I'm super late to the game catching up. I had a busy day yesterday. @poppy0419 I'm so glad you finally got some answers, and I hope you start feeling better soon. I'm sure (hopeful, anyway) that the nursing staff told you, but make sure your visitors are washing their hands with soap and water, and not just using the hand sanitizer-it doesn't kill C Diff which is really contagious. @gildah Glad your SIL got some good news, hopefully things work out for her. @mileswithmyles All of my ultrasounds, even with the twins, were with ultrasound techs in different facilities than my doctors/midwives, but like @doraleigh35 the ultrasound facilities have their own doctor there that review them before you leave to make sure everything looks okay, and then they send the report to my provider's office. I did have one quick US at my first midwife appointment with this baby, only because I was freaking out that I might have twins again, so she was nice enough to do a quick one for me to verify. Not that I think about it, when I saw my OB with my twin pregnancy, she commented that my uterus was bigger than expected, and still didn't do an ultrasound in the office, but had me go get one with the ultrasound techs in another building. (I already knew I was having twins because I worked in the ER and found them on our own ultrasound machine, so maybe that's why she wasn't super concerned...)
Me, 35 Hubs, 32 Married June 2012 BFP June 2013- blighted ovum, D&C Aug 2013 BFP Oct 2013- twins! A&H born May 2014 BFP Aug 2017- EDD 5/8/17
Ugh I just watched a video on Facebook where a woman was asking men if they came the last time they had sex, to which they all said yes. Then she asked if their partner has cum, and 90% of them had no idea. They all said that they came so sex was over. I have no patience for that line of thinking. Dated a guy once who told me that it was degrading for him to help me finish after he came. Uh... excuse me??? Like it’s not supposed to be degrading for me to just lay there for your pleasure? Nope. (We didn’t last long, if you hadn’t gathered...)
@sandbar517 they had me on isolation so all visitors/doctors/nurses had to wear gloves and a gown and no children allowed in my room. DH had to completely suit up with a mask and everything to help me shower. They had an ICU cleaning crew come in to clean my room twice a day too. Lots and lots of precautions.
Im discharged and at home now. Not better but we’re getting there. I’m swollen and sore from being in a bed for weeks. I’ll have some PT to recover. My mom still has DD who is having a blast. And I’m able to eat finally.
@Poppy0419 It sounds like things are looking up from here! I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this. I can’t even imagine how sick and scared you must have been. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is healthy and uneventful!!!
@Poppy0419 I'm glad you are home and can finally eat again. I'm so sorry for the ordeal you've been through the past weeks. I'm glad your DD is having fun with your mother and hope you can focus on your recovery and get well soon. Good luck with the PT. I agree with @gildah : I hope the rest of your pregnancy is healthy and uneventful. Thinking of you.
So my morning was super unhelpful. I had an appointment and it had to get switched from an OB to a NP. Generally I don't mind. But they hired a bunch of new NPs at my office. So I literally just see someone new each visit. I've literally not seen the same person more than once this pregnancy. And each person just asks the same questions about my last pregnancy. The woman I had today came in and while holding my chart and a laptop with my info clearly on it had to ask me my name. I'm sorry. You could have looked that up before walking in the room. You don't have to remember it after I leave, but you could have faked like you knew what you were doing by knowing my damn name. And then to every question I asked she said, "that's a really good thing to discuss with one of the doctors at your scan in a few weeks." Or "let's discuss that with a doctor at your next visit." What the hell was the point of this appointment if you can't even answer a single question. I asked a very legitimate question if I need to be concerned about Braxton hicks contractions that have not left for a week now since I had them early on with my first. She said "we will bring this up and have the doctor check on that in January." Why am I seeing you if you don't know what to tell a pregnant woman asking questions about her pregnancy? And why do you keep saying "we?" Are you planning on coming into my next appointment to find out the answers to these questions? And then I asked if I needed another appointment in January to which she said we would ask the doctor later. I told her and the person scheduling appointments I needed to know today so I could make arrangements with my work but today is the last day I can request a specific time off for next month. No one was helpful. I swear if they try to ever schedule me with her again I will just refuse. It probably didn't help that it was a 7:45 am appointment and my DH had hid the orange juice in the back of the fridge and I couldnt find it so I was just nauseous the whole time. But still. Anyway...Rant over.
@theletlers That is so frustrating. Why not just fedex a urine sample over and take your own blood pressure? What’s the point of seeing someone who can’t answer your questions? I almost wonder if there’s a different practice you could go to? This is totally off topic, but I need some advice. I have a friend who I work with who complains to me constantly. It’s like listening to a broken record. She complains about her husband, her kids money issues, minor illnesses and so forth. To compound this (trigger warning, cancer) another dear friend of mine has cancer, and I’m spending most of my emotional energy on her. I kid you not, I got a text from my whiney friend with some minor complaint while my friend with cancer was in the ER after she collapsed and seriously hurt her head. I’m normally a very empathetic person, and many of my friends come to me with problems. I’m more than happy to help and be supportive to 99% of them. This person, however, is making me lose my mind. My plan is to tell her to talk to a marriage counselor or family therapist, or doctor every time she complains. Like “oh you have a paper cut, yeah call your doctor” or “yeah, your marriage sounds really bad, time to see a marriage counselor” Will that work? Or should I just be honest and tell her I can’t listen to her vent anymore? I have to get along with her because we work together, but I don’t need her friendship. I never ask her for anything, and I never share information with her. What should I do? Has anyone been in this place? Help!!!!
@gildah I’ve personally found that giving extremely blunt advice makes people like that go away, but I don’t mind cutting ties completely with people if they slightly annoy me...
@gildah I think that's a very tough situation because you have to work with her on a daily basis. I'm not sure if I would be snippy/curt just bc I would be afraid of making work awkward. That said, I had a sexist, egotistical coworker that I tried to be nice to for a while and then I started to ignore him (blatantly not respond to sexist comments) or just say snippy things (like, "I'm just here for the paycheck, but thanks for the advice") once I realized he was never going to change. I wasn't so rude as to get in trouble with HR, but I stopped caring if we had a cordial relationship bc of his outdated opinions on women. And he started leaving me alone after I responded that way.
So I guess if you don't mind having an icy relationship with someone you work with, then you can drop not-so-subtle hints that she is making mountains out of molehills. But if you'd like to keep things cordial, I would probably just suck it up and "Mhm...you poor thing" when she talks and try to tune her out. I kinda feel bad for her if she thinks paper cuts are worth complaining about. I don't know how she'll handle a real crisis when it inevitably happens.
@ivyvines6 Thank you, I should just be blunt. I need to get a backbone!!!! @silverhope I feel badly for her too. I think she’s so self involved that she doesn’t realize that everyone suffers, so when something happens to her, she can’t deal at all. I think I don’t have to be cold per se, but maybe I can be a really bad listener haha!
@gildah you could also tell her she needs to get more positive and look on the bright side of things. Tell her you've noticed she's been really down about a lot of things lately and that it might help to try explore the birghter side of everything. "At least it's only a paper cut, it could be a cut that requires stitches" I have gone through similar situations at work and I find when people are negative around me it does rub off so I have to tune it out and remind myself not to let my head go there. We all have shit going on in our lives and we need to figure out what works best for us individually to overcome it all. She may not like that advice but it seems like you are at the end of your rope, so something needs to change.
@bwow615 I think I’m going to try the positive spin, mostly because it’s annoying as all get out when people pollyanna you. Personally, I would never complain to someone who did that. I bet it would totally get her off my back. And yes, I am at the end of my rope. It’s been going on for years and I just can’t take it anymore. It’s also turning ME into a complainer, because I’m always bitching about her. No good!!!!!
On a side note, I’ve been reading about covert narcissists and she fits the description really well. She seems like a nice person, but then has ZERO empathy for other people’s issues nor does she listen to anyone.
@gildah I’d probably just tell her to think about how lucky she is when people you are close with are dealing with serious issues. “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”. Be thankful for what you have because you could have it a hell of a lot worse.
She sounds exhausting so good luck getting her to back off.
@gildah, I think the Pollyanna approach is your best bet cause it'll annoy her without you being rude or the bad guy. Since you work together, is aim for as drama free as possible. You might also try telling her a story about your life. "OMG, when you texted me about your paper cut, I was with friend who has cancer while making dinner for my kids. I didn't know who to talk to first" maybe giving her that context will make her realize How insane the complaints are. Also, she might be trying to make conversation so telling her some things might help with that.
If all else fails, jyst say, "I'd love to chat right now, but I have to finish this work".
So we just had our gender reveal...it's a boy which MIL wanted and was freaking out when we cut the cake and saw the blue. Then when I said I was leaning towards a girl, she literally yelled at me to "stop saying that"..so much my husband had to tell her I was allowed to have my opinion.
So we just had our gender reveal...it's a boy which MIL wanted and was freaking out when we cut the cake and saw the blue. Then when I said I was leaning towards a girl, she literally yelled at me to "stop saying that"..so much lu husband had to tell her I was allowed to have my opinion.
Well that’s rude as hell in her part. Glad your DH had your back there.
I feel like I haven't been on in forever. Yesterday was spent trading in our junker for a more reliable vehicle and we're so excited. DH wanted a Chevy spark for price but I had to point out the size with a baby on the way so we went for a new cruze and we're so happy with the decision.
I have been following without posting to see how @Poppy0419 is doing and I'm so glad you're on the way to recovery!
Yeah, then she started her boy crap again (she called this baby her grandson the entire pregnancy) that I had to walk out of the room and ended up crying in a corner. I’m just worried she will try to relive the glory days she had with her sons with my son and it’s MY SON. We are also naming him after my DH so, if I hear lil this and lil that I may snap....
@mmb248 that sounds super frustrating. I can relate. My MIL basically thinks DS is DH reincarnated at times. She comments on his features that look like mine, his nose or whatever by saying "I have no idea where that came from. [name] doesn't look like that at all." I constantly want to yell at her "HE'S HALF ME TOO!!!" But I usually just ignore her.
@gildah that sounds super awkward. Maybe with it being the holiday season you could even say something directly but nicely like how you want to be sympathetic but with so much going on with holidays and your own family and a friend having major health issues from cancer you really want to just focus on the positive things at work.
@mmb248 What weird behavior. I don’t understand when other people care about your kid’s genitals. Like, they’ll be pretty awesome no matter what! Thankfully, my in laws and parents never get weird about stuff like that. I couldn’t handle it. You’re a better woman than I am! @tincupchalice That’s so exciting! I hope everything goes well! Are you finding out the sex? @theletlers, @nanifrog and @Ceridwen77 thank you for the advice and commiseration! I’m going Pollyanna the sh*t out of this haha!
@charlestonchew how exciting! getting and new car is the best!! Congratulations!
@mmb4532, I think a major conversation of boundaries need to be done. First you and your dh need to decide on what they are and what you would like to happen if MIL keeps crossing them. It can be a major marriage strain if you and him are not on the same page. My MIL is pretty good, thankfully. DD is my double, even in her actions and responses, like strangers comment on it, but DS is his own kid and looks kind of like DH at times, but rarely at this age. MIL is always saying "oh DD does this and this just like DH" or "DS looks just like DH does, look, right here with this random mole!" She's just really trying to find her son in her grandkids, so I get that. That kind of stuff we just roll out eyes at, but the one time she crossed the line right after they were born, DH and I had a talk and he had major talk with her. She and him were not on good terms for a bit (and she was pissed and me and I her for months), but it had to be done. Ever since then, she has been very respectful that we're the parents and have final say. Luckily, she agrees with our parenting style, but it did have me worried and anxious for a bit so I totally get where you are coming from.
Afm, we made it 2 years, 14 days, and 10 hours of being parents before having a major puking night. DS was up for several hours this early morning puking and it was one of the most heartbreaking things to watch. Thankfully, he seems to be doing better now an, knock on wood, he's the only one as of this afternoon to get sick.
@suchaglencoco my LO (he’s 1 year, 20 months) had a puking night the other night two. It was the second time he ever had one (but the first time I think he was old enough to understand a little bit), and my heart broke for him. He was saying “tummy hurts”, and then vomited all over me and was just moaning all night. It is so sad when they don’t feel well!
@suchaglencoco Your poor little guy! I hope he gets better soon and you don’t get it! Maybe think about talking to your doctor about a zofran prescription just in case? Also, not trying to be bossy, but it might be a good idea to stock up on basic necessities in case you get stuck at home. Sorry, BTDT so many times.
@dem068a, it was awful. Luckily, he's like me and knew he was about to get sick so he'd get this look on his face and start making a gross noise before puking. It really helped me know when to grab the garbage can or to get him over a towel. And he's such a trooper, he'd only cry while he was puking and then he'd be fine right after.
@gildah, already done! Since everything was calm after family nap time, I went to the store and grabbed a few things.
@suchaglencoco I'm so sorry about DS. Stomach bugs are the worst!!
FTMs, take note, winter is the worst for illnesses, but you probably already know that from just being alive lol.
We rode the Polar Express this weekend and the toddler had a blast! I'm so happy I got the tickets way back in August. He danced and sang in the aisle with the Chef and Elf characters and it was amazing.
Yeah. I’ve already told my husband we must talk to her about boundaries. This is not DH 2.0, this is my son and I refuse for her to treat him otherwise. I expect that she will want to be here a lot once the baby is born and I honestly don’t know if I can handle it. I’m like so fed up with her as it is, maybe I just need time to cool off but I’m just upset about how she treated me last night. Like the fact that I said I was leaning towards a girl doesn’t mean I don’t want this baby. Girls are all I know, I am one and I have all sisters, my friends have all girls. I’ll get it together but I honestly thought girl this entire pregnancy and was surprised at the blue cake last night. I’ve already started my research and I bought some boy clothes today, so I’ll figure it out. I just didn’t like her reaction and gloating and even saying “oh that’s what we wanted” If it wasn’t a boy, you wouldn’t want it? It’s obvious Im still hot from yesterday and just need some time away from my MIL. I just have a lot of anxiety right now and my overbearing MIL isnt helping one bit.
In other news I bought some really cute Bills onsies for DH as s Christmas gift. He’s gonna love having a son to eventually take to the games with him.
@mmb4532 I completely understand your feelings. Is this your first? You get to call all the shots, and if you don't want her around all the time in the beginning it is totally understandable. DS was the first for both sides and everyone was very excited and kept saying how they wanted to come over but I finally had to be blunt and say I am uncomfortable BF on demand in front of my ILs and I would let them know if I needed anything. I also get irritated when people make comments about DS getting things from DH that don't make sense. Like he runs around like him or how he is "all boy." I hate that boy remark. I'm pretty sure all kids run around regardless of a penis or vagina. You may need DH to step up and say what you will and will not accept for your boundaries depending on your comfort level with her.
@mmb4532 that’s too cute! We’ve had a 2T sized shirt that says “Rookie” and has the logo on it for J since before he was born and he’s worn it since he was about five months old. It’s so cute when he wears it because he always points to the logo and says “dah-dah!” Because he associates the bills with DH. We’ve also trained him to throw both arms up in the air when someone says touch down. He normally will do it right, but every once in a while he’s too preoccupied with having his finger in his belly button to be bothered with both, so he’ll half heartedly throw one hand up in indifference. He’s just now starting to grow out of that shirt though and it makes me sad...
@mmb4532 wow, you MIL sounds like a real piece of work! Your DH needs to nip that in the bud. I always feel like the job of corralling the grandparents has to go to the person who's actually related to them.
@mmb4532@thunderberry My husband always tells me to deal with his mother instead of helping me out and telling her to quit the BS....It's a tender spot in our marriage because I know if my mom was giving him a hard time I would totally have his back!
@justsuzie same here. DH likes to be what I call Switzerland. He just wants to stay out of a fight at all costs. I did notice though that after DS was born he started speaking up a little more to his mom. But she and I have duked it out on a few issues. Like when I adamantly refused to go back to her home until the gun sitting on a dresser in DS's reach was put in a locked gun box. Her argument was that her newest husband (...husband number 5 btw...) was a police officer (35 years ago...) and knew how to use it. I very loudly voiced that my son does not and I would not ever let him or any other child have access to a gun. I'm not 100% sure it is in a locked box, but it's a time least moved in the bedroom and the door is closed and we are present every time he is there. If she wants to babysit she comes to our home or we meet her somewhere like the library or park. She only babysits for shorter periods of time after a few instances of not changing his diaper for like five hours and a few times when Shen just didn't feed him. She said she asked him if he wanted food and if he pooped but he said no. He was like 1.5/2 when this happened. Most kids will say no to everything at that age... she can definitely be a tough person to deal with at times!
I've just learned which battles to fight and which ones to let pass with her. But at least she has stopped asking when DS can come stay with her for the weekends. That's what DH did when he was a kid. Literally went to his dad's house every other weekend and almost all of her weekends he went to his grandparents house. I think the occasional sleepover is okay (in most circumstances) or if it's because of a work thing I get it. But I feel like it's weird to send your child elsewhere every weekend because it's so hard having him all week.
Re: Weekly Randoms- 12/11
@poppy0419 I'm so glad you finally got some answers, and I hope you start feeling better soon. I'm sure (hopeful, anyway) that the nursing staff told you, but make sure your visitors are washing their hands with soap and water, and not just using the hand sanitizer-it doesn't kill C Diff which is really contagious.
@gildah Glad your SIL got some good news, hopefully things work out for her.
@mileswithmyles All of my ultrasounds, even with the twins, were with ultrasound techs in different facilities than my doctors/midwives, but like @doraleigh35 the ultrasound facilities have their own doctor there that review them before you leave to make sure everything looks okay, and then they send the report to my provider's office. I did have one quick US at my first midwife appointment with this baby, only because I was freaking out that I might have twins again, so she was nice enough to do a quick one for me to verify. Not that I think about it, when I saw my OB with my twin pregnancy, she commented that my uterus was bigger than expected, and still didn't do an ultrasound in the office, but had me go get one with the ultrasound techs in another building. (I already knew I was having twins because I worked in the ER and found them on our own ultrasound machine, so maybe that's why she wasn't super concerned...)
Married June 2012
BFP June 2013- blighted ovum, D&C Aug 2013
BFP Oct 2013- twins! A&H born May 2014
BFP Aug 2017- EDD 5/8/17
Im discharged and at home now. Not better but we’re getting there. I’m swollen and sore from being in a bed for weeks. I’ll have some PT to recover. My mom still has DD who is having a blast. And I’m able to eat finally.
Married: 8/22/15
BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18
BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
This is totally off topic, but I need some advice. I have a friend who I work with who complains to me constantly. It’s like listening to a broken record. She complains about her husband, her kids money issues, minor illnesses and so forth. To compound this (trigger warning, cancer) another dear friend of mine has cancer, and I’m spending most of my emotional energy on her. I kid you not, I got a text from my whiney friend with some minor complaint while my friend with cancer was in the ER after she collapsed and seriously hurt her head.
I’m normally a very empathetic person, and many of my friends come to me with problems. I’m more than happy to help and be supportive to 99% of them. This person, however, is making me lose my mind. My plan is to tell her to talk to a marriage counselor or family therapist, or doctor every time she complains. Like “oh you have a paper cut, yeah call your doctor” or “yeah, your marriage sounds really bad, time to see a marriage counselor”
Will that work? Or should I just be honest and tell her I can’t listen to her vent anymore? I have to get along with her because we work together, but I don’t need her friendship. I never ask her for anything, and I never share information with her. What should I do? Has anyone been in this place? Help!!!!
(edit for spelling)
So I guess if you don't mind having an icy relationship with someone you work with, then you can drop not-so-subtle hints that she is making mountains out of molehills. But if you'd like to keep things cordial, I would probably just suck it up and "Mhm...you poor thing" when she talks and try to tune her out. I kinda feel bad for her if she thinks paper cuts are worth complaining about. I don't know how she'll handle a real crisis when it inevitably happens.
Married: 8/22/15
BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18
BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
@silverhope I feel badly for her too. I think she’s so self involved that she doesn’t realize that everyone suffers, so when something happens to her, she can’t deal at all. I think I don’t have to be cold per se, but maybe I can be a really bad listener haha!
I have gone through similar situations at work and I find when people are negative around me it does rub off so I have to tune it out and remind myself not to let my head go there. We all have shit going on in our lives and we need to figure out what works best for us individually to overcome it all. She may not like that advice but it seems like you are at the end of your rope, so something needs to change.
She sounds exhausting so good luck getting her to back off.
If all else fails, jyst say, "I'd love to chat right now, but I have to finish this work".
I have been following without posting to see how @Poppy0419 is doing and I'm so glad you're on the way to recovery!
Yeah, then she started her boy crap again (she called this baby her grandson the entire pregnancy) that I had to walk out of the room and ended up crying in a corner. I’m just worried she will try to relive the glory days she had with her sons with my son and it’s MY SON. We are also naming him after my DH so, if I hear lil this and lil that I may snap....
@mmb248 that sounds super frustrating. I can relate. My MIL basically thinks DS is DH reincarnated at times. She comments on his features that look like mine, his nose or whatever by saying "I have no idea where that came from. [name] doesn't look like that at all." I constantly want to yell at her "HE'S HALF ME TOO!!!" But I usually just ignore her.
@gildah that sounds super awkward. Maybe with it being the holiday season you could even say something directly but nicely like how you want to be sympathetic but with so much going on with holidays and your own family and a friend having major health issues from cancer you really want to just focus on the positive things at work.
@charlestonchew congrats on the new car!
@tincupchalice That’s so exciting! I hope everything goes well! Are you finding out the sex?
@theletlers, @nanifrog and @Ceridwen77 thank you for the advice and commiseration! I’m going Pollyanna the sh*t out of this haha!
@charlestonchew how exciting! getting and new car is the best!! Congratulations!
My MIL is pretty good, thankfully. DD is my double, even in her actions and responses, like strangers comment on it, but DS is his own kid and looks kind of like DH at times, but rarely at this age. MIL is always saying "oh DD does this and this just like DH" or "DS looks just like DH does, look, right here with this random mole!" She's just really trying to find her son in her grandkids, so I get that. That kind of stuff we just roll out eyes at, but the one time she crossed the line right after they were born, DH and I had a talk and he had major talk with her. She and him were not on good terms for a bit (and she was pissed and me and I her for months), but it had to be done. Ever since then, she has been very respectful that we're the parents and have final say. Luckily, she agrees with our parenting style, but it did have me worried and anxious for a bit so I totally get where you are coming from.
Afm, we made it 2 years, 14 days, and 10 hours of being parents before having a major puking night. DS was up for several hours this early morning puking and it was one of the most heartbreaking things to watch. Thankfully, he seems to be doing better now an, knock on wood, he's the only one as of this afternoon to get sick.
@gildah, already done! Since everything was calm after family nap time, I went to the store and grabbed a few things.
FTMs, take note, winter is the worst for illnesses, but you probably already know that from just being alive lol.
We rode the Polar Express this weekend and the toddler had a blast! I'm so happy I got the tickets way back in August. He danced and sang in the aisle with the Chef and Elf characters and it was amazing.
Yeah. I’ve already told my husband we must talk to her about boundaries. This is not DH 2.0, this is my son and I refuse for her to treat him otherwise. I expect that she will want to be here a lot once the baby is born and I honestly don’t know if I can handle it. I’m like so fed up with her as it is, maybe I just need time to cool off but I’m just upset about how she treated me last night. Like the fact that I said I was leaning towards a girl doesn’t mean I don’t want this baby. Girls are all I know, I am one and I have all sisters, my friends have all girls. I’ll get it together but I honestly thought girl this entire pregnancy and was surprised at the blue cake last night. I’ve already started my research and I bought some boy clothes today, so I’ll figure it out. I just didn’t like her reaction and gloating and even saying “oh that’s what we wanted” If it wasn’t a boy, you wouldn’t want it? It’s obvious Im still hot from yesterday and just need some time away from my MIL. I just have a lot of anxiety right now and my overbearing MIL
isnt helping one bit.
@ivyvines6
In other news I bought some really cute Bills onsies for DH as s Christmas gift. He’s gonna love having a son to eventually take to the games with him.