@ivyvines6 I'm with you on the paper invites but only if you're inviting the whole class. After babysitting a kid who was a tad different she would come home crying eveyday that kids got invited to parties and She was continually left out.
Most schools here insist on inviting the whole class, or you're not allowed to hand them out. I'm not sure how we'll handle things like that in the future outside of school though.
@Ceridwen77 I'm all about paper invites and thank you cards. If you expect me to come and bring someone a gift, I expect paper. Mainly bc that's how I remember, folks! Then again, I do not have school age kids so maybe that's acceptable?? What happens if you're like me and not on Fbook? Ugh.
@ivyvines6 crocheted blankets, quilts.... those are typically great handmade gifts. Not melted crayon. This is why I do love registries, people just have way too different tastes to guess.
@dem068a broke out maternity jeans Thursday. No fear.
@fraufarbissina I'm so sorry that happened to you but dang that is funny!!
@ivyvines6 I'm with you on the paper invites but only if you're inviting the whole class. After babysitting a kid who was a tad different she would come home crying eveyday that kids got invited to parties and She was continually left out.
Most schools here insist on inviting the whole class, or you're not allowed to hand them out. I'm not sure how we'll handle things like that in the future outside of school though.
I'm a teacher and our rules say the whole class or all of the same gender. While I definitely understand cost associated with inviting everyone, the flip side is heartbreaking. What if your child was the one who is always left out and never invited?
@ivyvines6 I'm with you on the paper invites but only if you're inviting the whole class. After babysitting a kid who was a tad different she would come home crying eveyday that kids got invited to parties and She was continually left out.
Most schools here insist on inviting the whole class, or you're not allowed to hand them out. I'm not sure how we'll handle things like that in the future outside of school though.
I'm a teacher and our rules say the whole class or all of the same gender. While I definitely understand cost associated with inviting everyone, the flip side is heartbreaking. What if your child was the one who is always left out and never invited?
I'm aware that this sounds super calloused but I was never invited to anybody's birthday parties growing up and I survived. No one ever showed up to my birthday parties either.
I'm not even saying that it's not a good policy to have in place, or that anyone should get rid of it. I was just bringing attention to the fact that it is a thing.
@ivyvines6, you're right. It definitely happens. If a parent emails me for other parent contact information for parties, I get them in touch with each other and just ask that they (the children) be sensitive to others not invited. I've worked with our school's autism program. Unfortunately, theses children get over looked a lot. Some of the children don't notice or care but others do care and don't understand why they are left out.
Again, I understand both sides. My birthday (May 25th) often got forgotten or few people showed due to Memorial Day weekend trips. I'm also very shy so even now I don't have a ton of friends. I didn't get invited often. Of course I survived and I'm a functioning member of society (lol) but I do remember getting upset sometimes.
My FFFC: we don’t do birthday parties for our kids. We let them pick something special to do. This year my 6 year old got her nails done and we went to American Girl for tea. I think it’s a nice way to make memories and to avoid birthday party drama. Of course when they get older we might let them have friends over for sleepovers or whatever, but for now this works.
@gildah that's what my family started doing as well. Our family would make whatever the birthday person wanted for dinner, and we would go "make a memory." I see value in both ways, so we'll see how this progresses in the future. Right now it's easier to throw a party so everyone in our huge families is able to celebrate at the same time.
@gildah I love this idea and it will be something I will give them options experiences vs parties. Parties will be entire class/ or sex specific including the special needs kids. If we can't afford to invite them all we can't afford the party, particularly in elementary school.
I plan on teaching my children inclusiveness and tough noogies if they don't like at it at first. if no one shows up than we cancel and go to Disney or something instead.
But i guess my FFC is I feel like parents mold their children to be cliquey and mean. I won't allow exclusion, indifference, and or bullying behavior from my kids.She will learn to appreciate and embrace differences in other children. If after that kids don't come to her party then I will make sure to celebrate her in another way. But she doesn't get to just pick her favorites and exclude everyone else
@gildah I love this idea and it will be something I will give them options experiences vs parties. Parties will be entire class/ or sex specific including the special needs kids. If we can't afford to invite them all we can't afford the party, particularly in elementary school.
I plan on teaching my children inclusiveness and tough noogies if they don't like at it at first. if no one shows up than we cancel and go to Disney or something instead.
But i guess my FFC is I feel like parents mold their children to be cliquey and mean. I won't allow exclusion, indifference, and or bullying behavior from my kids.She will learn to appreciate and embrace differences in other children. If after that kids don't come to her party then I will make sure to celebrate her in another way. But she doesn't get to just pick her favorites and exclude everyone else
@ivyvines6 kids are friends with who they are exposed to. It's how they make friendships. My DD best friend is her best friend because her mom and I get them together a few times a week. That's how friendships work when they are young. And they learn to play together.
Most parties I go to I don't know/am not friends with everyone there but it gives me a new opportunity to meet people and make new friends. Learning you may have more in common with someone than you thought? Isn't that how friendships start? It's giving kids opportunities to, outside of school to learn more about each other.
@Saratiff my argument requires more nuance than text will allow me, so I'm not going to continue arguing with you. You're probably not painting a wide brush stroke for this idea, but I think I'm assuming you are. At the end of the day raising your kid with more empathy isn't going to hurt anything, so I don't be have a solid reason why you shouldn't raise your kids that way. /shrugs
@Ceridwen21 OMG. That is the most tasteless thing I have heard in the longest time. I'm in genuine shock that anyone would have the gall to text you on how to make a home made dinner better. And the gift card and take out options omg..... why are manners all the sudden extinct?
Oh man, like I know I'm overreacting but this seriously is frustrating to me. I'm sorry you did something kind and unexpected and it was unappreciated. That is my biggest trigger. I can't stand people who don't have the capacity for simple human decency.
*Married 7/29/11 BFP 10/2/13, EDD 6/3/14 Gave birth to my beautiful son, Owen Robert on 6/4/14! BFP #2 8/28/15, EDD 5/5/16
@MrsPrice519 thanks for empathizing. It did suck because I just was not raised that way. I guess she was. I am not as close with her anymore but we are still friends. I just learned a bit more about elements of her personality that I don’t care for.
@Ceridwen77 That’s really shocking! Maybe your friend has social issues? I don’t know but, yikes! @Saratiff Moms can be super cliquey and I think it rubs off on their kids. Also, I think kids can be naturally exclusive. That combo is really toxic.
I know it's a long time since Friday, but these were some good ones this weekend while I was MIA. @ceridwen77 I can't believe someone has/had the audacity to do something like that. After I had my girls I only had one person bring me food, and I cried. I was so grateful, it was the nicest thing anyone did, and it tasted amazing. But even if it didn't, I would never EVER think to tell them how to improve it. Unthinkable. On that note, I think registries are awesome, but I also know a lot of older people think they are tacky and gift-grabby in and of themselves because you're essentially a. assuming people will buy you something and b. dictating what to buy you. I absolutely agree that meal trains, second showers, diaper raffles and books as cards are also tacky and gift grabby, and I really hope they don't become the norm as registries have, but I feel like they already have. Just my 2 cents. My mom saved all the cards from her baby shower with me, and it was actually really cool to recently go through them and read all the messages people wrote. We actually found a $20 bill in one LOL I've saved all the cards from my shower with the girls. I've already told the people at work who know I'm pregnant to please not let them throw me a "surprise" shower like they do for everyone else. Especially after having twins, we actually have two times the amount of certain things that we've been trying to get rid of. We had the foresight to not buy pink crap with butterflies all over it, knowing that we hoped to have more children. As far as birthday parties go, right now our girls are young enough that their parties are families only (MH and I both have very big families). And I usually invite a few of my friends that have kids that my girls have played with on occasion. Once they are in school, it will be paper invitations mailed to 3 or 4 of their school friends, and I will teach them to not talk about it in school, to avoid hurt feelings-the same way wedding/shower invitations should be handled with co-workers. I don't have the money or the desire to host 30+ children, most of whom I don't know (or know their parents) just because I don't want people to feel left out. There's a big difference between being friendly and being friends. I think it's very important to teach kids to be inclusive and be friendly to everyone, regardless of their differences, but that doesn't mean they have to be friends with everyone. If, in teaching them to be kind and friendly to everyone, they make friends with someone they may not have thought they had much in common with, great. ETA words
Me, 35 Hubs, 32 Married June 2012 BFP June 2013- blighted ovum, D&C Aug 2013 BFP Oct 2013- twins! A&H born May 2014 BFP Aug 2017- EDD 5/8/17
Re: Flame Free Friday Confession (FFFC) 10/20
@ivyvines6 crocheted blankets, quilts.... those are typically great handmade gifts. Not melted crayon. This is why I do love registries, people just have way too different tastes to guess.
@dem068a broke out maternity jeans Thursday. No fear.
@fraufarbissina I'm so sorry that happened to you but dang that is funny!!
I'm not even saying that it's not a good policy to have in place, or that anyone should get rid of it. I was just bringing attention to the fact that it is a thing.
Again, I understand both sides. My birthday (May 25th) often got forgotten or few people showed due to Memorial Day weekend trips. I'm also very shy so even now I don't have a ton of friends. I didn't get invited often. Of course I survived and I'm a functioning member of society (lol) but I do remember getting upset sometimes.
I plan on teaching my children inclusiveness and tough noogies if they don't like at it at first. if no one shows up than we cancel and go to Disney or something instead.
But i guess my FFC is I feel like parents mold their children to be cliquey and mean. I won't allow exclusion, indifference, and or bullying behavior from my kids.She will learn to appreciate and embrace differences in other children. If after that kids don't come to her party then I will make sure to celebrate her in another way. But she doesn't get to just pick her favorites and exclude everyone else
Most parties I go to I don't know/am
not friends with everyone there but it gives me a new opportunity to meet people and make new friends. Learning you may have more in common with someone than you thought? Isn't that how friendships start? It's giving kids opportunities to, outside of school to learn more about each other.
Oh man, like I know I'm overreacting but this seriously is frustrating to me. I'm sorry you did something kind and unexpected and it was unappreciated. That is my biggest trigger. I can't stand people who don't have the capacity for simple human decency.
BFP 10/2/13, EDD 6/3/14
Gave birth to my beautiful son, Owen Robert on 6/4/14!
BFP #2 8/28/15, EDD 5/5/16
@Saratiff Moms can be super cliquey and I think it rubs off on their kids. Also, I think kids can be naturally exclusive. That combo is really toxic.
On that note, I think registries are awesome, but I also know a lot of older people think they are tacky and gift-grabby in and of themselves because you're essentially a. assuming people will buy you something and b. dictating what to buy you. I absolutely agree that meal trains, second showers, diaper raffles and books as cards are also tacky and gift grabby, and I really hope they don't become the norm as registries have, but I feel like they already have. Just my 2 cents. My mom saved all the cards from her baby shower with me, and it was actually really cool to recently go through them and read all the messages people wrote. We actually found a $20 bill in one LOL I've saved all the cards from my shower with the girls.
I've already told the people at work who know I'm pregnant to please not let them throw me a "surprise" shower like they do for everyone else. Especially after having twins, we actually have two times the amount of certain things that we've been trying to get rid of. We had the foresight to not buy pink crap with butterflies all over it, knowing that we hoped to have more children.
As far as birthday parties go, right now our girls are young enough that their parties are families only (MH and I both have very big families). And I usually invite a few of my friends that have kids that my girls have played with on occasion. Once they are in school, it will be paper invitations mailed to 3 or 4 of their school friends, and I will teach them to not talk about it in school, to avoid hurt feelings-the same way wedding/shower invitations should be handled with co-workers. I don't have the money or the desire to host 30+ children, most of whom I don't know (or know their parents) just because I don't want people to feel left out. There's a big difference between being friendly and being friends. I think it's very important to teach kids to be inclusive and be friendly to everyone, regardless of their differences, but that doesn't mean they have to be friends with everyone. If, in teaching them to be kind and friendly to everyone, they make friends with someone they may not have thought they had much in common with, great.
ETA words
Married June 2012
BFP June 2013- blighted ovum, D&C Aug 2013
BFP Oct 2013- twins! A&H born May 2014
BFP Aug 2017- EDD 5/8/17