@TravelingCouple I echo your suggestion about fiber. My doctor pushed something at the hospital (an alternative to colace) and colace in addition. Much needed. She sent me home with a prescription.
DS was also 8.11 - he was a big baby. Big baby + fast labor means a tear was inevitable.
@doxiemoxie212 just because the women in your family had sections doesn’t mean anything for you or your baby. It sounds like you are educating yourself and I urge you to keep an open mind throughout all of this. So much of birth is the unknown. Fear is natural. But at some point, instinct will fully take over. You were made for this.
@marcus7676 oh no, I didn’t mean I thought I was more likely to have a section. I just meant that since I don’t know anyone personally who has given birth vaginally, I hear more about how sections are fine. But like none of the women I know even knew tearing was an option vaginally. It’s just a familiarity/unknown thing with the fear of tearing, I think.
I had a Med-free Birth with my first and an epidural with my second. A few things reading all this brings to my mind. Don’t labor at home too long or you will regret it! Driving to the hospital in transition and delivering immediately upon arrival is not fun whatsoever and I feel it really took something away from the experience. I wish so bad I wouldn’t have listened to aaaaalllll the people that say stay home until they hurt bad enough you can’t talk because honestly they weren’t that bad until I was at a 10 and then all hell broke loose and if I would have stayed home until they were bad I would have never made it to the hospital. My opinion. If you are in labor be where you plan on giving birth because you have no control of what may happen. My second I had PROM and was induced with PIT. Got the epidural. I loved that birth so much. The epidural was a god send and everything went great. I didn’t even have tearing with my pit Birth. I have major tearing with my natural birth. My main advice on tearing is let your baby labor down as long as you can AFTER your already at a 10 without pushing and then push slow and give yourself time to stretch. Have your dr stretch you too. Do perennial massage for the weeks leading up to Birth. The other thing I would never ever ever do is take iv pain medication other than the epi. I had a lot with my third *TW* loss Birth and it messes with your mind and can completely put you out of it and messing with your mind is not something you want to do during your birth.
Does perineal massage actually work to reduce tearing? I see conflicting information about this online. I guess it can’t do harm tho right? So maybe I’ll do it regardless...
I'll spare the details, but here's a brief overview of my experience and tips.
I had two induced labors (pre-e), both with epidurals and vaginal deliveries.
If the nurse says you're at a 10, that DOESN'T mean you have to start pushing right then. My first wasn't low enough and I was given the option to start pushing or waiting until I "felt the urge" to push. I waited 90 minutes before trying to push and ended up only pushing for about 10 minutes. I never realized you could wait when you were a 10.
Another nurse suggested if I wanted an epidural to get it BEFORE the doctor broke my water. That was my second delivery and it made such a difference. Your contractions get more intense after your water breaks, and combined with pitocin can be horrible. Having the epidural first was great.
First Son - born 2013
Second Son - born 2014 - Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV). First open heart surgery at 5 days old. He's had 3 open heart surgeries and several other procedures and is currently doing amazing. Third Son - due June 9, 2018
@doxiemoxie212 I 100% think it makes a difference. Every friend and sister I have who have done it consistently weeks in advance and duringlabor/pushing had no tearing!
Edited to add. My sister and I have both had a tearing Birth and then perennial massage/no tearing Birth.
@doxiemoxie212 I totally understand your fear of tearing! That was my biggest fear when I was in labor with DD. every time I pushed, in my head I was thinking "this is it, this is it!" she was 8lb 3oz and I ended up not tearing at all, but my delivery nurse was incredible at instructing me when it was okay to push harder & when she needed me to do slow, little pushes to help with stretching. She also had two fingers against my skin and was manually massaging & stretching the opening the entire time.. which I felt was super helpful!
I know many women who have had third degree tears or worse and they all claim they never felt a thing when it happened!
First birth-gym Plan- hospital birth w/ midwives labor at home then go to the hospital labor in tub listening to meditation CD. push in whatever comfortable position delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin no induction or epidural
Actual Birth-induced at 38 weeks for a few reasons I'm at 5:30am- 8:30 pitocin started, water broke, and Foley bulb inserted. had to have internal monitors so no tub, used meditation CD and labor ball 11am measured 5! contractions were on top of each other and I felt like I was dying or she was going to be delivered out my back. 1pm- measured at a 4. I was swelling shut. advised to get epidural. felt like a failure. 1:30-2 finally agreed to epidural 3:45- finally got epidural and it did not work 5pm- went to check me and laying on my back finally got epidural to work 5-7 wonderful time when I sent my husband and mom to get dinner and I took a nap 8- ready to push 9:06 daughter born- sunny side up, cord around her neck and shoulder dystocia. This explains why I pushed for so long and why I ended up with 14 people in my room and 4 people on my bed pushing and pulling on me with my midwife on the table turning my daughter to get her out. Also Midwife told me she needed to cut me. My 2 midwives that delivered me saved me from a c-section. they delivered my daughter without breaking her collarbone or arm or any other body part. I did not have the birth I planned but I had done enough research that I knew about everything I ended up having/ going through.
STM- plan guaranteed induction- going to ask for the overnight cervadil? and foley bulb and if pitocin to wait to break my water. still using meditation CD. epidural earlier since pitocin contractions are no joke. delayed cord clamping and immediate skin to skin
If you're concerned about back labor, check out some prenatal yoga classes or yoga videos using the Blooma techniques. This will make lots of space for baby to get into the optimal birthing position for your body and increase your chances of having an easier labor without back pain.
A birth doula is also a stellar investment in your physical and emotional comfort during labor and birth. Studies show birth doula's presence reduces the likelihood of c section, improves mom's comfort level, and shortens labor time. However, if you choose to birth without a doula and you experience back labor, hands and knees position and the abdominal lift and tuck are great for helping baby rotate into a better, more comfortable position. Laboring in the tub is like magic for back labor. As is tailbone counterpressure and hip squeezes. These are all things your birth doula would know and suggest in your baby's birth :-)
My second was born sunny side up, and though his birth was long and challenging, I could handle the sensations. I used Hypnobabies with both of my births, and that meant that I felt my birthing sensations as pressure rather than pain, even though my son was doing all kinds of wacky things to be born.
@BurlapandLace Wowee!! What a birth story! I hope this one is a little less exciting haha. I've never passed a stone before, but I have had raging appendicitis, and I always say that was wayyyyy way more intense and terrible than giving birth. I actually... like giving birth. It's a huge rush, so empowering.
@marcus7676 I bet this baby is born without the nuchal hand :-) What a freakin' rockstar you are! Nuchal births can be really tough. Can't wait to hear your birth story this time around.
@krashke You mentioned you're wanting a low intervention birth with a large OB/midwife group and you're still weighing whether or not you'd like to invite a birth doula in. You might just identify a couple of doulas in your area you like and ask them which providers they love to work with. Doulas usually know the ins and outs of which providers are "c section happy" and who generally supports your birth preferences. It's never too late to switch providers to someone you think would be a good fit for your goals! Doing a little research on the provider options available to you will likely be very eye opening, and then you can make a choice eyes wide open who you feel most comfortable managing your pregnancy and birth in a way that's supportive of your goals.
Also doulas are awesome and you should totally have one, especially as a FTM seeking a low intervention birth.
@doxiemoxie212 Evidence shows perineal massage is most effective reducing tearing for first time vaginal birthers. Much less effective for multips (2+ time moms). But it's also really great postpartum for breaking up scar tissue!
Lemme dig up my list of birth preferences to share...
I am grateful I had the experience of vaginal birth with my VBAC. I think I'd wonder/ feel like I was missing out on something other women had experienced otherwise. I had already experienced laboring well to 8 cm without meds leading up to my C section so I think that gave me some confidence about VBAC. I can see being apprehensive if you've never experienced labor.
For me, the VBAC felt healthier and obviously more natural, which I liked, and I felt satisfied to have birthed the "right way." (After my c section I had a hormone-fueled cry in the shower at the hospital that I had "done it the wrong way." I felt sad that the baby had been taken out of me instead of me giving birth to him.) Please hear me I am not judging moms who have c sections. I'm just relaying the feelings I had. After that one cry I had some lingering disappointment about the c section but the bigger emotions for me were focused on my son and how awesome he was.
While I felt VBAC was more empowering, no birth experience can add to or take away from the specialness and magic of a new life coming into the world and meeting your son/daughter.
With recovery, I almost preferred C section but I think I was also in fantastic shape as a FTM but not so much as a STM. Obviously the abdominal pain was intense but it was manageable with Motrin whereas the stingy itchy delicate area pain of my 2nd degree tear was less intense but more irritating if that makes sense? Like getting punched in the stomach vs. a yeast infection. (I'd prefer the first.) Also I had pee my pants issues after the VBAC but not after my C section (They realized I needed a c section before they had me push.) I think many moms would say their VBAC recovery was much smoother than their C section. It depends on lots of factors.
@MoonOverGoldsboro Precipitous labor at 35 w?? That must have been a shock. Maybe this time you can have a few trusted neighbors on call to babysit/drive you to the hospital?
I definitely need to do more research, find out what OB practice tends to have for guidelines, etc. and figure some more things out, but at this point: I know that I don't want an epidural. I want to move around during labor and find the position that works for me, I want to eat actual food, I don't want to be attached to an IV unless absolutely necessary for ease of movement, I don't want anyone in the room other than H and the medical professionals. I want the cord clamping to be delayed for a couple of minutes, H to cut the cord, and skin to skin contact for the first hour. Weighing, shots, measurements - they can wait an hour until we've had skin to skin and even breastfed if I'm able to in the first hour.
@izza2 Definitely check hospital guidelines. I feel it’s more about the hospital than the dr up until actual delivery because you don’t see dr much. My hospital lets you move around, bounce on balls, eat soft foods, walk halls even with iv. They let you get in special tubs. Automatic golden hour. They literally didn’t take baby from me to do anything until I ask them to over an hour later. It’s nice to go to a hospital that already has these standards as it helps everything go smoothly and peaceful.
Q for those who's H are cutting the cord...did he come to that decision himself or did you tell him you want him to do it? I asked MH if he wants to and he said he's not sure. I don't really care either way but I don't want him to miss out on the opportunity just because he's unsure.
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@llamamama14 Yes, great point--I think neighbors are going to be key. We were still fairly new to our block last year, so I didn't feel like I knew anyone very well...now I definitely have a few people I know a lot better, so I think I'll feel more comfortable asking them to help me out. It feels like such a big responsibility to ask of someone, you know?!
@krashke My husband felt interested in the idea of cutting the cord, without any prodding from me, but he was a little apprehensive. When my son was actually born, and they offered him the option to cut it, he was so excited and was so glad he did it. But he wasn't sure until the moment was at hand, you know? I would ask if your birth team makes it standard procedure to offer the cord-cutting to the dad (the hospital where I delivered does so), or if they could just make that option available. If they do, he could really make that decision in the moment, if he wanted.
Me: 34 Husband: 35 Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17 BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
I really, really wanted to have a homebirth the first time around. LO still hadn't made his appearance by 42 weeks, so I had to be induced at the hospital. The birth went quite well, and the hospital staff were super friendly and supportive. It was a little annoying to be hooked up to monitors/IV/pitocin drip and I found it limited my mobility. I was in active labor for something like 9 hours, and managed quite well without an epidural. Breathing exercises worked wonders as a coping mechanism. It was kind of like losing track yourself on a long run or swim. Unfortunately I did end up with a 3rd-degree tear at the end (as a reassurance to first-time moms, it didn't hurt at all at the time), but they simply wheeled me to surgery and did a fantastic job stiching me up.
This time around, I'm considering another hospital birth (though hopefully I'll be able to go into labor naturally and therefore skip the invasive monitors and IV). Mainly because I'm afraid of another serious tear.
@=caenis= Since I had a third degree tear last time too, I asked my doctor about that. She said that it is likely that I will tear, but she promised me that it wouldn't be as bad as last time. So hopefully that holds true for both of us!
I was very nervous
about going to the hospital on false alarms or not being far enough along and
being sent home (cheap- didn’t want the triage bill or inconvenience) so I didn’t
want to go to the hospital on a whim. A
good friend of mine is a L&D nurse and offered to come over and check me so
I would know. I’d also been walking
around at 3-4 cm for a few weeks…so there’s that.
I was 39+4 and I
woke up to pee at 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep because I felt
contractions. Nothing bad or intolerable
but noticeable. I didn't
wake my husband up (he had been sleeping in the guest room because my snoring
got so bad my 3rd tri) because what was he going to do? Watch me?
I walked around the house for a while and watched tv. At 5am I hopped in the shower because DH’s
alarm was going to go off at 530 for work and we could go to the hospital from
there. I completely forgot about timing
contractions or any of that.
We got to the hospital around 6-615 and left the car running at
the curb because the 24 hour valet service wasn’t there (really?...), I was in triage changing into my gown/getting
checked and hubs went to park the car. They
checked me and told me I was 10cm and my water was still intact and it was time. I called my hubs in the parking lot as they
were pushing me to my room.
My doc wasn’t able to get to the hospital and they had to rush
another doc from the practice to me from a different hospital (at that point- I
didn’t care who was there, just someone).
They offered me an epi but said there was a good chance it wouldn’t have
worked because of how far along I was and they emphasized how much faster and
easier recovery would be without it, so I went drug free. Side note: I didn’t take any birthing
classes, didn’t read any birthing books, I just figured I’d do what the
doc/nurses advised and went into birth with the mindset of being open to anything
that would result in a healthy baby/mom.
I eventually got the approval to push. Because there was no doc there and my water
hadn’t broken yet they were going to have me try to “hold her in”. My water broke on the 2nd push. I
pushed for an hour, hour and a half. It
took a little bit to get the hang of having productive pushes and I struggled
to hold my legs…my hands kept slipping so they pulled out handle bars and those
were great.
All, in all…going into 2nd birth with an open mind
and up for anything. I’ll try for med
free again but we’ll see what happens.
@ramblebee Right now is the perfect time to start scoping out the doulas in your area and choose a few to interview with the goal of beginning services during second trimester. Birth doulas provide support all through pregnancy as well as providing hands-on support during your baby's birth. And they're not just for families wanting unmedicated birth; they're awesome for epidural births, inductions, and even csections. They're a wealth of knowledge and can really bridge the gap between OB and Midwife care and all those questions and thoughts and feelings you have between prenatal visits with your provider. Wait too long to find a doula, and you might lose the opportunity to hire your favorite doula if she (or he!) books up quickly.
Q: for those that labored at home...how long did you stay home? When did you know you had to go to the hospital? Did your water break at home?
I would like to labor at home but I'm under the impression that as soon as your water breaks you should be in the hospital because there is no longer a sterile environment for babe.
*lurker*
This is not true. I had my daughter at a free-standing birth center with midwives. My water broke in the evening. It was flood that completely soaked my pants, and when I pulled them down, left a large puddle on the floor. I called my midwives of course and they said to try to sleep and to call when contractions started getting strong. I didn't have any for a bit. We went to the birth center around midnight and had her early that morning.
There may be rules about how long your waters can be broken before you need to be in labor. I know with birth centers (which have different rules), you have to be in labor within 24 hours or you have to go to the hospital.
My daughter had a nuchal fist and was 8 pounds, 12.5 ounces. I had a second degree tear. It healed quickly. I felt really good within a week. I took a 12-mile hike at 2.5 weeks postpartum!
I’ve heard a lot that you won’t feel yourself tear. I felt myself tear. I felt every fiery centimeter. Actually the entire sensation of pushing her out was a tearing, ripping, hellish bloodbath. I also felt every stitch and threading. I admire with wide jealous eyes anyone that says they couldn’t feel the tearing. Also exactly why I had an epidural with my next kids. Contractions are a walk in the park for me and not the reason I get that epidural.
@tammy574 I’m less afraid of feeling myself tear and more afraid of the recovery (specifically of a complicated and difficult recovery). I assume tearing will hurt to a certain degree but I also know adrenaline can dull that pain in the moment, but yikes... the next few weeks....
With my first birth, my water broke at home. I went right to the hospital, but wasn't contracting. I was started in pitocin and got an epidural after I started feeling regular contractions. I slept through some of the labor, and my daughter arrived 14 hours after my water broke with less than 10 minutes of pushing. She was 8lbs and 7oz and I did have a pretty severe tear, but I didn't feel anything, and my recover was pretty quick and painless.
The birth of my son was pretty much the complete opposite. I was dilated to 4 for 2 weeks before he was born, and the doctor pretty much told me I worked and lived too fat from the hospital that was 25 minutes away. My midwife didn't really think it was that much of an emergency. The doctor had really worked me up, though, so she suggested that I be induced at 39 weeks. She said they would break my water, and I would probably start contracting on my own. I went in the hospital in the evening, but my midwife wouldn't be there until the morning. I don't know who made this decision, but I was started on pitocin with the promise of my water being broken in the morning. I was on pitocin all night, and the nurses would periodically turn it up. In the morning, the doctor came in to break my water. I was dilated to 5 at that point. I said I wanted the epidural, but I had to have the baby on the external monitor for 15 minutes before I could get it. The contractions got really severe in that time, and it was very difficult to breath through them. The anesthesiologist came in right after 15 minutes. My husband wasn't allowed in the room for the epidural, but my midwife arrived just then. I held in the position for the epidural, but screamed like a wild animal. I was out of my mind. By the time the epidural was in place, the medication was put in, because it was time to push. My husband almost missed it. The nurse was yelling down the hall, because she didn't have any help. My body just took over and pushed out my son on 3 pushes. He was 8lbs 6oz, and his hand was up by his face, so I had another significant tear. My midwife tried to slow my pushing, but I literally had no control over it. I did not feel the tear, but I did feel a lot of the stitching, even thought they administered a lot of local. I was pretty traumatized by this birth, and didn't want to hold my son as they were stitching me, but I did have the presence of mind not to show that I had no interest. My recovery from this birth was a little longer than the first, but it wasn't painful. I was just a little sore.
This time I have found a new group of midwives. My previous midwife moved out of state. The only thing I know for sure is I would like an epidural asap. My first birth was sunshine and rainbows compared to the second.
With my daughter I was 42 weeks and my water broke, as a FTM I called my Midwife in a panic. It was one little gush and then my daughters head plugged up the rest of it. She told me to rest and since I had an appointment in the morning. I was pretty convinced I had just peed myself. We went in in the morning and my Midwife check to me, moving my daughters head slightly in the rest of my water came gushing out. Since I have water had technically “broken“ at 11 PM, they told me I had 24 hours from then to get to the hospital. Midwife told me “if your body was going to do this on its own right now, it would have“ and “You’ll just be 12 hours behind the ball and have less options” so we went in for an induction. It’s one of the only things I regret for my first birth, not giving myself the time to go home and try to let labor start naturally.
I had a 36 hour induction, epidural at hour 29. I am a plus size mom, and my initial OB scared the crap out of me that girls like me didn’t get to have vaginal births, I’d probably have a C-section and my big stomach would cause an infection in my scar etc. etc. we switched providers and while I didn’t meet my med-free goal, I did have her vaginally. But I wanted to go med-free to decrease any additional risk factors that might cause me to have a C-section. So I felt when I had my epidural that I had given up. I know that’s not accurate, but the mindset I was in no one could tell me otherwise. I learned so much between when I had my daughter and when I had my son 20 months later.
With my son, I was back-and-forth on the fence about having a homebirth. I truly felt like the hospital was mentally scarring for me. I had several friends who had homebirths with this provider and had wonderful experiences. My husband and I talked about it and he told me that I should do whatever most comfortable with. We decided to have a homebirth. He was born at 41w6d. Labor coming on unmedicated were so differently. I was still so in my head, because my anxiety around not being in the hospital for obvious reasons (what happens if something terrible happens to me or the baby, would everyone blame me because I made this choice and think I’m a terrible mother). He was born after eight hours, one hour after my water broke while I was resting upstairs with my husband. We had him in the tub, my husband caught him and it was beautiful.
Now baby number three. I’m so torn on what to do. My homebirth provider has made some changes to her practice and while I don’t feel any less safe, I’m not super comfortable some of the people who would be involved in my birth. She’s the only homebirth midwife in the area. So I’ve started seeing one of the Midwives I saw at my previous practice with my daughter, who now runs her own solo practice. She’s assured me that unless I have medical complications I will not be induced, she’ll support me laboring and birthing in the water. She also listen to me when I said I had 30 days cycles in adjusted my due date accordingly, so I don’t have the risk of “you’re 42 weeks we need to induce you for hospital policy”.
But then I look at my recovery. I need to see if our provider and insurance will support us going home at 24 hours to rest, VS staying the full 48. I work in the birth industry, so I’ve been in those recovery rooms numerous times and they just feel like shoeboxes. The hospital itself has beautiful birthing suites, I’m sure once I get in recovery room I won’t care what size it is. I’m just having a lot of anxiety about my decision.
That was a lot, but I feel like it was necessary to explain why am in the situation that I am now in feeling torn about my decision. I also did Hypnobabies with my son, I thought it was wonderful. I did the Home self study and did a lot of the audio tracks while I was in labor. I’ll be doing that again. I definitely will have my Doula do her aromatherapy kit for me again. I used so many essential oils for nausea and comfort while laboring with my son.
Sorry I'm late to the conversation, but I knew it would take a while to read all the birth stories and share mine.
My plan for #1 was research/educate myself and try to avoid interventions as much as possible. I read a ton (another recommendation for Ima May), listened to podcasts, watched youtube birth stories (not necessarily the most informative but I wanted first hand accounts). I found that most things in my plan were standard practice with my hospital or with my OB (no episiotomy, delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin). I also wanted intermittent monitoring, no pitocin unless last resort (that visual in The Business of Being Born is powerful),ability to labor in different positions, use of tub, just not trapped in the bed.
How it really went down: I'll try to make loooong story short
Water broke at home 9pm two days before due date. I had wanted to labor at home as long as possible, so I called the hospital and was told I didn't need to come right away but needed to come in within 12 hours. Contractions started about midnight. Throughout the night I had contractions every 5-10 minutes and they were just painful enough to keep me from sleeping, but not terrible. Even went for a mile walk in the morning to try to speed things up.
Got to the hospital at 9am. My OB was sick, but the on call doc was awesome. Said we still had time before we needed to think about pitocin or anything. Was able to walk around, bounce on the ball, only had to be monitored 20 out of every 60 minutes. I did have to started antibiotics that afternoon, after my water had been broken for 18 hours for risk of infection. One weird/surprising thing to me was that they never did a cervical check because they wanted to minimize the risk of infection. Looking back, I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse. I never had a gauge to know if I was progressing (besides contraction timing) so I couldn't be encouraged or discouraged. That whole day was just a waiting game...contractions but not getting closer together.
After a long/horrible/agonizing night of contractions that I only half remember (I'll just say don't take an ambien for the first time during labor even if you haven't slept for 36 hours...it can eff you up), my OB was back the next morning. She was pissed that I'd been at the hospital for 24 hours (36 since water broke) and not given pitocin. She got it started right away. Soon after that (a couple hours?) the pain was too much and, quite frankly, I got really scared I wouldn't be able to handle it, so I asked for the epidural. That's when I finally got checked and was at an 8. Got the epidural, felt great for a couple hours until I was finally ready to push.
Pushed for 2 hours...and for some reason I was shocked at how much pushing hurt (even with the epudural). The nurse said I was experiencing "breakthrough" pain so I don't know if I was feeling 5% or 95% of what I would have without meds, but it sucked. But immediately after the last push, I had my baby on my chest and didn't give a damn about anything. He was born 43 hours after my water broke/40 hours after contractions started. I had a second degree tear, recovery was very easy over all.
Just a couple notes to echo what others have said: I think it's important to educate yourself and have an idea of what you want, but know that it will probably to nothing like you plan, but you get this little person in the end, so who cares
In retrospect, I do think that having a doula might have helped me have the unmediated birth I wanted. My husband was beyond amazing (the delivery nurse said she wanted to hire him to teach classes to future dads because he was such an awesome coach) but he's not a trained professional. Having someone there the whole time who had experience and could talk me through it might have made the difference (but who knows).
Sorry that was SO long but I wanted to touch on everything (still left a bunch out lol) and when I was a FTM I wanted to read every experience I could.
Actually a lot of people do have the birth they plan for, and also some people do care about their birth experience beyond having a healthy baby in the end, and that is a-okay :-) It's okay to value both the baby and the experience of bringing the baby.
@araecasey You're right. Bringing home a healthy baby is the most important thing, in my opinion. But of course it is absolutely okay to value the experience as well. I shouldn't have said, who cares about anything else. That was just my experience - that I didn't care that things didn't go according to my plan after I had the baby in my arms.
Okay since this is my first pregnancy/labour I will post my ideal world labour.
Ideal - At hospital without epidural. I'm talking to my OB about other pain med options because I am shitty with needles, let alone one in my spine. I don't think I could go med free in general, so I want to know options.
I am also talking to her about delaying clamping the cord, has anyone else done this? It's pretty new study and apparently helps the health of mama and baby afterwards.
What I expect - a fucking nightmare :') Okay so my mum had great pregnancy {already not the same} but her and my maternal grandmother have blood disorders that cause them not to clot. Yes, OB knows and no you can't test for it because it kinda only shows up when body under duress. My husband thinks I have it, given how long it takes for my body to clot in general {example: sliced finger few years ago. It was nearly 2hrs before they were able to get to stitching it up and it was still bleeding as if fresh} My GP knows this issue and it's on my file at the OB, so she may go into more about that if it becomes an issue.
With DD I started labour the day before I was due to be induced - I had bleeding so they kept me in. When I didn't progress enough they broke my waters to speed things along. That didn't really work and the back labour was becoming too much and after having been in hospital almost 2 days at this point I was exhausted and took the epidural (much to my MW's disagreement - she wanted to do saline injections). Luckily we had the epidural because I didn't progress past 9cm and had to deliver DD by emergency c-section. The surgeon who performed the delivery advised that DD would have most certainly gotten stuck as my bone structure is narrow (and DD was 9.5 llbs which isn't huge but for narrow bones it is).
So I got a response back from one of the Bradley instructors/doula's I emailed for more information and she said that she gives her students DVD's for each week of the Bradley series to go over at home. Then she will skype or email with you for questions. Closer to the end of the series she will meet with you in your home to go over tips and techniques for laboring at home. If you also use her as your doula, she will do an in home prenatal visit. It sounds like she will also spend some time with you at home while in labor before going with you to your birthplace.
It sounds like this aligns well with what I want for my L&D experience but I was hoping to meet some couples who will be giving birth at the same time locally through the classes. I would think that being prepared to labor at home is more important than meeting friends but I wish it was a little bit of both.
One of the three still hasn't emailed me back so I will wait to see if they get back to me. And maybe meet with this one quick if I am thinking of using her for my doula and instructor.
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@krashke Weird... There are three Bradley instructors (that I could find via internet searching) that teach in Manhattan, and they all do like three hours every Sunday in person for 12 weeks (which seems super intense). Hypno seems to be the one here with the DVDs etc. I feel like I'd prefer the DVDs because I'm antisocial... lol (Or am I misreading and this is more of a doula that also has experience with Bradley, rather than primarily a Bradley instructor?)
@doxiemoxie212 I'm not sure. I found her from the Bradley website so I'm not sure if she is more focused on the doula part or the instructor part. She also lives in the south suburbs a ways out so it might be that she doesn't want to come into the city for classes every week but I would think going to people's homes would be more driving than that.
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
Re: Birth Plans ~ Where to start
DS was also 8.11 - he was a big baby. Big baby + fast labor means a tear was inevitable.
@doxiemoxie212 just because the women in your family had sections doesn’t mean anything for you or your baby. It sounds like you are educating yourself and I urge you to keep an open mind throughout all of this. So much of birth is the unknown. Fear is natural. But at some point, instinct will fully take over. You were made for this.
*TW*
loss Birth and it messes with your mind and can completely put you out of it and messing with your mind is not something you want to do during your birth.
I had two induced labors (pre-e), both with epidurals and vaginal deliveries.
If the nurse says you're at a 10, that DOESN'T mean you have to start pushing right then. My first wasn't low enough and I was given the option to start pushing or waiting until I "felt the urge" to push. I waited 90 minutes before trying to push and ended up only pushing for about 10 minutes. I never realized you could wait when you were a 10.
Another nurse suggested if I wanted an epidural to get it BEFORE the doctor broke my water. That was my second delivery and it made such a difference. Your contractions get more intense after your water breaks, and combined with pitocin can be horrible. Having the epidural first was great.
First Son - born 2013
Third Son - due June 9, 2018
Edited to add. My sister and I have both had a tearing Birth and then perennial massage/no tearing Birth.
I know many women who have had third degree tears or worse and they all claim they never felt a thing when it happened!
I did eat Dates - and I also took EPO and a mother’s blend from my acupuncturist/approved by my midwife.
I also think doing my prenatal yoga consistanly througout pregnancy also helped me personally.
Plan- hospital birth w/ midwives
labor at home then go to the hospital
labor in tub listening to meditation CD.
push in whatever comfortable position
delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin
no induction or epidural
Actual Birth-induced at 38 weeks for a few reasons
I'm at 5:30am- 8:30 pitocin started, water broke, and Foley bulb inserted.
had to have internal monitors so no tub, used meditation CD and labor ball
11am measured 5! contractions were on top of each other and I felt like I was dying or she was going to be delivered out my back.
1pm- measured at a 4. I was swelling shut. advised to get epidural. felt like a failure.
1:30-2 finally agreed to epidural
3:45- finally got epidural and it did not work
5pm- went to check me and laying on my back finally got epidural to work
5-7 wonderful time when I sent my husband and mom to get dinner and I took a nap
8- ready to push
9:06 daughter born- sunny side up, cord around her neck and shoulder dystocia. This explains why I pushed for so long and why I ended up with 14 people in my room and 4 people on my bed pushing and pulling on me with my midwife on the table turning my daughter to get her out. Also Midwife told me she needed to cut me.
My 2 midwives that delivered me saved me from a c-section. they delivered my daughter without breaking her collarbone or arm or any other body part.
I did not have the birth I planned but I had done enough research that I knew about everything I ended up having/ going through.
STM- plan
guaranteed induction- going to ask for the overnight cervadil? and foley bulb and if pitocin to wait to break my water.
still using meditation CD.
epidural earlier since pitocin contractions are no joke.
delayed cord clamping and immediate skin to skin
Girl, you can totally go med free.
If you're concerned about back labor, check out some prenatal yoga classes or yoga videos using the Blooma techniques. This will make lots of space for baby to get into the optimal birthing position for your body and increase your chances of having an easier labor without back pain.
A birth doula is also a stellar investment in your physical and emotional comfort during labor and birth. Studies show birth doula's presence reduces the likelihood of c section, improves mom's comfort level, and shortens labor time. However, if you choose to birth without a doula and you experience back labor, hands and knees position and the abdominal lift and tuck are great for helping baby rotate into a better, more comfortable position. Laboring in the tub is like magic for back labor. As is tailbone counterpressure and hip squeezes. These are all things your birth doula would know and suggest in your baby's birth :-)
My second was born sunny side up, and though his birth was long and challenging, I could handle the sensations. I used Hypnobabies with both of my births, and that meant that I felt my birthing sensations as pressure rather than pain, even though my son was doing all kinds of wacky things to be born.
@BurlapandLace
Wowee!! What a birth story! I hope this one is a little less exciting haha. I've never passed a stone before, but I have had raging appendicitis, and I always say that was wayyyyy way more intense and terrible than giving birth. I actually... like giving birth. It's a huge rush, so empowering.
@marcus7676
I bet this baby is born without the nuchal hand :-) What a freakin' rockstar you are! Nuchal births can be really tough. Can't wait to hear your birth story this time around.
@krashke
You mentioned you're wanting a low intervention birth with a large OB/midwife group and you're still weighing whether or not you'd like to invite a birth doula in. You might just identify a couple of doulas in your area you like and ask them which providers they love to work with. Doulas usually know the ins and outs of which providers are "c section happy" and who generally supports your birth preferences. It's never too late to switch providers to someone you think would be a good fit for your goals! Doing a little research on the provider options available to you will likely be very eye opening, and then you can make a choice eyes wide open who you feel most comfortable managing your pregnancy and birth in a way that's supportive of your goals.
Also doulas are awesome and you should totally have one, especially as a FTM seeking a low intervention birth.
@doxiemoxie212
Evidence shows perineal massage is most effective reducing tearing for first time vaginal birthers. Much less effective for multips (2+ time moms). But it's also really great postpartum for breaking up scar tissue!
Lemme dig up my list of birth preferences to share...
@sunshineandwhiskey (Rambling thoughts on CS vs VBAC) In spoiler because loong.
@MoonOverGoldsboro Precipitous labor at 35 w?? That must have been a shock. Maybe this time you can have a few trusted neighbors on call to babysit/drive you to the hospital?
I know that I don't want an epidural.
I want to move around during labor and find the position that works for me, I want to eat actual food, I don't want to be attached to an IV unless absolutely necessary for ease of movement, I don't want anyone in the room other than H and the medical professionals.
I want the cord clamping to be delayed for a couple of minutes, H to cut the cord, and skin to skin contact for the first hour. Weighing, shots, measurements - they can wait an hour until we've had skin to skin and even breastfed if I'm able to in the first hour.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@krashke My husband felt interested in the idea of cutting the cord, without any prodding from me, but he was a little apprehensive. When my son was actually born, and they offered him the option to cut it, he was so excited and was so glad he did it. But he wasn't sure until the moment was at hand, you know? I would ask if your birth team makes it standard procedure to offer the cord-cutting to the dad (the hospital where I delivered does so), or if they could just make that option available. If they do, he could really make that decision in the moment, if he wanted.
Husband: 35
Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17
BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
This time around, I'm considering another hospital birth (though hopefully I'll be able to go into labor naturally and therefore skip the invasive monitors and IV). Mainly because I'm afraid of another serious tear.
I was very nervous about going to the hospital on false alarms or not being far enough along and being sent home (cheap- didn’t want the triage bill or inconvenience) so I didn’t want to go to the hospital on a whim. A good friend of mine is a L&D nurse and offered to come over and check me so I would know. I’d also been walking around at 3-4 cm for a few weeks…so there’s that.
I was 39+4 and I woke up to pee at 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep because I felt contractions. Nothing bad or intolerable but noticeable. I didn't wake my husband up (he had been sleeping in the guest room because my snoring got so bad my 3rd tri) because what was he going to do? Watch me? I walked around the house for a while and watched tv. At 5am I hopped in the shower because DH’s alarm was going to go off at 530 for work and we could go to the hospital from there. I completely forgot about timing contractions or any of that.
We got to the hospital around 6-615 and left the car running at the curb because the 24 hour valet service wasn’t there (really?...), I was in triage changing into my gown/getting checked and hubs went to park the car. They checked me and told me I was 10cm and my water was still intact and it was time. I called my hubs in the parking lot as they were pushing me to my room.
My doc wasn’t able to get to the hospital and they had to rush another doc from the practice to me from a different hospital (at that point- I didn’t care who was there, just someone). They offered me an epi but said there was a good chance it wouldn’t have worked because of how far along I was and they emphasized how much faster and easier recovery would be without it, so I went drug free. Side note: I didn’t take any birthing classes, didn’t read any birthing books, I just figured I’d do what the doc/nurses advised and went into birth with the mindset of being open to anything that would result in a healthy baby/mom.
I eventually got the approval to push. Because there was no doc there and my water hadn’t broken yet they were going to have me try to “hold her in”. My water broke on the 2nd push. I pushed for an hour, hour and a half. It took a little bit to get the hang of having productive pushes and I struggled to hold my legs…my hands kept slipping so they pulled out handle bars and those were great.
All, in all…going into 2nd birth with an open mind and up for anything. I’ll try for med free again but we’ll see what happens.
This is not true. I had my daughter at a free-standing birth center with midwives. My water broke in the evening. It was flood that completely soaked my pants, and when I pulled them down, left a large puddle on the floor. I called my midwives of course and they said to try to sleep and to call when contractions started getting strong. I didn't have any for a bit. We went to the birth center around midnight and had her early that morning.
There may be rules about how long your waters can be broken before you need to be in labor. I know with birth centers (which have different rules), you have to be in labor within 24 hours or you have to go to the hospital.
My daughter had a nuchal fist and was 8 pounds, 12.5 ounces. I had a second degree tear. It healed quickly. I felt really good within a week. I took a 12-mile hike at 2.5 weeks postpartum!
TMI.
I’ve heard a lot that you won’t feel yourself tear. I felt myself tear. I felt every fiery centimeter. Actually the entire sensation of pushing her out was a tearing, ripping, hellish bloodbath. I also felt every stitch and threading. I admire with wide jealous eyes anyone that says they couldn’t feel the tearing. Also exactly why I had an epidural with my next kids. Contractions are a walk in the park for me and not the reason I get that epidural.
The birth of my son was pretty much the complete opposite. I was dilated to 4 for 2 weeks before he was born, and the doctor pretty much told me I worked and lived too fat from the hospital that was 25 minutes away. My midwife didn't really think it was that much of an emergency. The doctor had really worked me up, though, so she suggested that I be induced at 39 weeks. She said they would break my water, and I would probably start contracting on my own. I went in the hospital in the evening, but my midwife wouldn't be there until the morning. I don't know who made this decision, but I was started on pitocin with the promise of my water being broken in the morning. I was on pitocin all night, and the nurses would periodically turn it up. In the morning, the doctor came in to break my water. I was dilated to 5 at that point. I said I wanted the epidural, but I had to have the baby on the external monitor for 15 minutes before I could get it. The contractions got really severe in that time, and it was very difficult to breath through them. The anesthesiologist came in right after 15 minutes. My husband wasn't allowed in the room for the epidural, but my midwife arrived just then. I held in the position for the epidural, but screamed like a wild animal. I was out of my mind. By the time the epidural was in place, the medication was put in, because it was time to push. My husband almost missed it. The nurse was yelling down the hall, because she didn't have any help. My body just took over and pushed out my son on 3 pushes. He was 8lbs 6oz, and his hand was up by his face, so I had another significant tear. My midwife tried to slow my pushing, but I literally had no control over it. I did not feel the tear, but I did feel a lot of the stitching, even thought they administered a lot of local. I was pretty traumatized by this birth, and didn't want to hold my son as they were stitching me, but I did have the presence of mind not to show that I had no interest. My recovery from this birth was a little longer than the first, but it wasn't painful. I was just a little sore.
This time I have found a new group of midwives. My previous midwife moved out of state. The only thing I know for sure is I would like an epidural asap. My first birth was sunshine and rainbows compared to the second.
I had a 36 hour induction, epidural at hour 29. I am a plus size mom, and my initial OB scared the crap out of me that girls like me didn’t get to have vaginal births, I’d probably have a C-section and my big stomach would cause an infection in my scar etc. etc. we switched providers and while I didn’t meet my med-free goal, I did have her vaginally. But I wanted to go med-free to decrease any additional risk factors that might cause me to have a C-section. So I felt when I had my epidural that I had given up. I know that’s not accurate, but the mindset I was in no one could tell me otherwise. I learned so much between when I had my daughter and when I had my son 20 months later.
With my son, I was back-and-forth on the fence about having a homebirth. I truly felt like the hospital was mentally scarring for me. I had several friends who had homebirths with this provider and had wonderful experiences. My husband and I talked about it and he told me that I should do whatever most comfortable with. We decided to have a homebirth. He was born at 41w6d. Labor coming on unmedicated were so differently. I was still so in my head, because my anxiety around not being in the hospital for obvious reasons (what happens if something terrible happens to me or the baby, would everyone blame me because I made this choice and think I’m a terrible mother). He was born after eight hours, one hour after my water broke while I was resting upstairs with my husband. We had him in the tub, my husband caught him and it was beautiful.
Now baby number three. I’m so torn on what to do. My homebirth provider has made some changes to her practice and while I don’t feel any less safe, I’m not super comfortable some of the people who would be involved in my birth. She’s the only homebirth midwife in the area. So I’ve started seeing one of the Midwives I saw at my previous practice with my daughter, who now runs her own solo practice. She’s assured me that unless I have medical complications I will not be induced, she’ll support me laboring and birthing in the water. She also listen to me when I said I had 30 days cycles in adjusted my due date accordingly, so I don’t have the risk of “you’re 42 weeks we need to induce you for hospital policy”.
But then I look at my recovery. I need to see if our provider and insurance will support us going home at 24 hours to rest, VS staying the full 48. I work in the birth industry, so I’ve been in those recovery rooms numerous times and they just feel like shoeboxes. The hospital itself has beautiful birthing suites, I’m sure once I get in recovery room I won’t care what size it is. I’m just having a lot of anxiety about my decision.
That was a lot, but I feel like it was necessary to explain why am in the situation that I am now in feeling torn about my decision. I also did Hypnobabies with my son, I thought it was wonderful. I did the Home self study and did a lot of the audio tracks while I was in labor. I’ll be doing that again. I definitely will have my Doula do her aromatherapy kit for me again. I used so many essential oils for nausea and comfort while laboring with my son.
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My plan for #1 was research/educate myself and try to avoid interventions as much as possible. I read a ton (another recommendation for Ima May), listened to podcasts, watched youtube birth stories (not necessarily the most informative but I wanted first hand accounts). I found that most things in my plan were standard practice with my hospital or with my OB (no episiotomy, delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin). I also wanted intermittent monitoring, no pitocin unless last resort (that visual in The Business of Being Born is powerful),ability to labor in different positions, use of tub, just not trapped in the bed.
How it really went down: I'll try to make loooong story short
Water broke at home 9pm two days before due date. I had wanted to labor at home as long as possible, so I called the hospital and was told I didn't need to come right away but needed to come in within 12 hours. Contractions started about midnight. Throughout the night I had contractions every 5-10 minutes and they were just painful enough to keep me from sleeping, but not terrible. Even went for a mile walk in the morning to try to speed things up.
Got to the hospital at 9am. My OB was sick, but the on call doc was awesome. Said we still had time before we needed to think about pitocin or anything. Was able to walk around, bounce on the ball, only had to be monitored 20 out of every 60 minutes. I did have to started antibiotics that afternoon, after my water had been broken for 18 hours for risk of infection. One weird/surprising thing to me was that they never did a cervical check because they wanted to minimize the risk of infection. Looking back, I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse. I never had a gauge to know if I was progressing (besides contraction timing) so I couldn't be encouraged or discouraged. That whole day was just a waiting game...contractions but not getting closer together.
After a long/horrible/agonizing night of contractions that I only half remember (I'll just say don't take an ambien for the first time during labor even if you haven't slept for 36 hours...it can eff you up), my OB was back the next morning. She was pissed that I'd been at the hospital for 24 hours (36 since water broke) and not given pitocin. She got it started right away. Soon after that (a couple hours?) the pain was too much and, quite frankly, I got really scared I wouldn't be able to handle it, so I asked for the epidural. That's when I finally got checked and was at an 8. Got the epidural, felt great for a couple hours until I was finally ready to push.
Pushed for 2 hours...and for some reason I was shocked at how much pushing hurt (even with the epudural). The nurse said I was experiencing "breakthrough" pain so I don't know if I was feeling 5% or 95% of what I would have without meds, but it sucked. But immediately after the last push, I had my baby on my chest and didn't give a damn about anything. He was born 43 hours after my water broke/40 hours after contractions started. I had a second degree tear, recovery was very easy over all.
Just a couple notes to echo what others have said: I think it's important to educate yourself and have an idea of what you want, but know that it will probably to nothing like you plan, but you get this little person in the end, so who cares
In retrospect, I do think that having a doula might have helped me have the unmediated birth I wanted. My husband was beyond amazing (the delivery nurse said she wanted to hire him to teach classes to future dads because he was such an awesome coach) but he's not a trained professional. Having someone there the whole time who had experience and could talk me through it might have made the difference (but who knows).
Sorry that was SO long but I wanted to touch on everything (still left a bunch out lol) and when I was a FTM I wanted to read every experience I could.
Ideal - At hospital without epidural.
I'm talking to my OB about other pain med options because I am shitty with needles, let alone one in my spine.
I don't think I could go med free in general, so I want to know options.
I am also talking to her about delaying clamping the cord, has anyone else done this? It's pretty new study and apparently helps the health of mama and baby afterwards.
What I expect - a fucking nightmare :') Okay so my mum had great pregnancy {already not the same} but her and my maternal grandmother have blood disorders that cause them not to clot. Yes, OB knows and no you can't test for it because it kinda only shows up when body under duress.
My husband thinks I have it, given how long it takes for my body to clot in general {example: sliced finger few years ago. It was nearly 2hrs before they were able to get to stitching it up and it was still bleeding as if fresh}
My GP knows this issue and it's on my file at the OB, so she may go into more about that if it becomes an issue.
Next baby: planned c-section.
It sounds like this aligns well with what I want for my L&D experience but I was hoping to meet some couples who will be giving birth at the same time locally through the classes. I would think that being prepared to labor at home is more important than meeting friends but I wish it was a little bit of both.
One of the three still hasn't emailed me back so I will wait to see if they get back to me. And maybe meet with this one quick if I am thinking of using her for my doula and instructor.
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18