PGAL Week of 10/11

cups4 · October 2017

I can't even read them, but I am so sorry for any late term losses. I tell H when we have a loss on our board because it hits me hard and I know what they are dealing with. I'm having a particular hard time with not just losses, but complications as well. **TW birth complications

****I have several friends with issues ranging from ASD diagnosis in a 2 year old to a baby in utero with organs growing outside the body to a newborn born without the corpus collosum and epilepsy****

I now have an entirely new set of fears on top of losses and there is literally nothing I can or these moms can do. My mom put it well when I told her of all the issues I've been hearing about, that I am in the stage of life where people are having babies so I'm hearing about more issues than I would have before, but it's still scary and heartbreaking AF.

justsuzie · October 2017

@babys_2018 I have shared with both sides of parents. My very close circle of friends know. I have a strong HB @11 weeks 2 days so I have confidence in this pg. We will never have a 100% guarantee so it's hard for me to go "public". I think I will let that happen organically. Are you leaning more towards telling or not telling this weekend?

suchaglencoco · October 2017

Our parents and siblings know along with several of my female friends. A few of dh's friends know because we had them over recently and I obviously wasn't drinking. And honestly, I was going to be annoyed with them while they were drinking so I wanted an excuse to be bitchy to their idiocy if need be, ha.

sbaby2019 · October 2017

@justsuzie I'm leaning towards telling my sister and parents on Saturday. I'll be past the date I lasted until last time and I want to share my excitement instead of letting my paranoia build. Last time I told them and a couple days later I had to un-tell them which is why I'm hesitant. I'm trying to be positive like you. Strong HB, US looked good and every pregnancy is different.

mileswithmyles · October 2017

Thanks everyone. TW

It’s so awful. I wrote her a card and made her a goodie basket with wine, cookie butter truffles, and a few other treats and left it on her porch. I hadn’t previously opened up to her about my loss, and I decided to in the card. We’ve been having a good conversation via text. Our friendship has been going though some growing pains lately and I at least feel like the base of our friendship is still there. It’s especially awful because my uncle is the perinatologist who did their scan today and was the one to tell them. He’s an amazing doctor and my friend said that he was incredible today with supporting them through this. I talked to my mom about it today and she called my aunt. She said my uncle was so upset. Scans like this always upset him but he took this one especially hard because of them being friends. I just talked to him and he said it was awful and took everyone by surprise and it’s just really weighing heavy on my heart right now.

cognity · October 2017

How far along are you?

8w tomorrow

Any appointments coming up?
First ultrasound/appointment isn’t until October 27th to ensure my husband could come with me.

Questions?
Several... every second! Any suggestions on anxiety meds while pregnant? I’m bringing this up with OB for sure. @justsuzie I’m also feeling anxious with the recent board posts. Enough so, I came out of lurking.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I have a “pulled muscle” like feeling on my left side. I hope it’s just stretching. I didn’t experience this in my previous pregnancy this early... but I also didn’t experience it in my losses.

suchaglencoco · October 2017

@mileswithmyles, I think that was an incredibly sweet thing for you to do. And I am glad you chose to open up to her. It's good to know you aren't alone and to be reminded you aren't broken and that you didn't do anything wrong.
And your poor uncle. I am sure it's incredibly difficult for someone in his position to give bad news like that.
This is just terrible from every angle.

I am sure this is bringning up awful memories for you as well. Hugs.

mileswithmyles · October 2017

Thanks @suchaglencoco I don’t even know how my uncle does his job sometimes. He said it’s the worst part of his job. But I am grateful that my friends had a familiar and friendly face during what I’m sure is the worst moment of their lives. And he’s being really great in making himself available to them for any questions or anything they need.

justsuzie · October 2017

@babys_2018 I believe in positive projection. If you think it, feel it, say it.....it will happen. I have a positive mantra, “my baby is strong, my baby is healthy, I will meet my baby in May!”

@cognity welcome! This is our safe place. So glad you came out of lurking. It really helps to get it all off your chest both good and bad. As for anxiety meds visit “mother to baby” and you can get all the facts. You have to weigh the pros and cons. An anxious mama is a big deal and can cause serious complications. A lot of old studies and tests have been debunked on benzodiazepines during pregnancy. My doctor has told me to take a low dose of I feel my anxiety is getting out of control. She is not worried at all about this. I also see a therapist so the meds are a last resort. But check out that site because you can chat one on one and they answer all your questions.

sbaby2019 · October 2017

@justsuzie love the mantra!

abhphilly · October 2017

How far along are you?

11w3d

Any appointments coming up?
I had a consultation with my high risk doctor this week to confirm our plan to prevent preterm labor this time around...don't have an appointment to check on the baby again until the end of next week. Really wish I had a doppler at this moment but I know it would cause me more anxiety.

Questions?
Anyone taken Makena shots to prevent preterm labor? I start them weekly at 16 weeks and I'm a little scared for both any side effects and the literal pain in my butt. Lol.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
**TW: Late loss mentioned**

I had an early loss a couple years ago, but the traumatic one for me was at 20w5d. I went to my anatomy scan and the baby had no more fluid. I must have been leaking for weeks. They don't know what caused it, so they don't know how to prevent it this time or if it was just a fluke. They do think it was a placental abruption that led to my water breaking, which would most likely be a fluke, so fingers crossed that's what it was.

Since my loss was in the 2nd trimester, I'm not feeling any of the comfort of almost reaching that milestone. I'm afraid I'll be even more anxious the entire time. Starting at 16 weeks I'll have biweekly ultrasounds to check my cervical length, so I'm just hoping I make it until then and that they calm me down a bit. I also don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable buying baby stuff, or starting a registry, or thinking about a baby shower. Maybe after 30 weeks? I'm such a planner and I'm scared to plan for this.

GTKY: What are you currently reading (any subject)? Would you recommend it?
I'm currently on a post-apocalyptic kick...well I have been for at least a year, and I read a lot. I've read basically every popular one out there, so I'm now I'm onto slightly more obscure options. Right now I'm on the third book of William R. Forstchen's One Second After trilogy. It's good and pretty engrossing, but has a surprising number of typos, at least in the Kindle version.

mileswithmyles · October 2017

@cognity glad your husband will be able to go with you to your first appointment

@abhphilly I am so sorry. I have a friend experiencing that right now and its been unsettling to me and I am not even the one experiencing it. Maybe use the 26 week mark as a mental checkpoint for you? That's viability week.

abhphilly · October 2017

mileswithmyles said:

@abhphilly I am so sorry. I have a friend experiencing that right now and its been unsettling to me and I am not even the one experiencing it. Maybe use the 26 week mark as a mental checkpoint for you? That's viability week.

Thanks, that might be a good idea. I think I have to pick a time to try to be sane.

Lvneveryminuteofit · October 2017

sparklingdiamond said:

How far along are you?  11w1d

Any appointments coming up?  I have my 12 week OB appt on Monday. So anxious to hear the HB again!

Questions?  None at the moment.

How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)  Still having weird food aversions and all I want is sugar (which I have had WAY too much of) and carbs. Veggies make me gag. I am still tired all the time and had leg cramps at night the past two days.

GTKY: What are you currently reading (any subject)? Would you recommend it?  The third Outlander book. I love the series!

Yay! Another Outlander fan!

justsuzie · October 2017

abhphilly Wow, that is terrible. All losses take a little piece of your heart and stomp all over it but a loss that far along seems like something that must have taken a lot of time to grieve for. I hope that you can trust your body and stay strong and positive. We are all here for you! Do you see a therapist? I started to see one after my 8-9 week loss and she has helped me sort out my fears and feelings and process what I am feeling to help me gain confidence in this pregnancy. Good luck to you and I hope that you can enjoy your pregnancy.

abhphilly · October 2017

@justsuzie Thanks. It’s been a year now, but I did see a therapist for a couple of months after. I also went to a pregnancy and infant loss support group run by the hospital, but I found that more anxiety inducing than helpful, since everyone had lost their baby in a different way. Now I know so many more things that can go wrong at so many different times! Ugh.

It might be a good idea to see a therapist again now that I’m pregnant again to try to keep the anxiety at bay. Thanks for the suggestion. I appreciate this community.

mileswithmyles · October 2017

Can I just say how thankful I am to have this check-in and all of you? It’s really been helping me to be able to talk about everything in this thread and have support.

justsuzie · October 2017

@abhphilly Mainly my therapist does relaxation meditations for me and records them on my phone so I can do them at home. We do "visiting the womb", "washing away fears", and we even look where I should be in the developmental phases and do visitations where I can see the baby growing healthy and strong. Best decision I made after my 3 losses! Gaining confidence that I can have a good outcome has helped me cope with my everyday fears.

suchaglencoco · October 2017

@abhphilly, my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry you went through that pain.
I agree seeing a therapist would be a good idea to help manage some of your feelings and deep thoughts.

thedawkterswife · October 2017

Sorry I haven't been as present on this thread, everyone. Sometimes it offers me support but a lot if the time, I feel more anxious reading what everyone else has gone through. It's crappy if me to stay away though.

I had a good appointment at my RE on Wednesday. Saw a perfect looking bean and a heart rate of 160. I felt hopeful.

Then yesterday my RE calls me and told me that my progesterone was too low to be off the supplementation (it was 14) and now I'm back to feeling like all my hope is for naught. I started the PIO again last night but I just feel empty about it all.

When does the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to fall end?

sbaby2019 · October 2017

@abhphilly wow I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that would have been like. I'm glad you're doing better now and trying to take actions you think will help in your healing. Having another pregnancy would be emotionally challenging and I agree with the other women about counselling. Sending you positive vibes!

@thedawkterswife a lot of people have mentioned their progesterone levels. Is this done by blood test? I'm wondering if we maybe don't do this in Canada. I'm on a supplement as well, but it's not a prescription. I'm currently weaning myself off at 10 weeks and keeping my fingers crossed that all is well after 12 weeks. Hoping the same for you! The good news is you're monitoring it and taking action to help out your body. FX all is well.

suchaglencoco · October 2017

@thedawkterswife I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
Our last pregnancy had 2 schs and my RE kept me on progesterone til after 12 weeks. I didn't feel "secure" in the pregnancy until viability and that was only for a few weeks because then our 55 lb dog jumped on my stomach and I was hospitalized for the first of 3 times due to issues.
It's hard to just sit back and enjoy. And it's hard to not feel guilty that you aren't enjoying it as much as you think you should be. It's just hard, but you're definitely not alone.

justsuzie · October 2017

Progesterone has been an anxiety crutch for me.....I am terrified to get off of it! I am on until 14 weeks.

sbaby2019 · October 2017

@justsuzie nothing wrong with that. It doesn't hurt to stay on (as far as I know?) so if it makes you feel better then that's great!
I'm weaning off now partially because I'm running low and don't want to spend tons more for a new stock, of which I'd use like 1/10th. I'm hoping it's a good decision.

thedawkterswife · October 2017

@babys_2018 Yes, my progesterone has been monitored by blood draws.

Thanks for the encouragement, ladies.

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