GTKY: Post Partum Life

burnsmommy27 · October 2017

I've been thinking a lot about what life after maternity leave is going to look like for my family.

What are your plans? Will you be a SAHM, Work full time or part time? Take more than the usual amount of time off?

mauera07 · October 2017

After DS was born I was a mostly SAHM. I worked 3 nights a month just to help with expenses. After this one is born I'm staying home completely. It is overwhelming knowing that I will have no money of "my own" but we don't have any family near us and childcare costs, especially for two, are just not within our budget. I enjoy being a SAHM most days, but it definitely isn't easy and gets very lonely.

cyanope · October 2017

With DD, I took the six weeks of paid maternity leave, and ended up taking another week from my PTO. We had JUST bought a house and I couldn't afford to take off more time. This time around, I'm taking more time off! If we can make it work, I'm taking off the rest of the school year (January to June), which means I wouldn't have to go back until August. FX we can make it work!

burnsmommy27 · October 2017

Right now I work 24 hours a week and I've found it to be a perfect balance for us. I'm happier and less stressed than I was working full time after DD was born. We've looked at the numbers a lot and unfortunately we can't afford to have 2 in daycare and me only work 24 hours. So we shall see how it works out, maybe DH will get a nice raise in the beginning of the year.

@maueraa07 I hear you for sure. We couldn't really make it work much if I don't work at all (we bought a house 1.5 years ago and still have to do the mortgage insuramce) but I'm not sure I'm a strong enough person to do the SAHM thing, it is a lonely place. Many Kudos to you and all the SAHMs we have.

@cyanope That would be so amazing if you could make it work.

gilsam1 · October 2017

The plan is to take off from around Christmas time till the last week of May or first week of June, so about 5 months. I get CA state disability for 12 of those weeks (which isn't much money, but it's something), and then i'm using 7 1/2 weeks of PTO (i've banked it up). I really wanted to put off Daycare as long as possible b/c I think going to Daycare so young is not ideal (in my opinion), but i think 5 months is about as long as i'm going to last being at home all the time haha. We also want to house hunt and (hopefully) buy a home during that time, but we'll see. I'll be going back to work full time after maternity leave (40 hours a week).

trudytudy · October 2017

I work part time from home and keep my 4 and 2 yo at home. It wears me out but in a way it's the best of both worlds. I haven't decided how much maternity leave I'll take yet. I guess I need to work that out with my job. I plan to keep my job, I my ask my MIL or other relatives to look after the kids or maybe the older two a few hours a week so I can work. I'm just going to have to wing it and hope I can juggle it all.

GraceUponGrace09 · October 2017

I'm a SAHM now and will continue. It's what works best for our family and I'm thankful that I can be. I know it's not everyone's preference or feasible for some families.

PhillymommaX2 · October 2017

I've been staying at home since DD1 was born. I will eventually go back to work but it just makes sense for me to stay home. We have no one available to watch the kids plus DD1 gets done school at 2:30 so I have to pick her up.

JuliaGoolia719 · October 2017

I’m starting a new position at work on the 30th, which is awesome bc it’s (1) not full time travel bc there was no way that sh!t was going to work after he gets here and (2) it’s a salaried position so for a chunk of the year I’ll work fewer hours than I am now, and the department is known for being really family friendly for sick kiddos etc.
I’m taking the full 12 weeks for FMLA/short term disability, luckily we have $ saved up to cover the portion I won’t get a paycheck for (I get paid my full salary for 6 weeks and then nada). I wish I could take more than 12 weeks off, but there’s no way we can make it on what DH makes only, and my company doesn’t really do part time things so.....back to work I go.

Dani0329 · October 2017

I stayed home for 3 months with DD and will do the same with this little guy. DH is not currently working (we are STILL waiting on processing to return to active duty), so if that doesn't happen before baby, I may take a penalty and pull money out of my IRA to stay home for the 3 months of I have to, but I have a budget set up to ty and make it possible without. FX

leeeahyo · October 2017

After DS was born, we made the decision for me to start staying at home. We have scarce daycare options where I live, it's typically finding someone in your family or a who you know type thing, but after having him, family hardly ever came around. It was a shock and adjustment for us as I had originally planned on leaving DS with my grandmother. After seeing the lack of support, we decided my staying at home would be best. My job hardly provided enough to pay for childcare, cost to commute, and had no benefits whatsoever (I was taking 12 weeks fully unpaid to begin with).
Deciding to SAH was truly one of the hardest decisions I've ever made because I wanted to be the best version of myself for DS and didn't know whether working vs. staying home would be best for me personally. It is definitely the most rewarding job I've ever had and I am so very grateful to be able to do it! It does get lonely and of course there's always judgement from others. I even have a hard time getting respect from DH at times because he doesn't truly understand what the job entails. My MIL used to ask me constantly when I was going back to work starting when DS was maybe 3 months, and I don't know how long it took her to realize that I'm not. I may go back when these babes get school age, but right now I will continue staying at home!

mauera07 · October 2017

The US seriously needs to get it's act together and improve maternity leave. I hope you ladies can all make it work for your families!

lmmjd · October 2017

I’m a professional, and my student loans are astronomical. Since I basically sold my soul to the government, I have no choice but to go back to work. I’m not sure how much maternity leave I’ll even end up taking because I know my boss would be calling me constantly anyway.

crizz13 · October 2017

Oh how I wish I could stay home. Unfortunately I make too much (ha!) for me to stay home....even though one entire paycheck a month will go towards daycare for an infant and preschooler. I will take off about 12 weeks (it may work out being a little bit more with February and April Vacation built in to the school calendar). Then it'll be a couple months back at work before I can spend the summer with my girls.

gusgus14 · October 2017

@lmmjd - ditto

My student loan payments are too high for me to be able to take any partial or unpaid time. I will be taking 6 weeks of PTO (which will leave me a week for Christmas next year and probably nothing else). That said, I know I can't take a true 6 weeks without coming back to a dumster fire so I am fully aware I'll be answering emails and maybe continuing to work on contracts during that time. DH currently has unlimited PTO and had planned on taking 4 of those weeks with me but his company is getting ready to put in a stricter, more structured PTO policy and he won't be able to take that much time which puts a huge damper on our plan. We'll be starting day care at 6 weeks assuming we can get off the wait list.

conineml · October 2017

I'm with @crizz13. I make to much money to justify staying home, plus I spent a lot of time working on my master's degree to not use it...(side note: I also might lose my mind as a SAHM...props to those that can though) I'll be headed back to full time working. Not sure how much maternity leave I'll end up taking. Definitely 6 weeks but maybe longer. Our state just passed 4 weeks paid leave but the rest are up to us to cover. Luckily, I was planning to use leave prior to the new bill so I have a lot saved up and could take leave for the majority, if not all of the 12 weeks if we choose that.

Shanski70 · October 2017

With DD and with this LO I plan to stay home 10 weeks. Between my saved PTO and short term disability pay (60% of my normal takehome salary) I should be able to make it to 10 weeks. Honestly, last time when I hit that 10th week I was actually starting to miss work (or more accurately I missed adult conversations and being out of the house). Financially we cannot afford for me to be a SAHM and for me personally, I don’t think I’d do well in that role.

No matter the decision and the outcome all decisions are tough. I just want to remind everyone who is struggling with these choices that you’re not alone. We can relate and are here if you need some outside perspective.

[Deleted User] · October 2017

With DD, I took 2.5 months off (unpaid, I work for a very small business) and have worked 8-12 hours a week since. After DS is born, I'll be staying home. We aren't able to afford daycare, and I don't make enough to help much with big bills. We'll definitely be cutting back on a lot since what I made was extra spending money, but I do a lot of surveys for money and am hoping to continue that and help out financially as much as I can!

I so admire the full-time working moms. You are all superheroes to me. I certainly couldn't do it! All moms are rockstars no matter if you're a working mom or SAHM

beans17 · October 2017

lmmjd said:

I’m a professional, and my student loans are astronomical. Since I basically sold my soul to the government, I have no choice but to go back to work. I’m not sure how much maternity leave I’ll even end up taking because I know my boss would be calling me constantly anyway.

This! I mean DH & I had most of undergrad paid for and assistantships for grad school and yet here we are...
I'm taking my 6 weeks (paid) but I've already told my boss & teammates that I won't be accessible while I'm out. And luckily, none of them have my personal cell number. But then it'll be back to work. My family lives 15 hours away so I'll need to hang onto my PTO for travel to see them later in the year. Plus my company won't let me bank PTO - I can only carry over 1 week each year.

But seriously, @lmmjd reading your post made me exhale that breath I didn't know I was holding. Nobody here has implied that any one way is the "best" or most correct, however seeing how many of you can even actually consider being a SAHM or working part time got that inner voice of doubt going in me. And don't get me wrong, I know whatever decision each of you have made has come at a price - my self doubt just reared its ugly head for a moment there. Also, as a FTM, I'm starting to grasp the concept that I may change my mind/change how I feel about staying at home with my kids, but I still really don't think I've got it in me. Props to you ladies who do (and to you ladies who don't get to/choose to SAH too)!

garykayla · October 2017

I'll be working up until I go into labor and then I'll be taking 12 weeks off... Mostly unpaid of course! I do plan to go back to work after those 12 weeks... Financially I could stay home but I just don't know that I could do it!

kelk5 · October 2017

I'm planning on taking the full 12-weeks for FMLA. My company doesn't have paid maternity leave so I'll exhaust all of my sick and vacation time which will be about 7 weeks. We are required to exhaust our sick and vacation if we take FMLA. I have short-term disability which will pay 60% of my salary. I'd love to have 6 months with little one before putting her in day care though I don't think that is possible. My mom said she wants to/could do 3 days a week so hopefully only 2 days of daycare till she is older. Currently, I plan on going back full-time after the 12-weeks but I'm going to look at if I could go part-time (depending on finances and if available at work). I think part-time would be ideal for me.

Edit to add that DH gets 2 weeks paid maternity leave. The US sucks when it comes to maternity/paternity leave

ollydolly · October 2017

As I read previous posts, I'm feeling really lucky about my situation.

I am able to take a full year off and will likely do so from the start of this school year's Christmas break (Dec. 22nd) - no reason to return to work for 5 days before due date! First 38 weeks of mat leave is 85% paid and then goes down to 55%. Depending on DH (and his job situation) I might go back in September after 9 months.

burnsmommy27 · October 2017

@beans17 I think it is good to give yourself the Grace to be able to change your mind. After DD I went back full time and started in on very severe PPD and anxiety. DH and I decided that the money is and never will be worth my mental well being. I'm worried this time with 2 under 2 and having to work more hours. I'm glad I've got a good psychiatrist and a plan but still nervous.

No decision is right or wrong, only what is right for you and your family

mauera07 · October 2017

@burnsmommy27 Mental/emotional health was a huge factor in our decision too. If I went back full time literally my entire monthly pay would go to childcare expenses, and I would be miserable too. It's definitely super difficult financially, but temporary.

I agree that whatever decision works for you and your family is the right decision, and that can change over time. Don't ever feel guilty even for a second if you are trying to do what is best for your family.

KatieEl · October 2017

I've been SAHM since about a month before DS1 was born (I mean I guess I was just staying at home at that point, but I'd quit my job in anticipation of his arrival since I knew I wasn't planning on going back and wanted a restful 9th month).

I actually really love staying at home and I'm so glad that it works for my family and that my DH is AWESOME and totally values what I contribute to our family and never makes me feel less then even though we're still paying back my law school student loans (essentially a second mortgage. ouch.). I am kind of the "anti" SAHM mom though, in that we're almost never at home. I'm really lucky to have a great group of mom friends here as well as a ton of awesome kid friendly activities in our metro area, so we're out of the house 4/5 days a week doing things and spending time with other people (hello adult conversation!).

After this LO arrives I'll continue staying home. At some point once my kids are older (and maybe once my mom retires out here) I'm hoping to work part time as a doula, but right now my kids are too young and DH's schedule is way too unpredictable for that. Which is fine, this is the season of life we're in now!

mauera07 · October 2017

@KatieEl So jealous of your group of mom friends! It's so hard to find people who I click with, hopefully it gets easier as DS gets older! Also, DH has law school loans, and ouch, I understand completely!

KatieEl · October 2017

@maueraa07 I really do know how lucky I am. I had one good mom friend when we lived in DC, but she worked part time, and it was hard. I'm so grateful I've found a good group of people I'd genuinely want to be friends with here and the bonus is our kids are the same age lol.

sbishop426 · October 2017

I get 6 weeks paid with pto and STD but can take off 12 with FMLA. I can't afford to go 3 pay periods with no paycheck so I plan to do what I did last time which was take 8 weeks off and go back part-time for a couple weeks. I'm really anxious about this because last time I had a hard time coming back to work so hopefully it's better this time.

egirl1025 · October 2017

With this pregnancy I will be taking 8 weeks of maternity leave. My company covers the 8 weeks at 100%. For my last pregnancy I took 6 weeks which at that time my company only covered 80% of. Had my first little guy come when he was supposed to I would have been able to take the 8 weeks at 100%. Way to go little guy! Lol. With our first one we didn't really have an opportunity to save up because in the span of 18 months we got engaged, both got new jobs, got married, bought a house and found out one week after moving in that I was pregnant.

I had always felt pretty sure that I was not SAHM material and my first maternity leave really proved it. I thought I was slowly losing my mind. It was the same thing over and over and over again in 2-3 hour intervals. I felt so lonely and in zero control. I felt like I was completely winging everything and did not feel like I was doing it well. It was hard to leave my little boy with someone else, but the relief of being back at work and knowing what I was doing was amazing. Before I met my husband work was number one in my life and definitely was a defining part of my sense of self. I can say that meeting him and creating our family has changed where my career stands from a priority perspective, but it's still a very big part of me.

Maybe I should save this for UO or FFFC, but the whole SAHM vs. Working mom dynamic is so old. I'm over it. Mom's unite! We each make our own different sacrifices and have our own challenges, but at the end of the day we all have the same goal, which is to love our children as much as possible and to have them grow up to be wonderful people.

bainidhedub · October 2017

I'll work up until labor and then take 12 weeks off (6wks banked PTO plus 6wks paid extended medical leave). I'm honestly a bit nervous about daycare costs but I just messaged the lady who watched DS when he was a baby to see if she'll have a spot available for Thing 2 come April. SAHM is not in consideration, I would be terrible at it and DH's schedule is too variable through the year to make it work.

missblaze · October 2017

I'm considered a "part-time temporary employee" (even though I work 40 hours). It has it's pros and cons. Pro is that I can technically take as much time off as I want, because I'm not a full-time employee and therefore I am not bound by their rules. Con is that any leave I take is unpaid. I do have STD which will give me something for the first 6 weeks, but that's it.

I'm the breadwinner in my family and I have astronomical student loans. Without my income, we can't pay our mortgage or DD's school bill. So I'll probably end up taking 6-8 weeks. I wish we could afford for me to take 12. I will probably do part-time hours for a week or two to ease back in. We can't afford to have 2 children in care, so DH and I will continue with our opposite schedules to keep baby at home and still work full-time.

supercoolstephy · October 2017

If I'm being totally honest, and because I know myself, I am a better mom mentally for my child when I go to work. Which I'm hoping doesn't make me sound like SAHM's aren't better mentally. I just know my personality and my patience and my depression, that I am not good with being home with my kid more than one week when he's sick. haha. That being said, my work offers paid FMLA for 6-8 weeks depending on type of delivery. I will be a repeat c-section so I'll have the 8 weeks plus 2 weeks off. So 10 weeks off total, and last time I was mentally ready to be back then.

If we could afford for me to stay at home, then I probably would. But right now, if I did stay home I would still have to get a part time job to pay part of our income. So me staying at my office is basically paying for an infant and a toddler in daycare, plus that extra bit to pay part of our bills, and I get to work during the week and have nights and weekends off, instead of a part time job where I'd be working nights and weekends so someone would be home with the kiddos.

darkrose88 · October 2017

I'm planning on taking off 10 weeks. My work allows me to take 6 weeks paid sick time and then vacation time, of which I have saved 4 weeks.

Like a few other ladies on this thread, I'm the primary breadwinner in our household so I absolutely have to work. DH will continue to WFH and also take care of LO. Since I've never had the option, and probably will never have the option, of being a SAHM, I haven't struggled with the idea of going back to work after he is born. But since LO is my first, we will see how I feel after he is born.

Edit: To correct spelling because last night I sucked at it.

agalvarado · October 2017

I’m a SAHM right now, it’s been a little over a year and to be honest, it’s not for me. Right now it’s best for our family because my husband is finishing grad school, and if i worked, all that money would be going to daycare costs.

After this LO is born, I’m starting a 6 month graduate program, and DH will be working full time, finally. My program is online-based, but I still expect to either hire some help in the mornings or put DD in a MMO program so I can actually study. We will be moving near my sister (she’s in college) so I kind of hope she’ll help me out with the girls if I pay her. I expect it to be really hard but the longer I put it off, the longer we’re going without that extra income.

sonalisharma · October 2017

I am a SAHM since DD1, even before that I was working with DH, helping in his business. So I don't have any experience of working outside my comfort zone as such. Here we don't have many daycares which would match our needs, also in India we still have joint families, so even if I would work I will have MIL to look after the kids( but that would be a big roller coaster ride in itself). Currently my MIL stays with my BIL as he is not married yet, and is a big time MAMA'S BOY, so we decided that I SAH, and work from home for our business.
At first DH didn't realize how difficult it is to handle 2 children and do the household chores, but with DD2 I was on complete bed rest which made him have a better idea of all things that I have to manage. This time I have a cook already, hired help for dishes, laundry and cleaning, so all I have to do is take care of my daughters and help a bit in the business, all in the comfort of my home.
I feel everyone is doing a great job, and managing things at the best of their abilities. And everyone of you (SAHM or working) is a superwoman, as handling both has its own pros and cons.

livingoffpbjs · October 2017

Im so jealous of everyone lol. I will probably work up until I have the baby and then have off 2 full weeks, but then after that Ill be working part time or from home for a few weeks before going right back into full time

I work for a small company and just thinking of being out for 2 weeks is stressing me out

garykayla · October 2017

@livingoffpbjs oh my gosh! Only 2 weeks?? Can you at least ease back into things and start part time? Can you bring your babe with you?

JuliaGoolia719 · October 2017

@livingoffpbjs that sounds rough!

[Deleted User] · October 2017

@livingoffpbjs that sounds so hard! Hugs to you. I'm glad you'll at least have the option to work from home for a bit.

Mudge85 · October 2017

I'm planning on taking 12 weeks then going back full time. I'm lucky that short term disability will cover me 100% for the first 6 wks... Then depending on type of delivery I might have coverage for two additional weeks @ 60% then use PTO donations from my coworkers for the remaining 4... or... use the 4 weeks of donations and have two unpaid, either way TBD.

darkrose88 · October 2017

@livingoffpbjs My co-worker told me her DIL got a new job while pregnant, and since she wasn't eligible for FMLA & had no PTO, she could only afford to take a week or two off. It was hard, but she managed. I hope for sake you will be able too as well!

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