Check-In Week 8/21

dpjennifer · August 2017

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new):
2. Status?
3. R/R?
4. GTKY: What is your go-to alcohol choice? Wine? Beer? Hard liquor? or Abstain?

dpjennifer · August 2017

2. Status? WTO. Benched.

3. R/R? My weight jumped up a few pounds since I'm right before O. *sigh* I hate that, but at least I know it's the normal course of things. Also, I'm exhausted because Saturday night I had an awful night of sleep. I had a very vivid dream that I was 10 weeks PG and was super excited that I'd finally made it and was going to have a baby, and then started spotting and bleeding and having a MC. It was like reliving the worst parts of my MCs. And for some reason in the dream I was at a restaurant, so when I left the bathroom and went back to the table to tell my mom I had to leave, she was all like "It's not a big deal. Who cares if you're having a 5th MC." which was just a nice reminder from my brain that my mother does NOT get it. *sigh* So... rough day yesterday.

4. GTKY: What is your go-to alcohol choice? Wine? Beer? Hard liquor? or Abstain? I'm a sweet white wine kinda girl, although I also like hard liquor.

leahcimmichael · August 2017

@dpjennifer What a horrible nightmare! Dreams can feel so real that even when we wake up and realize they weren't real, our emotions about them linger. I've woken up full on sobbing from dreams in the past. Hope that you get some better sleep soon!

As for me...

2. TWW 3dpo

3. R/R. So, this month marks 1 years since I stopped BC. I've been thinking about how much of a different person I've become and what a rollercoaster of emotions it has been. I realized that every single cycle I go through 4 distinct phases:
1. Despair. AF shows up and I hide away from life for a week crying.
2. Determination. O is coming up and damn if I'm going to miss it. Tracking, drinking Pom juice, taking mucinex. Anything that might help I'm gonna try.
3. Irrational Optimism. This will be the month, because O day is the anniversary of my 3rd cousin's bar mitzvah and I met him once and he seemed nice enough (or any other random reason)...
4. Impatient Desperation. Was that nausea or gas?! They're both signs I'm pregnant! Or signs that AF is coming. I can POAS at 7dpo, right?!?!

lather, rinse, repeat.

4. I like alcohol less and less the older I get. For special events I will enjoy a craft beer or glass of wine (I prefer white over red). Straight liquor is usually a no-go for me, though when I was on-line dating a few years ago I would take a shot of Jameson Whiskey before every date so I didn't lose my nerve and cancel. Lol!

rosemaryandthyme · August 2017

@dpjennifer Ooof, that dream sounds so terrible, I'm sorry!!

I hope the bad feelings that linger from it dissipate soon...WHY do our brains pull that kind of crap on us??

@leahcimmichael Hahaha, oh man, I do the same damn thing in my own "irrational optimism" step...this month, for me, it's that if I do get a BFP when I test on Friday, it will be the morning after my parents return from being out of town for a week....and *last* time I got a BFP, it was ALSO the morning after my parents got home from being out of town for a week! It's fate, I tell you! It just HAS to be!!

Image: https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1458787163ra/18530426.gif

And for myself,

2. TWW, 8dpo...the peeing on of sticks commences on Friday! I don't get much for TWW symptoms not pregnant or pregnant, so no SS "fun" to be had.

3. Looking forward to seeing the eclipse! And staying off the roads so I'm not in any one of the inevitable car crashes caused by idiots trying to instagram said eclipse while driving.

4. I'd probably choose a nice homemade sangria! I had one a couple weeks ago that was red wine with peach slices, blueberries, fresh mint, and some other fruits I can't remember and it was delicious!

vlagrl29 · August 2017

Not new

Today is the Eclipse!! We are in the path of totality and hopefully the weather cooperates. We are taking DD out of school and we are driving about 20 minutes north to get a better view. I feel like I'm finally at a point of this process where I can move on and I want to think about or write my intentions with my life at this point. I have my annual OB appt on Wens so that should be interesting. Most importantly we came up with the name Lucky for our new puppy

My go to drink is something fruity - wine cooler, sangria, cocktails

sprkls8506 · August 2017

2. Status? 3 or 4 dpo

3. R/R? I have a dermatologist appt and mammogram/ultrasound appt next week. Same day. Don't want to go to either appt. At all. Because of family history I have to do both every 6 months. I did not plan them on the same day on purpose. Both offices called to reschedule and I ended up with them on the same day.

4. GTKY: What is your go-to alcohol choice? Wine? Beer? Hard liquor? or Abstain? I rarely drink but I do like fruity drinks once in awhile.

@dpjennifer Those dreams are the worst. I'm sorry.

@leahcimmichael Those four phases! Omg! So me as well. I swore I was going to have a Dec baby because to me who wants a Dec bday???? I have two friends who have Dec bdays and they always joke it's the worst. Anyway obviously no Dec baby here.

@rosemary&thyme I will be watching the eclipse from whoever posts it online. Would love to see it but...

TW

I have a 7 yr old who I don't trust to not rip off his glasses!

ELeighMay · August 2017

dpjennifer I'm so sorry for your horrible dream. My dreams are super vivid too and I often carry the after effect of the emotion from them after I'm awake. That's such a horrible feeling.

vlagrl29 The name Lucky is very cute!

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): Still Newish

2. Status? No idea. My OB thinks I'm about 7dpo, so I'm just hanging out waiting for AF so I can start OPK next cycle. My final blood draw is today for my HCG monitoring. I'm hoping it's at 0 finally so if I do get a BFP I don't have to wonder if it's leftover hormones.

3. R/R? My wedding reception is Friday and I'm not even looking forward to it. The whole event, which was supposed to be super low-key, has been blown way out of proportion by my compulsive planning mother. She is hosting the event at her country home and has "standards" for the type of party she feels she's hosting. Her standards and my budget are in two completely different universes. I'm stressed to the max and ready for it to be over, which totally sucks. The largest complaint is the lack of a wedding cake. Really? Is this that big of a deal? I am baking a small cake, mostly for the purpose of the formality and to have something on the table to make it feel weddingish. Neither of us really care for cake and it's expensive. We have a s'mores bar that'll be set up for guests, in keeping with our BBQ (informal) theme. This is atrocious in her mind and completely unacceptable to not serve cake to our guests at a wedding reception. So I will likely will be up until the wee hours baking a flippin wedding cake that I don't even want Thursday evening.

In addition to the super-fun party planning going on at my house, my DH and I are busy stressing about whether or not his fish are going to cooperate for the TTCAL process. It took us a year and a half to get PG after his medical nightmare to be crushed by the loss, and now we're in limbo wondering if we'll even get another shot at this. We've given ourselves until December and if it doesn't happen by then we're not going to continue trying. I feel torn about this decision, and am feeling the pressure of the timeline already. I am concerned that if it doesn't happen by then there will be resentment knowing it's him and not me causing our issue, which I am well aware is unwarranted. I realize it's not his fault, he cannot control his body any more than I can control mine. So I'm trying to navigate these feelings. We are not religious people, but at times I wish we were so I had someone who could tell me there's a reason for all of this, and I could believe them.

4. GTKY: What is your go-to alcohol choice? Wine? Beer? Hard liquor? or Abstain? I love Moscato, but my go-to is usually Vodka 7-up with just a little cherry juice in it. I'm struggling with whether or not to drink at the party Friday. I'm leaning toward not, for a couple reasons. One, we're TTC so I feel like I just shouldn't (personal guilt)Second, I am a bit concerned that after not partaking for a pretty long amount of time I may not have a filter...this could be bad surrounded by my DH's largely PG sister and opinionated MIL.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/rn/9cvva75gkaoi.gif

Mack2342 · August 2017

2. Status? CD 28 waiting on AF

3. R/R? BFN this morning. Sucks!!! Rave: *****TW***we had my sons 2nd birthday party yesterday and it was so much fun. He had a blast. And today I got his pictures back from his photo shoot and they are amazing!

4. GTKY: What is your go-to alcohol choice? Wine? Beer? Hard liquor? or Abstain? I like sweet wine and hard liquor. My fav right now is whipped vodka and ginger ale. However, I don't drink much any more. I can't tolerate the hangover and it only takes two for me now to have one lol. Guess that's what happens when you are over 40

@dpjennifer sorry for the bad day. Sounds like the worst dream ever.

@leahcimmichael I like your lather rinse repeat. I feel like that too.

@ELeighMay I would have to drink! I hope you can enjoy your party. Also hope you get KU before December!

jchpg · August 2017

1. Not new anymore. TTC over a year, first PG and first MC end of March.

2. Status? CD 26, 10/11 DPO...

3. R/R? I meet with my OB to discuss next plans- this was per her suggestion after my MC and a year trying... well apparently she forgot it was her suggestion. She basically told me we need to just keep trying- that with my history and the MC she knows I can get PG... I insisted on still getting blood work done cd 3-5, followed by cd 14 scan and cd 20-23 blood work. So we shall see- still hoping we have a chance throw cycle..

that was my rant- as for rave- I'm pretty excited the weather is starting to change- I just love fall.

4. GTKY: What is your go-to alcohol choice? Wine? Beer? Hard liquor? or Abstain?
I'm not a big drinker- but I am starting to appreciate wine more and more...

pumpkinpancake · August 2017

@dpjennifer sorry about your dream! Those super vivid dreams can feel so real sometimes that it's very disconcerting. *TW* when I was pregnant before my loss, I had the most vivid, upsetting dreams some nights, and I absolutely hated it. Sorry you're having those now!

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): still new-ish

2. Status? still benched while waiting for my first post D&C AF.

3. R/R? ugh I don't know what my body's doing. I started temping 8 days after my D&C even though I told myself I wouldn't until after AF, and no rise or anything yet to indicate ovulation, but my temps have just been on a downward climb.

4. GTKY: What is your go-to alcohol choice? Wine? Beer? Hard liquor? or Abstain? I'm a hard cider kind of girl if I have the choice. If not, beer or white wine is good too.

Edited because I hit post too soon by accident.

jchpg · August 2017

@dpjennifer I'm so sorry for the bad dream. Why do our minds do that too us? It's already hard enough.

@leahcimmichael lather, rinse repeat- isn't that the truth? I hate it - but can't get away. My OB told me I should take a month off. In my head I thought " how about two weeks, just the next two weeks of TWW" I can't imagine taking a month off doing any hit get other than stressing me out more.

@rosemaryandthyme I love sangria too!!

@vlagrl29 great choice in your new puppies name. I hope she'll be lucky for you

@sprkls8506 sorry about the crummy timing of your appointments- hopefully they both go smoothly.

@ELeighMay I hope you have a great time at the party and your mom backs off a bit for you to enjoy it. ita amazing how year things sometimes end up being more for family then for us.

@mack2342 I'm still sending positive vibes your way- it's not over until it's over.

shri929 · August 2017

@jchpg looks like we've got a lot of fall lovers on this board! My grandma bought me a fall candle this weekend, marshmallow fire, I can't wait to burn it!

jchpg · August 2017

@pumpkinpancake sorry you are in limbo. I'm glad I didn't really get into tracking O until a few months after my loss- it would have been too hard right after for me. Everything I thought I knew about my body changed- and from what I've seen around here that was the case for a lot of us. If you can wait until AF before you look too much into anything your body is doing.

jchpg · August 2017

@shri929 your marshmallow fire scented candle sounds amazing!

amberruka · August 2017

@shri929 marshmallow fire? Never heard of that one, but sounds cool!
@vlagrl29 cute name for a cute puppy

@ELeighMay sorry for all the stress. Is your mom/parents footing the bill? If you guys are paying for it, what opinion does she have really?! That sucks! I would probably have to drink.

1. Old Hag Club. Hahahahaha.
2. WTO CD5.
3. See below.
4. GTKY: I'm pretty much a pinot grigio whore. 1/2 glass with a ton of ice that takes me 2-3 hours to finish. Doesn't dehydrate me to run the next morning. Putting my rant in here: I love how TB sends emails with recommendations (paraphrasing): "TTGP you probably want to avoid alcohol altogether, and stick to sparkling water for bar crawls." Really TB? After this long, come on over to my end of the pool and let's see if you say the same....

leahcimmichael · August 2017

@rosemaryandthyme Oh, the things we tell ourselves when TTC. Hopefully you get your BFP this Friday, even if it IS just a coincidence that your folks are getting home from a trip.

@vlagrl29 Love the name! I had a dog named Lucky once. He was a sweet little guy!!!

@sprkls8506 Yep! I thought I'd for sure conceive in Feb, because my family already has 5 November bdays and wouldn't that be awful to have another?! Then of course no one wants a December birthday. Then January my EDD would've been my dad's bday... it goes on and on!!! Did you see the eclipse? I looked up for a minute and thought "oh, yea. Looks like a crescent moon, but those are prettier because I can gaze at them without special glasses." Kinda a let down.

@ELeighMay Oh no! Sorry to hear that other people are stressing you out about your party. I have no advice except that if they're being jerks then you SHOULD have those couple drinks and give 'me a piece of your mind!!! Maybe not really. My advice I always give to friends on their wedding is "something will go wrong. Maybe something you foresee, maybe something you are completely surprised by. But as long as at the end of the day you are married to the man of your dreams, none of that other stuff matters."
Also, if I'm not being too nosey is there a reason that you would stop trying in December as opposed to switching to a not trying/not preventing? That can be a huge decision and it sounds like you aren't feeling very sure of that choice at this point.

@Mack2342 Yay for parties!!! Did you get professional pictures done?

@jchpg Good for you for advocating for yourself and requesting those labs! It's easy for someone to say "wait and see" when it's not their life and their heartbreak! I switched OBs because of that and found one that said "it's not technically IF yet, but if you want to be proactive I support that." That was music to my ears! Hopefully all the testing comes back fine and you get KU soon!

@pumpkinpancake I guess it's good to be in the temping routine even if your temps aren't making any sense right now. MC is a mindf*** for us and for our bodies so it might take awhile before your body gets things regulated again.

@shri929 mmmm... I love food scented candles!! But they make me so hungry! Lol.

vlagrl29 · August 2017

@jchpg - I think it's a good idea to get all the blood work done but also have your DH checked as well. But be prepared for everything to come back normal. That's how mine was. What is the CD14 scan? I did not have that. I had CD3, CD21 and HSG. DH had sperm checked. All came back fine.

vlagrl29 · August 2017

So we just got back from our eclipse watch. We drove about 15-20 north. We saw the sun as the moon was coming in, it got cloudy when it was totality but we saw the totality for a few seconds before it went behind a cloud. It was dark like night time for over 2 minutes. Everything seemed peaceful it was really cool.

JelloBean1 · August 2017

2. Status? I was so excited to get my first real AF post D&C, and was going to try for the first time again this month, but now I'm super bummed because my endocrinologist benched me until my thyroid levels improve. He put me on a stronger dose 3x week and will retest in 4 weeks. I have hashimoto's hypothyroidism and I was doing well before getting pregnant, then upped my meds while pregnant and now my levels are all messed up again since the MC. Boo. But, I'd rather be at an optimal level before getting pregnant because it's trickier to do it while pregnant.
3. R/R? ***TW*** we potty trained my DD last week before her first day back at daycare in her 3 yr old class today. Lysol wipes are my new bff....glad I have tile floors throughout the house! I sent her to school in underwear this morning and am hoping for the best!!
4. GTKY: What is your go-to alcohol choice? Wine? Beer? Hard liquor? or Abstain? Not a huge drinker anymore, but I like mojitos! I live in South Florida, so they make some good ones down here.

Mack2342 · August 2017

@leahcimmichael yes we used professional

leahcimmichael · August 2017

@Mack2342 I am such a fan of professional photographs. Camera phone snapshots are nice for day to day, but the professional photos always just feel so special to me. Hopefully you were in a few of the photos too!

vlagrl29 · August 2017

Here's a photo my husband took today

shri929 · August 2017

@vlagrl29 that's amazing!!! I was so excited for today but we didn't get much in NY

pumpkinpancake · August 2017

To follow up on my earlier post with a question... is it at all possible to be starting to get AF only 2.5 weeks after my D&C? As I noted, my temps started dropping the past 2 days, and (sorry if TMI), I just noticed some light bleeding seems to have started. Not sure if this could be AF, or if it's just some D&C related bleeding that's starting again.

sprkls8506 · August 2017

@ELeighMay a s'more bar sounds like so much fun and very unique!! I hope you are able to enjoy Fri!

@Mack2342 yay for a great birthday and s great photo shoot. I am pic obsessed and love when someone else does our pics!

@jchpg ugh!! I hate the waiting game! I'm glad you can get the testing done. I also hate the at least you can get pregnant line.

@shri929 I just went to yankee candle to get some of the fall tarts!

@leahcimmichael I saw some of it through one of those cereal box viewer things!! It was cool but yeah I'll take the moon at nite!!

@vlagrl29 Those pics are amazing!!

@JelloBean1 I hope your levels improve soon!

rosemaryandthyme · August 2017

@pumpkinpancake Hmm, I mean, I guess it's technically possible? But I'd say not likely "real" AF...since a true period comes only after an egg has been released, it's more likely that it's just some annovulatory bleeding, or left over healing from the D&C. It's possible that you ovulated that quickly after D&C (like a week after, I guess), but not the most likely. I also just looked back at your original post and you mentioned that you hadn't seen any temp rise that could signal ovulation, so that tells me it's even more likely that this isn't real AF yet, and just some continued bleeding while you heal. I know it's frustrating! Hang in there!

rosemaryandthyme · August 2017

@vlagrl29 Those are cool photos! I especially like the third one...the little bit of cloud cover makes it look like an erie Halloween moon.

leahcimmichael · August 2017

@vlagrl29 Those photos are legit!!! And not at all what it looked like to me through my dinky eclipse glasses.

vlagrl29 · August 2017

Dh bought a special lens for his big camera. He was bummed cause of all the cloud cover during totality. It was still a great experience though. We are totally catching the next one in 2024

MrsBunz · August 2017

2. Status? WTO
3. R/R? I got a Cricut as a "congrats for surviving deployment" present, and now I am making all the things!
4. GTKY: What is your go-to alcohol choice? Wine? Beer? Hard liquor? or Abstain? Hard Ciders like Strongbow or Bold Rock.

Mack2342 · August 2017

@vlagrl29 amazing pics

@leahcimmichael we did get a few family photos!

@pumpkinpancake. I didn't actually track mine afterwards but I had full on period 3 weeks after my d & c

dpjennifer · August 2017

Thanks everyone! Yeah, the stupid dream threw me for a BIG loop. I’d been feeling better and happier with life the last month or so and so it was completely unexpected.

ELeighMay Good luck with your Wedding Reception. I hope it goes well and is enjoyable for you!

jchpg UGH! Grrr… I hate it when OB’s dismiss what you’re going through and think it’s so easy for us to just ‘try again.’ As if losing babies is no big deal.

leahcimmichael TRUTH on those 4 phases.

shri929 I expect a full report on this marshmallow fire candle! AND if it’s as fantastic as it sounds, I want the information to get one. LOL.

amberruka YES! Embrace the old hag…. Add some bitterness and it’s perfect. And agreed… I’m in a more ‘drink til it’s pink’ category. Possibly even ‘drink til you see a heartbeat.’ Not that I drink a lot in the first place. I’m more the occasional glass of wine with dinner type of girl.

pumpkinpancake I’d doubt you’d get AF 2.5 weeks after D&C. Sounds more like ovulation bleeding or residual bleeding from the procedure, especially since it doesn’t sound like a heavy bleed.

MrsBunz SUPER jealous of your Cricut!!!!! I demand pictures. LOL. (of what you've made, not of the Cricut... I know what that looks like. )

sprkls8506 · August 2017

@MrsBunz enjoy your cricut!!! So much fun!!

ELeighMay · August 2017

@shri929 seriously with your marshmallow scented candle, where is it from?

amberruka Sadly, we are paying for the party ourselves. My mother has been kind enough to provide the location, which we also paid to have professionally mowed so she didn't have to worry about doing any of the work.

leahcimmichael I might end up with a drink in my hand at some point, it's been a long week already and it's only Tuesday. As for the not trying after December. That was our original "stop date" when we started trying. My DH is adament about not wanting to have kids after he's 38 for whatever reason and December he turns 37, so I guess that's his mental end date that he set. I understand completely what his thought process is, I don't disagree with him. For my physically, I don't know how long I want to keep trying either. It's just really hard to put a date on it and say "after X date we are giving up on the idea, and we'll go back to getting rid of all things baby and move forward". I'm not good with giving up on anything I do, it's like admitting failure and I really suck at that. On the other hand, at that rate I'd keep trying until I turned 50.

vlagrl29 That's cool that you got to see the eclipse. Where I am it was so cloudy and overcast that beyond the dark that we had for a little bit we saw nothing. Those pictures are awesome!

JelloBean1 MMMMmmm...Mojito! We have a place that makes a killer mint one here. So good!

pumpkinpancake My OB mentioned after mine that your system can have a sort of delayed "clean out" up to a couple weeks after. It's like it's still getting rid of old stuff. I would bet that's what's going on. Have they checked your levels for you at all? Hang in there. *hugs*

sprkls8506 I'm pretty excited about the s'mores bar, but I'm like a giant 6 year old when it comes to those. They're delicious, who doesn't like a s'more? Not to mention my dad built the cutest set-up for the sterno and to hold the ingredients.

MrsBunz Ohhhhh, I'm seriously envious of your cricut! I've been drooling over those for a while. I'm curious to see what awesomeness you're making. You could create team TTCAL logo stickers.

vlagrl29 · August 2017

I just realized this Saturday would have been my due date. Reflecting back I was for sure I would be pregnant again by now but I'm not and you know what? I'm ok with that because finally I feel healed mentally and confident in the path I'm taking. It sure was a whirlwind of emotions after the loss - a lot of blame and sadness. I no longer blame myself and have accepted this loss. I'm happy with my life at this point and do hope one day we can add another to our family. In the meantime I feel so lucky to have found that puppy.

leahcimmichael · August 2017

@ELeighMay I can understand making the decision to remain childless for a variety of reasons. My concern is that you sound pretty ambivalent about that decision, which like you mentioned, could lead to resentment later on. Have you and DH talked about what your life would look like without kids and how you'll create a life that is still rich and meaningful to you both? It's a big question and one I've been asking myself a lot to prepare in case I never get my take home baby.

ELeighMay · August 2017

*TW children mentioned*

leahcimmichael my DH and I have a DS that turned 2 on Sunday. He thinks that we should embrace what we have and just accept that we were originally told we had little to no chance at ever having more after his medical misdiagnosis (which basically sterilized him). The fact that we got PG was amazing, and literally days before I discovered I was PG I had given my maternity clothes away. I had just started to come to terms with it not being an option. I guess the recent mc just triggered the idea that it IS possible. Clearly it CAN happen, and did. So maybe we have a chance again. He is extremely reluctant to continue to try for much longer. We have no idea what the odds are of getting KU again, and if we keep seeing that single line it's just more heartbreak. I know you can all relate to that. I'm a very "maybe this is our month" person. It keeps him hoping right along with me and he doesn't handle the disappointment as well as I do. We've had many many conversations about it. He also doesn't want to be "old" when our kids are grown, so that's where his timeline came into play. I guess he and I are just on different ends of acceptance as far as not having another shot at it, and that's hard.

leahcimmichael · August 2017

@ELeighMay I can understand where both of you are coming from. This is a difficult process for our men too and unfortunately they don't have communities like this one to help support each other through it. Hopefully you'll get a BFP before December so that neither of you has to make that decision.

ELeighMay · August 2017

leahcimmichael Thank you. I wish they had support systems too. For now, I need to keep going just one month at a time. Maybe the universe will start sucking a little less by December...for all of us here.

MrsBunz · August 2017

Cricut Porn in the spoiler ***TW child birthday mentioned

sprkls8506 · August 2017

@MrsBunz love all of your pics!!!

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