Monday and Beyond B*tchfest | 12.4

smorzandoj · December 2017

My 7th graders can’t divide. And I mean basic division. My 8th graders can’t myltiply fractions. And it’s on 10am. Fuck it all.

eggplantface · December 2017

I have a selfish reason for starting this: to bitch about my failure-to-launch BIL. And I had to spoiler because it got long.

I went to H's parents' house this weekend because MIL was throwing me a shower, and it was lovely. She really went all out and it was amazing.

Then there's BIL, who is 24 and still lives at home despite having the steady employment and money to move out, but no motivation. MIL coddles him and does everything for him, and honestly doesn't want him to leave because she's a caretaker and needs someone to take care of. FIL isn't dependent enough on her so she needs the son. BIL recently told H that their mom "won't let him" move out, and I do wonder if he is the reason FIL and MIL have been fighting lately; FIL wants him gone but MIL won't let him kick him out.

So on Friday night H talked to his mom and told him what BIL said, and MIL denied ever saying that. But she again said she liked having him home. So H says "I don't care, you need to push him out" and MIL says "ok, by his birthday" (late March) "we'll get him out." And I was like "So where did this arbitrary deadline of his birthday come from?" And my ILs are talking about his buying a house, and H said "Um, no, he's too immature to take care of a house, he needs to rent first just to learn how to pay bills and feed himself." Because he's literally never had to grocery shop for himself.

Then on Saturday after the shower BIL comes home from work and even though MIL was on her feet all day working the shower, she jumped up and made him a plate of food for dinner and kept bringing him more food like his freaking servant, and I turned to H and said "What the fuck is going on?" and H just rolled his eyes like "What can you do?" So that's why he won't leave.

And one sidenote to show how immature he is: Friday night I was in the hall bathroom getting ready for bed and I saw BIL's toothbrush. It was an electric one, with the bristles all frayed, so clearly old, and it was covered, I mean covered, in old, dried toothpaste foam that was inexplicably beige. I almost took a pic so I could show it to you. It made me gag. He puts that in his MOUTH. And why was it beige? Is there beige toothpaste?

Sometimes I wonder why I care, because really it doesn't affect me, but I see it affecting me in 20 years when my ILs are either in a nursing home or passed away, and the BIL becomes our problem to take care of.

smorzandoj · December 2017

eggplantface said:

I have a selfish reason for starting this: to bitch about my failure-to-launch BIL. And I had to spoiler because it got long.

I went to H's parents' house this weekend because MIL was throwing me a shower, and it was lovely. She really went all out and it was amazing.

Then there's BIL, who is 24 and still lives at home despite having the steady employment and money to move out, but no motivation. MIL coddles him and does everything for him, and honestly doesn't want him to leave because she's a caretaker and needs someone to take care of. FIL isn't dependent enough on her so she needs the son. BIL recently told H that their mom "won't let him" move out, and I do wonder if he is the reason FIL and MIL have been fighting lately; FIL wants him gone but MIL won't let him kick him out.

So on Friday night H talked to his mom and told him what BIL said, and MIL denied ever saying that. But she again said she liked having him home. So H says "I don't care, you need to push him out" and MIL says "ok, by his birthday" (late March) "we'll get him out." And I was like "So where did this arbitrary deadline of his birthday come from?" And my ILs are talking about his buying a house, and H said "Um, no, he's too immature to take care of a house, he needs to rent first just to learn how to pay bills and feed himself." Because he's literally never had to grocery shop for himself.

Then on Saturday after the shower BIL comes home from work and even though MIL was on her feet all day working the shower, she jumped up and made him a plate of food for dinner and kept bringing him more food like his freaking servant, and I turned to H and said "What the fuck is going on?" and H just rolled his eyes like "What can you do?" So that's why he won't leave.

And one sidenote to show how immature he is: Friday night I was in the hall bathroom getting ready for bed and I saw BIL's toothbrush. It was an electric one, with the bristles all frayed, so clearly old, and it was covered, I mean covered, in old, dried toothpaste foam that was inexplicably beige. I almost took a pic so I could show it to you. It made me gag. He puts that in his MOUTH. And why was it beige? Is there beige toothpaste?

Sometimes I wonder why I care, because really it doesn't affect me, but I see it affecting me in 20 years when my ILs are either in a nursing home or passed away, and the BIL becomes our problem to take care

stuck....But what the hell. I would have an issue with this as well. No woman of the 21st century will ever cater to him like that. She has done him a huge disservice in life.

chucksmom15 · December 2017

I am gagging at my desk over the toothbrush situation @eggplantface. I agree with @smorzandoj. She is doing him a huge disservice by catering to him. What would he do if god forbid something happened to your inlaws? He would have no idea how to function. I don't see where he becomes your responsibility. I would definitely put my foot down and say no he is a grown man on that one. Sadly until BIL or MIL decides they are tired of the arrangement it will continue.

GoogleMD · December 2017

Doing my 3hr glucose today

i asked if she was able to put an IV in because I have 1 decent vein, which recently even that has been failing me so they have had to resort to my hands.

The lab tech replies “oh I never have to use hands you younge people always have great veins”.... mmmkay we will see about that.

It took 4 sticks for her to get the 1 hr draw, not looking forward to the next 2.

eggplantface · December 2017

@smorzandoj @chucksmom15 Ah yes, the woman issue as well. He somehow managed to date two really nice girls lately (one for a year, one for about 6 months), and both ended up dumping him because they also became his caretakers and got fed up. I don't blame them. When he was younger it was more acceptable because a lot of people between 18-22 have to live at home to save money while in school, but now that he's older and employed and COULD live on his own easily, I doubt any woman would want him.

@GoogleMD It's so frustrating when people think they know your body better than you do. I hope she learned a lesson from the first time!

babymakes9 · December 2017

GoogleMD said:

Doing my 3hr glucose today
i asked if she was able to put an IV in because I have 1 decent vein, which recently even that has been failing me so they have had to resort to my hands.

The lab tech replies “oh I never have to use hands you younge people always have great veins”.... mmmkay we will see about that.

It took 4 sticks for her to get the 1 hr draw, not looking forward to the next 2.

That sucks! I have veins like that. For my 3 hour they did all 4 draws in my bicep. For the one hour they used the side of my wrist. I would ask for someone else for the next draw.

babymakes9 · December 2017

I am ready to dis-invite my mother to Christmas (i know i can't, the kids want her here, she already has plane tickets and it would just allow het to martyr herself more).

I'm currently waiting for her assistant to get in to her office and call me to find out what mental/functional state she is in today. And how to deal with her newest drama.

smorzandoj · December 2017

@mamaof5already moms suck. Mine actually has acted like I exhausted the past few weeks which is a welcome change but I’m sure it won’t last. Once my dad stops working on weekends or my oldest son comes home from the hospital she with disappear.

amb929 · December 2017

@eggplantface My sister will likely be in a similar situation if she marries her current significant other. His younger brother is 27 and essentially homeless. He bounces from couch to couch of many friends, often staying for weeks at a time with my sister and her boyfriend. He drives a petty cab during the summers to make money to travel all winter long. He spends all his extra money on weed and is just a filthy and disgusting person. My sister and her boyfriend fought about him being at their place for a week before my sister told her boyfriend he needed to go. I guess it's pretty much the pattern of behavior he's been in since he was 18. Freeloading on the other people's couches and thinking someone will just take care of him.

Her frustration with the situation makes me sympathize with what you're going through. I think what you need to do is make sure you and your husband have a discussion about his brother. You have NO obligation to take him in should his parents no longer be able to care for him. As long as your husband is on board with that, he probably isn't going to become your problem. Plus, you will now have a child to think of...you might want to make that point to your husband if you think he'll want to take his brother in out of pity. I think this person likely needs some tough love and maybe to fall on his face a little bit. Your in laws are completely enabling him and that is definitely not right. Reality is, that's their decision, wrong as it may be. However, it doesn't have to continue to the next generation. You have no obligation to your BIL. Hopefully your husband will be reasonable when it comes to this.

ldawngirl781 · December 2017

My BIL isn't too bad, but he's unemployed (laid off in February of this year), doesn't have a car and DH offers to drive him everywhere. He lives on the other side of the city from us and the in-laws all live within 5-10 minutes of us, so to drive him home after family functions is a huge inconvenience. A few months ago, DH and I had a huge fight about this as I said basically, once baby comes, this is not going to be done and he got mad, saying he likes to help him out. Grrr! He's 40 years old - he needs to help himself. Last month, as we were getting into the car, I casually said to BIL, you need to get a car before baby comes and he agreed. So thankfully, at least HE knows this ain't happening post-baby.

P.S. Where DH thinks BIL will sit post-baby is beyond me too, as we have an average size car, the car seat will be in the middle, and BIL is a BIG guy. He could never fit between a car seat and the door.

babybro218 · December 2017

@eggplantface DH has a cousin like this. He’s totally entitled and immature and his dad and FIL just keep making it worse. When the cousin has an issue, it becomes a family affair. That toothbrush, though... ugh.

@GoogleMD good luck with your glucose test!

my BF: I knew my ILs were thinking of renting a place in town for 3 weeks after the baby is born. Today I found out the place they want to rent is in our apt building.

BrittaniLC · December 2017

@eggplantface My BIL isn’t exactly lazy, but if he doesn’t like something his job at the time is telling him to do, he will just up and quit...no notice. This guy is the complete opposite of my DH. BIL has a fake GED while DH will be getting his MBA in May. BIL had a pretty decent job (making like $23/hr) and threw his keys at his boss when they told him he was going to have to go to the night shift. He never has the money to come and visit, but he (and his non working gf) can always host friends over for holidays or on a weekend for a huge meal. Oh, and they live in my FIL’s house (he is currently living with his sister who just lost her H). We get so sick of his excuses and laziness. We always tell them when we will be in the area or when we are having family at our house, but we NEVER expect him and his family to show up.

Sorry, that’s a little different than eggplantface’s BIL, but I just had to b*tch some about him.

magnolia305 · December 2017

@babybro218 You gotta find a way to make sure that apartment isn't an option.

eggplantface · December 2017

@babybro218 Are you alright with 3 weeks in the first place? My mom offered to come stay for a week and I was like "Ehhhh....let's play that by ear, shall we?" I like my alone time!

@amb929 I would lose my mind if my BIL was doing what that guy was doing! It's her house too!

@BrittaniLC This BIL did something similar with his last job! He blew up at his boss and quit in a rage, and no one has any idea over what. But he didn't seem to care that he was blowing up his life in the process because he had mom and dad there to bail him out.

3plus1equals4 · December 2017

@babybro218 That's way too close for my comfort, yikes!

@GoogleMD So sorry they didn't listen to you. Those multiple pokes are awful even with good veins.

ash0625 · December 2017

@babybro218 - That is my nightmare. MIL told me she was moving up there permanently during her thanksgiving visit to be closer to this baby (she lives in another state) and DH quickly shut that down.

babybro218 · December 2017

@eggplantface @3plus1equals4 @ash0625 I keep hearing about all of this through DH and his cousin, so I haven’t been in a position to talk to my ILs about it. DH keeps saying he will set boundaries with his parents, but then he goes and spends time with them (like yesterday) and it all goes out the window. This will probably be their only grandchild and they are being extremely generous to us, so my guilt is getting the best of me. I’m trying to tell myself that it won’t be that bad (at least my mother is not renting a place in our building!).

amb929 · December 2017

eggplantface said:

@amb929 I would lose my mind if my BIL was doing what that guy was doing! It's her house too!

Ya. He's the grossest human being ever. I never want to meet him. He left used contact lenses folded up like boogers on her couch for days, he smoked weed in their apartment without asking or informing them of it, he doesn't shower, nobody in her bf's family wears deodorant so her house smelled terrible. He just laid around ordering food and being disgusting.

BUT...I don't feel THAT bad because my sister is horrible and you make the bed you lie in... hahah so to this I say... enjoy the freeloading petty cab driving "future brother in law" captain crazy!

My point in telling the story was that as long as you and H are on the same page about how to handle this person, you won't enable him yourselves or inherit his bullshit someday down the road. I encourage you to use your child to get out whatever you can in dealing with BIL!

GoogleMD · December 2017

I survived...12 needle sticks later I passed the test.

i would also like to jump on the lazy IL train. My IL frequently spot my Bils and SIL financial, but my 1 SIL is a complete mooch. She does not live with with my IL but only because they pay for EVERYTHING.
they pay her rent which they guilted a family friend into renting to her because god knows she would never have the credit to get approved alone.
they frequently pay her electric. She is still on their car insurance and cell phone. They gave her a credit card for emergency aka weekly food, gas, and clothes for her toddler. My MiL even got a new car so they could give SIL her 4 y.o SUV. My IL paid for cosmetology school but then SIL did not take the license because she didn’t want to study.
my DH and SIL are only 14 months apart but in completely different places in life.

i agree with others just because my IL enable her does not mean we will be supporting her when they no longer can

babybro218 · December 2017

Last month, I got the dog a new bed. Tonight he was a little too quiet and I came into the bedroom to find this scene. DH is out of town for work until late tomorrow night and my back is still all messed up, so this will not get cleaned up any time soon. I give up.

hms1219 · December 2017

I cooked supper tonight and DS1 and I are the only ones that ate it. I am tired of cooking a healthy supper and then nobody eating it.

There are plenty of leftovers and I know DH is going to end up eating a frozen pizza in bed around 8 or 9 and then complain that he can’t seem to lose any weight.

This is the 3rd time in the last week he’s not eaten at supper time.

I’m about to stop making enough for him and just tell him I assumed he wasn’t going to be hungry.

Chawk17 · December 2017

babybro218 said:

Last month, I got the dog a new bed. Tonight he was a little too quiet and I came into the bedroom to find this scene. DH is out of town for work until late tomorrow night and my back is still all messed up, so this will not get cleaned up any time soon. I give up.

Been there. No more bed for pup. Wish they could clean their own mess.

smorzandoj · December 2017

@babybro218 SO insisted we get the sign a bed. He’s never had a dog before. We have had the bed two days. I give it another week before an explosion occurs and he is cleaning it up.

babybro218 · December 2017

@smorzandoj I hope it lasts longer or your dog at least has the time of his life tearing it apart! I stopped getting beds for awhile, but I had high hopes for this one (I'll learn my lesson one day). It's from the new line of Ikea pet furniture. It seemed fairly sturdy and it took him 3 weeks to tear into it. The good news is that it only cost $20. The bad news is that the stuffing is incredibly hard to get off of the carpet. I've already prepared DH to let him know it will still be there when he gets home late tonight.

jessilee15 · December 2017

hms1219 said:

I cooked supper tonight and DS1 and I are the only ones that ate it. I am tired of cooking a healthy supper and then nobody eating it.

There are plenty of leftovers and I know DH is going to end up eating a frozen pizza in bed around 8 or 9 and then complain that he can’t seem to lose any weight.

This is the 3rd time in the last week he’s not eaten at supper time.

I’m about to stop making enough for him and just tell him I assumed he wasn’t going to be hungry.

This is my life. My husband gets annoyed if I cook with “too many vegetables” and has actually refused to try anything with cauliflower, peas, quinoa, and a few other non negotiables. And I’m trying to hide vegetables so that my 2 year old gets some in his life. At least my 4 year old typically eats what I cook...but most of the time I get so frustrated at the effort to make something nutritious that no one wants! Yesterday they all said “ew yuck” to a broccoli, chicken, and rice casserole with a cheese sauce. I wanted to kill them. And so no one except me ate dinner. Sorry not sorry kids!

hms1219 · December 2017

@jessilee15 exactly the same. DH travels a lot for work and complains about how tired he gets of processed and fast foods. DS2 is 2 and currently only eats what I cook if he’s starving so I wasn’t shocked he didn’t want spaghetti. But I’m typing this as DH has a frozen pizza in the oven at this very moment. I’m taking all of the leftovers for lunch tomorrow and I’m not even a little sorry.

babymakes9 · December 2017

Hide the vegetables in the food ladies! Just as you would for a picky child. And don't buy the frozen pizzas! They'll eat if they are hungry enough!

If you make a home made mac and cheese or fettuccini Alfredo purree. Cauliflower to add to the cheese sauce, and put benefiber
In it to. Finely shred carrots into ground meat for meatloaf or hamburgers. You just have to get creative. Green things are harder though..

But really what is up with grown men not eating proper meals? How do they expect to teach the kids how to eat properly if they won't lead by example?

atalante · December 2017

babybro218 said:

@smorzandoj I hope it lasts longer or your dog at least has the time of his life tearing it apart! I stopped getting beds for awhile, but I had high hopes for this one (I'll learn my lesson one day). It's from the new line of Ikea pet furniture. It seemed fairly sturdy and it took him 3 weeks to tear into it. The good news is that it only cost $20. The bad news is that the stuffing is incredibly hard to get off of the carpet. I've already prepared DH to let him know it will still be there when he gets home late tonight.

We bought an indestructible bed (90 day money back guarantee) for our bully puppy. I'd have to look up the brand we ended up with but there were a few similar options on Amazon. None were cheap but he hasn't destroyed it.

Of course he doesn't sleep in it either, just uses it to hold his toys. Because bulldog. But he destroyed all the other beds in the house until that one.

jenniferjoy37 · December 2017

mamaof5already said:

But really what is up with grown men not eating proper meals? How do they expect to teach the kids how to eat properly if they won't lead by example?

This is my husband to a T... He’s good about learning though... I do chop things that he doesn’t like up super fine. And I’ve gotten him to eat it on several occasions. I just hope he will be a better example for our child.

3plus1equals4 · December 2017

mamaof5already said:

Hide the vegetables in the food ladies! Just as you would for a picky child. And don't buy the frozen pizzas! They'll eat if they are hungry enough!

If you make a home made mac and cheese or fettuccini Alfredo purree. Cauliflower to add to the cheese sauce, and put benefiber
In it to. Finely shred carrots into ground meat for meatloaf or hamburgers. You just have to get creative. Green things are harder though..

But really what is up with grown men not eating proper meals? How do they expect to teach the kids how to eat properly if they won't lead by example?

This is exactly what I did with DH when we got married. Peeled, minced zucchini is great in burger meat, a lot of things can be hidden in red sauces, cauliflower in lighter sauces, etc. Smoothies, too! You can hide so much in fruit Smoothies if you have darker fruit like strawberries or blueberries.

We are now 8.5 years married and our oldest is 7. He eats quite a few vegetables now if I'm the one to cook, but still makes only carbs and meat when he cooks dinner

babybro218 · December 2017

My favorite DH quote is "You know, we don't have to have something green with EVERY meal."

chucksmom15 · December 2017

My DH loves veggies but won't eat anything white and creamy. No sour cream, ranch, yogurt, etc.... if it's mixed into something he rolls with it but not as toppings or on something.

amb929 · December 2017

I got fairly fortunate with a husband that will eat just about anything I make. When we first started dating, he'd never really been exposed to a vegetable but I've wore him down over time. Now, unless it's fish (and he's even coming around to this) he'll eat it. He's never once said a word to me about not liking something. Even Brussel Sprouts are fair game. My little guy is full of pickiness and hurtful commentary about dinner though. If it's not a carb, he ain't eating it... so his veggies come hidden in things or in smoothie/veggie pouch form

I agree with previous posters about hiding the veggies in all the things! Unknowingly is the only way broccoli is consumed sometimes

smorzandoj · December 2017

Glad I’m not the only one living with a carbitarian. Apparently he’s a vegetarian. But really he doesn’t eat meat and only eats veggies if it’s a salad made a specific way or the kale salad from Cheesecake Factory. Otherwise he eats carbs. How he keeps his shape I will never understand. That annoys me more than only eating carbs...if I only ate carbs I’d be gigantic with no muscles.

winnie1122 · December 2017

DH used to get mad when I’d make food with too much flavor...... Veggies he’ll eat, but so plain it’s weird. No dressing on salads, no toppings on a baked potato, no salt or anything fun on cooked veggies, and it has nothing to do with health consciousness because he eats junk all the time, all the boys in his family are like that. He used to make fun of me for liking sauce on things. I’ve finally gotten him to not care how things are prepared and my MIL loves that someone else in her world finally understands that food can have flavor haha. So far DS is only slightly picky about meat, fingers crossed he stays a good eater but he’s only one so I’m sure we’ll get to a picky phase.

amb929 · December 2017

Lots of ranting to do on this fine Friday...

At my appointment on Wednesday, my OB gave us the maternity info packet for the new hospital she delivers at. My son was born in a different hospital in the same city (which is in a different state and about an hour away from where I live) but my doc decided to leave the practice she was working in and go out on her own. She now delivers at a "more reputable" hospital in the area which made me kind of excited like it would be a good experience. The other hospital has a large indoor 'atrium' area with 24 hour fast food and coffee places and a beautiful serenity garden. This hospital has no atrium, no restaurants at all unless you leave the hospital and if you do so...you either have to drive (and re-park/pay to park more than once) OR you walk. The area of the city this is located is not good. My Wednesday appointment was at her hospital office and seeing all the drug addicts, gang members and homeless people outside of the hospital made me really nervous for my husband's safety if he needs to get food while we're in the hospital. I wanted to ask if there are food delivery options or if we can bring snacks etc. when I took the maternity ward tour. So I called to schedule a time to do this.

The maternity packet listed a phone number for the classes/maternity tour contact person. We don't need to take the infant care class again, I just wanted to tour the new hospital so I know where I'm going. I called the number. A random woman in hospital administration answers. Tells me it's the wrong number. She gives me the 'right' number. I call the 'right' number...it's disconnected. My husband locates the maternity floor number. I call. Speak to a super rude nurse who tells me that when they switched to the EPIC computer system the nurse educator left and her number was re-assigned to someone else (again, this isn't helpful...) gives me the same disconnected number which I explain doesn't work. She then gives me the new nurse educator's phone number but tells me she isn't in until 9am...but to call with my information and I should be getting a call back. This is at 8am...it's now almost 2pm, I haven't gotten a phone call back and I'm really starting to feel less and less good about this new hospital.

Also on Wednesday, we scheduled my repeat c-section. The doctor did measurements and officially confirmed my due date as February 8th which means my scheduled c-section will be at 39 weeks on February 2nd. We're going to spend Super Bowl weekend in the hospital...which might kind of suck for my husband. (no beer, no 'safe' way for him to get food without driving/re-paying to park etc.) THEN to really send my medical anxiety in overdrive, I have a dermoid cyst inside my right ovary. We've been monitoring it for a few years and my doctor feels like it's getting too big/may burst soon so she gave me the option of removing it during the c-section. So now I'm scheduled for multiple procedures in one day. She's going to try to save the ovary but if she can't get the cyst out because of location, I'm losing an ovary. I'm kind of okay with this I guess, I'm pretty sure we're done having kids BUT I have horrible medical anxiety. Then she tells me I passed my GD screening but only by like 2 points so now I'm terrified I have GD and they missed it OR I'm going to have a 10 lb diabetic baby OR I'm going to end up diabetic years from now. I was really close to asking to be tested again but my sister (an NP) basically told me a pass is a pass even if it's only by a few points. Needless to say, I'm not feeling super confident about the medical care I'm going to receive even though this is a reputable hospital specifically for maternity care.

clc515 · December 2017

I want a reset for today. First, my mom texts and wants me to bring cookies for her husbands bday. I told her i have choco chip dough ready in the freezer, but she said no she wants choco chip with walnuts. Mmm okay, since he's in the hospital, anything you want...Then i dropped half of my sandwich in the parking lot. While eating whats left, my crown popped off! So I'm eating it on my way to an eye doctor's appt and get to there on time, but then I have to wait 40 minutes. I could hear her just chatting w the person before me about not eye stuff, just how are the kids etc. I wanted to say no more chit chat lol. Them she spends all of 5 min with me, which would irritate me but it worked out cuz Im had to head to baby doctor appointment where I'm pretty sure they're going to put me on insulin. Can I just start over or skip today please! Just needed to vent haha, usually things are a breeze.

magnolia305 · December 2017

@clc515 Sorry you are having a crappy day. Hang in there!

chucksmom15 · December 2017

@amb929 is that your only option? Sounds like it's not really something you are comfortable with.

Sorry you are having a bad day @clc515!!

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