@crazyliblady glad to hear you are getting him evaluated. In case it changes anything, you don't need insurance for early intervention. Also, some pediatricians are more lax about getting kids evaluated. If you're says to wait, please pm me. I'm happy to get more details and explore with you. Don't mean to be pushy, it's just an important subject to me and I more how much getting the right help improves things.
LOL, Y'all are cracking me up with the "We waited so you can help make memories with us". Perfect! @suchaglencoco, I'm getting advice from you EVERY time! You're a genius!
Okay, I need some help. I think it was in this thread a month or so ago that I posted about my in-laws wanting to take DS overnight. They live 8 hours away and in another state. They talked to me about taking him for a long weekend to hang out with them and then possibly longer when the baby comes. I told them DH and I would talk about it and nothing has been said since (the holidays have been crazy, so it's been busy). Well, they were in town this weekend and started talking to DS (2.5 years old) about going to their house and all the fun things they can do (Disney, the beach, fishing, etc.). DH and I haven't talked or agreed to any of this, but they were talking to DS about it. When they were talking to him, DS would say he wanted to go but then would turn to me and say "Mommy, you go too!" Here's the thing... I don't think he's ready. His own response was that he wanted me to be with him. Also, I want to take him to the beach and Disney for the first time. Plus, I don't want him away from me for who knows how long after the baby is born. I'm a teacher and really enjoy my summers with my son and don't want him to go for awhile and feel left out. I asked DH if he said yes to this arrangement and he said no, but said we could see how it goes. I'm honestly not sure what to do. I feel like things are getting away from me. This happened when DS was born. I wanted them to wait a week to come to my house after he was born, but DH said I might want the help, so I agreed. They were at my house the day we were released from the hospital and I felt like I had to play hostess with a newborn. My in-laws are super nice people, and I really like them a lot! I just currently feel overwhelmed.
Here's what I am thinking. I think I will just tell them that I don't think DS is ready to be that far from home being only 2.5, and that when he is older and more independent he can visit them in the summers. We haven't even been to their house so maybe we can try to plan a trip to visit them. As far as the baby is concerned, I am thinking I will suggest them coming on a certain date (Baby is due 5/29, so maybe something like 6/10). They work in their retirement community, so I could tell them to plan for that date to help with their work schedule. What do you think? Is that reasonable? Am I being a crazy and possessive mother?
@JNCPro3130 You are DEFINITELY not being possessive or crazy. 8 hours is a long way away, and especially now that you say your son has never been to their house, with OR without you, I definitely don't think it's a good idea for him to go there alone. I absolutely would want to be with my kid(s) the first time they see the beach or Disney, so I think that by itself is enough of a reason to tell them you'd prefer to take a family trip out there before sending him out there alone. As for them coming to visit you, I would tell them a date at least two weeks after your due date. You need time to adjust to being a family of four, you need time for DS to adjust to having a newborn in the house, and having people visit will not help that transition at all. It's just more change and upheaval to his routine that he doesn't need. I hope you, or your husband at least, feel comfortable telling them that, and that they actually stick to it. Honestly, bottom line is you don't feel comfortable doing it, and that's all that should matter. It's your kid, and even if DH thinks it's a good idea, you don't, and that should be the end of the argument.
Me, 35 Hubs, 32 Married June 2012 BFP June 2013- blighted ovum, D&C Aug 2013 BFP Oct 2013- twins! A&H born May 2014 BFP Aug 2017- EDD 5/8/17
@sandbar517, Thank you! I really try not to be over protective of him. I went to my grandparent's house when I was little, but I remember being 7 or 8... not 2 (or doing it beginning very young). With the beach and Disney, I just feel like you never get the "firsts" back. I want to be there!
@JNCPro3130 I don't think you're out of line, but to play devil's advocate...it's kind of awesome they want to be so involved. My parents and in laws live within 5 miles of us. I know My parents will take the girls while I'm in the hospital, but I'm not getting much help or support beyond that. Can you all go visit them and after 1 night you and DH spend a night at a hotel or something? I agree the beach and Disney are big firsts. Maybe you can all go together the first time and then you'll be more ok with it? It might be really nice for DS to have a grandparent visit to look forward to when the baby comes. It will distract him a little from not having all your attention. Again, I think your feelings make sense and anyway it's up to you. I just think there might be a way you can all enjoy their enthusiasm.
@nanifrog, You are completely right! I absolutely love that they love DS and want to spend so much time with them! They were so disappointed when we told them we were pregnant with DS. We got pregnant the summer they moved to FL. I know a lot of people would LOVE to have in-laws that are involved, and as sweet as mine! They are truly wonderful people. I want them in DS's life, so that isn't my issue at all. In fact, last night, DS said he missed his grams and papa. I'm thrilled that he loves them. I am hoping to go visit them soon! DH works for the fire department so time off is tricky. He's trying to save up time to take when the baby comes. He might be able to switch shifts and take a long weekend to go. We could look into that.
It's your kid, it's your call. My in laws live 2 hours away and the twins have been to the homes several times. I would still be nervous to be that far from them in case anything happened. In October, DH and I went away for 1 night and 2 long days to somewhere like 7ish hours away. It was hard to be physically that far from them, but they were safe in our home with grandparents so I dealt with it.
If this were me, I would be extremely up front. I would explain that firsts like that are for parents to share and enjoy with their children. I would also tell them that while I appreciate the amazing offer, it won't be happening anytime soon. Your son hasn't even been in their home! I'm sure he'd be a wreck. And he definitely doesn't fully grasp what they are saying to him. I would also let it be known that them semi going behind your back to try and get him on their side about the trip is inappropriate and shouldn't be done again.
We are very up front with our expectations or issues with grandparents, aunts, uncles and such. We know that they are loved by all of these people, but it doesn't give them certain rights. We are pretty laid back with our parenting and were more than willing to hand over our kids when they were babies, but some things are our decision and that's that.
I think @nanifrog had a great suggestion, if you're able to do it. I think a family trip out there to do Disney and the beach before this baby is born would be a good first step, and having you and DH spend the second or third night away (but still close like a hotel) would be a good "dress rehearsal" to see how DS would handle it. My 6 year old niece is super outgoing, not what I would consider overly attached to her parents and asks ALL THE TIME to spend the night at our house (we live 5 minutes away from her). But almost every time before she goes to bed she starts crying, saying she misses her parents and baby brother, and 80% of the time ends up having one of her parents come pick her up at 10 or 11 at night. I think even if you do a family trip out there, it wouldn't change my opinion about having him out there for an extended period of time. It's too far away, and just because he does well with one night doesn't mean he'll do well for days or weeks, if not longer. And I definitely agree with @suchaglencoco that regardless of what happens with visits, etc. after the baby is born, the issue of their discussing this with DS without having actually agreed on anything needs to be discussed and nipped in the bud. That is not okay.
Me, 35 Hubs, 32 Married June 2012 BFP June 2013- blighted ovum, D&C Aug 2013 BFP Oct 2013- twins! A&H born May 2014 BFP Aug 2017- EDD 5/8/17
Thank you everyone! I really appreciate all the opinions and suggestions. It's hard because I know it comes from a place of love and excitement over their grandson staying with them. I will suggest the idea of taking a family trip to visit them to DH so that my in-laws can still "show off" their grandson to their friends, and I like the idea of a hotel trip with DH and I. Might be a fun mommy and daddy date night for us! @suchaglencoco, being far away and something happening is what I really worry about too! I actually called my insurance company to ask what happens if DS is out of state and something happens. Not that things can't happen when he gets older, but just worry about him being so little. I also agree that something needs to be said (I think by DH to his parents) about talking to DS before DH and I have agreed to something. He's 2 and won't remember this time, but the older he gets, the more unacceptable that will be. I already have mommy guilt about the amount of time away from him and DS's new thing of hugging me and saying, "Thanks for coming back" when I pick him up from daycare doesn't help!
I agree with everyone on trying to come up with an alternate plan where you aren't so far away and you don't miss those exciting firsts with DS. I still haven't left DS for a sleepover with anyone. But it's hard when the family you would want to is far away. Mine is like four hours which is just too far for my comfort! I don't really trust DH's family either and he is absolutely against him staying with his own mom.
Re: STM+ Check-In Week of 12/13
Okay, I need some help. I think it was in this thread a month or so ago that I posted about my in-laws wanting to take DS overnight. They live 8 hours away and in another state. They talked to me about taking him for a long weekend to hang out with them and then possibly longer when the baby comes. I told them DH and I would talk about it and nothing has been said since (the holidays have been crazy, so it's been busy). Well, they were in town this weekend and started talking to DS (2.5 years old) about going to their house and all the fun things they can do (Disney, the beach, fishing, etc.). DH and I haven't talked or agreed to any of this, but they were talking to DS about it. When they were talking to him, DS would say he wanted to go but then would turn to me and say "Mommy, you go too!" Here's the thing... I don't think he's ready. His own response was that he wanted me to be with him. Also, I want to take him to the beach and Disney for the first time. Plus, I don't want him away from me for who knows how long after the baby is born. I'm a teacher and really enjoy my summers with my son and don't want him to go for awhile and feel left out. I asked DH if he said yes to this arrangement and he said no, but said we could see how it goes. I'm honestly not sure what to do. I feel like things are getting away from me. This happened when DS was born. I wanted them to wait a week to come to my house after he was born, but DH said I might want the help, so I agreed. They were at my house the day we were released from the hospital and I felt like I had to play hostess with a newborn. My in-laws are super nice people, and I really like them a lot! I just currently feel overwhelmed.
Here's what I am thinking. I think I will just tell them that I don't think DS is ready to be that far from home being only 2.5, and that when he is older and more independent he can visit them in the summers. We haven't even been to their house so maybe we can try to plan a trip to visit them. As far as the baby is concerned, I am thinking I will suggest them coming on a certain date (Baby is due 5/29, so maybe something like 6/10). They work in their retirement community, so I could tell them to plan for that date to help with their work schedule. What do you think? Is that reasonable? Am I being a crazy and possessive mother?
Married June 2012
BFP June 2013- blighted ovum, D&C Aug 2013
BFP Oct 2013- twins! A&H born May 2014
BFP Aug 2017- EDD 5/8/17
My in laws live 2 hours away and the twins have been to the homes several times. I would still be nervous to be that far from them in case anything happened.
In October, DH and I went away for 1 night and 2 long days to somewhere like 7ish hours away. It was hard to be physically that far from them, but they were safe in our home with grandparents so I dealt with it.
If this were me, I would be extremely up front. I would explain that firsts like that are for parents to share and enjoy with their children. I would also tell them that while I appreciate the amazing offer, it won't be happening anytime soon. Your son hasn't even been in their home! I'm sure he'd be a wreck. And he definitely doesn't fully grasp what they are saying to him. I would also let it be known that them semi going behind your back to try and get him on their side about the trip is inappropriate and shouldn't be done again.
We are very up front with our expectations or issues with grandparents, aunts, uncles and such. We know that they are loved by all of these people, but it doesn't give them certain rights. We are pretty laid back with our parenting and were more than willing to hand over our kids when they were babies, but some things are our decision and that's that.
I think even if you do a family trip out there, it wouldn't change my opinion about having him out there for an extended period of time. It's too far away, and just because he does well with one night doesn't mean he'll do well for days or weeks, if not longer. And I definitely agree with @suchaglencoco that regardless of what happens with visits, etc. after the baby is born, the issue of their discussing this with DS without having actually agreed on anything needs to be discussed and nipped in the bud. That is not okay.
Married June 2012
BFP June 2013- blighted ovum, D&C Aug 2013
BFP Oct 2013- twins! A&H born May 2014
BFP Aug 2017- EDD 5/8/17
Thank you again, ladies! I appreciate you!