Re-intro, I'm 36 and my DH is 40. I originally started participating on these boards back in 2014 when we were trying for our DD. My husband is sterile, so we decided to try for our family with donor sperm. We had one amazing successful IUI and since then, no luck. Since April 2016, I've had 2 IUI cycles and 2 IVF cycles - the latest cycle was in July and it worked, however I lost the baby 2 weeks ago. I feel like I have a whole in my heart, like I can't breathe when I sit and focus on it...my sister has come into town to visit me for my birthday and I've been able to be distracted but she leaves tomorrow and I see myself going backwards in my grieving process. I don't want to be an absent mother to my sweet girl and at the same time I feel so devastated for the loss of the future I had already envisioned so clearly for us. We have no more donor vials left, but I have one frozen embryo for a last shot at being pregnant. We won't go through any more cycles - it's all been out of pocket and we simply can't afford to keep going down that road. But we are open to adoption and will explore that if the time comes.
I just feel like I need to be in a positive place for the last cycle to have any shot at working and right now I can't even imagine being in that positive headspace. I know it's still so early and I feel far from that, but for those who can relate - does that get easier at some point? Both for financial reasons and due to a our military PCS, we won't try until January. And another part of me doesn't want to put it on pause for that long, but we don't really have a choice. I just feel so frustrated, SAD, angry, etc.
Sorry if my post is all over the place, I'm having a hard time getting all my thoughts together. Also, the first two IVF cycles were fresh cycles and the last is frozen. Does anyone have any positive experience with switching to frozen after fresh cycles?
Thanks in advance for any replies, my husband and family/friends have been great but I'm still feeling ALONE in my feelings and could use the support of others who have similar experiences.