Questions - Week of 10/2

kalawa · October 2017

I'm waiting for my midwife to contact me. But she says she isn't concerned...but...does anyone know if my red blood cell count is low, my hemoglobin is low, and my hemocrits? are low, will upping my iron intake through foods be at all helpful? Also, if I start eating more iron enriched foods, should I eat more citrus like I do if I take an iron supplement?

muggle621 · October 2017

@kalawa I read in one of the pregnancy books I am reading that low level anemia is somewhat "normal" in pregnancy and that eating foods rich in iron (red meat, spinach etc) does help. I would think it would depend on how low your levels are though. If they are super low that may not be enough. I am a FTM though so I don't know from experience - I just read about anemia in a book.

muggle621 · October 2017

My MIL in law won't get her flu shot. This bothers me. I told her don't come around me if she is not feeling well but if I have the baby early then I don't think I want her around the baby. Am I overreacting? Be honest with me, I can take it!
Edited to add what if she is behind on her TDAP? Should I insist she at least get her vaccines updated?

kiki75 · October 2017

@kalawa It does depend on how low you are. If you're just a bit off of normal, and you can stomach enough iron rich foods, you can certainly try that route. But if it's quite a bit lower, they'll probably have you supplement. Which is really no big deal. I do recommend you get one of the slow release versions (there used to be a brand called Slow Fe, not sure if it exists anymore. Do know that my Targets at least don't carry any slow release kind so save yourself time and go straight to a Walgreens.). The theory is that those ones help with any side effects. Including constipation. So if you do do that, procure stuff to help with that at the same time. You can try chia and kiwis and fruit and all of those things but it wouldn't hurt to be prepared with a stool softener (but not a stimulant kind, just a softener). You're going to be glad to have some on hand later anyways, may as well buy it now. Also, if my memory serves me correctly, you don't want to take iron at the same time as calcium. Since it basically negates the iron. So if you have milk and cereal in the morning, take your iron at night. And it does ring a bell that vitamin C can aid absorption. It's not a worry. Just something to take care of.

It may help your energy levels, too.

kalawa · October 2017

@muggle621 I think asking her to not be in contact if she's not feeling well is very reasonable. And asking her about her TDAP shot is reasonable. My SO's gma had no clue about certain vaccines. And when I asked my doc, he said vaccinations were different back then, and he wouldn't feel comfortable giving certain vaccines to people over a certain age. But opening up a discussion is harmless.

becausescience · October 2017

@kalawa I had slightly low iron last pregnancy, I think it can partly be due to your body's blood volume increasing. Like @kiki75 said, if it isn't super low find a "gentle iron" or low dose iron to help avoid constipation.

kiki75 · October 2017

@muggle621 I suppose it starts with how much does she plan to be around you and how much does she plan to hold your kid? If you don't see her much and when you do and it's not necessarily at her house (where she could well have sneezed then touched all the things), you can just be super cautious. Just staying apart when she's visibly ill isn't quite enough because germs are smart and you're often contagious before you feel like garbage. As for the TDAP, I think everyone should always be up to date on that one so they don't have to worry about if they should go get a shot when minor things happen. As for her, I would just let her know now that you respect her opinions on vaccinations but she needs to respect that you want to protect your kid until their immune system is better so certainly no kissing hands or anything until flu season is over and if she's not current on TDAP, if she has any cough at all, even if it's from a cold she had four weeks ago, no baby. I went and got a TDAP and flu shot last year strictly for the sake of my nephew who lives 8 hours away and my friends who were due in November and January.

muggle621 · October 2017

Thank you @kalawa and @kiki75. I just found out my father also won't get the flu shot. Why can't everyone in my life just get it and simplify everything?! I'm half kidding but I am kind of frustrated.
That's a good point about germs living on things @kiki75 and will attempt to remind her of that in a respectful way. She lives about 10 minutes away and I'm sure we will see her all the time - she may even keep the kid at her house for the first week or 2 after I return to work.

kalawa · October 2017

Thanks ladies for the iron advice. In my first pregnancy, I had to take a supplement. This time my MW has suggested we wait and see how my numbers are after my next US. TW I am still spotting brown blood daily from my SCH, and she thinks this, coupled with normal pregnancy blood volume, is resulting in the low count. ETW. As of now, it isn't very low, so iron rich foods it is!

chasingroygbiv · October 2017

Seems extreme, but we have a rule that once flu season hits if you’re not up to date on vaccinations you don’t come into our home. Our home, our kids, our rules.

Everyone is now up to date and nearly all have gotten their flu shots. @muggle621

hdaley · October 2017

Different perspective here about the vaccinations. My FIL cannot get certain vaccines such as the flu shot because he has an auto immune disease that screws up his platlets. Every year the flu shot put him in the hospital. Will I keep him away from baby? No. My MIL refuses to get the flu shot this year too, because she claims that it makes her sick. You can guarantee that if they are complaining about a cold or a cough they will have very limited access.

my bigger concern is the amount of germs my DS brings home from school! I might be getting a supply of hand sanitizer!

enigmaticjj · October 2017

@muggle621, I'd be irritated too if they didn't provide a thoughtful reason. Like @hdaley, there are risks involved (however rare) with the flu shot, so depending on someones medical situation, maybe there is a valid or understandable concern. But if it's just someone being blindly stubborn for no reason other than being stubborn, then I'd feel irritated they don't seem concerned about the health of the baby (even if they clearly think there's no issue).

kiki75 · October 2017

@hdaley I think having a reason for not getting it is absolutely a different ballgame. My bet is, especially considering the reason your FIL can't get it, is that he's going to be super careful both for himself and for the baby. I don't understand your MIL, though. I mean, she lives with someone who has an autoimmune disease (unless they're divorced, then I can see it a little better) and wants to be around a baby. If you really it makes you sick for a couple days, why wouldn't you just plan a show to binge, lay in a supply of soup, and get it on a Friday so you have time to recover? I would still rather getting a bit sick from the immunization than having the full flu sucker punch me when I'm least expecting it. It just makes sense to me to do it for the safety of two people with whom I'll be in close contact who aren't equipped to fight it as well as the general population. I mean, do I like getting shots? Heck no. Am I willing to do it for the safety of people I care about as well as to do my part towards herd immunity for people who need that to protect them? Absolutely.

Also, while we're on the topic, I haven't researched it but I did see a mention somewhere else that doing the nasal flu immunization can actually make people contagious for a time. So if you know someone who prefers that, you might want to research it and make a plan based on that.

heatherdubrow · October 2017

@kiki75 that is true. The nasal mist vaccine is live virus so you have to avoid contact with immunocompromised individuals for a short period of time.

day38 · October 2017

I'm going to be a bit of a devil's advocate (and probably an UO) about the flu shot specifically. That being said, I am very much pro-vaccine and I made sure everyone who'd be in close contact with our son was up to date on the TDAP. Also my husband, son, and I will all get the flu shot as my toddler, myself, and/or future baby getting the flu could potentially be catastrophic.

However, I'm not going to push my parents or ILs to do it. I personally didn't start getting it until I was pregnant either (but I also had completely minimal exposure to any high risk people). My basis being that the flu shot is based on an educated guess by scientists of which strains will be most prevalent in the future (I think timing wise it's following year - but I could be wrong on the exact timing). It's frequently not all that accurate. I think for anyone living with us the benefits outweigh the risks. However, for our family members who come over once a week or so (and can easily avoid it if they even start feeling a little off) I just don't see as much point since it's not even close to a guarantee that they won't get the flu.

I'm also going to repeat that I am very much pro vaccine, and my immediate family will all have the flu shot. I can get the argument on the other side too. At the end of the day it comes down to personal comfort and I'm okay with my extended family not getting a flu shot.

muggle621 · October 2017

@hdaley I certainly don't want to comprise anyone health so I would def not insist on either a flu shot or tdap if their doctor advised against it. They could still see/hold the baby but I would probably ask them not to come if they felt the slightest bit ill.

Thanks for the heads up about the flu mist @kiki75 and @heatherdubrow. I think everyone I know gets it via injection but I will double check.

@day38 I know the flu shot doesn't cover all strains but since I'm short on time my simple answer is better safe than sorry and do what I can to prevent. I definitely respect and understand your choices though. I also acknowledge I may be overthinking some things as a nervous FTM.

mylovelittlelove · October 2017

The flu shot doesn't worry me as much. You can proactively take tamiflu at a lower dose if someone around you DOES get the flu. Everyone in my household will be getting the flu shot but I'm not too worries about others. We're just careful with washing hands and etc.

TDAP is a WHOLE DIFFERENT story for me. Everyone who wanted to see our DD when she was born HAD to have their TDAP up to date. If they didn't or wouldn't get it, they weren't allowed around her. My MIL put up a bit of a fight but eventually got it.

bb3vj3n · October 2017

so this thread reminded me to follow up with my MIL about her vaccinations... she is DEATHLY *cough afraid of needles (despite having 5 tattoos...)

she told me she would really rather not get tdap or flu vaccines due to her phobia. I lost it.... seriously?

I just told her she has 5 months to figure it out. no shots... no baby

bb3vj3n · October 2017

I know there was a book thread a while back... but I can't seem to find it. Anyone have a link?

If not - as a FTM I'm starting to panic a little bit that i have no idea what I'm doing! I don't know if babies are supposed to sleep on their back or tummy.... or what temp. is considered a fever for a LO.... things like that. I'm looking for a book that will help me learn the basic 101s. Suggestions?

deleted22152218 · October 2017

@bb3vj3n TBH I learned it all from TB last time around lol. Also your hospital will make sure to remind you that "back is best." Some even have blankets they swaddle LO in that have those words printed on them.

I have no book suggestions but hope you find what you're looking for.

kalawa · October 2017

@bb3vj3n First time around I just learned online and my friends. And every sleep sac I owned said "Back is best" in English and French. Overall, you will trust your instincts since every baby is different.

ksmwalters · October 2017

Ok, I might be overreacting here, but as of my 14 week appointment I'd lost 8-10 lbs, and when I weighed myself yesterday my scale at home said I'd lost another 2 lbs. (I'll be 16 weeks tomorrow.) I feel like I'm eating a lot (and not low-fat/low-carb stuff) and honestly don't think I could eat more, but it makes me nervous for some reason. My midwife said she wasn't concerned about it at my last appt (probably because I started this pregnancy overweight), but I thought you're supposed to start gaining in the second trimester? My mom gained 20lbs (or less) with both my brother and I so I'm not sure if it's related to that. Really I'm just worried that this little guy isn't getting what he needs from me.

mylovelittlelove · October 2017

@ksmwalters If your midwife isn't worried about it, I wouldn't be either. With my DD, I lost until 18 weeks or so and then maintained that weight until maybe 25-26 weeks. I started gaining at that point.

bettyvonsomethingstein · October 2017

bb3vj3n said:

I know there was a book thread a while back... but I can't seem to find it. Anyone have a link?

If not - as a FTM I'm starting to panic a little bit that i have no idea what I'm doing! I don't know if babies are supposed to sleep on their back or tummy.... or what temp. is considered a fever for a LO.... things like that. I'm looking for a book that will help me learn the basic 101s. Suggestions?

Our hospital made us sign a promise to always put the baby to sleep on his back and to never fall asleep holding the baby. I know cosleeping is a thing with a whole set of rules on how to make it safe, but that's a whole other convo.

As for fever, we learned that hard way that a fever of 100.4 or higher in a newborn will get you a straight ticket to the hospital, a spinal tap, IV antibiotics and fluids, and a three-day stay while you wait for meningitis tests to come back. This happened with my second when he was two weeks old. It was very, very scary. Thankfully he tested negative for meningitis, and he never actually got sick.

I don't have a book suggestion, but Dr. Google and my BMB helped me through pretty much everything!

gh515 · October 2017

@muggle621 You've already gotten a ton of really insightful feedback, and I'm INTENSELY pro flu shot and all vaccines, but the one I'd throw down for with in-laws is TDAP. People can't even pretend it is "exposing" them to scary viruses, plus anyone anywhere can step on a nail and need the tetanus shot. I'd send a passive email with a link to one of those dramatic pertussis commercials (

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5qfwk1bC_Q)  and be like 'get this, or avoid my baby'.

muggle621 · October 2017

@gh515 I love the commericial idea!!! They don't have email but I sure am going to make them sit and watch!!

justkeeptrying · October 2017

@bettyvonsomethingstein, that's really interesting that they made you sign something...I find that odd. I mean, yes back is best. But to sign a promise? I remember on our like 4th night with DS, I fell asleep and woke up to find DH asleep holding DS! I panicked! He hadn't done it intentionally. But it happens!

ksmwalters · October 2017

@mylovelittlelove Thank you for the response! That definitely makes me feel better. I guess I need to stop reading about weight gain and what's "normal."

bettyvonsomethingstein · October 2017

justkeeptrying said:

@bettyvonsomethingstein, that's really interesting that they made you sign something...I find that odd. I mean, yes back is best. But to sign a promise? I remember on our like 4th night with DS, I fell asleep and woke up to find DH asleep holding DS! I panicked! He hadn't done it intentionally. But it happens!

I think it's just a way to magnify the importance of safe sleep, not like a legally binding contract. At least that's the way I took it!

kiki75 · October 2017

@bb3vjn My sister's hospital sent her home with a copy of Baby 411. I've thumbed through it some and it looks really helpful. I'd get that and start looking for basics on certain topics through things like parenting blogs, lactation consultant (if applicable) websites, etc. Just enough to get you knowledgeable enough to learn the lingo so when you have questions you have some foothold. Honestly, the rest, there's so much that you're basically going to need to learn each topic as you go. I'm not going to remember right now how many wet and dirty diapers that the baby should be making at six days old so I'll ask when the time comes. And, you can learn the basics but when it comes to each kid, it's freaking Calvinball. There are these things to try but your kid is a wildcard. Which really screws with the type A in people.

Know when to worry, the big what not to do items, (on the topic of back is best, IDK why they heck they still advertise and sell bumpers for cribs but don't bother buying them. They're not at all safe for newborns and by the time you can use them, I don't think you'll care. I think that money is much better spent towards a date night.) and don't be afraid to ask when you have questions. Your medical team and your baby's pediatrician want to help you. They know it's a huge learning curve.

And, on the topic @bettyvonsomethingstein brought up about not holding the baby when you're sleepy, please follow this. Especially since the new fad in gliders for nurseries seems to be more traditional cushy glider chairs instead of the wooden, lots of slats gliders, please heed this one. *TW* A friend of mine knows a nurse who went home with her newborn and was so exhausted she fell asleep while feeding the baby in a chair and smothered it. That's why I prefer the old style with open arms even though the new ones are so much comfier and more attractive. Yeah, the baby might fall a foot or two which is bad but beats the alternative.

bb3vj3n · October 2017

thanks everyone for the replies (too difficult to tag you all on mobile). I'm very type A and learning on the fly is not something I usually take comfort in - but based on what you all have said, it may be my only option.

@kiki75 ill look into that baby 411 guide - thx

deleted22152218 · October 2017

I wanted to add to the talk of infant fevers.

With DD, no one told me that sometimes when an infant is sick, their temperature can drop instead of rise to a fever. So that's another thing to watch for later on. It has something to do with their inability to regulate their own temperature properly or something, I can't remember. But when DD was a few months old, a low temperature and stomach bug landed us in the ER.

day38 · October 2017

@bb3vj3n the hospital where I delivered offered a newborn basics class. They covered a few standard questions, some tricks on soothing a newborn (based on the 5 S's from the Happiest Baby on the Block book), swaddling, diaper changes, and whatever else parents asked. It was somewhat helpful as a 1st time mom with literally no prior baby experience (only child, never babysat kids under the age of 7, no young cousins, etc). If your hospital doesn't offer it, there's probably some outside person/group who does. I'd wait until 3rd trimester to do it though so it's more fresh in your mind if you're interested.

I'm also going to reiterate that every child is different. It's impossible to really "prepare," but as someone who is seriously Type A the class helped me with piece of mind knowing I wasn't completely clueless. Also, with the 2 days in the hospital, the nurses were super helpful and informative. I also wouldn't be able to tell you how many wet/dirty diapers to expect at this point, but that's the type of thing they went over both in the class and at the hospital.

stardustskies · October 2017

@ksmwalters Just make sure you take your prenatal vitamins. I'm sure your baby is getting what he needs from you.. and maybe that's why you're losing the weight.

hdaley · October 2017

How do you even broach the subject of vaccinations with family? I didn't really care with my son because he was born in July. When most people aren't sick, but this one being in March I'm a little more concerned.

muggle621 · October 2017

@hdaley Since my MIL will actually now be possibly keeping Baby G while I'm at work for the first couple of months after I return (new development since Monday) my husband straight up told her if you want to see/keep the baby then you need to talk to your doctor about getting your TDAP and she agreed! Most people will get their vacs in order to see the baby I am learning.

ETA grammar issues

kiki75 · October 2017

@hdaley For me, luckily my closest friends who will most likely have the most contact with the baby all recently had babies (and are not the type to object) so I know that they've all had their TDAP within the last 18 months. I also know that my parents are pretty likely to be up to date, even though they live 13 hours away. And I know that if they aren't, I don't even have to say anything. I know that it's just something that is naturally on their to do list for before I have the baby. Because their like that. As for my in-laws, I fully plan to start with cheating. I'll have H talk to his brother and ask him (he's kind of mid-anti-vax though) if their parents got theirs for their kids. If that's the case, worst case scenario they got theirs six years ago. But, if my OB says she wants them to be more current, the next time we see them, we'll just say something like, "Oh, yeah, at my last OB appointment, she said that anyone who is going to have contact with the baby needs to have had theirs within X time period. So you probably want to swing by and get that 'cause pertussis kills babies so no vaccine, no baby." I think it's usually easier if you take a firm stance from go instead of setting it up like it's a choice and not up for discussion than having to go back and say, "actually it's not a choice." MIL can be pretty overbearing and I'm good about humoring her so I don't feel at all bad about the times I nicely put my foot down. Take the emotion out and if you expect resistance, it's good to have a a few short phrases planned to stick to. That way you can stay calm and jut stick with the script.

Come to think of it, she's the only wildcard for me. FIL got in a motorcycle accident a couple months ago complete with road rash so now that I think about it, they probably gave him one then.

hdaley · October 2017

@kiki75 good idea with discussing it with your OB first and then bringing it up to them with saying the OB said..... I like that way. My Dh thinks I am over reacting about this. And my response was you won't be thinking that if the baby dies from whooping cough. He is one that doesn't want to rock the boat. Not for anything. He will keep his mouth shut to keep the peace. It's the one thing I can't stand about him. He has no backbone.

runsoncoffee · October 2017

@bb3vj3n I think someone else might have mentioned it but check with your hospital to see what classes they offer! We took a childbirth class that also talked about infant care. There were other classes too such as infant safety, breastfeeding, etc. Also, on top of the hopsital giving you information you pediatrician will too. In fact, some pediatrician offices offer prenatal visits so you can meet the doctor and ask any initial questions. Maybe something to look into!

fatstagnation · October 2017

@scoogy19 prenatal visit with pediatrician is a great tip! thanks.

Also, a lot of doulas offer baby care and parenting classes. Even if you don't have a doula for your birth, one in your area would probably have a group class you could join in your third tri.

Questions - Week of 10/2

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