Questions for STMs 8/9

steph30032 · August 2017

Looking for some answers from third time moms or up.....So I know it'll be a while before I have to worry about it, but DS was born a week early. Just curious, but if the first was born early, what are the chances that second baby will be born early? Is that something that is usually reoccurring or is it pretty random?

egirl1025 · August 2017

Well...I kind of have the same question, but have asked my poor OB multiple times. My little guy came just over three weeks early. From what I understand having a pre- term baby does increase your risk of having the second early as well, but does not significantly raise your odds. There are a lot of risk factors that raise your odds of pre-term birth such as race and age too. I was given the option of having progesterone shots weekly, to ensure that baby stays in longer, but if my guy had stuck it out two more days he would not have been considered pre-term. For me there were no risk indicators that pointed to why he came early, so I opted to not have them. According to the delivering OB it looked as though he punctured the top of the bag, which sent me into labor. I had not even started to dilate before that happened. I am hoping to keep this little one in longer, but am planning much more in advance this time. Last time I hadn't packed my hospital bag or picked a daycare... Major FAIL!

I am interested to hear what others have to say.

PhillymommaX2 · August 2017

@steph30032 DD1 was 22 days early ( water broke) and DD2 was 2 days late. I was induced b/c my entire practice was going on vacation so my doctor gave me the option to induce so I wouldn't have a stranger deliver me.

libbberty · August 2017

We are very lucky and DH gets 8 weeks of paternity leave. He can either take all 8 at once (Option A), or 2 weeks first and then 6 weeks at a later point (Option b ). He can't add any vacation time to the two weeks with Option A (I already asked). I think I could use the support the whole first 8 weeks (honestly, I haven't handled sleep deprivation well up to this point in my life), but bc he is German, the latter option is a bit better because we can visit his family once LO is a few months old without having to use vacation. His grandparents are too old to travel here. Plus, if I have a FT job at that point (currently have two part-time jobs), we could potentially postpone daycare for another month if we time it right. This would be especially important because I won't be eligible for FMLA since I won't have been in a position very long (if I do get a job).

Knowing I'll be on my own with limited support (since our family lives far away and DH travels for work M-Th), would you think we should go with option A or B? Will I be kicking myself if I do Option B, or will it be nice to have the time to myself and establish a routine after two weeks?

I do have a girlfriend who is willing to visit anytime I need for a few days, and my parents will probably come to assist for a few days as well. Would love insight from anyone who has an opinion!

ETA: Fix random emoji

TInman87 · August 2017

@libbberty FTM here, but I would totally take option b to postpone child care. 2 weeks for the 3 of you to figure out life, then send him back to work until your leave is up, then swap. I could be totally wrong though..

supercoolstephy · August 2017

@libbberty last time DH was only given a few days off work, which he had to use vacation time for, for paternity leave. So I had DS via c-section on a Wednesday and DH was back to work on Monday. It was hard but I really enjoyed having the time to figure it out without DH being there to make comments. He has an older son with his ex so sometimes hearing I should do it this or that way wasn't fun. Anyway... if it were me and those were his options I would prefer option B, 2 weeks to work together. I'm sure DH would have used those other weeks all together to play video games the entire time and not help like I'd like.

supercoolstephy · August 2017

@libbberty OH and I also do not have family to come help when DS was born, although my dad did surprise me with a visit but he was less than helpful, and didn't change diapers and constantly made comments about how hard I was patting him and would stop feeding my liquid gold pumped boob juice because "he fell asleep... within 2 minutes."

edit: spelling

CANTW82BMOM · August 2017

Can anyone recommend a place that I can get a great strapless bra? I'm a 36DDD.

Lizbeth86 · August 2017

@steph30032 like @egirl1025 said, I think it depends on why #1 came early. My SIL had all 3 of hers like 3 weeks early, they said her body just goes into contractions too soon. But since all her babies were good sizes and technically full term, they didn't do anything to delay contractions. Her babies would have been huge if born @ 40 weeks!

@libbberty based on my own experience with DD I'd pick option B (2 weeks first). It may be a little soon to be in your own, but my husband was home for over 2 months with me with DD and he drove me crazy. He's in school and DD was born in June, I couldn't wait for him to go back in Sept to be honest. Dads tend to like doing the stuff you wouldn't mind doing (like cuddling with LO and getting out of the house to do errands) but not the stuff you really need help with (like cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, washing pump parts & bottles etc) and they can't help you breastfeed so you're sleep deprived anyway. In those early months the baby sleeps so much, that doting over the baby at the times they're not hungry and crying isn't really helpful (and it cuts into your bonding experience).

I'd pick option B so you can get into a routine and bond with LO, and when he takes the 6 weeks you'll be travelling and the baby may need more interaction so you'll appreciate the help.

Lizbeth86 · August 2017

@CANTW82BMOM i love the strapless bra I got at motherhood maternity but I guess if it's strapless you don't need it to be a maternity bra?

leeeahyo · August 2017

Going off of @steph30032, but on the opposite side of things.
Any third time moms (+) go past due dates with their first and go late again with the next baby?
I mean, I know it happens all the time, but just seeing what experiences some of you have with that and what my chances are of being in the "I'm going to be pregnant forever" category again this time around

KatieEl · August 2017

@steph30032 I think there a slightly greater likelihood if you go early, you'll go early again. DS1 was born at 38+1 and I was convinced that DS2 would go at least that early. Cue me being ready to go at 37 weeks and him not coming until 40+3, longest 3 weeks of my life. This time I'm mentally preparing for 42 weeks and anything sooner will be a boon!

@libbberty I would also pick option B. In my experience the first few days alone with your baby are a bit daunting, whether it be at 2 weeks or 2 month, but you're going to be fine! And the travel/delayed childcare would definitely outweigh the extra help for me.

Edited: spelling

libbberty · August 2017

@TInman87 @supercoolstephy @Lizbeth86 @KatieEl thank you so much for the advice ladies! Going with option B. I definitely expected that to be more divided! Helps me make a clear decision.

huskymomma94 · August 2017

steph30032 said:

Looking for some answers from third time moms or up.....So I know it'll be a while before I have to worry about it, but DS was born a week early. Just curious, but if the first was born early, what are the chances that second baby will be born early? Is that something that is usually reoccurring or is it pretty random?

My first son was born at 39 weeks and my second son was 39w4d. So, I didn't hit my due date with either of them! Hoping that happens again with #3.

EmilyLove25 · August 2017

@libbberty I guess unlike most others, I like option A personally. DH had 4 weeks off when DD was born and those are some of the best memories I have from our whole relationship. I also physically needed the help for about 4 weeks, and I had a vaginal birth. I seriously look back at those weeks as so sacred though—just the three of us living life as a family. Perhaps 8 weeks would have been a bit more of that than needed, but I think 2 would have not been enough. That said, I definitely think you could HANDLE the baby alone after two weeks.

geshem · August 2017

Has anyone else been diagnosed with hypothyroidism mid-pregnancy?

I just switched practitioners and my new ones check TSH levels as a routine thing, today they said mine is high, indicating under-active thyroid, though I haven't had any of the common symptoms. Now am worried bc it seems that most critical time for baby is first trimester because after that they start making their own thyroid hormones (I'm 17 weeks now, a FTM). DH started freaking out that baby was harmed by too low thyroid hormones in first trimester, and I've been upset/worrying/crying on and off since. I know that whatever might have happened in the first trimester is already over and done with but I would appreciate some reassurance or advice if anyone has experience with this.

Thanks

libbberty · August 2017

@EmilyLove25 GAH! I totally understand that appeal as well. I can't imagine when we'd ever have that "starting a family" moment again. It really is something to treasure. I'm so torn. I think we have a month to decide so I may choose based on if I have a full-time job by then. Thank you for sharing the flip side of the coin. It's making me think!

mindaa · August 2017

steph30032 said:

Looking for some answers from third time moms or up.....So I know it'll be a while before I have to worry about it, but DS was born a week early. Just curious, but if the first was born early, what are the chances that second baby will be born early? Is that something that is usually reoccurring or is it pretty random?

I've been wondering the same thing, as we also don't have any family in town and would like to plan on someone being here.
I did a quick search for studies and the answer is yes... But the studies don't seem to differentiate spontaneous births, so that doesn't seem too helpful.
I know there is definitely data that 2nd births are faster (whoo hoo!)

mindaa · August 2017

EmilyLove25 said:

@libbberty I guess unlike most others, I like option A personally. DH had 4 weeks off when DD was born and those are some of the best memories I have from our whole relationship. I also physically needed the help for about 4 weeks, and I had a vaginal birth. I seriously look back at those weeks as so sacred though—just the three of us living life as a family. Perhaps 8 weeks would have been a bit more of that than needed, but I think 2 would have not been enough. That said, I definitely think you could HANDLE the baby alone after two weeks.

Haha, we were just talking on my other bmb about those wonderful first 3-4 weeks pp of being all madly in love with dh before the flip switches and you can't stand his presence.

Agree it was an amazing time, we were both just so in awe of what we had just been through (delivery) and obsessed with this new little life. I'm getting a little teary just thinking about it and that this time, we'll get to share that special time with DS.

I had dh around for about 3-4 weeks and it was great. We had the first week and a half or so to ourselves before the family rolled in. I really appreciated having him around as a buffer when family was visiting. I was an emotional mess and struggling with nursing which I was doing constantly and I just couldn't really deal with company on top of it (yes, even my own parents!).

missblaze · August 2017

EmilyLove25 said:

@libbberty I guess unlike most others, I like option A personally. DH had 4 weeks off when DD was born and those are some of the best memories I have from our whole relationship. I also physically needed the help for about 4 weeks, and I had a vaginal birth. I seriously look back at those weeks as so sacred though—just the three of us living life as a family. Perhaps 8 weeks would have been a bit more of that than needed, but I think 2 would have not been enough. That said, I definitely think you could HANDLE the baby alone after two weeks.

I'm so jealous of this. Seriously. When I had DD (via C-section) DH went back to work when I was still in the hospital. He's a chef, he doesn't get time off. So basically I was alone most of the time, except for visitors. I didn't sleep at all since I had the baby the entire time. When we got home I had visitors as well, but it was mostly just me.

supercoolstephy · August 2017

I'm so happy that DH will only be home for 2 weeks, he's a know it all, who says I take too long to do everything so I'd like look my shit on him if he was home for longer than that. I'll probably still lose it on him being here for two weeks.

supercoolstephy · August 2017

Have any of you thought the logistics of staying in the hospital and what to do with the other children? I don't have family here, and I've already told them to not surprise us with a visit, like my dad did with DS, for the 2 weeks so I can get through the first 2 week newborn blur and figure it out... ish... again. Anyway... so we don't have family here.

I've mentioned to DH that I want to keep DS on his routine. Routine is key with him and his sleep schedule and I don't want him to be too confused when we're not there for 3 nights because I'll be a repeat c-section. So, I'm thinking we might have our friend pick him up from daycare, then DH can leave the hospital to be there for dinnertime and bedtime and stay at home overnight and then take DS to daycare and then come back to the hospital. I've already confirmed with my OB that my hospital does not require a support person to be there with me overnight. While I'd love to have DH there with me at night, I'd rather my first baby to not be overly confused about why his parents are gone for 3 - 4 days and then come home with this alien that wont stop crying and pooping. So I'm curious how everyone else is planning on handling this part.

missblaze · August 2017

@supercoolstephy Luckily we have family in town so DD will have someone at home with her. I imagine DH's mother will be the one staying at our house, maybe with help from my sister.

Shanski70 · August 2017

@supercoolstephy even though I do have family in town your game plan is exactly what I plan to do with my DD and husband this time around. Try to keep her schedule and routine as normal as possible (still going to the sitters during the day at the normal time and getting picked up at the end of the day at the normal time and going to bed in her bed at the normal time).

I had a C-section last time and made my husband go home to sleep each night...my thought process was "I'm going to be exhausted and sore no mater what, I need one of us to at least be a semi-functioning adult during my recovery."

Shanski70 · August 2017

Also, I do plan to have DD come visit us in the hospital, but I want to keep her schedule as normal as possible.

supercoolstephy · August 2017

@Shanski70 I plan to have DS come to visit in the hospital too, but I'd really like him to stay in his normalcy for the most part.

burnsmommy27 · August 2017

@supercoolstephy I've thought about what we are going to do with DD but have not made any plans yet. DHs parents are on the older side and don't like to watch DD over night. They will put her down for us if we want to go out but won't watch her all night. So still deciding what we should do

steph30032 · August 2017

@supercoolstephy I know it's scary to have strangers watching LO's but I would recomend looking into Care.com or Sittercity.com if you have no other options. You can start interviewing early and have them get to know LO way before you leave them alone. They can come play with LO while you do errands around the house and then eventually try quick date nights. I was a care.com sitter for many years and this process of getting to know the children is super common and helps give Parents a peace of mind before leaving the child. I will be having my sister take care of my son, but if I didn't have her, we'd be looking into hiring a sitter.

KatieEl · August 2017

@supercoolstephy Having a homebirth this time, so don't really have to worry about the childcare situation this time (though I hired a sibling doula to be there with them and stay in case of an emergency), but last time I hired a postpartum doula to be an oncall babysitter for DS1, she came in the middle of the night when we left for the hospital and stayed til after the baby was born, the rest of the time he was cared for by DH. DH was not in the hospital with me overnight or much after the birth, which I was fine with.

ETA tagging

supercoolstephy · August 2017

Thanks for the info @steph30032 Thankfully we do have some great friends that would totally help with watching him during the week while we doing the c-section, I just kinda want DH to be around to see him. But I've been needing to find someone to watch him for nights out because right now we have one set of friends who could watch him and it'd be nice to go out with them kidless occasionally.

mindaa · August 2017

We're going to have mil come stay a week or two before due date. We have some friends nearby as backup and I'm planning on also asking out daycare provider if she'd be another backup, since she lives two blocks away.

Haven't really thought about the actual overnight hospital stay though. Last time neither of us slept a wink and both returned home wrecked. So I wouldn't really mind if dh spent the night at home with DS, but would also be comfortable with mil watching him.

@KatieEl, thanks for mentioning the doula. I was thinking I'd look into that this time too, just to ensure I have someone with me in case dh unexpectedly has to deal with DS. (Like if lo arrives so early that mil isn't here yet, and our backups are busy)

KatieEl · August 2017

@mindaa I highly recommend a doula! If you're looking for you just look for a regular birth doula, if you're looking for one to use as an on call babysitter I found more interest in doulas who also provided postpartum doula care.(ETA they seemed less wedded to being their for the birth.)

[Deleted User] · August 2017

ILs live about 10 minutes from us and are right on the way to the hospital, so that's where DD will be staying. We've been trying to figure out car seat logistics though because our convertible seat that she's in is sooo hard to install.

KatieEl · August 2017

@schaze what about purchasing a cheap secondary seat?

Dani0329 · August 2017

@schaze My IL have a convertible seat and my infant carrier in their car right now for my niece. After I snag that back for this baby, they will probably get another convertible.

My my anxiety is too high to say I'd be okay with DH leaving me in the hospital, but I don't know if I'd feel the same way if DD didn't love sleepovers at Gigi and Pop's house. She will pack her bag and tell me she's going to their house and I have to stay home.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

@KatieEl I probably should look into it since both kids will be using a convertible at the same time eventually.

KatieEl · August 2017

@schaze Our main seat is a diono which is heavy and a bear to install so I bought a Cosco for my inlaws, and it was the best $50 spent!

bainidhedub · August 2017

We got a Cosco for my mom to use too and it's great. Super lightweight and simple to install with the seat belt.

trudytudy · August 2017

@steph30032 both of my babies were born within a day of 40 weeks. I'm expecting the same this time around but also planning to be prepared for something totally different. I've had friends have kids be born with a difference of a few weeks. It's like the Dr tells you when you ask, 'if I could predict that, I would be rich'. So to give you a worthless answer, it could be comparable or it could be that saying every pregnancy is different.

Mudge85 · August 2017

I have my a/s tomorrow - what should I expect? Do they tell you what they see? or do you have to painfully wait for the doctor to come in... how long does it take?

Questions for STMs 8/9

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