@DDRRT1982 I agree with being informed and I did amend my original post on here to say that it's not strictly political things I'm sick of seeing. I think people being informed of both sides of the issue is important, my main reason for saying political was having a specific person in mind who's posts serve no purpose but to complain about how anybody not agreeing with her political views is wrong. There's really no point but to be rude to anyone who doesn't agree with her. So like I said about in my response, it's actually just whiney posts that serve no purpose that actually get on my nerves and with this person in mind I just said political. There are a lot of people out in the world that are woefully under-informed about both sides of the issue taking sides.
FFFC: I'm completely uncomfortable with my pregnant body and I'm also really uncomfortable about being uncomfortable about it. Like it feels so immature to not be excited about how I look when I am so excited about having kids. But I just can't get over the body image issue. A not small part of me wants to hide out until April. And then the other part of me is like "dude that's so stupid, it's natural, don't be superficial" etc.
I can definitely relate to this. I worked really hard and lost a lot of weight in the last year and I'm struggling with the idea of gaining some/all of it back. I know it's natural, healthy, and the weight isn't forever, but it's still gives me anxiety. I'm sorry you're also going through this as well.
On drinking: Heck yes. I love trying local beers when I'm traveling and FFFC: especially when it's not on my own money. And, after a super long work day, I just plain enjoy a little bit of alcohol to unwind. One of my coworkers who doesn't know I'm pregnant asked if I would get the drinks for this "summer" party we're having this weekend. I bought so much great beer for it. FFFC #2: Heck yes I'm keeping the leftovers for myself for when I can have them.
Also, I hate when people try to shame pregnant/nursing women for wanting a frigging drink like that makes them an alcoholic. I haven't seen it here but I have seen it other places. And oftentimes the shamer is a drinker themselves...who hasn't even gone a month without a drink since they started drinking. It's okay to look forward to drinking beer again. I would love a good milk stout now that the weather has changed.
Google searches: God bless private browsing.
@ShawnnaO I've decided that I pretty much shop/order like a pothead cat. "I'll have this and that and two of those and that looks good! and that and ohhhhhh you know what sounds gooooood???" Then I have two bites and it's all, "Oh, I'm good." See also the ridiculous amount of beer I bought for the aforementioned party. There are two beer drinkers. I bought six 22s for them. Then when it came time for the NA drinks for four or so people, I bought something like 24 drinks.
If you can drive you can nurse nursing mama's don't have to miss out and those shamers can crawl in a hole where they belong. I can NOT wait to pop this kid out and go to Joe's Crab Shack for some Patio Punch.
@triplejplus1 Yeah I'm a FTM with twins so I'm only 15 weeks but I look ~21-22 weeks and I'm at the stage where people I don't know super well are starting conversations with me about it... it feels so early to be as big as I am.
@npkat I gained a lot of weight over the 16 months I was TTC (also in mid 30s so who knows if it was stress or just the 30s taking their toll), so it's not all from pregnancy for me, but before TTC I was a lot smaller and because I'm only 5 feet tall every 5 pounds looks like 10 on me. I didn't realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in it and I feel guilty about it because I'm not a superficial person (I swear!) and it took us so long to get pregnant.
@notthefather Yeah the body anxiety is just constant. I'm sorry you're feeling it too. I have all these high hopes about shedding it soon after delivery, but with the double/possibly premie infant care I don't know if that's realistic. I wish I didn't care about it. It's like a constant self-conscious/guilt spiral of doom.
My house is such a mess, the sink has too many dishes in it and I just can't deal. Everything was much more orderly around here when I was home post-Hurricane Irma.
My cousin is expecting his 2nd child in March, and I'm currently feeling irrationally put out with him for it. Honestly it would be kind of cool to have birthday-twin cousins, but still super rude of you cousin Sammy
@antoto the day we got married on paper is the day we celebrate as our anniversary and means alot more to us than the wedding date. But we both consider a wedding to be a party. I've heard plenty of people say "I didn't have a wedding because I eloped." I don't really think it matters, but it was incredibly frustrating to have people act like I'd somehow wronged them for signing paperwork three months before the party.
I don't drink but I definitely got some side eye for drinking almost nothing but soda the entire duration of my hospital stay after P's birth. I was more strict about my caffeine intake during that pregnancy and dammit, I deserved all the coke I wanted.
@vflux33 Totally feeling this. Even stayed home this eve because I just didn't want to deal with the stress of dressing myself! Kind of stupid. Pre-pregnant, I'm thin-but-not-skinny, definitely pear-shaped with a small waist. Most of my wardrobe is built around the idea of tight-on-top, loose on bottom. Now that my boobs have like doubled in size and my waist/belly is thicker-but-not-particularly-bumpy, I just feel frumpy and uncomfortable and unflattered in EVERYTHING! And then I too feel ashamed that I care. end whine.
Glad I'm not the only one feeling bad about feeling self conscious. This early bump stage is the worst to me. Where you're starting to get a little round but it's not OBVIOUS that you're pregnant yet. This stage was very hard on me last time and I'm honestly just happy it's fall (kind of) and I won't have to go to any pool parties feeling like this. Last time it was summer and I had many breakdowns over not feeling confident in a swim suit.
Yes to all the self conscious bullshit! Ugh! Maternity shirts are still a little too baggy, and my regular shirts are just a little too tight. I've just been wearing my maternity jeans with a tight tanktop and a flowy cardigan. I feel 10x better when I do my makeup and hair, so I've been doing both whenever I need to leave the house, which isn't something I've prioritized since giving birth in 2015 haha. I just feel like I have to "make up" for the flumpy blumpy bumpiness I'm feeling, which is completely irrational. I also really want to get my nails done so I can feel and look more polished, but money's right so I never go get it done professionally.
@vflux33 I hear ya! You're not alone--this body conscious stuff is super frustrating. With my first, I felt so stupid for feeling unbearably self conscious. Like I left a family table at a cabin because one of my parents' friends took a picture of me chatting with their little girl. He thought it was cute, but I got fiercely self-conscious and then became embarrassed that I felt so bad, and then I just bawled. I was just so uncomfortable with my body changes.
I dealt with disordered eating and imbalance in activity in late high school and early college, and it took a lot to get balance into my life in those areas. I'm married to a personal trainer, and I felt like I had so much riding on looking like a fit mom the first time around. It ate me alive for awhile, and then I was so embarrassed that it was hitting me so hard. The second time was a lot better, and this time I think I'm doing better yet just reminding myself that it doesn't last forever. No matter what I do though, I still have my moments where I feel frustrated that I gain pregnancy weight differently than others and I get a little "grass is greener" envy thinking someone else has the secret to a totally happy pregnancy and body positivity. It's reassuring to hear someone else say that they feel that same confusing sense of not wanting to feel like they do, but feeling it anyway.
I'm Sorry so many of you are feeling a lack of self confidence. I'm also feeling quite body conscious... especially about my chest. my breasts really swole up in the first 8-9 wks of this pregnancy and then basically went back to almost normal. they are now COVERED in stretch marks. I really liked my breasts before.... and now I feel like they look terrible, and I'm very upset about it.
@bb3vj3n My first pregnancy, my boobs and my butt/thighs were COVERED in stretch marks by the time things were said and done. I hated it. Everyone recommends the miracle creams to fade stretch marks, but rest assured, they fade on their own anyway. My body obviously isn't in pre-pregnancy condition, but after the stretch marks faded, they weren't horribly noticeable anymore. Those bright red marks that are screaming at you right now won't always look that way.
Also, I just wanted to add for everyone, it's totally okay to mourn your pre-pregnancy body. And your pre-pregnancy life for that matter. These are huge changes at hand and I think it's great when TB can be a place for us to express how we feel about them without being made to feel guilty for acting "ungrateful" for your pregnancy. (As long as you're not an insensitive asshole about it, anyway. I mean, there's a boundary line.) Anyway, maybe that was weird of me to say but, yeah. It's not wrong to feel sad about losing certain aspects of your pre-pregnancy body or life. We're only human.
@jeanbean15 I totally agree. Having sad feelings towards change does not equal being ungrateful for new things. I really hope that we can safely say the things that we feel guilty about here with no judgments. I know I am definitely not judging anyone who has any of these unpleasant feelings!
Re: FFFC - 9/22
EDD March 12, 2018
@npkat I gained a lot of weight over the 16 months I was TTC (also in mid 30s so who knows if it was stress or just the 30s taking their toll), so it's not all from pregnancy for me, but before TTC I was a lot smaller and because I'm only 5 feet tall every 5 pounds looks like 10 on me. I didn't realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in it and I feel guilty about it because I'm not a superficial person (I swear!) and it took us so long to get pregnant.
@notthefather Yeah the body anxiety is just constant. I'm sorry you're feeling it too.
I don't drink but I definitely got some side eye for drinking almost nothing but soda the entire duration of my hospital stay after P's birth. I was more strict about my caffeine intake during that pregnancy and dammit, I deserved all the coke I wanted.
I dealt with disordered eating and imbalance in activity in late high school and early college, and it took a lot to get balance into my life in those areas. I'm married to a personal trainer, and I felt like I had so much riding on looking like a fit mom the first time around. It ate me alive for awhile, and then I was so embarrassed that it was hitting me so hard. The second time was a lot better, and this time I think I'm doing better yet just reminding myself that it doesn't last forever. No matter what I do though, I still have my moments where I feel frustrated that I gain pregnancy weight differently than others and I get a little "grass is greener" envy thinking someone else has the secret to a totally happy pregnancy and body positivity. It's reassuring to hear someone else say that they feel that same confusing sense of not wanting to feel like they do, but feeling it anyway.
I hope my belly doesn't do the same thing.....
Everyone recommends the miracle creams to fade stretch marks, but rest assured, they fade on their own anyway. My body obviously isn't in pre-pregnancy condition, but after the stretch marks faded, they weren't horribly noticeable anymore. Those bright red marks that are screaming at you right now won't always look that way.
Also, I just wanted to add for everyone, it's totally okay to mourn your pre-pregnancy body. And your pre-pregnancy life for that matter. These are huge changes at hand and I think it's great when TB can be a place for us to express how we feel about them without being made to feel guilty for acting "ungrateful" for your pregnancy. (As long as you're not an insensitive asshole about it, anyway. I mean, there's a boundary line.) Anyway, maybe that was weird of me to say but, yeah. It's not wrong to feel sad about losing certain aspects of your pre-pregnancy body or life. We're only human.