2018

@amys614

have you been able to have open, honest, calm conversations with your SO about all this? Meaning your worries about your own mental/emotional stability after delivery but also your concerns and frustrations with how he’s coping currently and the stress it’s putting on you? As frustrated and worried as I am about DH, we do talk in great detail about these issues every single night. It makes me feel better to know that we’re on the same page, he understands where I’m coming from, he’s aware of my perspective on the issues, etc. Even if change is slow coming, for me personally at least, talking helps. Well, except that now he feels totally defeated if he drinks so he doesn’t and then we don’t have happy nights lol... but... baby steps? :-/

pupsicle23 · January 2018

Recently found out my husband was having an affair. He swears it was nothing physical, but there’s definitely a wealth of communication and time spent together. So that’s cool. I’m not sleeping and Benadryl isn’t doing it. Zoloft made me sick and my thoughts were worse. I might try ambien, has anyone else l?

MissKittyDanger · January 2018

@pupsicle23 First *hugs*

Second, counseling or seeing a doctor. Zoloft gave my indigestion {and I'm pretty sure prozac is now as well} - Celexa worked wonderfully for me. That's only short term solution though.

dinodna3 · January 2018

@pupsicle23 I’m so sorry

all the hugs to you

amys614 · January 2018

@doxiemoxie212 unfortunately, not much. That's the most frustrating part for me. He's a terrible communicator in that aspect most of the time. Sometimes, we can talk after the fact, but in the moment notsomuch. He's definitely an internalizer and a thinker and he really prefers to do the work on his own. But I am a talker. An over communicator. It helps me through my feelings. This has been our biggest hurdle together to overcome. My baby step is that I started saying how I feel and how I'm affected, regardless if he has anything to add or not. I know it sinks in, I know he hears me and usually ends up telling me he understands a day or 2 later. We are kind of in the middle of one issue right now, but next and very important, will be my worries about him holding it together when baby gets here if I am not doing well.

I feel like our relationship follows a very cyclical pattern. We have a great 8 or 9 months followed by 2 rough ones. Then it is great. Then rough. I know that's life, but geesh.

@pupsicle23 I am so very sorry. I have experienced the pain you are feeling and wish I could give you a hug. Benadryl doesn't make me very sleepy, or at least not for long, but doxylamine that I was taking for morning sickness knocked me out. Take the time that you need to get through it. Allow yourself to feel whatever and whenever. Counseling may be extremely beneficial when you are ready. Whether you decide to try and work it out and do it together and/or get it for yourself, they have tools and you shouldn't have to work through it on your own. I'm so very sorry he did this to you as no one deserves to feel that kind of pain.

doxiemoxie212 · January 2018

@amys614 Same same same. DH is avoidant, and he likes to deal with things internally, and he'd rather try to forget a problem exists than hash it out and deal with it. His parents never fought - they just stopped talking to each other if they were upset about something. But I don't play that -- in my family, we yell if we need to yell, and we address problems immediately so they don't fester. DH and I have been together for 10 years, and it was really, really hard at first. I don't want to tell you how to run your relationship, but I truly believe talking about things is healthier for everyone, and I force it. I challenge the people around me, and it can be difficult, but I also think it's ultimately beneficial. So I follow DH around the house when I'm upset. If he starts crying, I keep going. He used to crawl into bed crying and hide under the covers during disagreements. I would literally sit on him and pry the covers off his face until he would agree to talk to me again. I pester him with questions, "Does it feel like this? Is it like this? Have you been worried about this?" It was exhausting at first, but he's gotten so much better at communicating. And he's also gotten better at understanding that it's helpful for my sanity, our relationship and how he actually feels. All that to say, I still think he needs actual therapy because he clearly struggles with some degree of depression and anxiety, but the work we've/I've done has at least led him to be a really good partner to me. I think often it's on the highest common denominator (in this case, you, since you're the one who is more able to communicate) to bring the other partner up to your level, and it can feel shitty in the process, but I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think you should feel bad for strongly advocating with him your needs to talk things out, and ultimately I think it is worth it to have those difficult conversations (over and over if needed).

glitterfingers · January 2018

@izza2 and others - me too on DH drinks more than me (I mean I’m not drinking anything now but even before that) and it makes me uncomfortable. I just talked honestly with him about it and tell him how it affects me - like it makes me worried and concerned for his health. But for my personal sanity I told him I’m not going to try to keep track of his drinking or nag him everyday - he’s a grown adult. We have a great relationship and he’s been drinking less and less every year so I have been feeling better and we don’t have to talk about it as much. We would have sort of a serious longer conversation about it (obviously when he’s sober) every 4-6 months and it seems to have made an impression on him. It’s not affecting his work or relationships, it doesn’t affect his mood negatively, he doesn’t do crazy binges, he will not drive if he’s been drinking at all, and it’s comparable to how much his friend drink though IMO his group of friends drink more than average.

@pupsicle23 sorry girl

stay strong and hugs to you. Both times I started taking Zoloft it took 4 weeks to not feel like crud from side effects but I think that can happen with any SSRI and some people respond better to different ones. Pregnancy alone affects sleep - I can’t imagine what it’s like to also have to go through major bad news

marcus7676 · January 2018

My heart is with all of you. I wish I had more mental clarity / energy to respond to each of you.

I'm struggling with everything and honestly can't figure out if it is better to call my OB or my PCP or the Behavioral Health department directly at my practice (they are all part of the same practice). I made the mistake of reading an article about how medications aren't safe during pregnancy, but I can't fathom the thought of having to deal with therapy every week (I had to participate in court ordered therapy as a kid and hated every step of it). I don't want to talk about my feelings, I just want to feel better.

May14th2011 · January 2018

I woke up this morning and heard DH saying "don't crash. Don't crash. Don't crash."
I want to cry. I knew this helicopter crash would affect him badly, but hearing him dream about it is awful, especially since I can't help him.
He was supposed to go in to see a therapist today, I don't know if he went. I hope so.

pupsicle23 · January 2018

Thanks ladies who responded. I’ve been in counseling and one of my stand my ground rules is that we also go as a couple to a marriage counselor. I normally wouldn’t come to the internet and say this, but it’s beem a big load to carry and I’m not about to say anything to people I actually know. So, thanks for supporting me as an anonymous internet person. Will see what my OB says about the sleep tomorrow when I see her.

ETA: I’ve lost 4 lbs, so she’s making me try 25mg of Zoloft. Fingers crossed!

izza2 · January 2018

Sorry I haven't been online, guys.

@doxiemoxie212 -- I really hope YH can accept and get in to therapy, whether it's traditional or online or whatever. Something is better than nothing at this point. *hugs*

@abteamb -- MH was the same way, in that he didn't entirely understand depression and has always felt is was something one could just "get over". It wasn't until he started getting the "winter blues" and I told him that "winter blues" are really a form of depression, that he understood you can't just decide to get over it and move on. He still doesn't entirely grasp it, because he only suffers from depression in the winter months, but he's more understanding now than he used to be. I hope YH can eventually come to that realization himself.

@amys614 -- Sending you hugs.

Have you considered therapy or medication? Not only for you, but for YH as well? I know it's difficult to bring up the topic, and more difficult to get someone to realize it'll be really beneficial, but even broaching the subject is a great start to things improving down the road.
Also, to piggyback off what @doxiemoxie212 said; I'm the opposite of both of you. I'm the person in the relationship that shuts down, hides, and has a hard time expressing things. I've gotten better since going through my own therapy in the past, but historically, H would have to pry me from bed, make me face him, and annoy me until I finally got sick of it and had to open up to get him to stop. It's the only reason we ever talked through anything, and as tiring as I know it was for H (and is for you guys), trust me when I say it goes a long way in the end. It may seem like more trouble than it's worth, but it's not.

@pupsicle23 -- I've never taken ambien, but I can say that, do whatever you need to do to get yourself in a better place mentally and emotionally. Medication will help you emotionally, but therapy will help you mentally. I hope that he goes all-in for the couple's therapy and realizes that it's going to benefit both of you now and in the future.
We're all here for you, no matter what. If you ever want to talk, but don't want to express it on this thread, feel free to PM me or someone else you're comfortable talking to. *hugs* I know it's difficult to open up and talk about these things, but it really does help.

@glitterfingers -- I'm going to preface this by saying I don't think it was your intent, but I've read your post a few times over the past 3 days, and each time I get the same feeling/response from it.
I feel like your response is trying to tell us that if we "just talk honestly" with our husbands, it'll all work out great because that's all it took for you to improve things.
Unfortunately, that's just not true for everyone. I'm happy that it worked for you, and I'm happy that YH is doing much better. But while talking can and does help many people with their issues/concerns, there are just as many occasions where talking broaches the topic, but therapy or other things are needed to actually get a partner to see reason and start down the path of healing.
Again, I don't think it was your intent, but that's how it comes off every time I re-read your post.

@marcus7676 -- I think if you have a behavioural health department at your disposal/availability - it may be more beneficial to talk to them? But, any of those options should be able to help you. My PCP is the one who manages my anti-depressants and checks on me for mental health updates. But I also know that if I went to my OB and told him that I've been having issues with my mental health, he'd do whatever he could to make sure I got the help I needed.
Regarding medications, though -- keep in mind that, while mental health medications are usually class C drugs, it doesn't mean they're "not good" during pregnancy. Class C means that there isn't enough information (because what pregnant woman would intentionally start a drug just to see what happened with the baby? no one I know!) to know whether it's safe or unsafe during pregnancy. The pros need to be evaluated as well as the cons. For me, and for several others, the benefits of taking medication outweigh the possible risks of taking them, which is why we continue to take them or start them while pregnant. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Not only for the duration of the pregnancy, but also during the postpartum period.
I can say that therapy as a child is different than therapy as an adult. I went to a few therapy sessions as a child, and I hated it. When I went as an adult, as much as she didn't help me with what I really went there for, she did help me with other issues I was having. I also had a therapist who really had practice in teens/young adults who were in college, while I was an adult with a family and in college. It's different, and she wasn't used to that.
Even if you don't stay in therapy, it could be beneficial to at least look in to it and see if there are any options locally so you can try it and see how different it is.

glitterfingers · January 2018

@izza2 thanks for the feedback and I’m sorry that it bothered you.

izza2 · February 2018

Bumping --
How is everyone doing?

marcus7676 · February 2018

My mental state is definitely tied to the amount of sleep I'm getting. The therapist I saw two weeks ago suggested meds, but I'm hesitant to go on them now (I think I'll need something again postpartum). I'm seeing her again on Thursday, but that in and of itself adds stress to my life which I really don't need. I'm not sure if it is worthwhile to keep going due to the added stress of having to be out of the office.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to sleep better? Or feel more rested?

doxiemoxie212 · February 2018

I have not succeeded in getting DH to go to therapy thus far, though I have had success in getting him to take a v low dose of melatonin to go to sleep and CBD oil (again, no THC so doesn’t get you high) when he gets home, and I think those two things have made a huge difference. He’s more even keeled, willing to shrug things off, and it’s been easier for me to get him to see other perspectives. So I do think some of it was he clearly wasn’t getting any restful sleep before.

But I still think therapy would be the ultimate “fix” — I’m leaning toward trying to get him to go to couples sessions with me because maybe that would take away any fear, and also it would be less weird for me to vet the therapists. And then maybe that therapist would help me convince him to go to solo sessions...

My other idea is to throw it into negotiations about moving to California. I still think moving is a terrible financial idea right now with the current circumstances what they are, but it might be worth it if I get him to go to therapy. The only thing that sucks is I feel fairly confident we’d find better therapists here in nyc but whatevs. Better than nothing?

MissKittyDanger · February 2018

@doxiemoxie212 I would personally continue trying to encourage him into therapy, but maybe with winter it's just not doable? Hopefully he seeks help soon, not just for you but for his sake.

MissKittyDanger · February 2018

I have no idea what's causing it, but yah claustrophobia is really kicking my butt.
I know I can't change my meds, but I'm speaking with my dr this month to see what I can do. Maybe she has some options on coping ....

doxiemoxie212 · February 2018

@MissKittyDanger how is your claustrophobia manifesting?

MissKittyDanger · February 2018

@doxiemoxie212 On the bus. I take public transit and maybe it's partly because of my growing size, but it just feels so cramped most days

It seems to be triggering anxiety, and I don't normally have claustrophobia

doxiemoxie212 · February 2018

@MissKittyDanger oh I hate that feeling. When I used to take the subway more often, there would be times when I would basically get pushed onto a train that I felt was too crowded to get on, and then have to ride it for like 45 min that way. It was terrible. Temperature always affected how panicked I'd feel about it (being too hot is not great in that situation), but for me podcasts distracted me from it a bit.

MissKittyDanger · February 2018

@doxiemoxie212 Right!? I swear they jack up the heat on transit. I mostly read or play solitaire on my phone - they typically can distract me from what's happening - but it's not working

this is like the 3rd time in 2 weeks. I'm gonna see my dr on the 27th to see, but this sucks!

amys614 · February 2018

@MissKittyDanger I have a terrible time in tight spaces, especially when warm. I suffer with anxiety pretty badly as a whole, have had my share of full blown panic attacks, but have been doing ok so far, generally. I've had a few moments that got borderline for me. Mine are typically hormone related and I think pregnancy has actually helped mine due to the lack of fluctuations down in hormones. Don't even get me started how scared I am for post partum with the plummet. It seems so simple, but sometimes I can really calm myself down with distraction of a game on my phone or a video, anything, coupled with whatever they named the breathing technique where you inhale for 4 seconds through your nose, hold for 7, exhale for 8 through your mouth. May be worth a try for ya. Those particular timings seem to activate the parasympathetic nervous system enough for me to get through it until it passes. Not magical, but a huge a help.

pupsicle23 · February 2018

@marcus7676 I take Benadryl. My OB said it’s safe to take as often as I need it, and to do whatever I need to do.

MissKittyDanger · February 2018

@amys614 I have anxiety and depression as well, and this is usually a pretty low time of year - seasonal mostly. My dr isn't a fan of prozac {which I can only take because of pregnancy and if I breastfeed - I usually take celexa}
I'll try out the breathing thing you suggested! I usually try to just calm my breathing, but never in a specific way like you suggested.

marcus7676 · February 2018

@pupsicle23 I'm one of those strange people who can't take sleeping pills, benadryl, melatonin, etc. They all make me restless and cause more anxiety. (I think I just get angry I'm not sleeping, which makes me more worked up). I've tried magnesium and my H gave me a weighted blanket, but I can't seem to get restful sleep.

pupsicle23 · February 2018

@marcus7676 Oh nooo! Well, another thing I do is diffuse some lavender essential oil. Also, I downloaded the Calm app and listen to the sleep stories or do the sleep meditation. A lot of things on that app are locked unless you pay, but there are a few free ones.

taykc90 · February 2018

@izza2 @doxiemoxie212 and anyone else who may have said something similar that I'm forgetting....

As much as I hate to hear it for your sakes, thank you SO SO much for talking about your husband's drinking issues on here. I feel like I'm in a very similar situation (husband struggles with depression/something of that sort, often uses alcohol to cope, also at times just out of boredom) and it is a huge relief to hear I'm not the only mom-to-be in this situation. He does pretty good most of the time, and I have no doubt that he is going to make a wonderful father. But I can't help but feel at times like I'm irresponsible for deciding to have a baby with him. I just worry about things getting worse after the baby is born and I can't be the one to hold everything together, I need his help too (somebody else said basically the same thing, see we're not alone!).

I will say I've seen people without drinking problems - at least as far as I know - who are incredibly irresponsible or have very destructive behaviors so that makes me realize how lucky I am to have a husband I can rely on in spite of some mental health/alcohol problems he has. It's so minor in comparison to some other people. Fortunately my husband is not a mean drunk, there's no abuse, no screaming at each other all the time (not that screaming isn't sometimes healthy haha) so overall we're very happy and I'm not completely freaking out. It's just scary sometimes when you don't know what the future will hold.

Anyway I wish I could elaborate more/edit this a little to maybe articulate my thoughts better, but I just had to thank everyone for sharing these things because it makes me feel like I'm not the only person in this situation. Really thankful for this post I hope everyone continues to discuss this stuff! We're strong we got this ladies!

izza2 · February 2018

@taykc90 - I'm glad you pointed out that it helped you, because I think even though we know we're not alone and there are other people in the world dealing with the same/similar issues, it's a good reminder that being honest and open about these things can help others, even if we don't feel like it's helping us.

@doxiemoxie212 - I'm so glad that the changes you've made/encouraged YH to make are working out so far! I know it's been a struggle trying to get him to seek therapy, but things are at least starting to change and eventually I hope he'll realize that therapy is just going to help him continue/further that change. *hugs*

@marcus7676 - Have you tried meditation or having "quiet time" before going to bed? I used to have issues staying asleep (way way long ago), and when I took sleeping pills I felt more tired than not taking them, so I looked in to other things that could help get more relaxed and ready for sleep - meditation was one thing that worked for me. But even setting aside 15-20 minutes where you can read a book or journal or just do something that doesn't involve a computer, phone, or TV screen can really help your brain shut off.
If you or YH watch TV in the bedroom, you can also try to set a time-limit rule so it's not on all night while you're trying to fall asleep. The blue light from the TV will keep you awake, even if you have it muted. If you're used to having it on and need that light or the sound, though, I'd suggest a white noise machine or even just a playlist that you can have playing on low, and a nightlight. That way you're getting the same effect, but you're not being exposed to those blue lights that will keep you awake.

AFM, I'm doing pretty good. I'm having some issues dealing with stress, but it's mainly due to school and problems we're having with SS at the moment. Not much I can do to get rid of those, but H is picking up a lot of the slack in caring for SS and dealing with any issues he has from school and with his homework, which really frees me up to get my stuff for school and the house done without running around all night until dinner's done.

H and I had a nice heart-to-heart regarding his drinking, and I laid out my feelings and the fact that I'm halfway through the pregnancy, he's done nothing but get worse with his drinking, and God forbid anything happens he's leaving SS and I to fend for ourselves. I told him that if I end up having an issue with the pregnancy, or just in general, and need to be taken to the hospital, I'd have to call my parents to come take us, and that would be a fun/embarrassing story to tell everyone (that he couldn't take me because he couldn't get a handle on his drinking). It seemed to help him realize that the issue is bigger than him just wanting to "unwind" or "relax".

doxiemoxie212 · February 2018

@izza2 it’s funny how pointing out something like that can shift perspective so dramatically. And it’s annoying we have to point those things out at all. We’re going to Palm Springs at the end of the month which is near Joshua Tree (where the guys in Entourage take shrooms and get high AF). DH immediately wanted to plan to do shrooms (he did them once when he was 16 or 17) and I had to be like, “but you’re my adult partner, and I am pregnant, and I don’t want to be stuck in the middle of the effing desert in an emergency with you high as a kite!” And he was like oh, right, right. Lol

izza2 · February 2018

@doxiemoxie212 - I'm laughing, but I know I shouldn't! But it's because it's just so insane to think that you have to point out that kind of stuff (and I do it all the time myself!) at all!

helenbz · February 2018

Hey everyone...I’ve been absent for a while because my dad is very sick in Cambodia where he lives and it’s been one incredibly stressful thing after another. Like...the worst stressful things that could happen. It’s been ridiculous. I’m in Alaska and the rest of my family is in Scotland. If I wasn’t pregnant, I’d be over there right now. Because I am pregnant...I’ve been doing my best to not let the stress get to me.

Reading this thread helped. I realized a part of my felt disappointed because this is my special time (FTM) and I don’t want anything ruining it. It feels good to know I’m not alone and that life happens to all of us when we’re pregnant and that doesn’t have to encroach on this experience.

@marcus7676 you mentioned looking for ways to relax...have you tried an app called Headspace? It’s a good app because it’s like mini meditation (5-10 mins) that are not too “hippy” no visualizations, calming sounds or long delves into the mind...just simple language designed to bring you back into the present and notice your thoughts. The fact they are short works for me because even if you’re agitated/really un relaxed it’s not hard to just commit to a few minutes...and they seem to help you notice your thoughts instead of becoming overwhelmed. The guy is British like me so I haven’t noticed this but I have heard that his accent can be distracting for others.

@pupsicle23 my heart aches for you. Youbare not alone and you will get through this. If ambian helps and you can take it, it’s worth a try. I took it once for the dentist and it’s not like sleeping pills, it doesn’t just knock you out. It makes you feel more relaxed (and a little bit loopy). Whatever you need to do.

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