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TTC After a Loss
amberruka
member
TTCAL Check-In Week of 9/11
amberruka
member
Hello and welcome to TTCAL. We're sorry you're here, but as a group we are pretty spanking awesome. Hope everyone has been safe with all the weather craziness.
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new)
2. Status?
3. R/R?
4. GTKY: what have you been dreaming about lately (literally)-anything weird, i.e. skating on mashed potatoes? Anything you feel like sharing...
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new)
2. Status?
3. R/R?
4. GTKY: what have you been dreaming about lately (literally)-anything weird, i.e. skating on mashed potatoes? Anything you feel like sharing...
Me: 39 DH: 39
CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
Re: TTCAL Check-In Week of 9/11
2. TWW, 11DPO, BFN this morning.
3. Rave: my father, who hates to go anywhere, called me last week wanting to know how much it would cost to go to Slovakia. Slovakia, Dad?! YES! We can fly into Prague, which is a place I've always wanted to go. Found out it would be cheaper for us to go from the west coast (where I live), than the east coast (where he lives). Now if I can just get him to pull the trigger on this....
4. I had a dream the other night me, my SIL and my two nieces went and saw my grandfather (he passed away in February at age 98 and was our family patriarch, it was tough). He was smiling and hugging the girls, which was awesome. Of course, just as in real life, as we were leaving my SIL was carrying niece #1 'cause she was tired and crying, and I was holding niece #2's hand 'cause she was mopey and tired. Ha ha ha. Even in dreams we aren't perfect!
CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
2. Status? TWW 5 DPO
3. R/R? none yet
4. GTKY: what have you been dreaming about lately (literally)-anything weird, i.e. skating on mashed potatoes? Anything you feel like sharing...
i recently had a dream that cockroaches were crawling on me.
@amberruka sorry for the BFN
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new) OLD.
2. Status? CD9
3. R/R? None
4. GTKY no crazy dreams that I can think of...
@amberruka sorry for the BFN.
@Mack2342 I prob wouldn't be sleeping with that dream!! I hate any and all bugs.
totally steamed cleaned the carpet in the family room and hallway today. It really needed it with the extra dog and some accidents she's made. I'm always amazed how much better carpet looks after using a steam vac. Just realized I'm lame because this is my Rave. ha!
I think I might start a short yoga challenge going on IG right now. It's been awhile since I've done one.
I had a very vivid dream a couple nights ago with my first H in it. Because he had passed away 10 years ago he doesn't age in my dreams. All his features were the same.
CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
2. Status? My first cycle since MC, and I am officially no longer benched. CD5
3. R/R? Rave - I am so happy my sister-in-law and her family's house in Florida only had minimal damage. Was sooo worried.
Random thoughts, not quite a rant or a rave - I figured out that if I get pregnant this cycle, I'd be due exactly when my DH's family is planning a family trip to Hawaii, all expenses payed for. I know it's stupid in the grand scheme of things, but I have to figure out if it's worth putting off TTC for a couple months or not...I obviously really want to have a baby ASAP though. If I knew I could plan things perfectly, then I would plan it just so, but because life is life, I don't want to have this cycle be a waste if this is IT for us. If only I could predict the future.
4. GTKY: what have you been dreaming about lately (literally)-anything weird, i.e. skating on mashed potatoes? Anything you feel like sharing...
I usually have weird dreams pretty regularly, but I forget about them by the afternoon. All I can remember from this morning's dream is *TW, child mentioned* that my 19mo daughter slept in til 9 (she usually wakes at 5:30am) and it was the most amazing thing ever. Can you tell I am a bit sleep deprived and need a morning to sleep in?
@vlagrl29 That's definitely a rave. Makes me want to steam clean all my carpets.
1. Not new
2. WTO CD9
3. Rant: We got the results of my DH's SA and got the diagnosis of Teratozoospermia with Oligospermia. So that's super great. I'm not holding my breath on TTC. The recent pg was basically blind luck. So now we're just trying for the next couple months for the sake of trying and handing in the towel. I'm pretty soul crushed, but we can't afford to try other methods. I think seeing it on paper and hearing the terms was what I needed to allow myself to accept that it likely isn't going to happen again.
Rave: My DH is working with a new builder and should have a relatively normal schedule again. No more 17 hour days. I'm really looking forward to spending more time together and enjoying our time just being "us".
4. I have horrible dreams that are so vivid my DH frequently has to wake me up. My latest dream is that someone I'm working hard to avoid comes knocking on my door looking for me. In real life I have no idea who this person is, so I'm worried my subconscious is trying to tell me something.
CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
2.tww, 8 or 9 dpo
3. rant: I am feeling crampy since yesterday and started ss. crazy hormonal brain! I already started worrying that if i'm not pregnant by january which was my due date, It will be very depressing for me and bad for my merriage (my husband is an amazing person and very supportive, but it is just me- worrying about things constantly). It is very hard to stay optimistic with no living children to cuddle
rave: I got a raise at work (not much, but I work in academia, so I will take anything !). Also my green card application is moving forward, slowly, but moving! Just need this bfp and my life will be complete
4. I have really crazy dreams,but I mostly forget them 5 min after waking up. I have repetitive nightmare about being single again, like my alternative life without my DH. Absolutely awful!!!!
@amberruka sorry about your bfn
@fishee333 I would totally take a baby over a vacation. However taking some time off after MC might be also a good idea for both physical and mental reasons. @ELeighMay So glad you and your dh have your normal life back !
@ELeighMay I am so sorry for the diagnosis.
3. R/R? First therapy session is tomorrow...eek! We are also going to a concert with friends tomorrow night and I have a feeling we will tell them about the mc. They're basically our closet friends that we hang out with regularly and since so many other people know now, I figure they might as well, too. We've only seen them once since and it just didn't feel right to tell then. It's such an awkward thing to just come out and say.
4. GTKY: what have you been dreaming about lately (literally)-anything weird, i.e. skating on mashed potatoes? Anything you feel like sharing...
I've been having weird dreams the past couple nights, so of course I'm trying to convince myself it's because I'm pregnant even though I know it's way too early for that to be a symptom. I can't recall specifics right now, I just remember old friends from HS that I haven't seen in forever were in one.
@amberruka Sorry for the BFN.
@ELeighMay Sorry for the bad news. I'm hoping you can get lucky again.
2. Status? WTO CD1
3. R/R? We have a hectic week, then the Air Force Ball on Saturday. TW I am missing a friend's babyshower on Saturday because she is having it at the same time as the ball (which makes no sense because her husband is AF too and so are the majority of our friends). I know I probably should feel bad, but I don't. She is due 2 weeks before my EDD and she has been super insensitive through my whole experience with our MC. I don't know that I could have made it through her babyshower.
4. GTKY: what have you been dreaming about lately? I can't remember exactly what I've been dreaming about, but I've woken up several times thinking, "well that was weird."
***TW Living child and loss mentioned***
13 March 2017: Loss at 4+6
2. Status? In tww, 12dpo, been spotting and temp dropped. I expect AF to arrive tomorrow.
3. R/R? Rave - we finally have cooler weather coming at the end of the week. I could just about do a little jig. I'm so excited! I hate summer here. Way too hot!
4. GTKY: what have you been dreaming about lately (literally)-anything weird, i.e. skating on mashed potatoes? Anything you feel like sharing...
I dreamt recently that I looked outside and there was snow everywhere. Thick fluffy snow. (We live in So Cal so it never snows) I couldn't believe it and I went to get DH to show him but then it all disappeared and it was just raining. And everything in the house changed decor wise and it looked like the house was from the 70's. So weird!
1. Not new. 1st pg first lost end of March. TTC for well over a year.
2. Status? Officially TWW CD 17, smiley face am CD 15 and we say my follicule CD 13... good timing this month - but I don't want to get my hopes too high.
3. R/R? I'm at a conference this week- in the same town as I work- it makes for even more work because I'm close enough to lab to keep things go I'm going. Also I'm clearly not paying attention to talks because I'm on here
My parents are visiting and it's nice to see them. I get to be a tourist and do more things then the usual work routine. I'm going to see the cows come down from the alps and drink new wine from the first harvest- I'm pretty excited.
4. Ive had some super strange genes the last few weeks- but that as been squashed the last few days- I'm still caught getting from a cold I had last month so Ive started taking sleep aids- amazing. I love being able to sleep the whole night through- but I tend not to dream and or remember my dreams when I'm taking them.
3. R/R? Mostly a rant today, because I can't believe how mis-managed my care at my RE has been. This is going to be a long novel, so props to anyone who sticks with me here...
I've been waiting for the septate surgery after my last meeting with RE (July) she said to call with CD1 and we would get me booked in. August was not booked because they were "too busy" with other patients, per the nurse. I also was sent to see a high risk OB that specializes in clotting disorders due to labs that came back extremely low positive and negative (after already seeing a Rheumatologist who confirmed I did not have the clotting disorder) because if I were to fall pregnant she wanted to see if I should be on lovenox. The high risk OB pretty much said RE was nuts for even sending me to her because I definitely do not have a clotting disorder.
So I asked to speak directly to the RE after the OB visit, got a call back to which she said the reason why it was not booked last month was because she really wanted that third opinion so she would have over-rided the surgery being booked if there was availability until she got the third opinion back, anyways. I'm so confused at this point and ask her why I was told to call with CD1 for the surgery last time we met to which she says that she thought they would book me in sooner and that it wouldn't be an issue. Fine can't change the past, whatever, so I tell her I am nervous for this month to fall through because she won't put me on birth control (because she is still insistent that I have this clotting thing) but tells me that she will book two surgery dates to ensure that I am booked in whenever I get my period. Great, blood pressure goes down and I relax a bit. I'm going to have the surgery finally.
Until, 2 hours later, the nurse calls me back and says that I can't have the surgery because my BMI isn't where they would like it. Now I'm not mad or even offended that they are telling me I need to lose weight, because I know that I'm overweight, but I am infuriated with the fact that it was never once mentioned to me that BMI would be an issue in the 5 months I have been going to the RE. In fact I have lost weight as I have been seeing the RE. I asked why this was never brought to my attention before and all she could come up with was "I don't know, but I can't book you unless you lose 13 lbs in a week." WTF!!
Thankfully I trusted my gut last month and booked an appt with another OB in my normal clinic who does septate surgeries. I met with him yesterday afternoon and he said that I never have to go back there again since all the other workup came back fine (he will prescribe aspirin and progesterone as well), reviewed the labs and said no, definite negative for clotting AND he will do the septate surgery for me in 2 1/2 weeks (just waiting for the hospital to officially book)!!!!!! He also said that he didn't need the HSG or the SHG that I had to wait to be done, because it's clear as day on the ultrasound that I had done, so he had no clue why they made me go through this testing as well. I'm so happy that I trusted my gut and went to him but am having such a hard time letting it go that I let the RE office allow me to circle the drain for so long, when I walked in with day 1 knowing I had the septate. So, I guess my question is, if this was you, would you put in a formal complaint (they are a satellite site of a larger network)?
4. GTKY: what have you been dreaming about lately: I has a dream that my dog started talking to us. It was actually pretty awesome and I wish it was real!
@amberruka: Sorry about the BFN, but I hope that your Dad comes through for you. Slovakia sounds so fun!
@mack2342 Were you actually able to go back to sleep after the bug dream! Ugh cockroaches and ticks creep me out so bad.
@vlagrl29 I totally understand the satisfaction of all the crud coming up from the carpet.
@fishee333 Sorry for your loss. I guess either way you will end up with a great thing (amazing trip to Hawaii or a baby)!
@eleighmay I’m sorry. I had to research this because I wasn’t familiar with it. What did your clinic say are the next steps?
@aga31 Welcome to the board. I know how you feel. I just passed my original due date. But it does sound like you have some pretty amazing things going on otherwise.
@geekbeagle Good luck with therapy. I have found it awkward to come out about my M/Cs as well, but in some instances have found unexpected support/other ladies who have had a M/C. I hope this is the case for you.
@mrsbunz Sounds like the ball was a blessing in disguise!
And no I couldn't go back to sleep after the cockroach dream. We watched one of the home shows the night before and there were cockroaches everywhere I guess that's why I dreamt about them
@jchpg yay to solid smiley!
3. I've just been busy getting ready to paint my house else we can update our flooring. Also busy researching ways to reduce my endo inflammation since that can cause IF. I think I will start doing castor oil packs again. I did about 3 the cycle I got my BFP. It could have been a fluke but it's worth a shot since we are now almost 2 years TTCAL.
4. I had a dream over the weekend that DH and I were looking for a phone number on a couple of sheets of paper that were stapled together. I then looked at what I thought was a pen in my hand but it ended up being a FRER that was a BFP. I looked at FH and blurred out "I'm pregnant" and then instantly realized that I never took that kind of test, only an Internet cheapie that was a BFN. I think that's the first BFP dream that I've had.
@amberruka sorry for the BFN.
@vlagrl29 I need to get back into yoga asap. I used to practice about 3-4 times a week but now it's been ages.
@ELeighMay sorry about the SA results. Are there any supplements DH can take? I don't know what his exact numbers were but they say it only takes one to make it. Hopefully there are some health swimmers in the bunch.
@GeekBeagle I always have really vivid dreams in my TWW. I think it's my progesterone. When I was pregnant, I had really vivid dirty dreams. It was crazy!
@MrsBunz it's probably for the best that you miss the shower. Especially if she hasn't been supportive. I'm at the pint in my life where I'm done wasting time doing things I don't want to do or spending time with people that I don't care about.
@msstephanielynn that is really annoying! I would have been mad too. I don't understand why they wouldn't tell you that they thought that your BMI was too high before. I'm glad you are seeing someone else now!
2. Status? Benched. CD 6.
3. R/R? Sooo ready to be off the bench. Looking forward to my vacation in a few weeks, then hoping I can get in for a progesterone test with my RE.
4. GTKY: what have you been dreaming about lately (literally)-anything weird, i.e. skating on mashed potatoes? Anything you feel like sharing... God... the weird dreams I have could fill a book...
vlagrl29 The last few weekends we spent steam cleaning the floors downstairs and upstairs! It definitely helps a lot, and makes me feel good as well!
ELeighMay Sorry for the crushing SA results! Ugh. That’s rough. At least you have a short-term plan and can see what happens over time…
aga31 Passing estimated due dates is stressful either way. Honestly, I was more stressed leading up to my first due date, than I was about passing it. You just have to remind yourself that it takes time and to not try to put your own timeline into the unknown.
GeekBeagle Good Luck with the therapy session!
msstephanielynn Ugh. Sorry about the first RE experience being bad… I also am in the “you need to lose 21 lbs for this procedure” category! I don’t know if I’d make a formal complaint at this time… since I don’t think you got care that was detrimental to your body/future… just sloppy and uncaring care that is making you play the waiting game (although I completely understand your frustration and would be absolutely livid in your position).
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
@amberruka Sorry for the BFN
@fishee333 It is tough planning life, when the most important thing is still up in the air. My mother is an early planner, but I've told her that for the foreseeable future I will not agree to anything more than 6 months in advance.
@vlagrl29 I need to steam clean my carpets. Pets are brutal on them! Maybe that will be my project this weekend...
@ELeighMay Sorry about YH's diagnosis. Knowing what's going on can feel like a blessing and a curse. Lightning struck once, FX that it strikes again!
@aga31 Congrats on the raise! Every little bit helps, right?! Milestones are a challenge after MC. I thought it would end after I passed my EDD, but nope. Still say "my bean should be 1 month today" or "this marks 12 months since I stopped the pill." This is why TTCAL makes people BSC!!!!
@GeekBeagle Hope that therapy goes well! And good luck with telling your friends! I hadn't told many people that I was KU, but I did share with most of my close friends that I'd had a loss. Be prepared for them to not know what to say because many people don't. Personally I've found that telling people what happened has lifted the weight a little.
@MrsBunz AF Ball sounds like so much fun! There aren't enough opportunities in adult life to get dressed up and go dance your butt off! If it just happens to mean you won't make it to a baby shower you didn't want to go to anyway... then DOUBLE awesome!!!
@robyn2201 You said you hate hot weather, maybe your dream was encouraging you to move somewhere colder!
@jchpg FX this is your month!!! It can be nice to have family visit to make me go and explore all the cool stuff that is nearby that I never go see on my own. That being said, I lived near D.C. Most of my childhood and if I never see the Air and Space Museum again that's fine by me!!!
@msstephanielynn Wow! I'm so sorry you went through all that. If you don't complain formally, maybe you could at least do a review on-line to warn other potential patients about your experience. I am so infuriated for you. People who aren't TTC just don't understand how long a month is for us, much less 5!!!!
@MooFish2364 If castor oil won't hurt and might help, then it's worth a try right? DH always says if it sounds crazy but it works, then it ain't crazy!
@dpjennifer Hope you have an awesome vacation. Where ya heading to?
As for me:
1. Not new. NMC 11/16, CP 7/17
2. WTO. CD 11
3. R/R O is due Saturday. OPK was decidedly negative this morning. But CM is super fertile today?! What you playing at uterus?!?! Can we stop effing around and get it together this cycle?
4. GTKY: I tend to have vivid dreams nightly. And they're all pretty bizarre and disjointed.
*barf warning* My DH rarely dreams, but he had a dream the other night that I left him. He woke up and squeezed me and said "I'm making sure you're real." I don't deserve that man!
@MooFish2364 I hate BFP dreams because sometimes they are so real! Then you wake up and realize it isn't true!!
@msstephanielynn what a terrible experience!! I'm glad you have found a new dr that you like!!
@MrsBunz a ball sounds like a lot more fun than a baby shower! I mean different circumstances maybe not the cAse but any baby shower right now (to me anyway) does not sound like fun.
@Mack2342 DH has been warned that we will HIO this evening. I really want to do EOD to increase sperm quality, but with my fertility signs being contradictory we'll probably BD daily. Is ok, though. I just got a BOGO Chipotle coupon and will bribe DH with burritos!
Too funny about bribing with burritos. My DH is easily bribed with food too.
@sprkls8506 What?! The Smithsonian is off their game!
I'll use Chipotle as an analogy about how sometimes burritos have to sacrifice themselves for the greater good.
2. Miscarried last week, so just trying to find my cycle again at this point.
3. Its silly, but I got a Roomba this week and it's definitely helped ease my anxiety about trying to keep hardwood swept and clean.
4. I always have weird dreams. Last night my dream was hat I opened a taco truck, but we made house calls? I remember driving around the neighborhood knocking on doors and making food. I woke up craving tacos for whatever reason!
We're going for the Food and Wine Festival.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
aga31 YAY for a raise! Every little bit helps. Did you celebrate?
jchpg FX for you!
vlagrl29 My DH has low morphology and low sperm count. Both not good when TTC. The count did increase slightly since his last test, but the low morphology can also indicate that the "good" ones aren't good either. That could have contributed to our recent loss, but there's no way to know for sure.
msstephanielynn Yes, you submit a complaint. Maybe something will come of it and maybe it won't but after my recent ordeal with our local hospital I learned a lesson. If we do not advocate and insist on the care that we deserve this will continue and carry on to the next person who really needs their help. I go to medical professionals for their help. It's their job. I trust and rely on them to do what they've been trained to do with the best care for me in mind. I hate when they pull stuff like that. I am glad you're getting your surgery and that you won't have to wait much longer.
Next steps for my DH and I would be IUI, but they say in his case it may not work. They can also do a sperm wash, but again, it might not work. They can do IVF, but that's seriously not an option for us.
MooFish2364 He's on all the recommended supplements already, so we're at a loss on that one. He's changing his diet a bit, but is already pretty strict with what he puts into his body as it is.
Knottie1452742068 It is a blessing and a curse. I'm heartbroken to have gotten such crappy news, but so relieved to have a name for it instead of never knowing. I'm hoping for my second lightning strike. You never know, it could happen...right?
@salvakla I'm sorry for your loss, and welcome.