Tdap and flu shots for family — The Bump
December 2017 Moms

Tdap and flu shots for family

First I have to say this topic is not to ignite a battle because I know people get worked up over this topic. I just need some feedback and thoughts, if any of you are facing similar situations.

So with DS, we both got Tdaps and so did my parents and it was no issue. DH's parents lived on the other side of the country, so it was a non issue for them. Since then, they have moved back here and would presumably be around baby a lot. We informed them of the need get these updated based on our doctors' recs. I've never been a militant flu shot/germaphobe-type person but having a newborn during peak illness season, plus having a kindergartener bringing in germs, I feel extra strongly about it this time. Well, fits ensued. I was afraid of it since they are definitely in conspiracy theory/anti-vax territory. However, I was hoping the health of their grandchild/wanting to spend time with her might be more persuasive.

Of course I'm pissed and, to be honest, rather hurt too, that they would argue something we view as very important for the baby's health in those early months, especially since the things she kept mentioning are myths that have been debunked over and over. We basically told them it was a non-negotiable and left it at that. MIL said she'd "think about it." I think they might actually refuse. And of course they have the right to do so, but then don't act like we are the bad guys for limiting contact until baby is vaccinated. There is a pattern with them of questioning and/or arguing decisions we have made regarding DS, so I already have a short fuse as I anticipate these confrontations.  I'm not used to this since my family have always been very reasonable and respectful of our parenting. Have any of you run into this issue? What did you do or what is your plan for handling it if you do?


Me: 36  DH: 41
DS: 07/03/11
TTC #2: July 2016
BFP: 4/19/17 EDD: 12/31/17

Re: Tdap and flu shots for family

  • Sorry you're having to deal with that.  I think at the very least you should make them wear masks when they visit (like what you'd wear if you were contagious at the doctors office) and be militant about hand washing.  If they can't play by your rules, it would keep baby safe from their cooties at least.  
    alysapugglesmdcd44127
  • Ugh, that's such a tough situation. If it's something you feel really strongly about, I would stick to your guns. Personally, we aren't asking friends or family to get vaccinated, but if we had kids in the family that weren't vaccinated (like cousins), I would probably feel differently. 
    July '14 momma to Amelia Marie, anxiously awaiting the arrival of her little brother after 2 years of trying
    alysapuggles
  • Interesting about the masks. I wasn't sure if there was an "in between" option but am planning to talk to my doctor about it more at my next appt. The petty side of me doesn't even want to cater to it since their reasons are BS, but I'm trying to stay objective!


    Me: 36  DH: 41
    DS: 07/03/11
    TTC #2: July 2016
    BFP: 4/19/17 EDD: 12/31/17
  • @ameliabedelia-2 I'm trying to figure out if I'm being too OTT with this. That time of year just worries me so much more because I know what a constant battle it is trying to keep DS healthy during the school year. MIL works in a job with lots of public contact, so I hate to take chances with a newborn. Like I said, no one batted an eye last time, so I am not sure how far to take this.


    Me: 36  DH: 41
    DS: 07/03/11
    TTC #2: July 2016
    BFP: 4/19/17 EDD: 12/31/17
  • @alysapuggles It seems like a good compromise if you think they might be the type to complain to your LO for the next 20 years that you forced them to stay away after they were born or something like that.  I know IL's can thrive on drama like that sometimes and ride that guilt train until they're in the grave! 
      
    @ameliabedelia-2 I think most of the kids in our family are vaccinated but I'm still uneasy about having them around, just because they're all in school/daycare and generally covered 24/7 in some sort of mucus layer.  Is that weird of me to be worried about?  I want them to be able to meet their cousin but I feel like the environment needs to be verrrry controlled. I am not even entertaining the idea of non-family kids being around baby for the first six weeks or so, and am thinking about requesting all visitors to have had flu shots.  

    Something tricky is stomach bugs that time of year-- you can actually be contagious for up to two WEEKS after a GI virus, and when people love to bring you homemade food...  :s
    alysapuggles
  • @alysapuggles I think you should stick your guns on this one, especially where your MIL has a lot of public contact. One of my biggest concerns is that people can be exposed to an illness and not show any symptoms yet but still be "contagious". My baby is going to have pretty limited contact with others until he has his vaccinations, I have very little trust in other people, haha.
    Me: 31 | DH: 31
    TTC #1 since 12/2015
    BFP 4/4/17, EDD 12/4/17
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    alysapugglesrebeckyjoyballetnerd
  • @alysapuggles I had a reluctant grandparent-to-be (of course, it was MY side not my ILs) so I used family peer pressure to convince them to check up on their Tdap status.  I told my Aunt (who just gained another grandchild last month) that my dad was giving me a hard time about it, and she did all the dad-shaming necessary to get him to check his immunization record.  I would definitely talk to your OB and pediatrician about what a good middle ground would be, and then pick and stand your ground. (Without the political overtones that phrase has).  Good luck!

    I'm most worried about my brother, TBH.  He and his wife are moving here from China on 12 Nov, so they won't have time to get their medical insurance set up and either immunization before our kid is born. I have no idea when he last had a physical state-side... I'm tempted to tell them I'll pay for their drugstore flu shots, but I don't know how to get walk-in Tdaps. =\
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    alysapuggles
  • @kyrwyn That's tough with family moving back from out of country. I know the county health departments do them here, with payment based on your insurance (or lack thereof). Maybe that would be another option to check?


    Me: 36  DH: 41
    DS: 07/03/11
    TTC #2: July 2016
    BFP: 4/19/17 EDD: 12/31/17
    kyrwyn
  • @kyrwyn I just learned today you can walk into a Walgreens and get tdap just like a flu shot! I wondered how DH was going to get it (neither of us currently have a PCP) so that was a relief to find out.
    Me: 27 || DH: 27
    TTC #1 4/2016 || dx NIR PCOS 7/2016
    DD - 12/28/17 <3
    kyrwynmdcd44127
  • When did they originally get the tdap shot? I asked my OB if family members needed to be re-vaccinated if they got the shot in 2016 when DD was born. OB said that they recommended I get the shot again (to boost baby's immune system), but family could get a pass because it's still well within the vax's life span (7ish years). Flu shot I would put my foot down on, but you may want to do a bit of additional research if their shots are still valid!
    alysapuggles
  • With my first just my husband and I did. His kids live with us half the time but I didn't picture them holding him so I didnt have them get the shot. Our first will be 22 months when this baby is born and he'll bring fifty million germs in from daycare. I'm going to try my best to have him wash his hands and change clothes as soon as he gets home but I already know I can't stress other than taking those measures. I think it made a difference for me with people coming over considering my first was a huge baby so I guess I saw him as less delicate as opposed to if I had a smaller baby (I know it's dumb and not safe to assume). 

    But going back to your concerns if you feel that adamant about it I would get some more information on the shot as far as the suggestion of going to walgreens to get it. If it's something that's easily available and you even offer to pay the fee then they cant argue about any inconvenience. 
    alysapuggles
  • @MJDsquared @alysapuggles Great ideas! I thank you (and my brother probably doesn't)! :) 
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    alysapuggles
  • @Skcobb They've never had the tdap that I'm aware of unless it was many years ago. They did not live here when DS was born so we had no reason to ask them to. 

    @casace Their issue is not inconvenience or cost (although they may try to use that as an excuse), but rather they are apparently anti-vaxers who believe a bunch of BS about vaccines. This is why it especially angers me, but I wasn't sure if I was being OTT in insisting. I still feel like this is not going to be an optional thing for me. 

    @failuretofly This pretty much sums up my gut feeling too. 


    Me: 36  DH: 41
    DS: 07/03/11
    TTC #2: July 2016
    BFP: 4/19/17 EDD: 12/31/17
    Skcobbfailuretofly
  • Well if it's a bunch of bs there isn't any harm in them getting it if it brings you peace of mind and they would like a lot of quality time with the baby. Let's see them argue that point!! Lol
    alysapuggles
  • I personally am super pro-vaccination so I would take a hard stance on this if you feel strongly about it. If you don't put your foot down now with it, they will take advantage in other ways in the future in all aspects of their grandchilds life.  
    DH: 34 | Me: 35
    DS1 9/24/13
    DX Diminished Ovarian Reserve, Factor V Leiden Mutation, Secondary Infertility
    MFI (SA #1Count 11mill, Motility: 18%, Morphology: 1%)
    MFI (SA #2Count 7 mill, Motility: 18%, Morphology: 1%)
    AMH .328 | FSH 13.2 
    Oct. 2016: Clomid + TI
    IVF: ER 3/1/17; 5 retrieved, 3 mature & fertilized
    Results: 2 PGS normal embryos
    Planned on August 2017 transfer
    **TW**
    Natural BFP 4/3/17,Expecting baby boy via RCS 12/7/17

    txmomma16alysapugglesleilagphillipsanewadventure
  • don't give in on this. shots or no baby contact until LO is vaccinated. i'm terribly sorry you even have to deal with this. my parents and ILs like to push my buttons on a lot of things but at least they figured out i was serious and they decided they wanted to meet the baby.

    @kyrwyn ; you can absolutely walk into any minute clinic type place (CVS), and perhaps most pharmacies, to request a tdap similarly to a flu shot. you can call ahead to ask about costs without insurance. i hope your LO doesn't come early (for obvious reasons) but also so that your brother and SIL can be in the states for a month and have time for any weird exposures or germs they are carrying to become evident. i wouldn't only be worried about tdap, because mmr vaccination isn't for a year and exposure to measles can often happen when you're out of the country. my brother did not get to meet my DS for nearly a month but he understood - he was in europe for business for two weeks while i was giving birth, and then came down with something nasty on the trip back, so he waited a month to ensure he was not a stewpot of weird germs when coming to visit. i still really appreciate him for this, even if he likes to kid me about not letting him meet my son until he was a little older :) 

    i'm not trying to scare you, of course. i know you have an early due date and likely will not be allowed past 39 weeks or so due to GD, right? 
                          
                                       Met: September 2005  Married: October 2008   DS: 09/2014
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    alysapugglesmdcd44127kyrwyn
  • I've asked all of the grandparents to get their tdap and flu shots for the twins. Its pretty non-negotiable. Blessedly they all complied readily. I got my flu shot yesterday. Any DFW/Texas moms might want to get theirs sooner rather than later. TCU has already had an outbreak with over 100 students sick with the flu. As I also work in a collegiate environment I got mine taken care of yesterday.
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    alysapuggles
  • I normally don't get flu shots myself, so I can understand why people don't want to get them. They do weaken your immune system temporarily, and they only protect against certain types of flu, so many people think they are basically a nuisance. All that being said, I am going to encourage those who visit us to get the flu shot this year and I will get one too. 
    alysapuggles
  • @alysapuggles I'd be more adamant about the flu shot than TDAP, but I would try to convince them to get both or limit contact. Generally, TDAP is only recommended for those who will be caregivers/spending a ton of time with baby. I just got mine yesterday for baby's sake, but DH and the grandparents won't be getting another, since they just got one when DD was born. Generally, I am not that panicked about the baby being around people--LO will have some immunity from my TDAP and flu shot and breastmilk. As long as they wash their hands well, I am generally ok with people visiting/holding the baby. But, if they were going to come stay with us or care for the baby rather than just a quick visit, I would want those shots updated, including flu. Of course, the effectiveness of the flu vaccine depends on how lucky the developers got at predicting which strains will be prevalent this year, but better safe than sorry (and if you get your flu vaccine at Target, they'll give you $5--win-win!)

    Married May 2014
    DD born August 2016
    Baby #2 due December 2017
    alysapuggles
  • I am super pro vax too and had never encountered a family member of my own who acted this way, so I temporarily questioned if I was being too hardline on this, but I don't think I am. We are going to insist on it, and they can decide how bad and how soon they want to see baby. It's a shame it has to be this way, but I'm not taking any chances. I appreciate all the thoughts on this!


    Me: 36  DH: 41
    DS: 07/03/11
    TTC #2: July 2016
    BFP: 4/19/17 EDD: 12/31/17
    anewadventure
  • This is my own personal stance on this but I let my family know about the shots and also said I wasn't going to force anyone to do it. DH and I are up to date with the tdap vaccine and will both be getting flu shots next month. Whatever the fam wants to do is up to them. 

    However with that being said, this is important to you @alysapuggles and I'm echoing others that you should absolutely stick to your guns. Good luck!
    Me: 32 DH: 33
    Married: Oct 2015
    TTC #1: Sept 2016
    BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16
    BFP: 3/24/17   <3  DD born 12/2/17

    TTC #2: July 2018
    BFP: 8/26/18 <3 EDD 5/10/19
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    alysapuggles
  • @cait5413 That's generally how I am too. DH's parents never got a Tdap because they did not live here when DS was born. I know they would want to be visiting and holding baby frequently, and MIL works in a public setting, so I feel like that does warrant getting them. I know nothing is 100% and it will already be a challenge with DS and his school germs, but it's so easy to get a shot that it irritates me they are arguing it with no valid reason. I know I'll be more relaxed once baby has her first vaccines too.


    Me: 36  DH: 41
    DS: 07/03/11
    TTC #2: July 2016
    BFP: 4/19/17 EDD: 12/31/17
  • @peachy13 Thanks! I do agree--we won't force them, of course, but it will mean much, much less contact until baby can get hers. DH works in a healthcare setting, DS is in school, MIL works in a public setting, so there will already be a lot of germs to battle; I just want to minimize whatever we can!


    Me: 36  DH: 41
    DS: 07/03/11
    TTC #2: July 2016
    BFP: 4/19/17 EDD: 12/31/17
    peachy13
  • @babybison Good for that doctor!! Hope that was a strong reality check for MIL.
    Me: 31 | DH: 31
    TTC #1 since 12/2015
    BFP 4/4/17, EDD 12/4/17
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  • We've told both sets of grandparents that shots are required, and luckily both sides said that they will get the shots.  Because its something I'm passionate about and I will put my foot down.  I think its important for the baby's safety for those who are going to spend a lot of time with the baby to be vaccinated.  

    In addition to the safety thing, I look at this as one of the first (of many) parenting decisions that we all need to make in terms of what we want for our children that others have the opportunity to respect or ignore.  And to me, it's important to set expectations with our family that we have the final say.  Whether you agree or not, you need to respect our decision.  





    ** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **


    Me: 31+ H: 32
    TTC Since 11/2015
    #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
    alysapugglesmdcd44127flowerpower5838
  • @Skcobb Well now that you've put it out there, I can't do it by accident ;)
    SkcobbShyTonia
  • @Skcobb HAH!! Love it. ;)
    Me: 31 | DH: 31
    TTC #1 since 12/2015
    BFP 4/4/17, EDD 12/4/17
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  • All of our family got the TDAP 2 years ago when I had my son, but now no one but my parents want to get their flu shot including my DH! I'm not sure what to do because if my DH won't get it no way I can make his family get it. I didn't make anyone get it with our son but he was born in August, so I didn't think it was as important as I do for this one.
    alysapuggles
  • We made the request of the grands before and they obliged. I JUST text our moms last week and MIL said she is going to get the flu vaccine and the tdap booster (I don't think it's necessary as she just got the tdap less than 2 years ago, but not going to hurt anything) and my mom had gotten her shot the day i messaged her already. 

    If anyone is fighting against the tdap vaccine, show them a video of a baby with whooping cough. It's absolutely devastating. 

    Me: 29  DH: 31
    Married 10/13/12
    TTC Since 8/2016

    alysapuggles
  • @Skcobb our jurisdiction stopped giving TDaP for lacerations/punctures, now we only give TD... Which is super annoying... I don't know why it matters! Maybe because technically you can't get pertussis from a rusty nail haha
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  • kyrwynkyrwyn member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2017
    @anewadventure You raise a bunch of good points. I know my brother was fully vaccinated up until he moved to China, so he'll need boosters for some things and should still have immunity from the MMR series as a kid.  I have no clue what immunizations his wife had in China as a child or as a young adult. I know that she has passed whatever medical/immunization requirements the immigration department has for admittance to the US (which is a pretty big list) because she's already had her medical appointment and subsequent Visa approval.  We will be being very careful about things they may have picked up recently, since they will be living with my mom -- who will not be able to stay away from her first grandchild.   They fly in 19 days before my due date, but there's a chance I'll be induced early (yay, GD, as you mentioned).

    Sounds like I need to double (or is it triple now?) check that my mom and step-dad are up to date on immunizations, and get her on board with corralling my brother (& maybe SIL) to get jabbed as soon as the jet lag wears off.  

    Immigration vaccination requirement link:
    http://https//www.cdc.gov/immigrantrefugeehealth/laws-regs/vaccination-immigration/revised-vaccination-immigration-faq.html 

    ETA: results of quick google query
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    anewadventure
  • @kyrwyn  Double-check on the MMR thing.  I can't imagine his doctor wouldn't have recommended it knowing he was moving abroad, however, I know that the booster is usually due around 20ish years old.  For instance, I was UTD on vaccines when I started college, but by the time I started graduate school a few years later, I was delinquent on my MMR according to the student health department.  
    kyrwyn
  • I think you are being perfectly reasonable. If they feel that strongly against vaccinations, that's fine/it's their choice. But when you're coming around my child, you're risking my child's life now--not just your own--and I won't allow it. 

    Something I learned the first go-around is not to roll over on important issues--state them clearly and stand by your word. So, if you feel strongly about this, that's that.

    Go, mama, go!

    failuretoflyalysapugglesAmber_Waves
  • alysapugglesalysapuggles member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2017
    @ab920 Yeah, my family was always respectful of our wishes with DS, but DH's family didn't live here so it wasn't an issue. We have already had multiple boundary issues in the year they've lived here. We won't be giving in on this.

    @anewadventure ; Thanks for posting that. I will be confirming with my doctor the timeframe they need to be limited contact and this is the approach we will take. I like taking the argument potential out of it. It will be a simple choice for them.

    Edited for spelling


    Me: 36  DH: 41
    DS: 07/03/11
    TTC #2: July 2016
    BFP: 4/19/17 EDD: 12/31/17
    anewadventuremdcd44127ab920mamaof5already
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