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TTCAL w/o 12/25

holly321holly321 member
in Trying to Get Pregnant

This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What was your favorite Christmas gift this year? 

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Re: TTCAL w/o 12/25

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  • coco2787coco2787 member
    @AlohaKumu I'm so sorry for your loss.  I hope that things end differently for you in February  <3
    @holly321 I'm sorry about the Christmas party, it sucks how triggers can happen when you least expect it.
    @galactickates FX for a Christmas miracle!

    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
    Report Reply
  • ChloandCocoChloandCoco member
    @AlohaKumu I’m so sorry you find yourself here after such a long time. I hope everything goes better for you in February. 
    @holly321 I’m sorry you had a hard time at your Christmas party, just remember that it’s ok to not be ok. But your DH gave you a very thoughtful gift! 
    @galactickates FX for your Christmas rainbow. 
    @coco2787 That’s a beautiful necklace!
    Report Reply
  • holly321holly321 member
    @galactickates, now that your levels are low to normal, I would take advantage of the positive opk for sure.  With my first loss, my doctor never mentioned waiting for AF, we had full intentions of several early
    ultrasounds, so dating wasn't an issue.  Besides, if you don't know your dates, usually they will do an early ultrasound if there weren't any plans too, so it sounds like a win win situation to me. Good luck with inspections and moving.  It I'm certain is stressful, but exciting and I am jealous.  We sold our house in June and still can't find anything!  Getting 23 and me is exciting.  I have been contemplating usually the cash I got for Christmas to get it for myself.  

    @ I am glad things went ok with your friends announcement.  The talking of people after is always so awkward.  I only work tomorrow this week and I have been trying to relax and enjoy myself and all I keep doing is cleaning random stuff.

    @coco2787 I said it to @galactickates , but I don't see the point in waiting for AF to TTC as long as your hcg is negative.  Dating is NBD. I am glad that your doctor has a plan in place for your peace of mind next time it hopefully will help things be less stressful for you. The necklace is beautiful and sweet of your SIL.  With my first loss, my SIL bought me a charm with angel wings and peridot for the baby's birthstone.

    @AlohaKumu  *hugs* , I am so sorry that you find yourself here, I have been stalking the IF thread and wishing you the best.  The timing is just awful too.  I hope you were able to find some joy in Christmas.  I feel like we should always trying and expect the best, but it is so hard when you feel like something is a sure thing and then to loss it.  That's great that things are going to move quicker than expected for the next cycle for you, so you have something to look forward too.  And an automatic can opener is something I need.  I will can openers all the time, plus I am left handed and can't open cans well at all with the atrophy I have from my autoimmune disease.

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  • holly321holly321 member
    @acciocoffee TW, I hope your friend is okay.  I have spotted every single time I have been pregnant, at times, bled not spotted, and it was never an issue, especially considering both my losses were missed miscarriages.  Unfortunately, some women just bleed when pregnant.  I definitely get your concern and being upset. End tw. That's great you had a negative HPT.  Are you using opks and temping or just Opks?  I always have trouble with them.  And cash is a great gift.  I am doing my best to try and save mine for a bit, otherwise I tend to use it to by myself fancier than normal lunches during work, haha.


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  • acciocoffeeacciocoffee member
    @holly321 She just texted me a little bit ago and said everything is ok, so that's a relief.

    I am just doing OPKs for now. I did a couple practice ones and I think I understand how they work. I just have the cheapies, but this brand was recommended by someone who had success with them so I'm trusting they will work for me. I'm really just so excited to have a little bit more insight into what my body is doing. In previous cycles we were just using CM and a phone app to guess ovulation. That took 4 months (which was fine), but I really don't want to wait 4 more months if I don't have to. I'll take any advice you have though! 

    I'm so tempted to spend all the cash right now! But we do have a couple things we need to spend it on so I'm trying to control myself. I do think I am going to buy myself a new purse though. I had originally planned to buy a new diaper bag after Christmas, but I think I will just do a purse for now. 
    Report Reply
  • coco2787coco2787 member
    Has anyone ever gotten any definitive answers about whether or not it's possible to ovulate before HCG returns to zero?  I was planning to use the day I get a BFN as a starting point for tracking ovulation, but I'm not sure if that makes the most sense or not.  I've tried the Google but the answers are all over the place.  
    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
    Report Reply
  • holly321holly321 member
    @coco2787, I am 99% sure you can ovulate before being zero based on what I read in my molar group.
    Report Reply
  • galactickatesgalactickates member
    @coco2787 - I read the same thing as @holly321 did,  but like you.. I found conflicting information. I just kept taking both HPTs and OPKs until something turned.  But I'm a control freak. 
    Report Reply
  • ChloandCocoChloandCoco member
    @coco2787 I’m pretty sure you can, but your HCG has to be close to 0. 
    Report Reply
  • coco2787coco2787 member
    I'm pretty much doing the same thing @galactickates.  Control freaks unite! 
    I took an OPK and HPT a couple days ago and got positives on both, but I'm 99% sure the positive OPK was because I still had enough HCG in my system to make it positive.  Still another squinter BFP this morning. I know it can take several weeks but it's still frustrating  :/
    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
    Report Reply
  • acciocoffeeacciocoffee member
    @coco2787 I hate that having HCG in your system turns OPKs positive! That's so frustrating. I kind of think I ovulated as soon as I hit 0, but that is not based on science/proof at all. I got a squinter HPT then a week later I ovulated. Plus all remaining pregnancy symptoms disappeared right before.

    @BusinessWife Can I just say that I love how encouraging you are to everyone here? I kind of feel like you are my TB role model. 

    So I'm still waiting for AF and I am getting really impatient because as soon as it gets here I am taking us off the bench. My guess is that it will be here tomorrow, but there is really no way to tell. I tried to "kick start" it last night, but obviously it hasn't worked yet. Ugh. I have a question that Google can't help me with though. So my MC happened on the day I would normally have gotten AF, so since I think I ovulated at normal time would it make sense to expect AF at the normal time as well? Or is that just wishful thinking? 
    Report Reply
  • galactickatesgalactickates member
    @acciocoffee my surgery happened exactly one month from my BFP and got a +opk two weeks from surgery.  Then I just got another +opk a little more then two weeks from that so... carry the 1 divide by 8 = I have no idea lol Except I get why they say now it can take awhile for your cycle to regulate.  I've been trying to make any sense of what's going on but I'm at the "I give up, see what happens" stage now. 
    Report Reply
  • acciocoffeeacciocoffee member
    @galactickates I completely understand that. If AF doesn't show up I will probably just start taking OPKs until something happens. I just really hate not knowing what is going on. I probably need to get to your stage soon or I'm going to lose my mind! 
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  • galactickatesgalactickates member
    @acciocoffee when I got the second opk I realized there was no point in trying to figure anything out, but I've got a little bit different situation. 


    Yikes I keep forgetting :'(  
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  • meatballs37meatballs37 member
    @holly321 Oh man I would have ugly cried with that Christmas gift. What a wonderful gift and thoughtful husband you have!
    @galactickates fingers crossed for your holiday TWW!
    @ChloandCoco So sorry that the announcement and talk about the pregnancy was hard. I am finding my triggers are also the same. Which I never would have guessed that to be true before my losses. I would have thought a loss would be triggering, but it is actually anyone who is pregnant. I hope you have a relaxing week off from work!
    @coco2787 That necklace is beautiful. 
    @AlohaKumu I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your journey in your spoiler made me tear up. I am hoping Feb comes quickly for you. Waiting is always so hard. 
    @acciocoffee hoping AF starts soon!

    Sorry I have been a little MIA over the last week. The holidays hit me really hard and I tried to keep as busy as possible to avoid thinking about it all. 

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Identical twins diagnosed with twin to twin transfusion syndrome at 21 weeks. Surgery at 22 weeks to split the placenta. We lost Baby B within 24 hours. I carried them both until 25 weeks when my water broke and I delivered B vaginally and A via c-section. Baby A fought like hell for 24 days in the NICU. He passed on November 26th. 

    Status: benched for 6 months minimum due to c-section

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am struggling big time in general.

     *TW* One of my friends suffered a MC this week. She was 5 weeks along and they have been trying for over a year. I am so sad for them because I know she feels defeated. But at the same time she is texting me a lot about how she is struggling, anxious, and can't leave the house. She keeps phrasing things in a way that seems like she wants to relate her loss to mine. And I just can't. When she talks about how she can't leave the house or face people. I can't help but think, "what about me?" My son died in my arms and I am still getting up everyday. She never asks how I am doing. And I need to find a way to tell her that her talking to me about her particular loss and how she can't face the day brings me to a very bad place with my loss. Normally other losses don't trigger me, but for some reason hers is. I think a lot of it has to do with her being a close friend and the amount of support she is asking out of me right now. I honestly only have enough strength to get through a day for myself. Any advice? I don't want to come off like an insensitive jerk, but I just can't have her texts throughout the day making me cry. I am still grieving. My son has only been gone for a month. *end TW*

    I am still waiting on my first PP AF. I am 8 weeks PP today and have fully weaned from pumping for almost a month. I did have some brown spotting this week...but so far nothing. I kind of just want it to get here so that I can breathe a little and know my body is still working. I am sure there are many of you who feel the same way. Like, lets get this next cycle on the road body. 

    I started back to work today and it is hard. Really hard. All I could think of on my drive here, when i put on my scrubs, punched in, etc, I was pregnant and both of my boys were alive last time I did all this. I haven'y been to work since september 24th when I was put on bed rest. It is all overwhelming. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? none. Just waiting for AF so I can start charting again

    GTKY: What was your favorite Christmas gift this year? a dyson cordless vacuum. The thing is amazing! 


    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



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  • dpjenniferdpjennifer member

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 4 early MC. Unexplained RPL.

    Status: CD 29. TWW. Like 6 DPO.

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Sorry it took a while to respond. I was up in Erie, PA visiting family during the record snowfall. Had a wonderful relaxing time being snowed in! Read my books, watched some tv and movies, did some sewing, played games… played in the snow with my dog! It was fantastic!!!

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Possibly POAS after New Years.

    GTKY: What was your favorite Christmas gift this year? In-laws got me a gift certificate to this brassiere boutique place and I got some beautiful supportive bras that I didn’t have to spend a ton of my own money on. I loved that!  I know, I know… adult level Christmas presents achieved!

    ChloandCoco  Ohhh… those earrings sound nice!

    galactickates I wanna see the Griswold house! I don’t want to wait a year!

    coco2787 Beautiful memory necklace.

    AlohaKumu OH NO! I’m so sorry you’ve had to come join our ‘club.’ What’s happening to the IF ladies this month? Having MC on top of IF is just cruel. I’m extra sorry that this is all happening over the holidays for you. As for the sobbing, I also sobbed a ton after finding out my first low beta number(s)… and by the time the second beta number test came back to confirm I’d already started spotting more and knew it was over anyway and was more numb than sobbing uncontrollably.

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.

    FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)

    Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.

    FET #2: September 2024 (failed)

    FET #3: December 2024 (failed)

    #BitterHagPartyOf1

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  • cdepperschmidtcdepperschmidt member
    I have a question. I’m asking it here because this seems like an appropriate location, but if it’s not please direct me. What’s the difference between a CP and a very early MC, say 4-5 weeks? Specifically, how does one know if they’ve had one and not the other? 
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  • meatballs37meatballs37 member
    @zamora_spin
    You are right, I need to be honest with her. Because when she texts me she can't get out of bed because she is so sad, it panics me back to that place. I just feel like a bad friend for not being able to support her. I just hate that I have to be honest with her. 
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



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  • meatballs37meatballs37 member
    @offtoneverland I’m so so incredibly sorry. I don’t have any advice for what you should do next, but I think it’s a step in the right direction to get it all documented in your medical history. I was so excited for you when you posted in the grad thread. :( And don’t ever apologize for writing a longer post. We are all here for you. So many hugs being sent your way tonight. I hope you are able to get some rest.
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



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  • meatballs37meatballs37 member
    @offtoneverland bouncing off what @zamora_spin said. A book I found helpful on improving egg quality was “it starts with an egg.” She gets a little weird and way in depth at some points (ie:changing water filtration in your home). But a lot of it I found really helpful. 
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



    Report Reply
  • offtoneverlandofftoneverland member
    @meatballs37 Thank you so much for the kind words.  <3
    @zamora_spin Thank you for all the information. I'm 30 years old. I haven't started CoQ10 but I definitely will go get some soon. At this point I'll try anything. I'm even considering acupuncture. I sent a message to my doctor and asked if he could refer me to an RE at this point. My OB office has been swamped and the soonest appointment I could get for my pregnancy confirmation was February 8th, so I'm trying to get everything I need done through their messaging system. I'll update when I hear back. I appreciate all of your insight and advice about RPL issues. It's incredibly helpful. It sucks that it may just be rotten luck for a lot of us.  :/
    I have my fingers crossed for you for when you test this weekend.
    @AlohaKumu I'm so very sorry about your CP after all you've gone through to get here. I'm so hopeful that your February FET will be able to take place.
    *TW*
    Me: 31 | DH: 33
    DD1: 8/2014  <3
    TTC #2: 6/2017
    BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
    BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
    BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
    BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
    DD2: 10/2018  <3
    Report Reply
  • ChloandCocoChloandCoco member
    @offtoneverland I’m so sorry you are back here. I would go talk to your doctor about getting some testing done, even if your first one isn’t documented, it’s still worth talking to your doctor about all this. My OB offered to do testing after my second, but I thought it was just bad luck. I’m sending you all the creepy internet hugs right now, and remember that we are here for you. 
    @meatballs37 I’m sorry you are struggling with your friend right now, it’s definitely hard when you have nothing to give and people want something out of you. I second the advice from zamora_spin, especially the part of being brutally honest with her. 
    @dpjennifer I really hope this is your cycle! 
    @zamora_spin I hope this is your cycle too! But I get that you want to guard yourself. If you ever need to talk to someone while you are lurking just send me a message. As for my testing, the only thing that came back abnormal was my clotting levels. The max they want to see is 0.35 and mine is around 0.39. So next time I will probably take baby aspirin or get a shot of heparin. 
    Report Reply
  • starlastarla member
    @offtoneverland I'm so incredibly sorry that you're going through this again. We are here for you whenever you need to vent or whatever you need. I agree with @zamora_spin. I would at least do the RPL, HSG or sono, and anything else the doctor will do. After my CP last month the fertility clinic did RPL, sono, biopsy, and DNA fragmentation for DH's sperm. I really hope you get some answers. 

    @meatballs37 I agree with others that you're not in a position to help your friend. I think she thinks you can commiserate, but your situations are vastly different. Even if they were the same, you can't ask for help from someone who is also struggling. It's still too fresh for you. You should be brutally honest. GL!
    Me: 34 | DH: 33
    Married Aug. 2013
    TTC #1 Sep. 2016
    ***TW***
    BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d
    BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
    BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
    All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
    BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
    My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d


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  • ChloandCocoChloandCoco member
    @offtoneverland I also want to say that I started acupuncture and it really helps with the anxiety. I highly recommend it. 
    Report Reply
  • galactickatesgalactickates member
    Omg, @offtoneverland I missed you so much but I didn't want to see you back here. I'm so sad to see this update and I'm so sorry.That's awful you had to hold it in at work all day.  I'm at a loss for words. My immediate instincts are "what can I do??" But I know there is nothing. So many hugs friend.   <3<3
    Report Reply
  • coco2787coco2787 member
    Dammit @offtoneverland my heart sunk when I saw your name in this thread.  I'm so very sorry for your loss and that you find yourself back here.  Vent as much as you need.  I hope that your doctor can help you find some answers  <3
    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
    Report Reply
  • jrm_14jrm_14 member
    edited December 2017
    @offtoneverland All the hugs & Love.  I wish that I had words to help your hurting heart. So sorry, friend. 

    Eta: p.s. and ((Hugs)) to everyone else, too. 
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