July 2017 Moms

Back to work woes

bostonlady-2bostonlady-2 member
edited September 2017 in July 2017 Moms
Has anyone gone back to work yet? For those who have/ are going to soon, how are you doing? I've found myself dreading my upcoming return. I've been very invested in my career my entire adult life, and I truly never thought this was going to be so hard. My LO will be going to daycare. It's a nice center that's close to my work, but there will be 7 babies to 2 teachers (there are no better ratios in the area). I keep thinking about my poor baby going from getting my 100% undivided attention to getting 1/3 of the attention. My mother and inlaws have said several times they can't believe I'm taking my infant to daycare, but they don't live close enough to help and the commentary is not helping, 

Mostly, I'm feeling horribly guilty and wondering if people have any tips to get through this transition period. I hope it's ok I started a new thread on this; (Edited because it cut off for some reason before...)

Re: Back to work woes

  • I go back to work in 2.5 weeks and am dreading it! When my DS1 was little, I couldn't wait to go back to work. This time is much harder. I think because I know this is going to be our last baby. 

    Don't really have any advice. Just wanted to let you know that I am feeling the same way. I love my job, but it is definitely hard. DS2 will be going to daycare as well. 
  • We have daycare orientation tomorrow and start the first week of October.  I knew I would be sad and anxious, but didn't expect it to be this hard.  We picked a great center, but I find little ways to second guess it.  I worry about her not getting the attention that I could give her and hate that there will be times she will be plopped in a seat alone while they attend to another baby.  I wish the US had longer leaves like other countries - a lot of my worries will be lighter when she can move and socialize with her peers, and I wouldn't potentially miss so many milestones.  Or maybe I would be just as sad/anxious about other things, and in a year we hope to be trying to baby #2, so I would just never go back to work...

    At the same time, I've worked hard to get where I am in my career.  And I do slightly miss measurable productivity, intellectual stimulation, and having something to talk to DH about at the end of the day.  I'm glad that I'm salaried and can have some control over the hours I work.
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  • I go back October 2 and definitely worried. Since my LO was so late, he'll only be 6 weeks. I'm lucky he's being watched by my MIL but I not entirely comfortable with him being alone with her all day. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I had a very hard time returning to work after DS1. It really helped me to focus on pumping as a way that I was still able to care for and connect with him. This helped me to feel less anxious and more confident in my childcare choices. 

    @bostonlady-2 so sorry to hear they are making such discouraging comments. Daycare us not the same, but you have found a good place for LO.
  • Has anyone gone back to work yet? For those who have/ are going to soon, how are you doing? I've found myself dreading my upcoming return. I've been very invested in my career my entire adult life, and I truly never thought this was going to be so hard. My LO will be going to daycare. It's a nice center that's close to my work, but there will be 7 babies to 2 teachers (there are no better ratios in the area). I keep thinking about my poor baby going from getting my 100% undivided attention to getting 1/3 of the attention. My mother and inlaws have said several times they can't believe I'm taking my infant to daycare, but they don't live close enough to help and the commentary is not helping, 

    Mostly, I'm feeling horribly guilty and wondering if people have any tips to get through this transition period. I hope it's ok I started a new thread on this; (Edited because it cut off for some reason before...)
    @bostonlady-2

    I have been back to work since September 9th. It was hard on me that first week and the first day I cried my eyes out on the way to work after dropping Abe off at the babysitters. I am doing alright now though. I understand feeling guilty but you're doing what's best for your family and that's nothing to feel guilty about. I had the babysitter send me a couple pictures when she babysits and that helped me. I know a daycare probably wouldn't do that but would you be able to bring or look at pictures on your phone once in a while at work?
    Me:28 | DH: 28
    Married: 07-2014
    TTC #1: Since November 2015
    Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
         due to previous issues.
    ***TW***
    BFP: 11/4/2016
    *TW*
     BabyFruit Ticker


    Itsnotyourturn
  • @bostonlady-2,

    I went back to work last week and it went much better than I expected.  I'm gone overnight night for work so the build up and act saying goodbye was so hard, but once I was at work it wasn't as bad as I imagined.  I was feeling guilty for leaving DS at 12 weeks but DH reminded me all the opportunities my income (which is our disposable income) is going to afford our family and I felt much better.

    My MIL was insistent I couldn't/shouldn't/wouldn't go back to work but I #no1curr because she isn't anywhere near me, and lives her life making excuses for why she can't do anything.  I feel you on the MIL/Mom front, but just know your doing what's best for you and your family and they don't have to live your life.  
    SaphireSweetie88
  • Hi all, thanks for the support. @optbaby2017 and @jkbrownstein how are you doing?

    There were many tears our first day (all mine). His daycare center continues to send me pictures every day of him looking happy and well cared for, which helps. I agree with others that when I’m busy at work, it’s easier to focus on other things. 

    For those who are returning soon, I concur that it gets better. 
  • @bostonlady-2 Good news is I got another week home (I go back weds), bad news is my MIL is still nuts. 

    So my MIL had surgery on her shoulder and called and told my DH that she can't put DS in a carseat so she can't drop him off at my parents. I immediately called back and said if you can't put in him a seat, you can't lift to change or soothe him...then found out she's not allowed to do any lifting for another week. 

    I had her come by the other day to go over his schedule and show her where everything is and she somehow thought she didn't have to come each day until 8 (my husband and I leave for work at 7) and she could drop our son off at my parents at 1 instead of 2 (my dads is a self employed chiropractor/acupunturist and has patients booked around my DS being dropped off. 

    She's not instilling the most confidence considering how she keeps 'forgetting' the schedule...
    I love that I have family watching my son but even my DH thinks his mother is not going to last as his caretaker. Fingers crossed for my dad retiring early. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Hi ladies,
    This is is my second week back and I’ve been experiencing the worst jealousy. My mom is kindly watching the baby which makes me feel at ease, but my sister has been stopping by for hours every single day. My mom sends me all these pictures of the baby playing with my sister and sleeping on her and instead of making me smile they make me upset. I know it’s crazy and irrational, but I worry that she’ll grow to prefer her over me.  It doesn’t help that my sister parades around with her like it’s her child...even handing her off to people that I would NOT feel comfortable with holding my baby. I have to demand she gives her back to me. I also have to ask her repeatedly not to pick the baby up during her naps so she can rest. Ugh... just needed to vent. 
  • Day 2 of being back to work. Day 1 of LO being in daycare. This morning was hectic trying to get myself, DS1, and LO ready and out the door, but we managed. Looking forward to getting some sort of routine down. 

    @lanie1000, I would be frustrated too! It’s hard enough being away from LO, don’t send pictures of everybody else enjoying her! 

    @jkbrownstein, how is MIL going to be able to do anything with lifting restrictions? Very annoying 

    @bostonlady-2, good to hear that it gets better! 
    lanie1000
  • Hi amazing mamas! It hurts my heart every time I see a mama going back to work before she is ready to leave her baby. Even though it is the right decision for the mama, the family, the baby. Even though it will all work out fine.

    You may already know that only the United States and Papua New Guinea provide zero days of paid leave for new mothers. Even the “lucky” moms in the U.S. can rarely afford to take more than 12 weeks off. 

    If you feel this isn’t right, please take the quick 10 minutes to contact your elected officials about the issue. Here is a link to make it easy to do:
    https://www.parentalleaveletter.com/

    Wishing you all a smooth transition and easy return to work. <3
    yellow1daisystokesm21optbaby2017lanie1000
  • I go back on October 23rd and I'm dreading it. I was miserable at work before I found out I was pregnant so I'm certainly not eager to leave my LO to go back to that place. I'm trying ti prepare myself now by easing back into email (while job searching).

    The great news is that when i go back my DH will start his paternity leave and be home with LO until January so Im able to postoine my anxieties about daycare and nannies a little longer.

    Feeling grateful for that, and of course my paycheck which supports our household, but what i wouldn't give to be at home for this first year of life. 

    Glad to hear it gets better!
    virginiaunicorn11
  • I'm going back for half days next week and then full days the week after that.  I'm dreading it!  I'm definitely not cut out to be a full time SAHM, but the idea of someone taking care of him who isn't me is really sad all the same. 

    For those of you pumping at work, any guidance on how to handle the half days?  I figured on a normal work day I would pump 3 times - once in the mid morning, once at lunch and once in the afternoon.  If he's going to be there 7:30-12:30ish, he'll have 2 feedings, but if i pump twice one of those would be right before picking him up.
  • So yesterday was my first day back. I haven't pumped that much so I was relieved how much I was able to get in 2 sessions. Felt fine all day (just exhausted) but the second I saw my LO I realized how much I missed him. I couldn't put him down once I was home, also didn't help that he didn't nap well without me and was super overtired and needy. Two months is too young :(

    I also made the ridiculous mistake of forgetting my carseat (I had the base). Was already on the way and had to run home first to get the seat. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @jkbrownstein the napping thing is what i'm worried about the most, my little guy fights naps like crazy even at home, i have no idea what he'll do in the daycare environment with all the other kids and noise!
  • @jkbrownstein I’m sorry. I hope MIL pulled it together. Can you pump say at 9 and 11? I find pumping very disruptive to my day, but at the same time I don’t pump as much as I wished so I do it almost every 2.5 hrs to keep up with what LO eats at daycare.

    @lanie1000 I totally understand. My LO smiled at the daycare worker when I went to pick him up instead of me and I almost started crying. 

    @CPR79 my LO also only napped on me and is now taking twice daily naps in the crib at daycare. They send me photo evidence  so I can’t refute it. It’s sort of demoralizing that they’ve accomplished in one week what I couldn’t in 3 months, but I’m happy he’s happy.  All to say, it may be better than you expect.

    Enjoy your weekend mommas!
  • I've been back at work for a little over a week. LO started daycare last Monday, and I went back on Wednesday. It was good to have the two practice days, which we kept shorter, and I did my best to keep super busy. Still, I cried each day. The other day I realized that I don't know if she still gets hiccups every day (she literally had them at least once a day through my entire leave). She also caught her first cold already and I just wanted to stay home and snuggle her, since daycare isn't allowed to do things like suction her nose or let her sleep propped up.

    I was also really nervous about naps since LO would only sleep 30min at home, and with a swaddle if not being held. The first day she stayed up all morning, then promptly passed out for two hours after getting a bottle. Two weeks in, and she's got the eat-awake-sleep routine down. Naps are anywhere from 30min to 2hrs, but she is becoming more regular. 
  • Napping is improving but LO is still acting overtired, I think he's still adjusting and is a little overstimulated.

    Pumping is going better than I thought, I'm getting more than enough each session. The hardest thing right now is since I'm a teacher, my preps are at a different time every day. I definitely spend many classes feeling very full and uncomfortable, especially when my prep is next to my lunch instead of spaced out. Today will be a big test, every Monday I get out at 5:30 instead of 2:50...it's going to be a long day. 

    @bostonlady-2 It's hard when other people spend more time than you with our LO's, but him smiling at the daycare should give you some comfort since he's happy there.

    Daycares often have a very structured schedule and also have a lot of practice, all of which helps make naps easy. I feel like the kids are also more worn out at daycare since there's so much more going on. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Yesterday was my first day back, but I'm just doing half days this week. I feel like it went pretty well, LO only took 1 20 min nap when at home he would've taken 2 naps and probably 45 min each, but I expected that honestly.  Hopefully it gets better.  He conked out on the way home and then slept for 2 hours!  Which is fine for the half days, but when he goes a whole day is he going to be that tired when I get him home??

    My other issues is that his overnight sleep is still sporadic, he wakes up once or twice.  Yesterday he woke up 3 and 6:30, which worked out great for us to nurse and leave for daycare.  Today his half day is in the afternoon but I wanted to try my same morning routine (I get up at 5:45 and get ready, if he gets up in the meantime H deals with him until I'm done, then nurse, dress and out the door).  But this morning he woke up to nurse at 5:30 and then went back to sleep until 8.  If he had to go to daycare, I'm not sure what I would've done.  Wake him up at 7 to nurse him and leave?  Just wake him and change him and take him there and nurse him there at 7:30?  Thankfully my job is very flexible and there's not a set time I have to be there, but I couldn't have waited until he woke up at 8 to nurse, I wouldn't have made it there until at least 9. Any advice?
  • @CPR79
    I work around when my LO wakes up. My first day, I woke him up at 6 so he could eat before I left. The rest of the week, he awoke before 6 so I fed in the middle of getting ready and he just had his first bottle a little earlier. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @CPR79 I try to nurse LO right before leaving for daycare (usually 7:30/7:45) even if he last ate 2 hours prior. This way he doesn’t need to eat right when getting to daycare. This also allows me to limit the number of bottles he needs at daycare to 3 rather than 4. It’s just what works for us. 
  • @CPR79 I've been back to work for 3 weeks now.  We need to leave for daycare ~7:30.  About half of the days LO has woken up sometime between 6:30-7, and I pause what I'm doing and feed her.  Then DH or I get her ready, depending on who is running ahead/behind that morning (usually at least a little dependent on how long she wanted to nurse that morning).  Other days she's been waking at 4:45/5am and staying up until 6am, which gets awkward.  I end up just staying up, so I'm exhausted all day.  And then we have to wake her up at 7ish to get her dressed and in her carseat.  Like @cynth0104 I'll try to feed her again, even though she's not really hungry, so that her schedule and number of bottles at daycare are on a more routine schedule.
  • Just complaining...we have parent teacher conferences on Thursday so I'm going to be at work from 7:30am-7:30pm  :'( To make matters worse, usually my husband's school does them a different day but this time they match up. Luckily my parents will watch the LO but it's sooo much time away and he's not even 3 months old yet
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Hi ladies, I’m finally starting to pick up subbing positions here and there, but my heart sinks and I️ get really anxious thinking about being away from LO for that day. 

    I️ know that subbing doesn’t compare to you mommas who work full time, but I’m finding it so hard to WANT to start working again. DH has been working so hard to allow for me to stay home longer, but we just can’t do it anymore, and it makes me feel guilty that he’s been working so much and I️ haven’t. 

    I’m not even sure how to get my days started on the days I️ do work lol. LO is starting to sleep through the night a little more consistently, but he still has nights where he still wakes up at 2 or 3 am and it completely throws me off for the rest of the day. 

    (PS. My iPhone is glitching and doesn’t allow me to use the letter “I” a majority of the time, so my apologies for missing words. Trying to find a way around it by changing my sentence structures lol.)
    BusyZee
  • I had my first business trip this week and even though I was only gone from Monday morning through Tuesday evening, it felt like an eternity. Thankfully, LO was with my parents, but I felt so guilty. Also, finding time to pump on-the-go was not easy. Good news is I had no issues getting 60oz through TSA! 
    optbaby2017
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