@senora76, no sex drive here either. But that's normal for me. I'm way too nauseous to think about sex. I think we've DTD twice since getting pregnant. Once out of me feeling guilty for not doing it, and once because I wanted to. That time was ah-mazing. My poor DH is so patient with me. But I really should help him out a little.
@ishmoney@justkeeptrying thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!!! I am aleays opting to help him out instead of DTD...because I sooo don't feel like it...but here's the thing... his drive is lower too... last pregnancy he literally had every symptom I had- constipation, heartburn, high sex drive... trouble sleeping, food aversions... headaches... you name it... totally did not happen with my exhusband... This time his sex drive is lower and he has the constipation alongside me LOL... He and I talk about it tho- be both dont want to hurt the pregnancy we have si much riding on and we are both still enormously sad plus whatever these hormones are doing this time are like sucking all my sexual energy out of me!!!
Mama to: Zane William 9/17/03 Vance Xenophon 5/17/06 Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17 Nova Marsela 3/14/18
@mountain_girl, I've had 3 large bleeds because of a SCH, then expelling the twin, and now another large SCH. It's very stressful. But all the medical professionals keep saying only go back if it's bright red flowing blood. They said anything else is the SCH bleeding out slowly or reabsorbing.
@senora76, the bright red blood stopped last Monday after a few days, but I still have dark wine coloured discharge, or brown coloured, or pink. It's so stressful. Each time I've bled it has been so much it's splashed on the floor. My midwife said she isn't concerned. But seriously...after you bled with your SCH did you have brown, wine coloured or pinkish discharge? It's not flowing blood, it's mucusy...(great word choice)
@senora76 no sexy time in this house - lol. my DH has been very understanding though.
@kalawa ugh that sucks! I didn't realize you had another tear - I must have missed that if you posted it. I'm sorry that it has caused you so much stress this pregnancy.
As for me, I have been feeling so positive and good lately and then this morning all those feelings disappeared and I'm right back to where I was. I dont even know what triggered me. i was having a lit of RLP last week when i would cough or sneeze or even turn over too quickly... this week - i Keep expecting to feel that pull .... and it isn't happening. I know this isn't a sign of anything at all - but I'm just so worried. I'm thinking maybe I'm just anxious again today because I told my boss and team yesterday? Feelings from super high to low in 24hrs....
Nothing too exciting, still have my glucola test coming on Tuesday
How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Ok. I've had some continued cramping, which I know can be normal, but it makes me nutty. The spotting and crazy gross discharge has stopped for about a week now, but I'm still super edgy and checking constantly. My OB took swabs and looked for obvious signs of something going on, and everything came back normal. If the spotting picks back up I have to go in and do a cervical length check via ultrasound. But for now I'm hanging out in "we don't see anything wrong, so we guess it's fine" land. It sounds funny, but I was really hoping for a yeast infection - at least then there would be something to fix.
GTKY: How long have you and your SO been together? We have been married 9 years. We met at college, we were friends starting as sophomores and started dating as seniors, we got married about 3 years after that.
So I just tripped walking up the steps to my room and I was so scared to fall inn my stomach that I jammed my foot into the step HARD and landed on my wrist. I didn't hit my abdomen at all and I know it didn't hurt the baby.... but I am so upset right now at how stupid and careless that slip was and that I need to be more careful.
I'm in bed just crying because I keep thinking how much worse it could have been and I'm so mad at myself. I cannot calm down at all...
@kalawa I had 2 major episodes splattering on the floor - the first one I was at home, and I caught most of it in the bathroom but it looked like a murder... the 2nd one I was at work in the parking garage walking to my car, and I was wearing a dress and I felt soaking wet all of a sudden and it was down my legs and splattering all over the concrete- I had to try to find some tissues in my purse... who knows who saw me deal with this... I just rushed to my car and went right to the hospital. In between the two episodes and and after the last episode all of my discharge was pink or brown, mostly brown, and towards the final stages I had sort of a coffee ground consistency. I am not on FB anymore but when I went through this I was part of a huge SCH group there. It was hugely supportive but note there are a lot of TWs on that page.
@bb3vj3n I am back and forth emotionally too not just with the pregnancy but with everything in life - yesterday i felt the need to tell my husband my wishes if I die in childbirth... make sure my sons will stay close with him and our new baby and what to do with me and Mars' ashes..It was just this wave that came over me. I teeter between feeling so fortunate for this pregnancy and all I have to being completely sucked into missing my Mars... my accupuncturist said that it could be due to the bonding hormones I am already producing... its true I get a lot more huggy with my older sons than ever but I also am grieving so hard for my lost son.
@mrs_tuna_08 I had the glucose test on Tuesday and I forgot how much I LOVE that orange drink! I'm sorry you are spotting too.. I bled in all my pregnancies but this one... its very scary... and I hope you don't get a YI - As soon as my bleeding finally stopped, I kept getting recurrent yeast infections - it was the worst - Totally TMI but my husband called me a "yogurt factory." SO GROSS!
Mama to: Zane William 9/17/03 Vance Xenophon 5/17/06 Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17 Nova Marsela 3/14/18
Any appointments coming up? NT scan and follow-up with OB next Wed
How are you doing? (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I'm doing relatively well. So, so much less anxious than last week - and I actually had a day of real peace on Tuesday after getting the NIPT results - but like others, it seems like sharing the news (we told my husband's parents this week) is a bit of a trigger... as soon as I tell someone else, I wonder if we're being too quick to share. Also, upcoming appointments are just stressful! Sounds like we pretty much all feel that way.
I had a dentist appointment this morning and overshared with the tech doing my cleaning. I mentioned I was pregnant for yet another dentist appointment, so we had to skip x-rays again, and she asked how many kids this would be. I have trouble with that question - I said this would hopefully be our first living child and shared a few details about our last baby/pregnancy. And I feel kind of awful - she actually teared up, and later shared that she'd had a couple of miscarriages. I apologized a few times for my over-share (she was sweet about it all at least). I got the completely surprising NIPT results phone call in my last pregnancy on my walk to the dentist, so it's hard not to think a lot about my last baby/pregnancy when I go to the dentist. Oh well...
GTKY: How long have you and your SO been together? We started dating about 4 years ago and got married 2.5 years ago.
@senora76@fatstagnation, thinking of you as you wait for NIPT results. Hope everything comes back low risk and you get the news sooner rather than later!
@bb3vj3n, I'm sorry you're struggling with the emotional rollercoaster. I'm glad your little fall was not something that could have hurt the baby - hope your wrist and foot are fine too. I had a little fall hiking a few weeks ago and was beating myself up for it for a while. I was trying to be cautious, but it still felt dumb to even be hiking somewhere I might lose my footing. It was a pretty soft fall, so I didn't actually think I hurt the baby, but I was still relieved to get a peek at the baby at my next appointment to confirm all was good. I think many, many pregnant women fall, and fortunately our babies are pretty protected, but it's still scary.
@mountain_girl, hoping the spotting stays away and you get a lot of comfort at your upcoming appointment that baby is doing great.
@pettycrocker, I also have family in Florida that I'm worrying about. Hoping Irma doesn't get too close or cause too much destruction. Also, yay for the great NT scan!
@mommytron, sorry you had a doppler scare. I'm jealous of those with dopplers who are able to get more peace than anxiety from them, but after my last appointment when the nurse couldn't find the heartbeat with a doppler, I'm glad I resisted buying one myself.
@chasingroygbiv, I can commiserate with your symptoms! I've had relatively few symptoms this pregnancy, but I'm dealing with headaches and constipation now. Missing being able to pop pills for any pain or illness...
@justkeeptrying, thanks for sharing about your late miscarriage. I was so grateful for the sweet nurses and the kindness everyone showed us when we lost our son, and holding his small, perfect body is something I'll never forget either.
I missed a lot of you, but I'm thinking of you all, especially those of you anxious about upcoming appointments or test results or dealing with bleeding scares. I'm thankful for this little community!
@eller-2 I find myself oversharing, sometimes awkward at times... there are a few times its sucked the air out of the room, but there have been a few times I was met with understanding and them sharing... When I had my HSG when we were TTC, the nurse was asking me questions looking at my chart having seen I just had a baby in November... I told her he passed away and now we are having trouble getting pregnant and I went on and on saying I can't go out in public because I'm a walking around living representation of every mother's nightmare... a bereaved mother who is infertile...and she shared with me she faced the same trouble with going into public when her daughter was fighting cancer....she told me she was the "cancer mom" in the mommy circles... you just really never know what people carry with them day in and day out.
Mama to: Zane William 9/17/03 Vance Xenophon 5/17/06 Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17 Nova Marsela 3/14/18
@eller-2 (and all of you, really). I've had similar situations. Especially when people ask "Is this your first time?" well... if you'd asked if I'm a first time mom I'd say yes, but it's not my first pregnancy so...what's the question?
Most recently someone I'd just met asked if we had kids and I was like "not...ye-e-et." then fessed up that I was pg but not telling anyone cause we'd had 2 losses. She then told me her two kids were her 6th and 7th pregnancies. The doctors told her no more after that. and I was gob-smacked.
It's kinda nice though to bust through the stigma. I'd say 90% of the people I tell about my losses tell me either they or their daughter or sister have had similar experiences. It's kind of nice to know we're not alone, but also kind of scary how common loss is.
I'm thinking of you all today, even if I'm not posting much. I am so tired and nauseous I can barely stay out of bed. But I have work to do so I better do that instead of f-ing around on line. Hang in there. big hugs to you all!
edit to fix bad spelling, leaving all the kind-ofs.
@bb3vj3n I was living on a mountain when I was pregnant with my DD (hence the name mountain_girl), and literally tripped and fell down the mountain at 7 months pregnant. I caught myself and fell on my leg, scraping myself and ripping my dress. I started bawling but quickly felt baby kicking away so wasn't too worried but still felt like such an idiot. 2 days later, my scrapes got infected really bad and I had to go to emergency for 4 days in a row for IV antibiotics...I stilll have scars, note to self, don't wear a maxi dress and flip flops while walking down a steep hill while pregnant!
@eller-2, as hard as that conversation probably was, and as guilty as you felt about oversharing, THANK YOU for sharing your story!! This is the only way we can possibly move past the stigma. I think it's so important and I love how open people are becoming about their losses.
Obviously to each their own. And I would never want someone to share who doesn't want to. But I agree with others that when I shared my story, I was shocked at the number of responses I got that were "I had a miscarriage too". People I had no clue about. My mom had 3 miscarriages in a row and she never told anyone except my dad. The hurt she carried for years and didn't talk to anyone about, I'm just amazed. I'm so grateful that our society as a whole is becoming much more receptive to this. The more we share, the more we can educate people on what an appropriate response is. Because I'm sure we've all had our share of BAD reactions/responses as well.
@senora76 and @fatstagnation, thanks for the anecdotes. It's true you never know what people are going through or have been through. I think one of the positives of having faced loss is being able to empathize so much more with others. And I'm glad I'm not the only over-sharer... I usually restrain myself from sharing too much with unsuspecting strangers, but sometimes it's harder than others (like in response to those awkward questions!).
@mountain_girl@eller-2 thank you. I know it was silly to get so worked up. I actually just woke up from a nap because I felt so tired aftrr crying that i needed a nap. I've woken up with a new perspective and I'm feeling much better.
in regards to the oversharing....i get it. I haven't really told many people about our loss (I can probably count on my hands) and those that I have - I haven't shared the "details" like I have in here. I don't want to scare anybody. Not because I'm worried ill be judged or due to any sort or stigma ... but honestly...i just don't want to be the reason some naive and pregnant woman feels anything but joy. That was me - HAPPY as a clam and thinking nothing bad could happen and just enjoying the ride. I wish all pregnancies could be like that. this one has just been stress and worry and doubt. I don't want to make anyone feel that.... as much as i appreciate being more informed this round...i miss that joy and instant bond I felt to my baby that I felt last time.
Hi ladies, I will be 14 weeks tomorrow and have a 21 month old boy at home. This past week I have been so emotional and thinking about my MS that I had back in April at 8 weeks. I don't know why all those sad feelings are coming back this week, I had been doing so well. I just feel so sad and catch myself in tears out of nowhere a few times a day. Ugh, hoping I can snap back out of this soon. I'm assuming it's just lots of prego hormones intensifying my emotions but thought I'd see if anyone else has gone through this during this pregnancy.
To all the oversharers...keep oversharing. I love oversharing, and love when people feel comfortable enough to overshare with me. Sharing opens so many doors to great discussions, and perspectives. And I wholeheartedly agree that speaking openly about loss, will help to society to become more comfortable in speaking about loss. My mom had 2 MC, and my sister had a stillbirth at 39w, and then a MC. As a family, we talk about it all openly, and all the children know about their sister and cousin that passed.
@bravoandprosecco, absolutely. I also had a MC in April and I keep thinking of my LO that I lost. Certain days are harder than others, and milestone dates are big triggers. I am getting closer and closer to that due date (Oct. 2) and keep fighting back tears that I should be in third trimester instead of first. It's an ongoing battle. Please join us in our little PGAL group. The ladies here have been so unbelievably supportive to one another!
Thank you @justkeeptrying, yes I feel like I've been pregnant forever and I know that due date in November will hit me hard. I just found out I'm having another boy so I am now wondering if my MC was my baby girl and I'll never get the chance to meet her thank you for the support
@justkeeptrying passing my due date was the hardest milestone of all. especially because even though we had been trying to get pregnant again - we still hadn't conceived. I kept thinking I should be holding my baby - not still trying to get pregnant. it was the hardest of hard days.... but it came and went - and I made it through. I'm sorry you still have to get past that milestone. the silver lining is that we got our positive on the next cycle. I can't wait to meet my baby.
@bravoandprosecco, I sooo hear you. This is my third pregnancy in a year. I've been in first trimester for 38 weeks. I'm so ready to move forward, feel kicks, and hold this baby in my arms.
@bb3vj3n, that must have been so hard to pass your due date and not be pregnant again. My last due date was April 7th. It was an emotional day to say the least but I was grateful to be pregnant again. I miscarried again 2 days later, on April 9th. I can't help but feel terrified that the same thing is going to happen again. I've already done the calculations and I'll be 15 weeks at this due date milestone. Which is the same as my last loss. I'm terrified that history is going to repeat itself. Sorry to be a downer. This is the first time I've admitted all of this. I can't help but be scared.
Ladies, I would appreciate good vibes and prayers. My 12 week appointment is in 13 hours and I'm so nervous. I'm going to try to go to bed now because I'm feeling so anxious! Wish me luck!
@bravoandprosecco welcome to our little supportive group... my grief over my loss comes and goes and lately has been very heavy... it is normal and okay to take time and just feel and grieve.
The dates kill me... Mars was born November 15, I know I wont be able to handle work that day so I'm already planning on staying home that day... Jose is staying with me... I don't know if his death day will affect me the same, but man that first birthday... and year after year... seeing the other kids his age... even now... I see pictures of 10 month olds and my stomach flips... I imagine we all age our lost children... I don't know how you cannot...
I have a lot of anxiety over my ex giving me grief over custodial stuff with my older children... I feel like what did I do to deserve this? Crazy irresponsible ex plus loss of a child... is this my life? I think I'm done for the day and need an early sleep...
Mama to: Zane William 9/17/03 Vance Xenophon 5/17/06 Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17 Nova Marsela 3/14/18
How far along are you? We (FINALLY) had an ultrasound yesterday and measured 11w3d. Slightly off from my dates, but baby looked perfect. So she thought it was a case of ovulating a few days later. Same thing happened with my son.
Any appointments coming up? Just a regular OB appointment. But not until the 18th. Typically we don't even have an ultrasound until 20 weeks, but my doctor is really good at calming my nerves and sends me for early scans.
How are you doing? Honestly SO much better and a lot less anxious. We've now seen our wiggly little baby with a perfect little heart beat and looking healthy. The tech was very positive and had nothing negative to say. So for now that's a win in my books. We are over our biggest hurdles and have gotten past all of our loss dates. This pregnancy actually mirrors my first pregnancy which ended in a loss, in terms of timing. We found out around the same time that I was pregnant and are due pretty much to the day of that first baby.
Our first loss was our hardest because at that point I was worried we couldn't have kids. Not to diminish our loss in March. We were still devastated and all losses hurt. However, since we had our son in January 2016, when we had our loss in March, we knew that miscarriage was sadly common and were slightly less naive going into it. So when I started having "warning" signs, I prepared myself rather than trying to convince myself that it wouldn't or couldn't happen to us.
GTKY: How long have you and your SO been together? We have been married for three years and together for a total of five years.
@bravoandprosecco, between pregnancy hormones and the anxiety of being PGAL, I think it is normal for the pain of a past loss to hit you out of nowhere from time to time. I seem to have the hardest time around milestones and around moments during this pregnancy that remind me vividly of my last pregnancy, but sometimes it's just out of nowhere. Sorry you've been hurting.
@kalawa, thanks for the encouragement to keep oversharing. I tend to be very open with family and friends and don't see that changing, although our loss was very public, which probably makes it easier to keep sharing.
Having major flashbacks all morning...my therapist tells me to indulge them but then to back away... and I have trouble backing away... I work at Disney and there was a fellow castmember hit and killed walking across the street to work yesterday morning... As I passed that part of the street, I kept thinking they took her to the same place they took Mars and I couldn't stop thinking about how he looked. How do you all manage the flashbacks of your traumas??? I know it helps to talk about it but I find myself stuck obsessing.
Mama to: Zane William 9/17/03 Vance Xenophon 5/17/06 Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17 Nova Marsela 3/14/18
We had a great appointment today! Saw baby kicking its legs and waving its arms around. Saw a beautiful heartbeat and even heard it! I cried hearing it as I never got that with my last 2 pregnancies. It felt so reassuring to HEAR the heartbeat since I haven't had that since my pregnancy with DS. Heartbeat is 175 beats per minute.
So thankful and relieved! Hopefully I can relax now for a couple of weeks!
My biggest nightmare has come true, midwife appointment today, no heartbeat no movement. I'm 13 weeks and had a perfect ultrasound at 11 weeks so am shocked and mad and frustrated. Going to ER to confirm ...best of luck to you ladies with your pregnancies and rainbow babies
Oh my goodness, what amazing news! And what a terrible thing for you to have to go through, although I guess the bad news with confirmation would have been much worse. Wow, I'm so happy for you.
@justkeeptrying YAY for a good morning! I cried at the HB too.... So did DH
@mountain_girl are you EFFING kidding me. I would have freaked on her. good thing you hadn't cancelled all your OB appointments yet because that midwife obviously is not qualified to help you. I'm so glad everything turned out ok
Re: PGAL Check In (Week of Sept. 6)
aleays opting to help him out instead of DTD...because I sooo don't feel like it...but here's the thing... his drive is lower too... last pregnancy he literally had every symptom I had- constipation, heartburn, high sex drive... trouble sleeping, food aversions... headaches... you name it... totally did not happen with my exhusband... This time his sex drive is lower and he has the constipation alongside me LOL... He and I talk about it tho- be both dont want to hurt the pregnancy we have si much riding on and we are both still enormously sad plus whatever these hormones are doing this time are like sucking all my sexual energy out of me!!!
Zane William 9/17/03
Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
Nova Marsela 3/14/18
@senora76, the bright red blood stopped last Monday after a few days, but I still have dark wine coloured discharge, or brown coloured, or pink. It's so stressful. Each time I've bled it has been so much it's splashed on the floor. My midwife said she isn't concerned. But seriously...after you bled with your SCH did you have brown, wine coloured or pinkish discharge? It's not flowing blood, it's mucusy...(great word choice)
@kalawa ugh that sucks! I didn't realize you had another tear - I must have missed that if you posted it. I'm sorry that it has caused you so much stress this pregnancy.
As for me, I have been feeling so positive and good lately and then this morning all those feelings disappeared and I'm right back to where I was. I dont even know what triggered me. i was having a lit of RLP last week when i would cough or sneeze or even turn over too quickly... this week - i Keep expecting to feel that pull .... and it isn't happening. I know this isn't a sign of anything at all - but I'm just so worried. I'm thinking maybe I'm just anxious again today because I told my boss and team yesterday? Feelings from super high to low in 24hrs....
We have been married 9 years. We met at college, we were friends starting as sophomores and started dating as seniors, we got married about 3 years after that.
I'm in bed just crying because I keep thinking how much worse it could have been and I'm so mad at myself. I cannot calm down at all...
@bb3vj3n I am back and forth emotionally too not just with the pregnancy but with everything in life - yesterday i felt the need to tell my husband my wishes if I die in childbirth... make sure my sons will stay close with him and our new baby and what to do with me and Mars' ashes..It was just this wave that came over me. I teeter between feeling so fortunate for this pregnancy and all I have to being completely sucked into missing my Mars... my accupuncturist said that it could be due to the bonding hormones I am already producing... its true I get a lot more huggy with my older sons than ever but I also am grieving so hard for my lost son.
@mrs_tuna_08 I had the glucose test on Tuesday and I forgot how much I LOVE that orange drink! I'm sorry you are spotting too.. I bled in all my pregnancies but this one... its very scary... and I hope you don't get a YI - As soon as my bleeding finally stopped, I kept getting recurrent yeast infections - it was the worst - Totally TMI but my husband called me a "yogurt factory." SO GROSS!
Zane William 9/17/03
Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
Nova Marsela 3/14/18
I had a dentist appointment this morning and overshared with the tech doing my cleaning. I mentioned I was pregnant for yet another dentist appointment, so we had to skip x-rays again, and she asked how many kids this would be. I have trouble with that question - I said this would hopefully be our first living child and shared a few details about our last baby/pregnancy. And I feel kind of awful - she actually teared up, and later shared that she'd had a couple of miscarriages. I apologized a few times for my over-share (she was sweet about it all at least). I got the completely surprising NIPT results phone call in my last pregnancy on my walk to the dentist, so it's hard not to think a lot about my last baby/pregnancy when I go to the dentist. Oh well...
@bb3vj3n, I'm sorry you're struggling with the emotional rollercoaster. I'm glad your little fall was not something that could have hurt the baby - hope your wrist and foot are fine too. I had a little fall hiking a few weeks ago and was beating myself up for it for a while. I was trying to be cautious, but it still felt dumb to even be hiking somewhere I might lose my footing. It was a pretty soft fall, so I didn't actually think I hurt the baby, but I was still relieved to get a peek at the baby at my next appointment to confirm all was good. I think many, many pregnant women fall, and fortunately our babies are pretty protected, but it's still scary.
@mountain_girl, hoping the spotting stays away and you get a lot of comfort at your upcoming appointment that baby is doing great.
@pettycrocker, I also have family in Florida that I'm worrying about. Hoping Irma doesn't get too close or cause too much destruction. Also, yay for the great NT scan!
@mommytron, sorry you had a doppler scare. I'm jealous of those with dopplers who are able to get more peace than anxiety from them, but after my last appointment when the nurse couldn't find the heartbeat with a doppler, I'm glad I resisted buying one myself.
@chasingroygbiv, I can commiserate with your symptoms! I've had relatively few symptoms this pregnancy, but I'm dealing with headaches and constipation now. Missing being able to pop pills for any pain or illness...
@justkeeptrying, thanks for sharing about your late miscarriage. I was so grateful for the sweet nurses and the kindness everyone showed us when we lost our son, and holding his small, perfect body is something I'll never forget either.
I missed a lot of you, but I'm thinking of you all, especially those of you anxious about upcoming appointments or test results or dealing with bleeding scares. I'm thankful for this little community!
Zane William 9/17/03
Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
Nova Marsela 3/14/18
Most recently someone I'd just met asked if we had kids and I was like "not...ye-e-et." then fessed up that I was pg but not telling anyone cause we'd had 2 losses. She then told me her two kids were her 6th and 7th pregnancies. The doctors told her no more after that. and I was gob-smacked.
It's kinda nice though to bust through the stigma. I'd say 90% of the people I tell about my losses tell me either they or their daughter or sister have had similar experiences. It's kind of nice to know we're not alone, but also kind of scary how common loss is.
I'm thinking of you all today, even if I'm not posting much. I am so tired and nauseous I can barely stay out of bed. But I have work to do so I better do that instead of f-ing around on line. Hang in there. big hugs to you all!
edit to fix bad spelling, leaving all the kind-ofs.
Obviously to each their own. And I would never want someone to share who doesn't want to. But I agree with others that when I shared my story, I was shocked at the number of responses I got that were "I had a miscarriage too". People I had no clue about. My mom had 3 miscarriages in a row and she never told anyone except my dad. The hurt she carried for years and didn't talk to anyone about, I'm just amazed. I'm so grateful that our society as a whole is becoming much more receptive to this. The more we share, the more we can educate people on what an appropriate response is. Because I'm sure we've all had our share of BAD reactions/responses as well.
in regards to the oversharing....i get it. I haven't really told many people about our loss (I can probably count on my hands) and those that I have - I haven't shared the "details" like I have in here. I don't want to scare anybody. Not because I'm worried ill be judged or due to any sort or stigma ... but honestly...i just don't want to be the reason some naive and pregnant woman feels anything but joy. That was me - HAPPY as a clam and thinking nothing bad could happen and just enjoying the ride. I wish all pregnancies could be like that. this one has just been stress and worry and doubt. I don't want to make anyone feel that.... as much as i appreciate being more informed this round...i miss that joy and instant bond I felt to my baby that I felt last time.
just my two cents...
eta autocorrect
@bb3vj3n, that must have been so hard to pass your due date and not be pregnant again. My last due date was April 7th. It was an emotional day to say the least but I was grateful to be pregnant again. I miscarried again 2 days later, on April 9th. I can't help but feel terrified that the same thing is going to happen again. I've already done the calculations and I'll be 15 weeks at this due date milestone. Which is the same as my last loss. I'm terrified that history is going to repeat itself. Sorry to be a downer. This is the first time I've admitted all of this. I can't help but be scared.
Ladies, I would appreciate good vibes and prayers. My 12 week appointment is in 13 hours and I'm so nervous. I'm going to try to go to bed now because I'm feeling so anxious! Wish me luck!
@bravoandprosecco welcome to our little supportive group... my grief over my loss comes and goes and lately has been very heavy... it is normal and okay to take time and just feel and grieve.
The dates kill me... Mars was born November 15, I know I wont be able to handle work that day so I'm already planning on staying home that day... Jose is staying with me... I don't know if his death day will affect me the same, but man that first birthday... and year after year... seeing the other kids his age... even now... I see pictures of 10 month olds and my stomach flips... I imagine we all age our lost children... I don't know how you cannot...
I have a lot of anxiety over my ex giving me grief over custodial stuff with my older children... I feel like what did I do to deserve this? Crazy irresponsible ex plus loss of a child... is this my life? I think I'm done for the day and need an early sleep...
Zane William 9/17/03
Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
Nova Marsela 3/14/18
Our first loss was our hardest because at that point I was worried we couldn't have kids. Not to diminish our loss in March. We were still devastated and all losses hurt. However, since we had our son in January 2016, when we had our loss in March, we knew that miscarriage was sadly common and were slightly less naive going into it. So when I started having "warning" signs, I prepared myself rather than trying to convince myself that it wouldn't or couldn't happen to us.
@bravoandprosecco, between pregnancy hormones and the anxiety of being PGAL, I think it is normal for the pain of a past loss to hit you out of nowhere from time to time. I seem to have the hardest time around milestones and around moments during this pregnancy that remind me vividly of my last pregnancy, but sometimes it's just out of nowhere. Sorry you've been hurting.
@kalawa, thanks for the encouragement to keep oversharing. I tend to be very open with family and friends and don't see that changing, although our loss was very public, which probably makes it easier to keep sharing.
Having major flashbacks all morning...my therapist tells me to indulge them but then to back away... and I have trouble backing away... I work at Disney and there was a fellow castmember hit and killed walking across the street to work yesterday morning... As I passed that part of the street, I kept thinking they took her to the same place they took Mars and I couldn't stop thinking about how he looked. How do you all manage the flashbacks of your traumas??? I know it helps to talk about it but I find myself stuck obsessing.
Zane William 9/17/03
Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
Nova Marsela 3/14/18
We had a great appointment today! Saw baby kicking its legs and waving its arms around. Saw a beautiful heartbeat and even heard it! I cried hearing it as I never got that with my last 2 pregnancies. It felt so reassuring to HEAR the heartbeat since I haven't had that since my pregnancy with DS. Heartbeat is 175 beats per minute.
So thankful and relieved! Hopefully I can relax now for a couple of weeks!
Zane William 9/17/03
Vance Xenophon 5/17/06
Mars Florencio 11/15/16 - 3/6/17
Nova Marsela 3/14/18
@mountain_girl are you EFFING kidding me. I would have freaked on her. good thing you hadn't cancelled all your OB appointments yet because that midwife obviously is not qualified to help you. I'm so glad everything turned out ok