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GTKY: Expectant moms in "non-traditional" relationships

alwayssomethingnewalwayssomethingnew member
in February 2018 Moms
While perusing the ever-entertaining March board, I came across a lovely thread about non traditional relationships.  I find it interesting and thought it would be fun to bring it over here.  Thanks March board!

Are you in a non traditional relationship?  Has this pregnancy helped or brought or new challenges in your relationship?
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Re: GTKY: Expectant moms in "non-traditional" relationships

  • alwayssomethingnewalwayssomethingnew member
    My SO and I have been dating almost two years.  We are not married.  We want to get married, but we have both been through divorce and are discussing everything before taking the plunge.  We know this is what we want to do, but we feel like we should have a game plan already in place. I am 41 and he is 45.  So, we decided that we shouldn't wait on the baby.  He doesn't have any children and has always wanted them.  We are both ok with being pregnant before getting married.  We haven't told my kids yet, but will in the next week or two.  We are a little concerned about their reactions, but I know we will work it out with them.  His mother and brother are ultra religious.  He hasn't told them yet.  He's concerned that they will disown him.  We are both happy with our situation right now.  But it's a challenge to strategically plan things to maintain a relationship with his family.
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  • smorzandojsmorzandoj member
    I wish this said it for what it meant...all of you that aren't married to a member of the opposite sex.

    Why do you find it interesting?  Are you in one?  

    Im not married. Nor do I plan to be. It doesn't change anything. We are the same two people we were when we decided to get pregnant as is our relationship and it's status. 

    The question on if it has helped or brought challenges....why is this focused towards people that aren't married bc this actually could apply to everyone. 
     
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  • alwayssomethingnewalwayssomethingnew member
    smorzandoj said:
    I wish this said it for what it meant...all of you that aren't married to a member of the opposite sex.

    Why do you find it interesting?  Are you in one?  

    Im not married. Nor do I plan to be. It doesn't change anything. We are the same two people we were when we decided to get pregnant as is our relationship and it's status. 

    The question on if it has helped or brought challenges....why is this focused towards people that aren't married bc this actually could apply to everyone. 
     
    Good point.  I guess if you think of get married then have children as the traditional route, then anything other.  And you're absolutely right.  Pregnancy and children change things for any relationship.  I married and had children in my 20s.  I feel that there are differences in how I approach situations this time around, being sensitive to other people's beliefs and feelings.  I am not changing what I do, but just maybe my approach.
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  • SunflowerMama428SunflowerMama428 member
    What is traditional in 2017? And really, we are borrowing controversial post from M18? Lol 
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  • smorzandojsmorzandoj member
    @SunflowerMama428 I don't think that the M18 post was controversial as it was posted by someone in a "nontraditional" relationship and she shared her story. The fact that this was posted and no story of this type of relationship was mentioned is what makes this ridiculous to me. IMO it's as if it was posted to gawk at those that aren't doing things the traditional way instead of to support each other's through the controversies they may have to overcome bc of it. 
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  • ash0625ash0625 member
    SunflowerMama428 said:
    What is traditional in 2017? And really, we are borrowing controversial post from M18? Lol 
    Yeah that was going to be my question. I may be in a "traditional" relationship because I'm married to a man, but our relationship may be considered "non-traditional" in terms of historical "norms" and societal constructs of our gender roles. We've repeatedly been told our marriage "challenges" those norms because of how we've elected to share responsibilities both in the home and financially. 

    Then again, any challenges these differences may create in my relationship don't begin to compare to the oppression or negative attitude towards my friends who are in what may be most popularly defined "non-traditional" relationships. 

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  • alwayssomethingnewalwayssomethingnew member
    Oops.  This didn't go as I'd hoped.  I started the thread and for some reason, it felt weird to just launch into my story, so I then replied to the post.  I certainly didn't start it to gawk!   I have learned so much from so many of you already.  I was gaining insight into some of the challenges the people on M18 were experiencing and thought it would be more meaningful from this group, since I 'know' you.  Everyone is absolutely right in saying that 'traditional' doesn't really mean the same thing as it used to.  My own situation probably doesn't buck tradition for many of you.  But it is different for my and SO's family.  From what I can tell, the people on this board are very open and accepting.  I think this is why this board doesn't have the controversy or drama.  Personally, I prefer that.  My intent was truly to learn from others' experiences and hope that we could find support from each other.  My apologies to anyone I offended.
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  • SunflowerMama428SunflowerMama428 member
    smorzandoj said:
    @SunflowerMama428 I don't think that the M18 post was controversial as it was posted by someone in a "nontraditional" relationship and she shared her story. The fact that this was posted and no story of this type of relationship was mentioned is what makes this ridiculous to me. IMO it's as if it was posted to gawk at those that aren't doing things the traditional way instead of to support each other's through the controversies they may have to overcome bc of it. 
    Oh. I just meant that this post clearly has the means to get controversial 
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  • TattoosandLaceTattoosandLace member
    I am in a marriage to a man. He works and I stay home with outlets young children. In theory, we have a "traditional" lifestyle. Pregnancies bring changes and challenges within our relationship too. 

    I agree that the title of this post wasn't what I was expecting the post to be about. 
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  • SunflowerMama428SunflowerMama428 member
    awb1216 said:
    Doesn't seem particularly controversial to me, but I haven't checked out the M18 thread to see what they found to argue about.

    I guess my relationship could be considered non-traditional as I'm married, but I am the primary breadwinner in our family and have been for the entirety of our marriage.  When DS was born, my husband was a stay at home dad for two full years and has only now started to return to work but it's still my salary that pays the bills.

    It's definitely caused a number of challenges that we've had to overcome.  He's faced a lot of judgement from people because he was a SAHD that SAHMs just wouldn't face.  It's also caused plenty of arguments between us over housework (I felt I was still doing more than my fair share) and how we spend money.

    In terms of this pregnancy, I think the hardest thing is the fact that he's gone back to work and won't be staying at home when #2 is born.  I'm not worried about my 2 year old being with a babysitter during the day, but it's going to be really hard to leave my new baby with a stranger.  It's also hard not really having the option to stay home with the kids or taking an extended maternity leave because my job is the one we rely on.
    We have to hire a part time nanny and I'm really worried about it. I know so many of my staff also does this as a second job so I know what they are like outside of work and I'm like "you watch children?!?" 
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  • smorzandojsmorzandoj member
    @SunflowerMama428 and @awb1216 I had a nanny from when my youngest was 5 months until he was 3 when he went to fulltime preschool. Just a small piece of advice...be open to people of all ages and family types. My bff had a nanny that was like the kids grandma for the first two years and it was fabulous (she has twin boys) and mine had three children - two in elementary school and one a year older then my oldest and they are still good family friends three years after we parted ways - her kids were often with her and she did have them at her house a lot which I was fine with bc I knew they were safe. Good luck. And I personally think childcare is the worst part of parenting. No idea what we are going to do with this lo. 
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