@Ceridwen21 I'm disappointed about the sex of my kid and I've spent a couple days crying about it. I'm still not excited and I'm doubting I'll get there in the next few days or even weeks. I also got some not so awesome news at our anatomy scan AND this was an IUI baby after a miscarriage AND almost 2 years of fertility treatments. Even after all of that - I'm still disappointed. I respect that it gets under your skin because, hey, we're all entitled to an opinion , but I just want to give a voice to the one who goes through all of the shittiest there is to offer with trying to grow a family and yet still somehow finds themselves less than thrilled at the outcome in this very moment.
I will love my son and I am confident, in time, I won't be able to imagine life without him. But right now I'm in the mire and I can't stop my emotions. Emotions aren't "right" or "wrong" they just "are." My job now is to work through them and I'm doing my damnest to do just that.
I think my UO is that it seems like having a boy is somehow the lesser of the two sexes these days. I have told a few friends we are expecting a boy and their reactions have all been significantly less excited than they were with my daughter. Even my MIL said "oh. Well, I guess that will be nice." I've also heard comments about the ugly boy clothes, dealing with stinky boy-ness, how overactive and physical he'll be, what a handful he will be, how he will never call me when he's older, and that it sucks I won't get to be the mother of the bride at his wedding. Gender norms are some serious shit.
@thedawkterswife speak to Latinos, Italians, anyone from the middle East, and i think a bunch of other cultures. They'll be so relieved you're having a boy. I'm getting lots of people hoping we get a boy. (We're keeping the sex a secret though we're know we're having a boy.)
I hope the not so great news isn't so serious and that things go well.
I don't think the boy clothes are as varied as the girl clothes. Boys get pants and shirts. Girls get dresses and jumpers and skirts etc. But there's more to parenting and family members than clothing.
My girls are stinky and messy and overactive and insane. My brothers are in their 30s and still call my mom every day and sleep at her house too often.
To be honest, i think there will be differences in parenting a boy vs a girl. Even if you do the exact same thing, the rest of the world won't. Your son won't constantly get called a princess. Your daughter probably won't be told that real women don't cry. I think all the pressures make these emotions even more intense. Try to zone out the world and focus on what you need. Good luck!
I think American culture sees girls as a better return on investment. There’s that old say “a daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he takes a wife”. Also, I think girls are encouraged to do “boy” stuff, like sports, whereas boys aren’t encouraged to do “girl” stuff like ballet. So, if you’re huge sports fan you can do that with your girl, but if you love ballet, you may be out of luck (on a side note, I was a serious dancer in high school, and my son will do ballet). Girls are expected to be financially productive too, so she can take over the family business or follow in her father’s footsteps, something that used to be reserved for boys. So yeah, I think girls can more easily fill their parents dreams, which is probably a silly thing to impose on your kid in the first place, but I digress. The good news is, I think a lot of the stereotypes about boys aren’t true anymore. My DH and his brothers are very close with their mother. We live far away, but his brother lives right down the street and sees her all the time. They are extremely close. All of the daughters in law are close with her too. I even had her in the delivery room for our first baby. My brother and my mom are also extremely close. There are no issues between his wife and my mom either. Honestly, the people I know who don’t have close relationships with their parents are from dysfunctional families. So, don’t be a narcissist and you will likely have an amazing relationship with your son until the day you die. I think slowly but surely gender expectations are changing for boys. Eventually we may not have these rigid ideas, but I don’t think we’re there yet unfortunately. And no, boys are NOT stinkier than girls. My son is more physically active than my girls though, but he also has 3 older sisters to romp with, so that may be a youngest child thing.
I don't really see girls being the most valued by society but maybe its regional. I see a lot of moms wanting girls and dads wanting boys. I feel like that's because you think you'll relate better to your gender. DH and I both preferred a boy as I'm not really girly and was interested in raising a gender that was different than me. When we found out it was a girl we definitely had to process it and get used to the idea but after discussing how DH can still try the same activities with a boy or girl and how I'm involved to deal with any girl specific issues, we're now super stoked.
I think a lot of people go through an adjustment, even if you get what you were hoping for because you now have a human developing an identity. I've just seen first hand parents who don't get over gender disappointment which affects the child. That's why I said earlier ultimately I hope anyone struggling with it finds what they need and can accept their child for the awesome little human they are. (Not directed at anyone in particular, just finishing a thought)
@gildah J LOVES watching ballet and tap dancing, so I can’t wait til he’s three and potty trained to start him at the studio I work for.
I keep telling all the boys I know that ballet is the way to go!!!
One of my students this year is a four year old boy and he is so stinking cute! We focus on how strong he has to be to move properly. I love all of my students (some have serious behavior problems that give me a run for my money) but he’s got a special place in my heart.
@gildah You are very well spoken with excellent points, just sayin.
As for me, I think I put everyone out there ahead of myself so I thought to myself, what would be best for my husband? I was certain a boy was going to be perfect because I thought he would be a great role model. His dad also abandoned him and his mom when he was an infant so I envisioned having a boy as a way for him to be the dad he never had. When we found out our baby was a girl I had an initial pang of disappointment but only because of the future I had envisioned. But, it wasn't that I was disappointed in the sex of our baby, more so the loss of control over everything I had mentally planned. I was disappointed for a few days but never told anyone. Now, I am elated we are having a girl, and I think my husband will be a great role model for her too. And I have no problem with playing into or abandoning gender roles. My husband is super masculine and I am super feminine so I wonder how that will play into the way our daughter grows up.
Re: UO 12/21
I will love my son and I am confident, in time, I won't be able to imagine life without him. But right now I'm in the mire and I can't stop my emotions. Emotions aren't "right" or "wrong" they just "are." My job now is to work through them and I'm doing my damnest to do just that.
I think my UO is that it seems like having a boy is somehow the lesser of the two sexes these days. I have told a few friends we are expecting a boy and their reactions have all been significantly less excited than they were with my daughter. Even my MIL said "oh. Well, I guess that will be nice." I've also heard comments about the ugly boy clothes, dealing with stinky boy-ness, how overactive and physical he'll be, what a handful he will be, how he will never call me when he's older, and that it sucks I won't get to be the mother of the bride at his wedding. Gender norms are some serious shit.
I hope the not so great news isn't so serious and that things go well.
I don't think the boy clothes are as varied as the girl clothes. Boys get pants and shirts. Girls get dresses and jumpers and skirts etc. But there's more to parenting and family members than clothing.
My girls are stinky and messy and overactive and insane. My brothers are in their 30s and still call my mom every day and sleep at her house too often.
To be honest, i think there will be differences in parenting a boy vs a girl. Even if you do the exact same thing, the rest of the world won't. Your son won't constantly get called a princess. Your daughter probably won't be told that real women don't cry. I think all the pressures make these emotions even more intense. Try to zone out the world and focus on what you need. Good luck!
The good news is, I think a lot of the stereotypes about boys aren’t true anymore. My DH and his brothers are very close with their mother. We live far away, but his brother lives right down the street and sees her all the time. They are extremely close. All of the daughters in law are close with her too. I even had her in the delivery room for our first baby.
My brother and my mom are also extremely close. There are no issues between his wife and my mom either. Honestly, the people I know who don’t have close relationships with their parents are from dysfunctional families. So, don’t be a narcissist and you will likely have an amazing relationship with your son until the day you die.
I think slowly but surely gender expectations are changing for boys. Eventually we may not have these rigid ideas, but I don’t think we’re there yet unfortunately. And no, boys are NOT stinkier than girls. My son is more physically active than my girls though, but he also has 3 older sisters to romp with, so that may be a youngest child thing.
I think a lot of people go through an adjustment, even if you get what you were hoping for because you now have a human developing an identity. I've just seen first hand parents who don't get over gender disappointment which affects the child. That's why I said earlier ultimately I hope anyone struggling with it finds what they need and can accept their child for the awesome little human they are. (Not directed at anyone in particular, just finishing a thought)
As for me, I think I put everyone out there ahead of myself so I thought to myself, what would be best for my husband? I was certain a boy was going to be perfect because I thought he would be a great role model. His dad also abandoned him and his mom when he was an infant so I envisioned having a boy as a way for him to be the dad he never had. When we found out our baby was a girl I had an initial pang of disappointment but only because of the future I had envisioned. But, it wasn't that I was disappointed in the sex of our baby, more so the loss of control over everything I had mentally planned. I was disappointed for a few days but never told anyone. Now, I am elated we are having a girl, and I think my husband will be a great role model for her too. And I have no problem with playing into or abandoning gender roles. My husband is super masculine and I am super feminine so I wonder how that will play into the way our daughter grows up.