+1 to taking pants and bra off as soon as I get home lol. DH laughs cuz apparently I've been taking off pants or changing into something looser even before pregnancy. Pants arent my favorite.
On another note, my bras underwire broke today. Its one of my 2 bras that still fit with a strap extender. Guess i should bite the bullet and get nursing bras finally.
Edited for spelling.
Not going to lie, nursing bras are SUPER comfortable. I didn’t think I could get past not wearing my VS bras, but once I tried the motherhood maternity ones.... DAMN. It made all the difference. I don’t feel super squished anymore. And who gives a crap about my cleavage except for DH...
So my dad is pretty high up in his company and he hires lots of other companies to do work for them. Every year around Christmas time those companies send him gift baskets with chocolate, fancy snacks, spreads, cheese etc. I'm the oldest and I've been out of the house for years so I always get last pick but this year my brother lives in a different city and my sister lives in a different state so I get first dibs. I'm unreasonably excited.
Also, I just found out that my parents and ILs are going out to dinner together next week. Alone. While I'm THRILLED that they are connecting, I'm equally terrified. I've never wanted to be a fly on the wall more than I do for that dinner.
I think I caught a stomach bug. I don’t want DH to take a sick day because i want him to hoard them for when I go into labor, but I also feel like death.
Had an ultrasound today to follow up with some monitoring i had to have done at the hospital yesterday and it was so cool to see the squish again since I haven’t seen her in 12 weeks.
She has a Mohawk. Already the coolest girl in town.
I need holiday drama advice. Warning this is long.
I just realized I will be 34 -36 weeks when my mother is visiting for Christmas. She flies out every year from CA to NY already has her ticket, and has no other family. She is also 76 if that makes a difference. And has been divorced since 1991. My father passed in 1998.
Background: My mother has money and therefore dies not limit Christmas presents. We have asked in the past for her to only buy 1-2 things per each kid and not go crazy $$ Wise. She doesn't listen and has bought the kids the newest ipads, laptops, etc. Along with 5+items each in the past. It is overwhelming, and upsets the other kids that their gifts are not seen as special when they have put so much thought and effort into then and hard earned $.
This year My mother decided she was going to buy everyone a musical instrument, but not the instruments they play - other ones. My son that plays the suzaphone would get a bugle/ trumpet. My daughter a violin, the 2 youngest girls would share a piano. And I don't even know what the other boy was getting i thunk she was going to buy him a car until i said he wasn't getting his license now. Except for the violin, none of the other kids requested instruments. The suzaphone player had requested one for the past 2 years and didn't get one but did not this year. No one will play these after a week, We do not have room for all these instruments, and have a newborn coming, instruments are loud and expensive. nor live in a place where they can get lessons to learn any of them even if we could fit it in our budget. The suzaphone player chooses to takes lessons at school and is in the marching band. I have requested many times for her not to buy these instruments. And earlier this week sent her a list of other present alternatives and said again i nor dh want a house full of instruments at this time. She apparently finally heard me.
So now, My mother has decided she is boycotting Christmas this year. But she is still coming, mind you, but has stated she is returning all the presents she has bought, and has requested no presents from anyone. These other presents she will be returning are already at my house, wrapped and in a huge pile from when she was here at thanksgiving. I told her her "presence is present enough", but that we won't be returning gifts to her because the kids like giving/ watching open/etc.
Now, She has started talking about how controlling her mother was, and that now it's her turn (whatever that means). She is also saying how it's okay if she doesn't get presents because she hasn't gotten any presents and been alone all of the holidays since her divorce (which is flat out wrong - she has been with us for most years and other years chosen to have holidays with local friends or flew to visit cousins). She is gearing up for a huge poor-me-fest over the holidays and i think she is going to sit in the corner and pout and try to make everyone feel sorry for her.
Her assistant and i are both at a loss what to do, but i really don't want to deal with this 34-36 weeks pregnant, nor do i want all this drama over the holidays. She refuses to see a counselor, or take medication. She has also been acting lately like her and my father were never divorced and if he was alive all of the thing's they would be doing together/ would have done. I'm not sure what to do to salvage Christmas with her acting this way, or how to avoid the stress and drama.
Should i just give in and let her spend thousands on instruments and let her have her way? Or ask her to stay home this year (and deal with that while separate drama)? Or realize I'm going to deal with a 2 year old s tantrum from a 76 year old woman for 2 weeks? Or postpone my leave from work and try to be gone as much of the holidays as possible(which means i stint be around to do things with my kids during break)?
Side Note: With my 1st My water broke at 36 weeks because i was working to hard, and stressed out. My son had to stay in nicu for a month. I do not want to repeat that and and scheduled to cut back 80% of work responsiblities for at 35 weeks to help avoid that happening again.
Spoiler box because it's long and holiday family drama filled.
@mamaof5already Ugh. But. I’m a big believer in letting your elders do what makes them happy. If it makes her happy to spend thousands on instruments then let her. And when the kids stop using them sell them. At this point it seems like you two are hurting heads to gain control and is it even worth the stress?
@mamaof5already yikes, that sounds miserable. I agree with @smorzandoj. It might be easier and less stressful on you to placate her, accept the instruments and then sell or donate them when the kids lose interest. (Consider selling to your local school district. The music teachers will love you). Sorry you're having to deal with all of that family drama.
I know the gifts seem ridiculous but some people show their love through the gifts and money they give. Perhaps you could suggest she buy the kids an experience (zoo membership, an extra curricular they otherwise should not get to do, a camp/trip). Otherwise i would just let her get the instruments.
my dad made my 2 y.o a bed for Christmas, originally this was going to be his only gift from them. My mom then went amazon crazy during Black Friday/cyber week. She always asks before buying, but I always tell her it is fine. Does he need a 5th Mickey stuffed animal... NO... but it brings her joy and I know she does it because she loves him. I will just donate or sell everything not in use in a few months. It is not worth the drama and hurt feelings IMO.
@mamaof5already family drama is hard I feel like there is really no right or wrong answer here. I would just go with whatever will give you the smallest headache
@mamaof5already tough situation. It sounds like there’s a lot more going on underneath. For us, if I veto a gift (no, you cannot get my one year old a mini four wheeler for her birthday, MIL.) and the person does it anyway, I put it away. DH says we can’t tell her how to spend her money. I say that I’m the mom and if i say “no, that’s not an appropriate gift for DD.” then that’s what stands. I like the selling to the local band mentioned above.
Wow @mamaof5already!!!! I don't know what to say except wow. I would say just let her bring them and donate them to the HS band but then you are giving in when you said no. No easy choice there and I don't think she'll be happy either way. Best advice is take care of you and do what you need to keep your stress level to a minimum.
@mamaof5already I never had a good relationship with my mother because she always acted and said that I owed her (I was adopted) and that I would have had a miserable life without her. She used gifts as a weapon later (Look what I bought you...now I need you to do this for me...) and did the same with DD. She always overstepped her boundaries as a grandmother and would overrule when I said no. If I put my foot down about anything she would throw toddleresque tantrums until I gave in or until she figured out how to go around me. "Boycotting Christmas" was one of her favorite things to do to manipulate us into letting her have her way. While letting your mom buy the kids instruments and then donating them to a school would solve the immediate problem, I can guarantee that as soon as she hears about it she will use that against you & the stress you're trying to avoid will surface. I'd be firm and tell her "if you give the kids instruments they can't use, they will be donated. We are not asking you for presents, we are asking for your company. If you'd like to provide that then we'll see you on Christmas. The kids love to see you for you and not expensive gifts." And repeat as necessary firmly. If she starts in over the phone, say "Mom i have to go. We'll talk later." And hang up.
I know it's hard because it's your mother & other people find it heartless but I think unless you have a mother who manipulates and controls you it's impossible to fully know what it's like. The last two years of my mother's life were spent in limited contact because she refused to accept my husband or that DD & I weren't going to live with her and give up our lives for her and she was a very hateful miserable person who was only happy when she brought others down to her level.
Sorry for the wall of text but I was having flashbacks reading your post and if I can help someone else who is in a similar spot I'll try.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
@mamaof5already that's a really tough situation. I would probably do what others have suggested and donate/sell the instruments when the kids are done with them.
@mamaof5already I echo what everyone else has said and tend to take the "what will make me less miserable in the moment" approach to my family/in laws. I think as parents we can certainly dictate age appropriate / safety appropriate gifts for our kids, but in her case it just sounds like a total miss for a gift, not necessarily an appropriateness issue.
@mamaof5already I see I'm in the minority here but I have to agree with everything @rainafire77 has said. Maybe it comes from dealing with toddlers all day but you've already said no so you can't give in. Obviously your mom has some issues and giving in here is going to make boundary setting even more difficult. My opinion would be different had you not already decided to pick this battle.
I would simply uninvite her if she is going to try to ruin Christmas with her pity party. It may sound harsh but I choose to be happy and cut the toxic influences out of my life especially ones who manipulate in this way. It is not only unfair to you but also to your children and husband
DD born Oct 2011 - DS#1 born Jan 2014 - DS#2 born Apr 2015 - DS#3 born Sept 2016 - LO#5 due Feb 7, 2018
I would let her buy the instruments, store them in a barn for a year or two, then sell them. It sounds like she won’t be reasoned with, so let her waste her money. It’s an unfortunate situation, but the silver lining is the kids won’t like it and that limits the jealousy factor. And maybe when it doesn’t go over well she will learn to listen to you next year...though it sounds like she’s self centered enough I wouldn’t hold my breath
@mamaof5already I see I'm in the minority here but I have to agree with everything @rainafire77 has said. Maybe it comes from dealing with toddlers all day but you've already said no so you can't get in. Obviously your mom has some issues and giving in here is going to make boundary seeing even more difficult. My opinion would be different had you not already decided to pick this battle.
I would simply uninvite her if she is going to try to ruin Christmas with her pity party. It may sound harsh but I choose to believe happy and cut the toxic influences out of my life especially ones who manipulate in this way. It is not only unfair to you but also to your children and husband
This exactly! But I used to deal with a toxic mother situation and my general go-to was to not give in and to limit communication.
@mamaof5already I'm also the dissenting opinion with @rainafire77 and @sabriel1. These are your children and it's your family, and you get to set the boundaries. She shouldn't blow all that money on gifts that will collect dust. It does sound like she's gearing up for a pity-party with her boycott, but you have your children to focus on so let her sit alone and try to pout, but go about your business as normal, engaging her in family activities for the day and encourage your kids to include their grandma too. Perhaps once she sees that her expensive gifts are not the reason her family loves her, she'll abandon the boycott and be pleasant.
AFM: I had an OB appt this morning. Drove an hour through traffic to get there, spent 5 minutes talking to the doctor in which all he did was listen to the heartbeat and ask me about my fibroids, then drove 30 minutes back to work. I'd like to at least get an ultrasound and see the baby to make the sick leave worth it...Weird moment: He examined my stomach (didn't measure but felt with his hands) and said "Isn't it remarkable?" I guess he was expecting more of a reaction because he seemed surprised when I just said "I suppose." Thousands if not millions of women give birth every day. What would be remarkable is if I birth a puppy!
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
@eggplantface That is very weird. On a related note, we're team green, so whenever someone asks me if I know what we're having, my response is, "No, but I'm really hoping it's a puppy."
@eggplantface That is very weird. On a related note, we're team green, so whenever someone asks me if I know what we're having, my response is, "No, but I'm really hoping it's a puppy."
When we were having babies heartbeat monitored at the hospital we joked that it sounded like hoofbeats. So baby is now officially ‘My little pony’
@googlemd I think we just got the long sleeve versions of those. During our baby class I basically broke/twisted plastic baby's hands trying to get the shirt off for simulated bath time, so lady was like, "so they have these shirts with snaps that may be better..." lol. Being gentle is not my forte, gonna have to work on that.
Since my registry completion discount kicked in, I just ordered some of the last necessity items we didn't get at the shower. I dare say by the end of next week our nursery may be finally set up! And time to start working on the hospital bag, too. This stuff is getting real, 8 weeks left to due date!
@pandappanderson DS1 has a built in mohawk, too. He has double cowlick whirls at the back of his head that both point center. I love it!
@mamaof5already I have a hard time thinking it is okay to dictate gifts. That being said, if she stays with you yearly, she should know that you don't have room for a ton of instruments and needs to be more thoughtful. Do you set up gift list ideas like on the myregistry site? Maybe if she had ideas of what they'd like, she would get those?
My MIL is pretty headstrong on what she thinks the kids would want, so I always have a registry list going. I agree that if she wants to buy expensive things, maybe point her towards memberships to zoos, museums, theme parks, etc.
Re: Weekly Randoms 12.4
My mom and MIL text and talk frequently @babybro218. I'm like you. Glad they get along but terrified of what they are cooking up together lol.
On a personal note I'd just like to say that I have answered twelve questions in 30 minutes here at work and I have yet to have coffee!
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
She has a Mohawk. Already the coolest girl in town.
I just realized I will be 34 -36 weeks when my mother is visiting for Christmas. She flies out every year from CA to NY already has her ticket, and has no other family. She is also 76 if that makes a difference. And has been divorced since 1991. My father passed in 1998.
Background: My mother has money and therefore dies not limit Christmas presents. We have asked in the past for her to only buy 1-2 things per each kid and not go crazy $$ Wise. She doesn't listen and has bought the kids the newest ipads, laptops, etc. Along with 5+items each in the past. It is overwhelming, and upsets the other kids that their gifts are not seen as special when they have put so much thought and effort into then and hard earned $.
This year My mother decided she was going to buy everyone a musical instrument, but not the instruments they play - other ones. My son that plays the suzaphone would get a bugle/ trumpet. My daughter a violin, the 2 youngest girls would share a piano. And I don't even know what the other boy was getting i thunk she was going to buy him a car until i said he wasn't getting his license now. Except for the violin, none of the other kids requested instruments. The suzaphone player had requested one for the past 2 years and didn't get one but did not this year. No one will play these after a week, We do not have room for all these instruments, and have a newborn coming, instruments are loud and expensive. nor live in a place where they can get lessons to learn any of them even if we could fit it in our budget. The suzaphone player chooses to takes lessons at school and is in the marching band. I have requested many times for her not to buy these instruments. And earlier this week sent her a list of other present alternatives and said again i nor dh want a house full of instruments at this time. She apparently finally heard me.
So now, My mother has decided she is boycotting Christmas this year. But she is still coming, mind you, but has stated she is returning all the presents she has bought, and has requested no presents from anyone. These other presents she will be returning are already at my house, wrapped and in a huge pile from when she was here at thanksgiving. I told her her "presence is present enough", but that we won't be returning gifts to her because the kids like giving/ watching open/etc.
Now, She has started talking about how controlling her mother was, and that now it's her turn (whatever that means). She is also saying how it's okay if she doesn't get presents because she hasn't gotten any presents and been alone all of the holidays since her divorce (which is flat out wrong - she has been with us for most years and other years chosen to have holidays with local friends or flew to visit cousins). She is gearing up for a huge poor-me-fest over the holidays and i think she is going to sit in the corner and pout and try to make everyone feel sorry for her.
Her assistant and i are both at a loss what to do, but i really don't want to deal with this 34-36 weeks pregnant, nor do i want all this drama over the holidays. She refuses to see a counselor, or take medication. She has also been acting lately like her and my father were never divorced and if he was alive all of the thing's they would be doing together/ would have done. I'm not sure what to do to salvage Christmas with her acting this way, or how to avoid the stress and drama.
Should i just give in and let her spend thousands on instruments and let her have her way? Or ask her to stay home this year (and deal with that while separate drama)? Or realize I'm going to deal with a 2 year old s tantrum from a 76 year old woman for 2 weeks? Or postpone my leave from work and try to be gone as much of the holidays as possible(which means i stint be around to do things with my kids during break)?
Side Note: With my 1st My water broke at 36 weeks because i was working to hard, and stressed out. My son had to stay in nicu for a month. I do not want to repeat that and and scheduled to cut back 80% of work responsiblities for at 35 weeks to help avoid that happening again.
Spoiler box because it's long and holiday family drama filled.
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
Otherwise i would just let her get the instruments.
my dad made my 2 y.o a bed for Christmas, originally this was going to be his only gift from them. My mom then went amazon crazy during Black Friday/cyber week. She always asks before buying, but I always tell her it is fine. Does he need a 5th Mickey stuffed animal... NO... but it brings her joy and I know she does it because she loves him. I will just donate or sell everything not in use in a few months. It is not worth the drama and hurt feelings IMO.
@mamaof5already family drama is hard I feel like there is really no right or wrong answer here. I would just go with whatever will give you the smallest headache
I know it's hard because it's your mother & other people find it heartless but I think unless you have a mother who manipulates and controls you it's impossible to fully know what it's like. The last two years of my mother's life were spent in limited contact because she refused to accept my husband or that DD & I weren't going to live with her and give up our lives for her and she was a very hateful miserable person who was only happy when she brought others down to her level.
Sorry for the wall of text but I was having flashbacks reading your post and if I can help someone else who is in a similar spot I'll try.
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
I would simply uninvite her if she is going to try to ruin Christmas with her pity party. It may sound harsh but I choose to be happy and cut the toxic influences out of my life especially ones who manipulate in this way. It is not only unfair to you but also to your children and husband
AFM: I had an OB appt this morning. Drove an hour through traffic to get there, spent 5 minutes talking to the doctor in which all he did was listen to the heartbeat and ask me about my fibroids, then drove 30 minutes back to work. I'd like to at least get an ultrasound and see the baby to make the sick leave worth it...Weird moment: He examined my stomach (didn't measure but felt with his hands) and said "Isn't it remarkable?" I guess he was expecting more of a reaction because he seemed surprised when I just said "I suppose." Thousands if not millions of women give birth every day. What would be remarkable is if I birth a puppy!
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
We’re starting to gather together the stuff our hospital recommends to have in your birth bag and it says ‘1-2 undershirts and 1-2 sleepers’
Since my registry completion discount kicked in, I just ordered some of the last necessity items we didn't get at the shower. I dare say by the end of next week our nursery may be finally set up! And time to start working on the hospital bag, too. This stuff is getting real, 8 weeks left to due date!
@mamaof5already I have a hard time thinking it is okay to dictate gifts. That being said, if she stays with you yearly, she should know that you don't have room for a ton of instruments and needs to be more thoughtful. Do you set up gift list ideas like on the myregistry site? Maybe if she had ideas of what they'd like, she would get those?
My MIL is pretty headstrong on what she thinks the kids would want, so I always have a registry list going. I agree that if she wants to buy expensive things, maybe point her towards memberships to zoos, museums, theme parks, etc.