PGAL Check In (week of Oct. 11)

justkeeptrying · October 2017

This is a safe space for those who are pregnant after a loss. General TW for this thread.

How far along are you?

Any appointments coming up?

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping?

justkeeptrying · October 2017

How far along are you? 16+2

Any appointments coming up? Had one yesterday and all went well. Baby gave us a scare when our OB couldn't find the heartbeat on the doppler and I was a wreck, but she found it on the portable ultrasound no problem. We went public yesterday after that appointment.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here): I'm doing pretty good. There's still some underlying fear that creeps in. I was incredibly nervous yesterday posting to social media, even though we had just had a good appointment. I'm trying to relax and enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible.

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping? No. A friend of mine bought us a onesie, which is already so loved and special. She's from my previous BMB so it's super cool since we've never actually met. We probably won't start buying anything until after Christmas. We don't have a ton to buy as we will mainly use DS's stuff. But I'm hoping to hit up some post Christmas sales on a few bigger items that we are talking about getting. And then once we know the baby's sex we will stock up on some clothes if it's a girl, since we already have some clothes ready to go from DS.

mintea · October 2017

How far along are you? 15+3

Any appointments coming up? Next Monday for 16w appt plus initial glucose screen (hx of gd)

How are you doing? Tired. And definitely more grumpy this pregnancy than in previous ones. Got a Doppler and I've been able to be reassured with that and have yet to become obsessive about it so that's good. Getting my appetite back in a big way.

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping? Not yet. I don't know - I can't get excited about little boy clothes the way I did with little girl clothes! The only other big purchases I have planned are a new pump, infant car seat, and a minivan lol

chasingroygbiv · October 2017

How far along are you?

21+2

Any appointments coming up?

Next week regular check up and u/s to check on baby (I have u/s pretty regularly throughout my pregnancies due to my genetic kidney disorder and clotting disorder). Praying all is well.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

I’m good. Really tired this last week.. and starving. All. The. Time. I’m starting to gain weight though so I’m trying not to get too crazy. Still having occasional pressure that makes me really nervous.

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping?
I haven’t bought anything, but Grandma has. Not sure when I’ll feel comfortable enough to start making my own purchases or even when I’ll feel ready to start going through totes of infant clothes downstairs. I just now got the courage to go down and look at our infant seat to see what the status of that is. Which..... we have to buy a new one, it expires in April. Ahhh!

syssa-o · October 2017

How far along are you?

17 weeks today

Any appointments coming up?

Regular appt on Tuesday the 17 & elective ultrasound on Thursday the 19

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

Pretty good most days. Not as good other days.

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping?
not a thing lol.... I'll probably buy a few small things once we confirm genders but we are still not buying any baby gear till after our next fetal echo. And perhaps maybe not till after we move.

senora76 · October 2017

How far along are you? 15+4

Any appointments coming up? nothing for another week

How are you doing? googled the whole fetal movement thing and there are some (myths perhaps) people saying girls are less active than boys in the womb and that girls do more of a rolling motion than a pow pow... but who knows...I know it's still early. Doppler finds the heartbeat everytime knock on wood... so I need to be patient. I actually don't really have a great deal of anxiety about this pregnancy at the moment... I am still grieving our ginger love baby Mars so deeply. I choke up several times a day still and my husband and I cry together nearly every day... I long for him... I miss him in our family...I miss our nightime routine...I miss our morning routine... I miss everything about him. Just so very sad. Time is not making it any easier, its almost like an enemy because with every passing day, its another day since I cuddled that love baby. He was 100% love.

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping? I have told everyone who has asked including grandparents, do not buy anything for 6 mos... I have told friends who want to give us hand me downs, to not give us a thing, until after she is here... We are not having a shower. When we lost Mars we had our friends come in and take out almost ever item of baby gear to donate. (Clearly I kept nothing from my teen and tween sons). We did save my breast pump, our favorite clothes, blankets and boppy. Once we get to the end, we will have to get a carseat and we are getting an owlet... she will get by on wearing Mars infant clothes, and we will probably get a few things once she is here. I did however get one outfit... My therapist suggested it because I was having such a hard time digesting I'm going to have a daughter (don't hate me - i know it sounds cruel and i truly am so in love with this baby and do not care boy or girl - but im really really fucked up in the head after losing Mars and I love and bonded with all three of my sons fiercely- A girl is really just the unknown). My therapist told me to find some baby pictures of me... and not to be worried about buying things for this baby (although I AM) - so I reluctantly bought a little yellow tutu onesie with pineapples on it - on clearance from Old Navy - it was $4... and it is the CUTEST little yellow tutu I could imagine. Jose and I pick up the little dress at least once ever day and talk about Nova like shes part of our family already...

And yes, we are calling her Nova - it means "new" in Jose's native language, Catalan... Nova Marsela (all my children have middle names after family who has passed on). Never had a name picked out this early for any of my kids but it feels right.

mdfarmchick · October 2017

How far along are you?

19 + 5

Any appointments coming up?

Anatomy Scan is Monday.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

I think my bump has firmed up and grown over the past few days. I’m short of breath today and really uncomfortable. He’s been sitting low some but I think today he might have moved up a little which is why I’m so out of breath. And my hip is out of place. Thanks relaxin. Ha.
Mentally I’m doing okay this week—we are visiting my family so there are lots of distractions and much less time to think.

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping?
I’ve bought a rainbow onesie and a couple little newborn outfits because I wanted this LO to have some of their own clothes. C’s newborn clothes are all in his baby box. We have to buy a couple of strollers—a double and a replacement for the stroller we gate check since it was broken by the airline this time. Otherwise I already have all the big stuff for this one.

@justkeeptrying sounds like a good appointment! Those little handheld ultrasounds are amazing to me.

@mintea you might be surprised... we ended up with a ton of cute little boy clothes. Like more than DS could wear.

@chasingroygbiv I’m so glad you are having a good week. Less pressure is definitely a good thing.

@syssa-o is your elective US for finding out what you are having? If so, how exciting!

@senora76 I hope that you start feeling more movement soon. Praying for some peace for you all over Mars.

ashtuesday · October 2017

How far along are you? 18 +6

Any appointments coming up? Not quite - next one is my full anatomy scan on 10/24, where I'm hoping to hear (in addition to all being well with baby, of course!) that my placenta previa is clearing itself up.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) Better than last week: last week, my hormones were in hyperdrive and it was triggering my PGAL brain something fierce. But some small victories - I've developed my first two stretchmarks! I've got acid reflux and other new-to-me symptoms! - have helped reassure me that my girl is growing and calmed me down a bit. I'll feel even better once I can feel her kicking, but I'm trying to remind myself that there is logically no need to worry just yet.

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping? I have not bought anything for this baby yet, and I know PGAL brain plays a big role in that. The excuse I'm using to hide that fact, though: my husband and I live in a 500-square foot apartment with two dogs, so our goal right now is to clean and purge everything we can. Most likely, I won't buy anything until we've cleared this place out (and our goal is to accomplish that by Thanksgiving). That being said, there are some Beyonce onesies on Etsy that have been saying my girl's name...

@justkeeptrying - Congratulations on announcing! Like you, I only told people after good appointments and still felt the fear afterwards. Hopefully the more people know, the more people will bring positive vibes to you and baby!

@mintea - BOYS CLOTHES ARE SO MUCH CUTER! Tiny button downs? Lil' suspenders? Baby bow ties? Sign me up! (Regardless of the fact that I tried to dress my godson in all of those things and he just pulled them right off.)

bb3vj3n · October 2017

How far along are you?

18wks today

Any appointments coming up?

OB appointment Monday and will be booking my anatomy scan soon

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)

I stopped taking diclectin a few days ago... and I feel like my nausea is coming back. I'm hoping its just a withdrawal of sorts. Praying it doesn't last.
Aside from that - I'm feeling very positive. The baby wiggles are getting stronger and this LO has been super active today! It feels SO STRANGE ...but i also love it. It makes me laugh out loud.

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping?

Not yet - waiting on the anatomy scan to really start. but we have started our registry for basic needs. i am going shopping for flooring tomorrow as we want to pull up the carpet and put in laminate. Not really a baby purchase really .... but it is for the baby's room, so I guess it counts?

bb3vj3n · October 2017

@syssa-o are you in oshawa? I noticed on the ultrasound thread that in your pic it said Oshawa. I live in Oshawa

syssa-o · October 2017

@bb3vj3n holy small world! We are in Oshawa!

bb3vj3n · October 2017

@syssa-o maybe once the babies are born we can meet. It's a little early for me to feel super comfortable meeting strangers on TB... but perhaps later on?

syssa-o · October 2017

@bb3vj3n totally agreed about meeting strangers lol but, down the road that would be pretty cool. What a strange coincidence to find another Oshawa resident on TB lol

senora76 · October 2017

@bb3vj3n @syssa-o I googled oshawa and it came up oshawa, ca and i got all excited thinking you ladies are in california like me! then i realized Canada!!!! and soooooo far from california!

syssa-o · October 2017

@senora76 haha sorry to disappoint! Oshawa is a little city near(ish) to Toronto, Ontario. Super far from California, although California has always been a wish list destination for me!

BrittnieMariee · October 2017

How far along are you?
20 weeks today!

Any appointments coming up?
I have an US and follow up today. I've been going every week to try and manage my GD. Ugh.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Mostly okay! I actually ordered a fetal Doppler because I kept having nightmares that my doctor couldn't find the heartbeat at our next appointment. I check every day around the same time and it's helped me so much.

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping?
So far we've only bought diapers! We plan on stocking up before Emma gets here. We've gotten a bunch of hand me down clothes too so all we need right now is to get NB sizes

mintea · October 2017

senora76 LOVE the name choice. Nova is beautiful! It makes so much sense that time passing without Mars could make things harder in many ways. I hope warm memories of him bring you some comfort.

bb3vj3n Last night I ran out of diclegis and I figured I’m ready to go off of it anyhow. This morning I totally puked. Is withdrawal a thing with this med or do you think it’s a sign we’re not ready to go off it?

ashtuesday Ok baby bow ties sounds sorta cute! Maybe it’ll grow on me

senora76 · October 2017

@mintea thanks you

I am a little worried the name will get too popular (I’m a Jennifer and I always hated how common my name was) but we love the name so much- willing to take the risk!

re: clothes... I know I’m not buying anythng else now but love to “window shop” online and find myself in the boy section always... cutest little beanies with bear ears, tough little hoodies, baby skinny jeans, baby vans and converse...

kalawa · October 2017

@bb3vj3n @syssa-o I am about an hour (give or take) North West of Oshawa in, Barrie.

syssa-o · October 2017

@kalawa I am pretty familiar with Barrie... I have some family in Stayner if you've ever heard of it (by wasaga... pop 3,500 ish) and we always stop in Barrie on our way there.

Its a funny coincidence that for having not a crazy amount of Canadian moms the three of us are so (relatively) close to each other!

bb3vj3n · October 2017

@kalawa my BIL lives in Barrie! We pop in from time to time.

@senora76 my name is Sarah and I hated it for a loooong time as it was literally THE most popular white girl name for almost 10 years in a row. For what it's worth - I love it now. I like that's it's traditional and that it meant something to my parents. Just because something is common - doesn't mean it can't be beautiful

@mintea I'm on day 3 now... just getting up so we will see how it goes. the morning is generally fine for me - it's in the evenings that I struggle. I have an OB appointment Monday and I plan to ask him if it's normal to experience a withdrawal of sorts - or if it just means I'm not really ready to stop. I'll let you know what he says in a few days

justkeeptrying · October 2017

@syssa-o, I foresee meet ups among you ladies in the not so distant future. My May 2015 group does meet ups whenever people are visiting each other's areas and I'm always so jealous. I'm in Winnipeg but I've met 2 of the women from our group.

senora76 · October 2017

@syssa-o @bb3vj3n @kalawa I want to go to Canada to meet up! I have only been in Montreal for a layover before...

I think I told you all that I did have a meet up several times with a mama I met through my 2006 group... our kids played together - it was great. In fact that group has stayed pretty tight... we have a facebook group, and even though I deleted the fb app when I lost Mars (and have no idea when I will be able to handle it), I know the girls are still friendly... one of the other girls who I haven't ever met in real life, texts me quite frequently... so I feel like I know her in real life too.

@bb3vj3n Sarah is my high school BFFs name LOL its a nice name in itself, and I don't think Jennifer is a terrible name in itself either, its just so common in my age group... Jose agrees with me because being Jose in Spain is the same thing! My boys like their less common names - Zane is the only Zane at his high school of 2600 kids, and Vance the only Vance at his middle school of 1100 kids...and well Mars, I know his was the most unique name out of all 3...both of my boys have told me they go to school with at least one Nova... but I still dont think it will ever be like Sarah or Jennifer in the 70s and 80s... but you never know... my good friend named her son the then uncommon Kaden in 2003 and BOOM we know a handful of Kadens and Caydens and Cadens.

mintea · October 2017

So... I am curious about something and wonder what y'all think. I have bins upon bins of girl's clothes that I was about to donate to Goodwill or someplace like that. Do you think if I posted on a local parenting sales Facebook group anyone would want to just bulk swap some bins of girl's clothes for some bins of boy's clothes? I don't want to go item by item or anything, just a bulk trade. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

bb3vj3n yes I'd love to hear what your OB thinks about it. I'm probably going to call in for a refill today.

bb3vj3n · October 2017

@senora76 only time will tell.

for what's it's worth - I think Nova is a beautiful name. Our last pregnancy, the one we lost, we had decided on Nora (for a girl).... very similar. I still love it but i think it would be too painful to use it now. It's still on the table - but not the front runner

senora76 · October 2017

@mintea i have heard of community swaps of baby/kid clothes...might work out great!

@bb3vj3n Thanks - If the unthinkable happens, I think this baby will forever remain Nova to us...but hopefully we will be taking her home with us in March

Zane would have been Paige if he was a girl, Vance would have been Xanthe if he was girl, we knew Mars was a boy at 10 weeks and he was actually going to be Viggo or Soren until he met us with his red hair. I still love all those names... Paige, Xanthe, Viggo, Soren, but don't know that I would ever use them for another... again, only time will tell...

syssa-o · October 2017

Ugh I'm having such an emotional day today. I can't get myself in check and the weirdest things are triggering me into these awful visual flashbacks which I can't stop once they start.

An acquaintance (who knows what happened) found out we were having twins and said that she was "jealous" I think I almost bit a hole in my tongue trying to keep my mouth shut. It's not fair to people for me to snap on them because I'm having an off day and so I internalize it and it leaves me sooooo ..... I don't even know.

Tomorrow is H's birthday so I'm trying to play good wife and all that but I'm emotionally exhausted.

bb3vj3n · October 2017

ok this is not diclectin withdrawal - this is just not being well without it
CANNOT WAIT to see my OB and get a refill. I feel like I'm smack dab back in the first tri

senora76 · October 2017

@syssa-o I'm sorry - I feel you - I get a lot of flashbacks over the most random things too... I am afraid I will always have them... I don't know if you have gone to any kind of therapy, but I have a wonderful bereavement therapist I see that is really helping me survive with this. I haven't gotten the "lucky" but I have gotten "now you get your girl." I know people are just trying to say something nice... it kills me for so many reasons... where do I start? Our perfectly healthy baby died... We were robbed of being parents together, when we were doing amazing together... I've never had children to TRY for a girl. I've never had kids because i wanted a daughter... it never mattered... now we get our girl? I know they mean well...I just don't even know what to say to people when they tell me that....

@bb3vj3n Hope you feel better soon

justkeeptrying · October 2017

@bb3vj3n, how many weeks are you? Too early to stop! Get that prescription girl!!!! I am not dropping my Diclectin until I am way into second tri. Maybe even 3rd.

bb3vj3n · October 2017

I'm 18 wks

ashtuesday · October 2017

@syssa-o Some days are bad, and that's okay. I completely empathize with what you're saying - there are times someone will say something I know is well-intentioned or harmless, but it just completely sets me off. Recently a big one for me was "She'll be here before you know it!" - trust me, I know everyday that she isn't in my arms yet, friend! I think it's important not to let yourself feel guilty for how you react when triggered: you have been through a trauma, and sometimes self-preservation has to be the name of the game. Hoping more good days than bad are coming your way!

heatherdubrow · October 2017

@syssa-o and @senora76 hugs to both of you.

mintea · October 2017

bb3vj3n yep, I reupped my rx and feel soo much better!

bb3vj3n · October 2017

@mintea so did I. Saw my OB this morning and he did say stopping cold turkey was not the best idea. he said to slowly wean next time ... general rule is one less pill per week

justkeeptrying · October 2017

@bb3vj3n, glad you're back on it. And thanks for sharing your OB's recommendation for weaning!

tiggywiggles · October 2017

@syssa-o and @bb3vj3n. Small world. I'm over in Ajax.

syssa-o · October 2017

@tiggywiggles I grew up in Ajax, by the lake! I can't believe how big Ajax feels lately. Even driving that way with the highway expansion. It never felt big growing up.

I seriously can't believe how many GTA moms there are here!

eller-2 · October 2017

Hi, everyone! Sorry I've been MIA. Hope everyone's having a good Monday!

How far along are you? 17w3d

Any appointments coming up? Just came back from an appointment - my first in almost 5 weeks (too long!). Relieved to say that all looks great.

How are you doing? Oh man, the highs and lows. It's been a tough week, but post-appointment, I'm feeling great. I enjoyed not having appointments for a stretch, but then the build-up to the appointment (and the moment of truth) made me super anxious. We're still a month out from my loss date, but I can't stop remembering that last time, I thought I was feeling our baby moving and assumed all was well, and then I found out at an appointment that he had died. Hard to just assume that all's well this time around (but so good to hear that it is). We got a peak at our baby today, and he looks great - and the amniotic fluid level looks good, says my doctor, which is comforting because last time the fluid was on the low side when we did the anatomy ultrasound (most likely because the placenta had an extra chromosome and wasn't working properly, but still that is the one thing I am most afraid of hearing again at the anatomy ultrasound). So all in all, doing well

Still can't wait to feel the baby kicking, but I realize it could be a few momre weeks.

GTKY: Have you bought anything for this baby yet? When do you plan on starting shopping? We started a nursery for our first baby boy, so we have some of the shopping done. I was waiting for this appointment (arbitrary, I realize, but it still feels early enough) before I start really planning - reserving daycare, buying baby books, signing up for hospital classes. Time to get on a few of those...

bb3vj3n · October 2017

tiggywiggles said:

@syssa-o and @bb3vj3n. Small world. I'm over in Ajax.

wow! this is crazy! I was not expecting so many of us. I did find another mom in this BMB (not PGAL but still here) who is in King city. so to date - there are now 5 of us within an hour or so of each other

mdfarmchick · October 2017

I guess I struggle with the “how many kids do you have” question and over the whole number of pregnancies thing. That’s just been bugging me this week. I mean we miscarried really early and I guess I just feel weird talking about my previous pregnancies.

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