One Last Try...(loss mentioned) — The Bump

One Last Try...(loss mentioned)

Hi All, 

Re-intro, I'm 36 and my DH is 40. I originally started participating on these boards back in 2014 when we were trying for our DD. My husband is sterile, so we decided to try for our family with donor sperm. We had one amazing successful IUI and since then, no luck. Since April 2016, I've had 2 IUI cycles and 2 IVF cycles - the latest cycle was in July and it worked, however I lost the baby 2 weeks ago. I feel like I have a whole in my heart, like I can't breathe when I sit and focus on sister has come into town to visit me for my birthday and I've been able to be distracted but she leaves tomorrow and I see myself going backwards in my grieving process. I don't want to be an absent mother to my sweet girl and at the same time I feel so devastated for the loss of the future I had already envisioned so clearly for us. We have no more donor vials left, but I have one frozen embryo for a last shot at being pregnant. We won't go through any more cycles - it's all been out of pocket and we simply can't afford to keep going down that road. But we are open to adoption and will explore that if the time comes. 

I just feel like I need to be in a positive place for the last cycle to have any shot at working and right now I can't even imagine being in that positive headspace. I know it's still so early and I feel far from that, but for those who can relate - does that get easier at some point? Both for financial reasons and due to a our military PCS, we won't try until January. And another part of me doesn't want to put it on pause for that long, but we don't really have a choice. I just feel so frustrated, SAD, angry, etc. 

Sorry if my post is all over the place, I'm having a hard time getting all my thoughts together. Also, the first two IVF cycles were fresh cycles and the last is frozen. Does anyone have any positive experience with switching to frozen after fresh cycles? 

Thanks in advance for any replies, my husband and family/friends have been great but I'm still feeling ALONE in my feelings and could use the support of others who have similar experiences. 

Re: One Last Try...(loss mentioned)

  • Lurker *TW child mentioned* 

    I have had success with both fresh and frozen rounds. My clinic, however, has a higher success rate with frozen embryo transfer. I believe most clinics have higher rates of success with frozen as it allows your body to heal from egg retrieval, and your uterus is a more welcoming environment for receiving an embryo. 

    Maybe you should comtact your clinic and ask what their FET rates of success are for your age range? That might give you a bit more hope and boost your positive attitude. 

    Good luck
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  • Loss is the worst, and paired with infertility it's just devestating. I am sorry you are having to go through this, but as mentioned, FET can have a pretty decent success rate! Keep your chin up and try and stay positive :)

  • Lurker here now and TW (child mentioned)

    We also had MFI and a one way ticket to IVF.  Our fresh cycle last November was not successful but our FET in February was and now I am almost 32 weeks pregnant.   Don't give up hope.  I feel like the FET worked because my body had time to heal after the egg retrieval.  Good luck
    TTC since:  1/2015
    11/16:  IVF #1.  BFN
    2/23/17:  FET with a BFP on 3/8/17.
    EDD: 11/11/17 with a baby GIRL!

  • @pmv81 I am so sorry for your loss. There definitely is hope, have faith & stay positive. These boards will really help you as the ladies on here are supportive & very informative. 
  • @pmv81  nI'm so sorry for your loss and journey BUT congrats on your baby girl!!  At least you know the process can and does work.  As many have saud FET does work.  As you can see in my siggy in the spoiler box ive had a tough journey myself...I still haven't update my journey as I've gone through 8 cycles of IVF and I'm still waiting on my miracle.  I really wanted to touch on the loss your going through...not sure how far long you were but it really rips your heart out. (TW)  I was very lucky that my fresh transfer work at 40 and was pregnant with twins for 10 wks, and had a terrible MC where it was as if I was giving birth and was rushed to the ER.  All that doesn't matter but it happened in Jan of this year and I just cried on the train coming to work as I'm prepping for my first FET which is this Monday.  Am I so excited to FINALLY get back to where I was 100%  But is my pain any less, not right now.  They were due in the summer so I'm not sure if thats why I've been having a tougher time I don't know.  Everyone says it gets easier but the pain never goes away.  I don't have kids so for me I just think thats why its killing me more....I don't know.  I really hope your body and heart heal quickly and you're magical frostie is your miracle take home!!  Hope is the only thing we really have left so try to believe in it as you know your body can do it - best of luck to you!
    History of TTC in spoiler box
    TTC since 2014
    Unexplained Infertility - but I am 40...Low AMH .30
    7 - IUI (50mg-150mg Clomid) Feb - August 2016 all BFN 
    IVF#1 August 2016 (Antagonist protocol 4/5 eggs) Cancelled cycle :( RE thought I would get at least 10.
    IVF#2 Sept 2016 (microdose luporn pro - disappearing follies, ONLY ONE, convert to IUI) BFN
    IVF#3 November 2016 (4 ER, 3 F,  3DT)-BFP  with TWINS // MC both at almost 10wks  :'( 
    IVF#4 March 2017 //EPP  (10 ER (1 wonky so 9 ER) 7F, 3B (5AB, (2)5BB) PGS tested- ALL abnormal  :'( 
    IVF#5 April 2017 // EPP (7 ER, 7F yes! 6B) 2/5 day 4/6 day - 2 PGS normal! yes!! :)
    IVF#6 May 2017 // Antagonist didn't have time for Estrogen Priming...(4 ER, 3 F, 3B) (5AB, (2) 5BB) 2 PGS normal, yes!! :)
    IVF#7 June 2017 // EPP praying this is it and then on to an FET!

  • @Hopeful_mom Thank you for sharing your story and encouraging words for remaining hopeful. My heart aches for you as I read what you've been through, truly I'm so very sorry for your loss and for your struggle. I'll be praying that Monday goes well and you're on your way to bringing home your miracle baby. I will certainly be looking to follow your story for updates, thank you for encouraging me to remain hopeful. Sending you lots of positive thoughts! 
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