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February 2018 Moms
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FFFC

babymakes9babymakes9 member
in February 2018 Moms
Come on ladies what this weeks confession?
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older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7 
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Re: FFFC

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  • 3plus1equals43plus1equals4 member
    I stayed up late to go out with friends and didn't get up to my alarm. I slept late by 25 minutes and instead of getting ready then , decided that a 3 day weekend was deserved. (Including not getting my kids to school today.)
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  • amb929amb929 member
    mamaof5already said:
    I'm going 1st this week :)

    I want my 16  year old to break up with his girlfriend. They talk about marriage all the time,  she doesn't  like me,  or his 1st youngest sister  (whom he has always been close with).

    She is 3 years older than him and in collage and talks about wanting to move far away with him where they know no one, and he can protect/ take care of her.  And is very controlling of him. 

    I know it's wrong, but  I have started trying to think of ways to keep them apart on weekends.
    Can you forbid him from seeing her... if I understand correctly, he’s a minor and she’s 19, in college and an adult?
    I feel like maybe having a conversation with your son about the fact that you don’t want him seeing his adult girlfriend might be a good place to start but it’s tricky because kids usually rebel against whatever you tell them. 
    The complete nuclear option of course... would be to call the police and file a restraining order. Most states have laws about age of consent and I’m pretty sure 16 might be one of those “with parental consent” kind of things so if he doesn’t have your permission to see her/be with her then you could call the police and make it virtually impossible for them to be together.
    Again, this probably will make your son really angry. It’s just a no win situation. Maybe the best option is to say at the very least he can’t spend time with her on her campus if they ever do. It’s still pretty early into the school year maybe she’ll meet someone at a college party and quit the relationship or he’ll join an activity at school and meet someone new? Why doesn’t she like your daughter? This girl sounds like not a great girlfriend for anyone, I’m sorry you’re going through this! 
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  • alwayssomethingnewalwayssomethingnew member
    @mamaof5already This is a really tough situation.  With kids that age, as I'm sure you know, the more against something you are, the more they want it.  I don't really have any advice, but i think the more you talk about not liking her, the harder it will be to get rid of her.  I guess I would go for a subtle approach, like coming up with reasons why your son is busy on the weekends.  Although, the laws about her being an adult and him a minor is an intriguing approach.  Maybe @amb929 is on to something...
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  • clc515clc515 member
    My confession is that most of the time I don't feel bad those times DH gets stressed at work because it's mostly his own time mismanagement that put him in that situation. I'm more annoyed that I can't watch TV because he does his work in the living room and has to work in silence. Doesn't happen often, but when it does I just want to roll my eyes. 
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  • gingermama29gingermama29 member
    the_other_mother said:
    Confession 2: I'm ok with our lack of unpopular opinions. I'm perfectly fine with our group being chill and agreeable. I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume that we probably don't all agree on a variety of topics. No need to hash is out weekly.
    I agree with this completely! I enjoy being a spectator/lurker to the drama and entertainment on other boards, but I've been really happy that ours is super chill.
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  • eggplantfaceeggplantface member
    @mamaof5already That sounds like a scary, emotionally abusive/manipulative relationship. To want to take him away from his family and friends and make him her protector (although it sounds like it'll be the other way around) is textbook abusive. But like others said, the more you object the more you'll push him toward her. I'm also skeeved out that a 19 year old wants a 16 year old for a boyfriend. In their 20s a 3-year difference isn't a big deal, but at that age, it's exponential. What's wrong with her? Why would she pursue a relationship with a minor and want a dynamic where she's in total control like that? My advice is to let him know you love him and support him, and lower the appeal of leaving town with her. And encourage him to spend time with friends/family without her, maybe he'll meet someone his own age. I hope their physical relationship doesn't keep him on her hook!
    Me: late 30s | H: early 30s
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
    IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
    IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
    Polyp removed May 2017
    FET May 2017 - BFP!
    Baby boy born 2/2/18

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  • SarahFoley725SarahFoley725 member
    the_other_mother said:

    Confession 2: I'm ok with our lack of unpopular opinions. I'm perfectly fine with our group being chill and agreeable. I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume that we probably don't all agree on a variety of topics. No need to hash is out weekly.
    Sameeeeeeeee. 
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  • babymakes9babymakes9 member
    @eggplantface @olitwinturbosnprincess @amb929 @SunflowerMama428. 

    They started dating when she was in high school. She was supposed to go away to school a few states over (so we were kind of just dealing with her till wee thought she would leave) but ended up going to a local school and staying home. 

    I haven't told him he can't see her because of teenage rebellion and all and actually made a huge effort this summer to try and like her,  but just don't. To many things are off about her and how she treats him. 

    I am just going to keep him busy on weekends when at all possible,  they talk/ text nightly and since he pays his own phone i can't take that. 

    We have talked about how 16 year olds shouldn't be talking marriage,  but pretty sure he just isn't listening to his mom.  He was mentally/ emotionally abused as a young child by his father and she is doing all the same things.  

    I For the life of me do not see why a 19 year old girl in college  would want to spend her time with a hs junior who can't drive.  

    Luckily he has school,  and work,  and we have a farm and a big family so i can keep him pretty busy,  the downside is that it would all keep my dd pretty busy as well and i like her boyfriend and have no problems with her situation.  The girl friend on the other hand has no job,  and isn't kept busy with a farm and wants him to go to all her family functions. 

    Oh and she doesn't like my dd because she talks to much, and she doesn't like me because I'm to controlling on her opinion.  But umm,  he's a 16 year old high school student and she is an adult in collage.  To me there are very different sets of boundaries,   and expectations for those 2 age groups. 


    BabyFruit Ticker
    older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7 
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  • amb929amb929 member
    @mamaof5already I think you're absolutely doing the right thing by your son. Hopefully someday in the future, the relationship will end and he'll thank you for saving him the headache of all the crap this girl sounds like she puts him through. Keep him as busy as you possibly can. Maybe there will be some kind of interest in a school club he'll develop or even just stressing the idea that Junior year is 'the most important' might mean he'll want to focus on going off to college somewhere farther away from where she's at. I was on the younger side of my class and didn't drive until senior year... if he can't drive for a while that will also help you keep them apart. I hate the idea of using what I called the 'nuclear' option but if she's living at home, with her parents, there could definitely be something legally you could at least threaten to do if need be. 
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  • alwayssomethingnewalwayssomethingnew member
    amb929 said:
    @mamaof5already I think you're absolutely doing the right thing by your son. Hopefully someday in the future, the relationship will end and he'll thank you for saving him the headache of all the crap this girl sounds like she puts him through. Keep him as busy as you possibly can. Maybe there will be some kind of interest in a school club he'll develop or even just stressing the idea that Junior year is 'the most important' might mean he'll want to focus on going off to college somewhere farther away from where she's at. I was on the younger side of my class and didn't drive until senior year... if he can't drive for a while that will also help you keep them apart. I hate the idea of using what I called the 'nuclear' option but if she's living at home, with her parents, there could definitely be something legally you could at least threaten to do if need be. 
    I agree with this.  Also, if he's dealing with past abuse, maybe therapy?  Maybe to help him with the past and to help identify patterns repeating?
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  • chucksmom15chucksmom15 member
    edited October 2017
    @mamaof5already My brother had a girlfriend like that when we were in HS.  My parents put the you can't see her anymore plan in motion and it totally backfired. He admitted to me that he probably would have broken up with her but he didn't because they told him too.  Eventually it got old and they broke up.  Keep doing what you are doing.  It will hopefully fizzle out.  If she even moved a muscle towards getting him to runaway/move I would absolutely go with the nuclear option PP have mentioned.
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  • Starynightsky24Starynightsky24 member
    @mamaof5already would sitting him and your DD down (so he’s not singled out) and just having a relaxed conversation about healthy relationships interact, how important family is, and that you’re always there for them... etc. help? 

    Maybe im lacking perspective bc I have toddlers lol. But I have lots of friends who use a phone curfew. At a certain time in the evening no phones till morning. Bc sleep is important. Idk if it’s a good option for your situation but thought I’d bring it up:). 

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