I really feel for you ladies keeping it to yourself. It's such a secret to bear. It really got to me when we first started seeing an RE and didn't tell anyone. While we haven't told everyone about our IVF, it has been such a relief to tell a couple of people. (TW) My situation was kind of different because my loss was in the second tri, so we had told our families, I had told my boss and several friends... like it was a little late not to tell. But I've been so relieved that some of those people know because most (most...) have been really kind and supportive. I feel extremely fortunate that both of the women I report to at work are mothers. In fact after my loss, both of them told me that they had also had miscarriages. They were both so supportive of me taking weird hours off during IVF which was super helpful!
Meanwhile my MIL is like the least supportive person in the world so it definitely is a crapshoot...
@emmasemm I.Cant. Even! I am glad you told your boss off... Its a "honest" mistake, but still... who needs that pressure!
@sarcasticowl I always want to ask something uncomfortably personal when I hear questions like those. I had a friend who kept asking when I was gonna have kids because she popped out three and moved to the suburbs. I finally asked her if she also wanted an update on my bowel movements... not one word since. I totally howled on the embryo naming!! lol I have had baby names (boy and girl) picked for years and that's what I'm sticking to! I'm George Forman-ing with you!
@tosh24 yeah, its just lonog term survival for me... I know its awful, but id rather most people just figure I'm waaay modern and chose not to have kids. The only people who know besides my husband and my doctor are my mom (who lives with DH and I and who I actually hid my **tw** first pregnancy from until I had to be hospitalized during my MC) and my oldest sister. I also do it FOR my close family... The only one who I think can almost handle it is my oldest sister... the rest would be a mess knowing I was dealing with this and I cant handle my own tears AND theirs.
@adirat its totally a mechanism for survival for me.... I'm wired in such a way that it would just be overwhelming for more than my mom and oldest sister to know. But I'm always very happy for the folks who DO share and feel supported. I think also with your loss being so far along...my goodness you also needed to be able to grieve and deal with all that, and the only way to do that is to be open....
@dragonette505 +1 to my family not being able to handle the IF and certainly not any losses and also being for my own survival as I'm very private in general (which you would not think based on what I share on here lol!)
TW losses/kids - my mother suffered a lot of losses between my brother and my sister. It took 7 years... and she was hospitalized several times too after each of her ectopics. We now believe it was in part due to her autoimmune issues but she also had endo and fibroids and a whole load of scar tissue from the mess I made getting stuck! I guess she was also starting to show signs of DOR before she conceived my sister too. She was so depressed when she was not conceiving and then with repeated losses. She had wanted a big family as she loves babies, completely crazy for them.
TW- cancer - my father is also recovering from treatment for testicular cancer too at the moment. I mean why do I need to pile more worries onto them? And we live in a different country so we can easily be selective with what we say without having to "hide" things as such
Bigger TW (choices/losses/depression)
my sister had an abortion when she was quite young. My mother doesn't know, and the plan is she will not know as she could not handle it. But my sister tortures herself that everything else that goes wrong in life is caused by her doing that all those years ago. If she knew I had these issues now she would fall apart - she has had severe depression before and no way I want to risk her going to that dark place again.
Me 43 DH 45 Married 12/2016 TTC #1 since 04/2015 AMA, DOR (AMH 0.65, AFC 2-4) and autoimmune issues (RA, APS), low TSH, adenomyosis 7 retrievals, 3 transfers
Jun19 FET BFP, due date 7th March 2020, DD born Feb20
Sep17 IVF1 - 1ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN Nov17 IVF2 - 1ER, 0F Jan18 IVF3 - 3ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN Feb18 - second opinion and additional testing Apr18 IVF4 - cancelled (E2 too high) May/Jun18 IVF4 - 4ER, 0M, 1F, 1 frozen day 3 (not best quality) Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - 5 ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (not best quality) Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - 4ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (good quality) Aug/Sep18 IVF7 - cancelled (cyst) Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - 3ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen Day 3 (excellent quality) Oct18 IVF8 - Cancelled (cyst and too low TSH) Oct18-Jan19 bringing TSH under control Feb19 ERA and hysteroscopy Mar19 Investigation for fibroid and adenomyosis Apr19 adenomyosis confirmed, polyps removed Jun19 FET after 2 months Lupron, autoimmune protocol, transferred two day 3 frozen embryos
Sep17 - Pergoveris 10-17 Sep, Orgalutran 15-18 Sep, Ovitrelle 18 Sep, ER 20 Sep for 2 follies, 1 mature egg, fertilized, ET 1x 2d 4-cell embryo 22/09, 05/10 BFN Nov17 IVF2 - Pergoveris 2-14 Nov, Orgalutran 5-14 Nov, Ovitrelle 15 Nov, ER 17 Nov for 3 follies, 1 mature egg, did not fertilize Jan18 IVF3 - Pergoveris 30 Dec - 8 Jan, Orgalutran 5-8 Jan, Ovitrelle 9 Jan, ER 11 Jan 3 eggs, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, ET 1x 4d 12-cell embryo 15/01, 24/01 BFN May/Jun18 IVF4 - Rekovelle 25-29 May, Menogon 30May - 2Jun, Zomacton 25 27 29 31 May and 2Jun, Cetrotide 30May - 3Jun, Gonasi 3Jun, ER 5Jun 4 eggs, none mature, two matured overnight, 1 fertilized with ICSI, Frozen day 3 but not good quality Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - Rekovelle 21-24 June, Menogon 25Jun-3Jul, Puregon 4-5Jul, Zomacton 21 23 25 27 29 Jun, Cetrotide 25Jun-5Jul, Gonasi 6Jul, ER 8Jul 5 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 but not good quality Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - Rekovelle 26-29 Jul, Menogon 30Jul-7Aug, Buserelin 26Jul-7Aug, Zomacton 26 28 30 Jul 1 3 Aug, Gonasi 7Aug, ER 9Aug 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized (normal IVF), 2 frozen day 3 good quality Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - Menogon 19-30Sep, Buserelin 19-30Sep, Zomacton 19 21 23 25 27 Sep, Ovitrelle 1 Oct, ER 3 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 excellent quality
Fav Quote: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
@emmasemm I'm with you... if you don't have to burden your fam, don't.... that's why I love these spaces! We can come and obsess about this stuff without driving our family crazy.
@emmasemm yes I'm with you on not wanting to pile more burden to your family. I also think that way for mine. I really really hope that all of us would soon graduate from all of these!! ((Hugs)))
AFM, I have 2 things to admit that I'm embarrassed about.
1. I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't thrown my IVF related trash, like empty nasal spray bottles, folic acid empty bottles, subway tickets to get to and fro the hospital and others.
2. I'm embarrassed to admit that I enrolled this semester for grad school thinking that both, IVF and going back to school would be a piece of cake and I could juggle them with ease. But I was SO VERY wrong! I also have a job and the housework don't get done by themselves so that is 4 things cooking my brain! I need to learn something from this really
@tinjp78 I think we ALL thought ivf would be easier! I like your IVF collection... when you’re done you should take a pic of all your stuff to show what it took to make your baby!
@tinjp78 +1 for keeping everything (used sharps and all) DH thought I was nuts to start with but then he saw the photos others did on Pinterest and understood . Actually those Pinterest photos helped him to understand it might not be a one cycle thing.
And I'm with you on underestimating how hard it is. We actually finally got a cleaner in September for my first cycle as DH understood from the doctor what I shouldn't do in the TWW and that in general I shouldn't handle the chemicals. Plus time and energy level! I somehow am still juggling a senior position with regular travel and doing an EMBA on top of the cycles. It's tough.
Me 43 DH 45 Married 12/2016 TTC #1 since 04/2015 AMA, DOR (AMH 0.65, AFC 2-4) and autoimmune issues (RA, APS), low TSH, adenomyosis 7 retrievals, 3 transfers
Jun19 FET BFP, due date 7th March 2020, DD born Feb20
Sep17 IVF1 - 1ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN Nov17 IVF2 - 1ER, 0F Jan18 IVF3 - 3ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN Feb18 - second opinion and additional testing Apr18 IVF4 - cancelled (E2 too high) May/Jun18 IVF4 - 4ER, 0M, 1F, 1 frozen day 3 (not best quality) Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - 5 ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (not best quality) Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - 4ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (good quality) Aug/Sep18 IVF7 - cancelled (cyst) Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - 3ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen Day 3 (excellent quality) Oct18 IVF8 - Cancelled (cyst and too low TSH) Oct18-Jan19 bringing TSH under control Feb19 ERA and hysteroscopy Mar19 Investigation for fibroid and adenomyosis Apr19 adenomyosis confirmed, polyps removed Jun19 FET after 2 months Lupron, autoimmune protocol, transferred two day 3 frozen embryos
Sep17 - Pergoveris 10-17 Sep, Orgalutran 15-18 Sep, Ovitrelle 18 Sep, ER 20 Sep for 2 follies, 1 mature egg, fertilized, ET 1x 2d 4-cell embryo 22/09, 05/10 BFN Nov17 IVF2 - Pergoveris 2-14 Nov, Orgalutran 5-14 Nov, Ovitrelle 15 Nov, ER 17 Nov for 3 follies, 1 mature egg, did not fertilize Jan18 IVF3 - Pergoveris 30 Dec - 8 Jan, Orgalutran 5-8 Jan, Ovitrelle 9 Jan, ER 11 Jan 3 eggs, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, ET 1x 4d 12-cell embryo 15/01, 24/01 BFN May/Jun18 IVF4 - Rekovelle 25-29 May, Menogon 30May - 2Jun, Zomacton 25 27 29 31 May and 2Jun, Cetrotide 30May - 3Jun, Gonasi 3Jun, ER 5Jun 4 eggs, none mature, two matured overnight, 1 fertilized with ICSI, Frozen day 3 but not good quality Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - Rekovelle 21-24 June, Menogon 25Jun-3Jul, Puregon 4-5Jul, Zomacton 21 23 25 27 29 Jun, Cetrotide 25Jun-5Jul, Gonasi 6Jul, ER 8Jul 5 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 but not good quality Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - Rekovelle 26-29 Jul, Menogon 30Jul-7Aug, Buserelin 26Jul-7Aug, Zomacton 26 28 30 Jul 1 3 Aug, Gonasi 7Aug, ER 9Aug 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized (normal IVF), 2 frozen day 3 good quality Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - Menogon 19-30Sep, Buserelin 19-30Sep, Zomacton 19 21 23 25 27 Sep, Ovitrelle 1 Oct, ER 3 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 excellent quality
Fav Quote: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
@adirat - I calculate my DD every single cycle. Including for the next one, and AF hasn't even started yet, much less there been an actual FET!
Also, whoa - you cried under your desk?! I haven't done that, but I have wept while staring at my patient portal/reading some article about infertility. People will come by to talk to me, and I don't even both to hide it - I just let the tears run down my face.
@prudence9-2 - re: the benefits - I also try to calculate what they'd pay me and what our budget would be, exactly, and then I check our spreadsheet and think about our cash flow during the parental leave time. I've had DH check his leave benefits more than once!
For me, worse than the office parties is when people on leave bring their babies to the office.
But at the office parties, I mean - I can grit my teeth and get through them, but I hate those games. Like "taste the baby food" or whatever. They're lame enough already; when they're a reminder of something you're busting your ass for that remains elusive... Like you're working so so hard for something that is, at times, going to be so lame? Salt, meet wound.
@dragonette505 -I could be SURROUNDED by infertile women, but id never know it because we are all perfect! (In panicked voice): Never show weakness!! Never ever! LOL!
Its not that we are not happy for them... its just... hard. -> sending you a lot of this. You can be happy for someone and sad for your struggle at the same time. I totally understand.
@emmasemm@sarcasticowl - DH and I actually talk about how awesome it would be if we could one day afford a house big enough that we'd have our own wings. I doubt we'd actually do it, but, you know, a girl can dream... Obviously, I hope you fill your houses with children. Just saying sometimes you might want all that luxurious space, all to yourself, anyone else's opinion be damned!
We're somewhere between "open" and "closed". Most of our friends and family know it's been a challenge for us, but we try not to include anyone in the details of different attempts or procedures. I want space to grieve, and I don't want someone to ask and to have to revisit it or think about it when I'm not in the mood.
DH is more open than I am, but I think he is because... how do I say this? ... he's not afraid of it affecting his career. Like, he'll tell his boss we're dealing with x,y, or z, or someone he works with - and I would never. I want a raise and a promotion, and I don't want anyone thinking: "she's going to get distracted when she has kids" more than they already are.
Sometimes DH is not as, um, aware of women's struggles as I'd like him to be. I think it was a bit of a shock for him when I told him I didn't tell people, because I was afraid of discrimination. He was like: "But I'm probably going to take more paternity leave than you will maternity."
Me: "Exactly. And no one would suspect." We sometimes joke that if more of my work knew I were IF, I'd probably be promoted faster.
@funkykey Yaaaaas! About it not affecting your dh’s career!!! (Although mine has had to take off work to be with me so much who knows!!! Lol). ALSO unless your dx is mfi and he tells ppl that, it won’t affect the worlds view of his potency since most ppl assume it’s the girls fault even in this day and age. (Of course, in my case that seems to be true )
@dragonette505 - since most ppl assume it’s the girls fault even in this day and age.
People are idiots!
It seems to me that most of this is about luck. I met my H at 29, but I could have just as easily met him at 37. We're unexplained, but I could just as easily have been born with PCOS or endo. And even me, being unexplained - I have 3 sisters, 2 have children, and they conceived no problem. We're about the same age, grew up in the same house, ate the same food, have the same genetic material. Why me and not them? DH's brother conceived easily too.... It just seems so random, the more I think about it.
I get the feeling that a lot of people still hold those beliefs, on some level. That idea that it's always the woman's fault echoes the 17th century belief that sperm were, essentially, baby seeds - and if they couldn't be planted, the woman was "barren", like a field. People even still use that word to describe infertility!
@funkykey barren is an utterly gross way to label infertility.... like if you can’t have children your worth is totally voided. i agree there’s still a lot of superstition and ignorance around infertility
Uuhhhhmmmmm speaking of ignorance and superstition.... my husband just told me he’s afraid of having unprotected sex with me right now EVEN THOUGH he knows perfectly well I ovulated 9 days ago! He said he thinks I might be fertile again because I’m “taking all that estrogen and stuff...” omg!!! I howled laughing in the middle of the street!!!! I can’t with him sometimes!! I’m gonna need him to post in the “calm down you’re not pregnant” post! Lol
There may be a bottle of baby shampoo in the back of my bathroom closet... its actually been there since May 2015, so I should probably get rid of it, but if I throw it away I will feel like I am giving up or something.
I am so happy to hear that I’m not the only one who feels like bursting into hard sobs at work! My classroom aide (who knows DH and I are struggling) is pregnant (unplanned). She decided to tell me one day how “it’s not her fault” that she got pregnant because she has a latex allergy and birth control makes her nauseous. Then on a Friday she left early for an US to see the sex of the baby. She came back during dismissal literally running down the hallway and shoved her US picture in my face to tell me she’s having a boy. It took all I had within me not to burst into tears and vomit right then and there in front of the kids. I’m happy that she’s excited now, and I’m happy for her, but it still hurts. And the insensitivity just makes me want to smack her! Oh well.
i guess my embarrassment is that I have a huge bag of hand-me-down maternity clothes and baby clothes that I’m hiding from DH in the attic.
@hgasic - OMG. "I have a latex allergy and birth control makes me nauseous"?
Over the past few years, I have really been trying to be less judgmental, but sometimes... That is just about the WORST REASON to conceive a baby I have heard. "Because I have a latex allergy and birth control makes me nauseous"? As though IUIs or abstinence or pulling out don't exist? And like, My God, if you want a baby and you're too scared to tell your SO so you make up ridiculous excuses... that's also not the kind of home you want to bring a baby into. Ugh.
Over 10 years ago I bought a new cute tank-top, just to realize that it’s a nursing one with clips and all. Even though I wasn’t even in a relationship at that moment, I kept it for my future babies. I ended up donations it to Goodwill few years ago when I realized that I gained enough weight over the years that I won’t ever fit me anymore.
I also kept a baby sling my mom accidentally bought. Over 5 years ago.
I wanted family and babies since I was a teenager. Somehow I failed to find a right partner till my early 30th.
As for sharing or not with the family. My menstrusl cycle stopped when I was about 15, and since I was still living with my parents, I told my mom. Mom is a kind of person who shares with others because she can’t emotionally handle things alone. So pretty much all the family and family friends know that I can’t have children without fertility treatment. Sometimes I miss the privacy - my brother hid his wive pregnancies till 2nd trimester, while my parents nosed in every few days to be notified on any progress and dates of any procedures.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My story in signature spoiler. Children mentioned.
Me: 37 DH: 45 I don't produce FSH, so no natural menstrual cycle. DH has reduced morphology. Summer 2014 IUI (with first husband): cancelled after almost a month of stims due to too many follicles Time off to divorce, get back on my feet, find a new hubby and get married again 💑 March 2017 IVF#1: ~70 follicles, 13R, 10M, 7F, 3B = 2 PGS Normal (both XY) - no transfer due to ohss Sept 2017 FET#1: BFP, Beta#1 (10dpt) - 253, Beta#2 (12dpt) - 528, DS born 05/31/2018 👨👩👦 Dec 2019 FET#2: BFN Changed clinic, planning March 2020 IVF#2 - postponed due to the pandemic April 2020 IVF #2: ~30 follicles, 24R, 12M, 8F, 4B = 2XY & 2XX, all normal Sept 2020 FET#3: one XX embryo, BFP, Beta#1 (9dpt) - 161, Beta#2 (11dpt) - 519, Beta#3 (19dpt) - 7174, Due date 05/30/2021 DD born 05/23/2021 👨👩👧👦 - My family is now complete
Re: Fill in the blank: I’m embarrassed to admit that I...
Meanwhile my MIL is like the least supportive person in the world so it definitely is a crapshoot...
@sarcasticowl I always want to ask something uncomfortably personal when I hear questions like those. I had a friend who kept asking when I was gonna have kids because she popped out three and moved to the suburbs. I finally asked her if she also wanted an update on my bowel movements... not one word since. I totally howled on the embryo naming!! lol I have had baby names (boy and girl) picked for years and that's what I'm sticking to! I'm George Forman-ing with you!
@tosh24 yeah, its just lonog term survival for me... I know its awful, but id rather most people just figure I'm waaay modern and chose not to have kids. The only people who know besides my husband and my doctor are my mom (who lives with DH and I and who I actually hid my **tw** first pregnancy from until I had to be hospitalized during my MC) and my oldest sister. I also do it FOR my close family... The only one who I think can almost handle it is my oldest sister... the rest would be a mess knowing I was dealing with this and I cant handle my own tears AND theirs.
TW losses/kids - my mother suffered a lot of losses between my brother and my sister. It took 7 years... and she was hospitalized several times too after each of her ectopics. We now believe it was in part due to her autoimmune issues but she also had endo and fibroids and a whole load of scar tissue from the mess I made getting stuck! I guess she was also starting to show signs of DOR before she conceived my sister too. She was so depressed when she was not conceiving and then with repeated losses. She had wanted a big family as she loves babies, completely crazy for them.
TW- cancer - my father is also recovering from treatment for testicular cancer too at the moment. I mean why do I need to pile more worries onto them? And we live in a different country so we can easily be selective with what we say without having to "hide" things as such
Bigger TW (choices/losses/depression)
Married 12/2016
TTC #1 since 04/2015
AMA, DOR (AMH 0.65, AFC 2-4) and autoimmune issues (RA, APS), low TSH, adenomyosis
7 retrievals, 3 transfers
Nov17 IVF2 - 1ER, 0F
Jan18 IVF3 - 3ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN
Feb18 - second opinion and additional testing
Apr18 IVF4 - cancelled (E2 too high)
May/Jun18 IVF4 - 4ER, 0M, 1F, 1 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - 5 ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - 4ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (good quality)
Aug/Sep18 IVF7 - cancelled (cyst)
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - 3ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen Day 3 (excellent quality)
Oct18 IVF8 - Cancelled (cyst and too low TSH)
Oct18-Jan19 bringing TSH under control
Feb19 ERA and hysteroscopy
Mar19 Investigation for fibroid and adenomyosis
Apr19 adenomyosis confirmed, polyps removed
Jun19 FET after 2 months Lupron, autoimmune protocol, transferred two day 3 frozen embryos
Nov17 IVF2 - Pergoveris 2-14 Nov, Orgalutran 5-14 Nov, Ovitrelle 15 Nov, ER 17 Nov for 3 follies, 1 mature egg, did not fertilize
Jan18 IVF3 - Pergoveris 30 Dec - 8 Jan, Orgalutran 5-8 Jan, Ovitrelle 9 Jan, ER 11 Jan 3 eggs, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, ET 1x 4d 12-cell embryo 15/01, 24/01 BFN
May/Jun18 IVF4 - Rekovelle 25-29 May, Menogon 30May - 2Jun, Zomacton 25 27 29 31 May and 2Jun, Cetrotide 30May - 3Jun, Gonasi 3Jun, ER 5Jun 4 eggs, none mature, two matured overnight, 1 fertilized with ICSI, Frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - Rekovelle 21-24 June, Menogon 25Jun-3Jul, Puregon 4-5Jul, Zomacton 21 23 25 27 29 Jun, Cetrotide 25Jun-5Jul, Gonasi 6Jul, ER 8Jul 5 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - Rekovelle 26-29 Jul, Menogon 30Jul-7Aug, Buserelin 26Jul-7Aug, Zomacton 26 28 30 Jul 1 3 Aug, Gonasi 7Aug, ER 9Aug 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized (normal IVF), 2 frozen day 3 good quality
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - Menogon 19-30Sep, Buserelin 19-30Sep, Zomacton 19 21 23 25 27 Sep, Ovitrelle 1 Oct, ER 3 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 excellent quality
Fav Quote: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
AFM, I have 2 things to admit that I'm embarrassed about.
1. I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't thrown my IVF related trash, like empty nasal spray bottles, folic acid empty bottles, subway tickets to get to and fro the hospital and others.
2. I'm embarrassed to admit that I enrolled this semester for grad school thinking that both, IVF and going back to school would be a piece of cake and I could juggle them with ease. But I was SO VERY wrong! I also have a job and the housework don't get done by themselves so that is 4 things cooking my brain! I need to learn something from this really
I like your IVF collection... when you’re done you should take a pic of all your stuff to show what it took to make your baby!
And I'm with you on underestimating how hard it is. We actually finally got a cleaner in September for my first cycle as DH understood from the doctor what I shouldn't do in the TWW and that in general I shouldn't handle the chemicals. Plus time and energy level! I somehow am still juggling a senior position with regular travel and doing an EMBA on top of the cycles. It's tough.
Married 12/2016
TTC #1 since 04/2015
AMA, DOR (AMH 0.65, AFC 2-4) and autoimmune issues (RA, APS), low TSH, adenomyosis
7 retrievals, 3 transfers
Nov17 IVF2 - 1ER, 0F
Jan18 IVF3 - 3ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN
Feb18 - second opinion and additional testing
Apr18 IVF4 - cancelled (E2 too high)
May/Jun18 IVF4 - 4ER, 0M, 1F, 1 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - 5 ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - 4ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (good quality)
Aug/Sep18 IVF7 - cancelled (cyst)
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - 3ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen Day 3 (excellent quality)
Oct18 IVF8 - Cancelled (cyst and too low TSH)
Oct18-Jan19 bringing TSH under control
Feb19 ERA and hysteroscopy
Mar19 Investigation for fibroid and adenomyosis
Apr19 adenomyosis confirmed, polyps removed
Jun19 FET after 2 months Lupron, autoimmune protocol, transferred two day 3 frozen embryos
Nov17 IVF2 - Pergoveris 2-14 Nov, Orgalutran 5-14 Nov, Ovitrelle 15 Nov, ER 17 Nov for 3 follies, 1 mature egg, did not fertilize
Jan18 IVF3 - Pergoveris 30 Dec - 8 Jan, Orgalutran 5-8 Jan, Ovitrelle 9 Jan, ER 11 Jan 3 eggs, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, ET 1x 4d 12-cell embryo 15/01, 24/01 BFN
May/Jun18 IVF4 - Rekovelle 25-29 May, Menogon 30May - 2Jun, Zomacton 25 27 29 31 May and 2Jun, Cetrotide 30May - 3Jun, Gonasi 3Jun, ER 5Jun 4 eggs, none mature, two matured overnight, 1 fertilized with ICSI, Frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - Rekovelle 21-24 June, Menogon 25Jun-3Jul, Puregon 4-5Jul, Zomacton 21 23 25 27 29 Jun, Cetrotide 25Jun-5Jul, Gonasi 6Jul, ER 8Jul 5 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - Rekovelle 26-29 Jul, Menogon 30Jul-7Aug, Buserelin 26Jul-7Aug, Zomacton 26 28 30 Jul 1 3 Aug, Gonasi 7Aug, ER 9Aug 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized (normal IVF), 2 frozen day 3 good quality
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - Menogon 19-30Sep, Buserelin 19-30Sep, Zomacton 19 21 23 25 27 Sep, Ovitrelle 1 Oct, ER 3 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 excellent quality
Fav Quote: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
Also, whoa - you cried under your desk?! I haven't done that, but I have wept while staring at my patient portal/reading some article about infertility. People will come by to talk to me, and I don't even both to hide it - I just let the tears run down my face.
@prudence9-2 - re: the benefits - I also try to calculate what they'd pay me and what our budget would be, exactly, and then I check our spreadsheet and think about our cash flow during the parental leave time. I've had DH check his leave benefits more than once!
@emmasemm @dragonette505 @tosh24 @adirat @sarcasticowl -
For me, worse than the office parties is when people on leave bring their babies to the office.
But at the office parties, I mean - I can grit my teeth and get through them, but I hate those games. Like "taste the baby food" or whatever. They're lame enough already; when they're a reminder of something you're busting your ass for that remains elusive... Like you're working so so hard for something that is, at times, going to be so lame? Salt, meet wound.
@dragonette505 - I could be SURROUNDED by infertile women, but id never know it because we are all perfect!
(In panicked voice): Never show weakness!! Never ever!
LOL!
Its not that we are not happy for them... its just... hard.
@emmasemm @sarcasticowl - DH and I actually talk about how awesome it would be if we could one day afford a house big enough that we'd have our own wings. I doubt we'd actually do it, but, you know, a girl can dream... Obviously, I hope you fill your houses with children. Just saying sometimes you might want all that luxurious space, all to yourself, anyone else's opinion be damned!
We're somewhere between "open" and "closed". Most of our friends and family know it's been a challenge for us, but we try not to include anyone in the details of different attempts or procedures. I want space to grieve, and I don't want someone to ask and to have to revisit it or think about it when I'm not in the mood.
DH is more open than I am, but I think he is because... how do I say this? ... he's not afraid of it affecting his career. Like, he'll tell his boss we're dealing with x,y, or z, or someone he works with - and I would never. I want a raise and a promotion, and I don't want anyone thinking: "she's going to get distracted when she has kids" more than they already are.
Sometimes DH is not as, um, aware of women's struggles as I'd like him to be. I think it was a bit of a shock for him when I told him I didn't tell people, because I was afraid of discrimination. He was like: "But I'm probably going to take more paternity leave than you will maternity."
Me: "Exactly. And no one would suspect."
People are idiots!
It seems to me that most of this is about luck. I met my H at 29, but I could have just as easily met him at 37. We're unexplained, but I could just as easily have been born with PCOS or endo. And even me, being unexplained - I have 3 sisters, 2 have children, and they conceived no problem. We're about the same age, grew up in the same house, ate the same food, have the same genetic material. Why me and not them? DH's brother conceived easily too.... It just seems so random, the more I think about it.
But it really does seem like a lot of people don't think that much about it, and they're still stuck in the dark ages. I read this a few months ago:
https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/discovery-where-babies-come-from
I get the feeling that a lot of people still hold those beliefs, on some level. That idea that it's always the woman's fault echoes the 17th century belief that sperm were, essentially, baby seeds - and if they couldn't be planted, the woman was "barren", like a field. People even still use that word to describe infertility!
i agree there’s still a lot of superstition and ignorance around infertility
my husband just told me he’s afraid of having unprotected sex with me right now EVEN THOUGH he knows perfectly well I ovulated 9 days ago! He said he thinks I might be fertile again because I’m “taking all that estrogen and stuff...”
omg!!! I howled laughing in the middle of the street!!!!
I can’t with him sometimes!! I’m gonna need him to post in the “calm down you’re not pregnant” post! Lol
i guess my embarrassment is that I have a huge bag of hand-me-down maternity clothes and baby clothes that I’m hiding from DH in the attic.
Over the past few years, I have really been trying to be less judgmental, but sometimes... That is just about the WORST REASON to conceive a baby I have heard. "Because I have a latex allergy and birth control makes me nauseous"? As though IUIs or abstinence or pulling out don't exist? And like, My God, if you want a baby and you're too scared to tell your SO so you make up ridiculous excuses... that's also not the kind of home you want to bring a baby into. Ugh.
Good luck to that poor kid. Geez.
My story in signature spoiler. Children mentioned.
I don't produce FSH, so no natural menstrual cycle. DH has reduced morphology.
Summer 2014 IUI (with first husband): cancelled after almost a month of stims due to too many follicles
Time off to divorce, get back on my feet, find a new hubby and get married again 💑
March 2017 IVF#1: ~70 follicles, 13R, 10M, 7F, 3B = 2 PGS Normal (both XY) - no transfer due to ohss
Sept 2017 FET#1: BFP, Beta#1 (10dpt) - 253, Beta#2 (12dpt) - 528, DS born 05/31/2018 👨👩👦
Dec 2019 FET#2: BFN
Changed clinic, planning March 2020 IVF#2 - postponed due to the pandemic
April 2020 IVF #2: ~30 follicles, 24R, 12M, 8F, 4B = 2XY & 2XX, all normal
Sept 2020 FET#3: one XX embryo, BFP, Beta#1 (9dpt) - 161, Beta#2 (11dpt) - 519, Beta#3 (19dpt) - 7174, Due date 05/30/2021
DD born 05/23/2021 👨👩👧👦 - My family is now complete