Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
bostonlady-2
member
Re: Back to work woes
Don't really have any advice. Just wanted to let you know that I am feeling the same way. I love my job, but it is definitely hard. DS2 will be going to daycare as well.
At the same time, I've worked hard to get where I am in my career. And I do slightly miss measurable productivity, intellectual stimulation, and having something to talk to DH about at the end of the day. I'm glad that I'm salaried and can have some control over the hours I work.
@bostonlady-2 so sorry to hear they are making such discouraging comments. Daycare us not the same, but you have found a good place for LO.
I have been back to work since September 9th. It was hard on me that first week and the first day I cried my eyes out on the way to work after dropping Abe off at the babysitters. I am doing alright now though. I understand feeling guilty but you're doing what's best for your family and that's nothing to feel guilty about. I had the babysitter send me a couple pictures when she babysits and that helped me. I know a daycare probably wouldn't do that but would you be able to bring or look at pictures on your phone once in a while at work?
Married: 06-2024
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
BFP: 07/17/2024
I went back to work last week and it went much better than I expected. I'm gone overnight night for work so the build up and act saying goodbye was so hard, but once I was at work it wasn't as bad as I imagined. I was feeling guilty for leaving DS at 12 weeks but DH reminded me all the opportunities my income (which is our disposable income) is going to afford our family and I felt much better.
My MIL was insistent I couldn't/shouldn't/wouldn't go back to work but I #no1curr because she isn't anywhere near me, and lives her life making excuses for why she can't do anything. I feel you on the MIL/Mom front, but just know your doing what's best for you and your family and they don't have to live your life.
There were many tears our first day (all mine). His daycare center continues to send me pictures every day of him looking happy and well cared for, which helps. I agree with others that when I’m busy at work, it’s easier to focus on other things.
For those who are returning soon, I concur that it gets better.
So my MIL had surgery on her shoulder and called and told my DH that she can't put DS in a carseat so she can't drop him off at my parents. I immediately called back and said if you can't put in him a seat, you can't lift to change or soothe him...then found out she's not allowed to do any lifting for another week.
I had her come by the other day to go over his schedule and show her where everything is and she somehow thought she didn't have to come each day until 8 (my husband and I leave for work at 7) and she could drop our son off at my parents at 1 instead of 2 (my dads is a self employed chiropractor/acupunturist and has patients booked around my DS being dropped off.
She's not instilling the most confidence considering how she keeps 'forgetting' the schedule...
I love that I have family watching my son but even my DH thinks his mother is not going to last as his caretaker. Fingers crossed for my dad retiring early.
This is is my second week back and I’ve been experiencing the worst jealousy. My mom is kindly watching the baby which makes me feel at ease, but my sister has been stopping by for hours every single day. My mom sends me all these pictures of the baby playing with my sister and sleeping on her and instead of making me smile they make me upset. I know it’s crazy and irrational, but I worry that she’ll grow to prefer her over me. It doesn’t help that my sister parades around with her like it’s her child...even handing her off to people that I would NOT feel comfortable with holding my baby. I have to demand she gives her back to me. I also have to ask her repeatedly not to pick the baby up during her naps so she can rest. Ugh... just needed to vent.
@lanie1000, I would be frustrated too! It’s hard enough being away from LO, don’t send pictures of everybody else enjoying her!
@jkbrownstein, how is MIL going to be able to do anything with lifting restrictions? Very annoying
@bostonlady-2, good to hear that it gets better!
You may already know that only the United States and Papua New Guinea provide zero days of paid leave for new mothers. Even the “lucky” moms in the U.S. can rarely afford to take more than 12 weeks off.
If you feel this isn’t right, please take the quick 10 minutes to contact your elected officials about the issue. Here is a link to make it easy to do:
https://www.parentalleaveletter.com/
Wishing you all a smooth transition and easy return to work.
The great news is that when i go back my DH will start his paternity leave and be home with LO until January so Im able to postoine my anxieties about daycare and nannies a little longer.
Feeling grateful for that, and of course my paycheck which supports our household, but what i wouldn't give to be at home for this first year of life.
Glad to hear it gets better!
For those of you pumping at work, any guidance on how to handle the half days? I figured on a normal work day I would pump 3 times - once in the mid morning, once at lunch and once in the afternoon. If he's going to be there 7:30-12:30ish, he'll have 2 feedings, but if i pump twice one of those would be right before picking him up.
I also made the ridiculous mistake of forgetting my carseat (I had the base). Was already on the way and had to run home first to get the seat.
@lanie1000 I totally understand. My LO smiled at the daycare worker when I went to pick him up instead of me and I almost started crying.
@CPR79 my LO also only napped on me and is now taking twice daily naps in the crib at daycare. They send me photo evidence so I can’t refute it. It’s sort of demoralizing that they’ve accomplished in one week what I couldn’t in 3 months, but I’m happy he’s happy. All to say, it may be better than you expect.
Enjoy your weekend mommas!
I was also really nervous about naps since LO would only sleep 30min at home, and with a swaddle if not being held. The first day she stayed up all morning, then promptly passed out for two hours after getting a bottle. Two weeks in, and she's got the eat-awake-sleep routine down. Naps are anywhere from 30min to 2hrs, but she is becoming more regular.
Pumping is going better than I thought, I'm getting more than enough each session. The hardest thing right now is since I'm a teacher, my preps are at a different time every day. I definitely spend many classes feeling very full and uncomfortable, especially when my prep is next to my lunch instead of spaced out. Today will be a big test, every Monday I get out at 5:30 instead of 2:50...it's going to be a long day.
@bostonlady-2 It's hard when other people spend more time than you with our LO's, but him smiling at the daycare should give you some comfort since he's happy there.
Daycares often have a very structured schedule and also have a lot of practice, all of which helps make naps easy. I feel like the kids are also more worn out at daycare since there's so much more going on.
My other issues is that his overnight sleep is still sporadic, he wakes up once or twice. Yesterday he woke up 3 and 6:30, which worked out great for us to nurse and leave for daycare. Today his half day is in the afternoon but I wanted to try my same morning routine (I get up at 5:45 and get ready, if he gets up in the meantime H deals with him until I'm done, then nurse, dress and out the door). But this morning he woke up to nurse at 5:30 and then went back to sleep until 8. If he had to go to daycare, I'm not sure what I would've done. Wake him up at 7 to nurse him and leave? Just wake him and change him and take him there and nurse him there at 7:30? Thankfully my job is very flexible and there's not a set time I have to be there, but I couldn't have waited until he woke up at 8 to nurse, I wouldn't have made it there until at least 9. Any advice?
I work around when my LO wakes up. My first day, I woke him up at 6 so he could eat before I left. The rest of the week, he awoke before 6 so I fed in the middle of getting ready and he just had his first bottle a little earlier.
I️ know that subbing doesn’t compare to you mommas who work full time, but I’m finding it so hard to WANT to start working again. DH has been working so hard to allow for me to stay home longer, but we just can’t do it anymore, and it makes me feel guilty that he’s been working so much and I️ haven’t.
I’m not even sure how to get my days started on the days I️ do work lol. LO is starting to sleep through the night a little more consistently, but he still has nights where he still wakes up at 2 or 3 am and it completely throws me off for the rest of the day.
(PS. My iPhone is glitching and doesn’t allow me to use the letter “I” a majority of the time, so my apologies for missing words. Trying to find a way around it by changing my sentence structures lol.)