FFFC 8/11

lurvleybunchococonuts · August 2017

Image: https://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Confess_d6b363_267298.jpg

*As always, not guaranteed to be flame free

lurvleybunchococonuts · August 2017

I selfishly started this because my sister reminded me of a HORRIBLE memory and I thought it'd make a good FFFC. Slight backstory: when we were kids my dad used to hoard any packages of batteries we had in the house in his nightstand.
Okay, so one afternoon the batteries die in the remote, so my sister (~13yo) and I (~11yo) go into my dad's room (he's at work) and open the nightstand to get batteries. We have to rummage around a bit and my sister pulls out a Polaroid photo... she screams and throws it at me. I pick it up to look at, it was a Polaroid of my dad, naked, receiving a BJ from some naked lady. I scream and throw it at her, and make her put it back. Then the jerk that my sister is, points out "oh god, it's a Polaroid, someone else had to have taken the photo!" We, now traumatized for life, have forget about the batteries and swear to never speak of it again. That image has been forever scarred into my brain. I had somehow forgotten about the horror of that day, until my sister had to remind me of it earlier this week. I can laugh about it now, but blaaggghhh that's my dad! and barf and ick and nononononono... agh my eyes!

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/PW9A4XrDarYEU/giphy.gif

Moral of the story, NEVER GO LOOKING FOR BATTERIES!!!!

adirat · August 2017

Well @lurvleybunchococonuts I don't think anyone is topping that today.

9Now wow omg boy shocked GIF

lurvleybunchococonuts · August 2017

@adirat

Image: https://68.media.tumblr.com/43fd7c4c5bb67e3272be9961763047d8/tumblr_ok9gwzAyqJ1w4nh3lo1_500.gif

jsnakehole · August 2017

doxiemoxie212 · August 2017

@lurvleybunchococonuts my dad went to burning man pretty often when I was a kid, and when I was like 10? He was like, hey want to see the photos I took? These were not great photos - they were like, disposable camera pics. And all the photos were just of naked ladies. Naked ladies on blow up couches, naked ladies in the desert, naked ladies doing drugs, naked ladies in mud. All the naked ladies. Better than finding a photo of him getting a blow job but weird AF he wanted me to see them. Sigh. Artists, I swear.

rachelg777 · August 2017

@lurvleybunchococonuts That would definitely scar me for life. I love that he kept it in his nightstand, lolol. Anyway, that reminds me of one that is similar:

About 5 years ago I was using my dads iPad and saw in his browser history a search for "young vs old" (porn). I was mortified. I made the mistake of telling my DH and every once in a great while he will say "hey" and then whisper in my ear "young vs old". Jerk.

lurvleybunchococonuts · August 2017

@doxiemoxie212 that's pretty weird af. Why would he want to show you all naked ladies? And yeah... glad to share so all of you can be traumatized with me *shudder*

@rachelg777 *barf* I'm sure my dad would have just as gross porn searches. And MH would do the same thing. I mistakenly told him about this and he's been tormenting me about it. I get it... parents are human beings too and would be just as mortified if it were in reverse, but just NO! My siblings and I were all produced from immaculate conception, that's just gross and barf and in denial, someone please give me a safe place to cry.
ETA: tag + words

nitnat007 · August 2017

@lurvleybunchococonuts I definitely think you win that one!

Many years ago my parents used to share a laptop and it should be noted that my dad is FAR from tech savy, so really it was my mom's laptop that he would just use. Well, that quickly changed after my mom, on several occasions, had to take the laptop in to get serviced, because it kept on getting viruses from all the porn sites that my dad had been surfing on the interwebs. She finally got tired of the embarrassing conversation she kept having with the IT guy and bought him his own.

pebbledam · August 2017

@lurvleybunchococonuts - Oh gawd.... There's no amount of therapy that can help you recover from that.

FFFC: I'm a snoop when I house sit. I don't judge, but I'm curious....

doxiemoxie212 · August 2017

@pebbledam I want to go to open houses just to see how other people live!!! But DH won't go with me and I'm too much of a baby to go snoop by myself. Lol.

pebbledam · August 2017

@doxiemoxie212 - Eh, most of the time open houses are boring on that front. Everything is tidy and clean and snooping through drawers is frowned upon. But don't get me wrong, I LOVE going to open houses!

doxiemoxie212 · August 2017

@pebbledam yes, true, but in nyc you get a lot of hoarders (cough, my in laws, cough) because small apts, no yards, no storage etc. Snooping is frowned upon but not impossible! I suppose this is why DH won't go with me though. He does not like engaging in frowned upon activities.

lurvleybunchococonuts · August 2017

@nitnat007 it sounds like getting him his own laptop was for the best

aren't "family"/shared computers great

@pebbledam You'd think I would learn from that experience not to snoop. I still do though. I'm just a curious individual, don't really judge, but that one was scarring.

@doxiemoxie212 that sounds like a fun, cheap way to spend a saturday afternoon!

SkilledSailor · August 2017

@doxiemoxie212 @pebbledam I confess one of my favorite parts of being a home stager is seeing how other people live and the weird things they love or do to their houses.

jrm_14 · August 2017

@lurvleybunchococonuts. Same thing with my dad & @nitnat007 's. Expect my mom,didn't buy him his own computer. One time my sister & I (as adults) went to find pictures of a family gathering on their computer & found a whole bunch of pictures downloaded. Barf.

FFFC: Sometimes I look up the videos MH has watched so I can better know what he likes.

jrm_14 · August 2017

@pebbledam. I'm a totally snoop, out of curiosity. I don't judge & don't tell others what I found/know. Then when MH tries to call,me out on being nosey, I act all offended

Also, I like to read all the drama filled threads. I don't want to partake or egg it on. When someone mentions a past thread, I try to find it and catch up.

doxiemoxie212 · August 2017

@nitnat007 @jrm_14 I've never shared a computer with my dad, but when I was 18 he drove me two hours down to Santa Cruz to visit my bff, and the whole ride he talked about his favorite "shows" on The Playboy Network and how everyone should do acid at least once. So. That was a joy.

nitnat007 · August 2017

@jrm_14 Oh I am right there with you on the past threads! I try and catch up too. I don't want to miss out on anything .

lurvleybunchococonuts · August 2017

@doxiemoxie212 It sounds like your dad is a real character. This is the same man who had pet alligators, right? He sounds like an interesting fellow LMAO. I can imagine it was an "enlightening" way to grow up

Hopefully nothing too scarring, and I imagine has given you a humorous outlook on certain things now

jrm_14 · August 2017

@doxiemoxie212. Ew. Mine always tried to hide it. And would have a screen of solitare open to pretend to be playing if someone walked in. Ewww.
I have to say all these dirty dad stories make me feel less effed up about mine!

laurad75 · August 2017

@jrm_14 I have spent hours reading old threads that have drama. Literally hours.

doxiemoxie212 · August 2017

@lurvleybunchococonuts yes, alligators. It's so weird because my mom is so straight laced most of the time. I'm like, how'd you end up with this goon? She basically chalks it up to insecurity. He was never a great husband (the separated when I was 11, divorced when I was 19). My parents were always more like friends to me than anything else tho. So nothing scarred me lol but I think if they'd had a different type of kid than I was it would've probably been more problematic.

paleoprincess · August 2017

This thread is making me feel lucky that my parents hide all aspects of sexuality in their relationship. I'm also 200% certain my mom would leave if my dad ever watched porn! They're 50% crazy hippie and 50% puritanical nut-jobs.

Im happy I'm not the only one that catches up on old drama... I feel like it's an important part of lurking! How else am I supposed to know what noodling is?

labgrand2012 · August 2017

My parents divorced when I was in middle school and my dad moved into a duplex with a male friend for awhile. I would go over to visit and there was porn all over. Under the coffee table, in the TV stand and his roommate had a huge walk in closet of it (I snooped when I was there by myself one time. In the beginning my dad must have cleaned it up, but after a few months, it would be out. And of my friends has a closet under their stairs where all their board games were kept and her dad kept a box of playboys in there...I thought that was a very odd place to put it.

_darth · August 2017

@jrm_14 @laurad75I love old threads too! Sometimes I will look up the mod account's post history and click through "closed for unfriendly tone/change of subject" threads to get a bit of a drama fix.

wishiwaspreggo · August 2017

Um... parents + sex and/or porn = NO. My parents have had sex 3 times (thus conceiving me and my two older brothers). My mom told me I was my dad's "birthday present." Did the math from October 30th and yup, I was born July 23rd. ICK ICK ICK!!!!!! But hey, she could've gone for the BJ and I wouldn't exist so I guess I'm grateful for that.

To all you snoopers... I caught a snoop who toured my house when we were selling it. It went to a spoiled college student whose mom paid for it so he could have a bachelor pad owned by his family. He was goofing with our stuff while he and his mom took a look. We had our son's name arranged in block letters on a shelf and when I was rocking him to sleep one night I looked and saw the letters were rearranged to MRTUNA. Mr. Tuna. It was a minor thing, yes, but I was super annoyed. We took to calling the family Mr. Tuna when we discussed negotiating the selling price. The mom low-balled us on the first offer to the tune of $30K. I still regret selling to them. We should've just said "no" and refused to negotiate.

Anyway, what to confess... I'm eating grilled shrimp for breakfast. Would be better if it was warmed up with a bowl of cheesy grits but what can you do?

sandbar517 · August 2017

@lurvleybunchococonuts O M G This would have been me:

I'm with everyone else, I can't stay away from the drama. My confession is that I'm still really heartbroken over Chris Cornell's death, and I'm currently listening to the YouTube mix of his songs.

lurvleybunchococonuts · August 2017

@wishiwaspreggo lmao, Mr. Tuna sounds like a jerk face! Also... because I

puzzles, is YS named Truman? That was the only thing I could think of with those letters. I completely understand the annoyance, but that's actually pretty funny. MH likes to tilt photos, and his mom has a decorative wooden egg that he's always turning upside down. Also your breakfast sounds delicious!

@_darth @jrm_14 @laurad75 I also

drama threads. They're informative! Also, @_darth that is brilliant, next time I need a drama fix I'm totally gonna look up threads that way!

@labgrand2012 We found an old porn magazine hidden in the bathroom closet of our apartment when we moved in

JennyColada · August 2017

I'm cracking up at all these porn/parental sex stories. Lol.

I once heard my parents having sex. Not too weird. It was kind of quick, so I sorta felt bad, but I guess when you have a kid you get used to just banging it out. My mom also has some polaroids of my dad naked in her jewelry drawer (snooping/looking for something to wear). I was a bit grossed out but also thought it was cute that my mom kept them/likes them.

pebbledam · August 2017

@jrm_14 - I just watch porn with MH sometimes. It's not really my thing, but I like seeing what he likes. Not sure I've ever incorporated any of it into our bedroom, though even though that's why I tell myself I watch it.

All these uncomfortable dad stories make me glad I didn't have a dad.

SkilledSailor · August 2017

@lurvleybunchococonuts Haha that reminded me that I found old porn dvds on the top of the kitchen cabinets at my last apartment. They were super dusty so no telling how old they were. By happenstance I ended up working with a lady who lived in the exact apartment as me years before and I always wondered if they were hers. It would be funny because she presents herself as super prim and proper.

fishsticks-n-custard · August 2017

About 10 years ago we had to put my father in a nursing home, I was the only one in the state where his house was so I got the job of cleaning out and packing up his house. I was going through his medications (going to send up what we could use and toss what was expired). I literally found every kind of erectile dysfunction drug available including an injectable medication. I promptly left the house, went and bought a bottle of wine and proceeded to day drink while packing.

(Looking back, I feel bad that my dad had such a difficult to treat problem. But, ew, you never want to think of your parents having sex).

jrm_14 · August 2017

@_darth. Genius!
@wishiwaspreggo I believe my parents DTD the same number of times as they have kids. Glad I am the last!

pebbledam · August 2017

I had a dream yesterday that I commented on someone's profile pic change in TB. Yes, apparently I'm that addicted. I had to check to see if it actually happened because it seemed very real.

Dilynne · August 2017

While we are on the awkward parent sec subject - when I was like 15 my dad called and asked me to tape one of his favourite shows (you know - the old fashioned way when you had to put a blank video tape into theVRC blah blah blah) Anyway, I was looking for a tape to record on so I put one in and it was a frikken sex tape - specifically my parents sex tape. When he got home I told him to record his "own damn shows" which was the first time I swore at my parents and definitely got grounded lol

sandbar517 · August 2017

@Dilynne

mileswithmyles · August 2017

Nothing nearly as exciting as the stories on here, but my FFFC is that I like my hair better when it has gone unwashed for a day or two.

lurvleybunchococonuts · August 2017

@Dilynne I thi K you totally deserved to get away with swearing at him for that. Blegh!!!!

dukestar5 · August 2017

@Dilynne. Ugh! I would have had the same response.
@lurvleybunchococonuts Oh my gosh! I think you definitely win. I don't think I could look my dad in the eye aftee that...did you all ever tell him what you found? I'm guessing it wasn't your mom in the pic?
@jrm_14 @nitnat007. I definitely try not to be involved in the drama, but I'll admit that I secretly like to read the posts and catch up on what happened.

dukestar5 · August 2017

My FFFC: I was doing so well with temping this month-Same early time every morning--and I was worried about how alcohol might alter my chart, so I haven't had a drink this whole month.
However, (*TW after seeing some recent pregnancy announcements on FB end TW* and experiencing some pre-AF symptoms) I finally just gave in and enjoyed some drinks the last two nights.

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