FTM questions for STM 8/6

katiegeminimoon · August 2017

The last one of these I could find was from a month ago.

First time moms post your questions for second (or more) time moms here!

katiegeminimoon · August 2017

Selfishly I started this thread because I want to know the easiest/best way to organize baby clothes. In general I like to have all my clothes hanging so they are easy to see/find, but I'm not sure that's the best method for baby clothes!

Tennis11785 · August 2017

@ktcakes87 - I'm so glad you asked this question. I usually hang everything, but I'm thinking about folding most of baby's clothes. I feel like rolling onesies and outfits might be easier than trying to hang them all. But I'd love other's thoughts.

TigerCakes · August 2017

@ktcakes87 I prefer to hang clothes, but for DS I folded all of his clothes. The clothes were so small and took up less space in a drawer then if I tried to hang them. I just had them folded in drawers by type of clothes. Now that's he's almost 2, I'm giving the baby his dresser and am going to start hanging most of his clothes.

lavashiner · August 2017

I fold DD's clothes konmari style so I can see everything! I only hang costumes and fancy dresses.

splsmama2016 · August 2017

Dresses I hung, everything else was folded.

I also stored everything in clear bins, labeled by size (NB, 0-3, etc) in the garage. We had so much stuff from the shower before she was born (NB to some 3t), that it was out of control. Lol

splsmama2016 · August 2017

Also, because it's pretty much summer year round in SoCal, I didn't bother separating into seasons (what are seasons??)

elcd458 · August 2017

STM+ friends, when did you start feeling "normal" again after delivery? Not necessarily just talking about having a crotch area that doesn't feel like it's been brutally murdered, but everything overall (no more hormonal symptoms like headaches or crazy emotions, or able to be out and about). When did you feel like yourself again? Be brutally honest. I realize PPD experiences may affect responses, but even so, I'd love to know.

Marley629 · August 2017

@elcd458 for me, the first month was rough with hormones. I would cry for absolutely no reason and it was scary. I have since talked to many new moms who experienced similar things so I know that's the "normal". If it had gone beyond that timeframe I would have sought out help. As far as when I truly felt "normal", and. Put it in quotes Bc it's like a new normal, I would say around 3 months for me.

NME44 · August 2017

I hung all of my kids' clothes. Just so much easier to see everything.

threatlevelmidnight · August 2017

@elcd458 It took me quite awhile to feel normal again. Like 9 months, but I had postpartum anxiety. This time around I am going to be better about having a support system.

NME44 · August 2017

@elcd458, if you breastfeed, your hormones won't be back to "normal" until you stop breastfeeding (granted there will be a new normal.)

sjis · August 2017

@elcd458 the first few months were pretty rocky with hormones and feeling lots of anxiety with not knowing what the hell I was doing. I was impatient to get my body back to normal, impatient with my DH, breastfeeding was tricky, the list goes on. It was all overwhelming. Like @alyssaleighw said, this time around I'll seek out a better support system and not be too hard on myself.

I think I felt more normal around 6 months. My promise to myself and DH is that we are not going to let the new baby stop us from going out to eat or do things. I think I was sheltering myself and baby too much.

Mandayno · August 2017

Going along the lines with what @elcd458 asked, are the hormones worse/better/same pre or post delivery? I understand that with new baby, sleep deprivation, etc. after delivery will be completely new experiences, but I just don't know what to expect after delivery hormonal wise and if they will get worse.

splsmama2016 · August 2017

@Mandayno BEFORE delivery, my hormones were great! Aside from lack of sleep and the "normal" feels you get (anxiety about birth, body aches and pains), I was pretty much normal before hand. AFTER giving birth. I was kind of a mess. Lack of sleep, trying to get to know this tiny person I made, breastfeeding, keeping myself nourished, hormones raging (one minute I'm happy and feel like pre-pregnancy me, the next I'm bawling because my dad is going home for the night lol). It took a while to find my "new normal", but I managed to find it after about 5-6 weeks. Its not so much that they're WORSE, they're just DIFFERENT.

That said, find your village!! My last BMB was seriously a godsend, they still are. You'll find your "people", and you'll stick with them. NEVER be afraid to admit you need help. Never be afraid to seek help if you feel like you're suffering PPD/PPA. Do what is the best thing for you and your baby. Baby needs YOU happy and healthy in order to thrive, so always keep that in mind.

failuretofly · August 2017

Well I'm going to be brutally honest, because I think that's what you guys deserve. I had a pretty rough labor with 3+ hours of pushing. I felt I was sitting on a baseball for the first couple days, and then felt very heavy and draggy in my perineum for months postpartum. I went to physio and while it improved I still wasn't myself at 6 months postpartum physically. Sex was so painful I would cry every time and I was having random urine leaking. I went to a pelvic floor clinic and was diagnosed with prolapse at 8 months postpartum and went to a different physio and about a month later I was finally feeling like myself again. I would say I had pelvic pain until at least 6 months postpartum and sex didn't feel normal until 8 months. I was able to completely heal my prolapse and was back to feeling like myself and lifting heavy weights consistently at the gym at 1 year. Before I got KU at 14 months postpartum I felt the strongest I'd ever been in years.

Emotionally the first few weeks is a total write off. I would cry, I would rage, i would have unexplained, irrational anxiety. Beyond that the first 3 months kind of feel like a fog. I can't remember where I heard it but someone describes it as "the 100 days of darkness" which is completely and totally accurate. Then one day around 3-4 months it's like the fog clears, the clouds part and the sun comes out again. I was by no means depressed in those first months, but just definitely not myself. Like @sjis I totally sheltered baby and I too much those early months and hope to force myself out of that this time, though it can be hard with a winter baby. I would say by 6 months, even though I was breastfeeding and baby was still consistently waking in the night, I was feeling myself emotionally.

Mandayno · August 2017

@splsmama2016 thank you so much for this information! That makes a lot of sense and was what I was trying to figure out.

@kvacmak I thank you for your honesty! I am sorry you had to experience that, and I hope that you don't have to deal with all of those with this delivery! These are experiences that are good to know do happen, as far as with your prolapse.

mrsorigami · August 2017

ktcakes87 said:

Selfishly I started this thread because I want to know the easiest/best way to organize baby clothes. In general I like to have all my clothes hanging so they are easy to see/find, but I'm not sure that's the best method for baby clothes!

I hang up shirts, sweaters, jackets/coats, and dresses, but pants, socks, and onesies/bodysuits all go in the dresser nicely folded.

flowerpower5838 · August 2017

elcd458 no one told me about the hot flashes and the dripping wet sweating. It was maybe a week or two after we were home and I was waking up DRENCHED in sweat. So gross. I had some pretty major tearing that required a few follow-ups with a wound care specialist so I did not bounce back as quickly as I anticipated. I felt "normalish" by the time I went back to work 10 weeks postpartum and I was breastfeeding/pumping.

tmk0325 · August 2017

We have a 6 drawer dresser. In the top two drawers are socks/shoes/hats etc and the other drawer are clothes they are currently wearing. The rest of the drawers are for clothes they will be moving into. When they move out of one size, I move that size into a labeled bin, and move the next drawer up. Takes about 10 minutes to do and if you don't have closest space (we don't) it works pretty well.

As for recovery. I had a c-section. I exclusively pumped for 11 weeks after that. I would say recovery from the c-section, I finally felt myself after 6 weeks physically. Mentally and physically I felt great once I stopped pumping/breastfeeding and everyone got on a consistent schedule. Once the boys slept through the night (6 months), both SO and I admit that was when we felt completely back to normal. The lack of sleep is a crazy thing and one i'm not looking forward to again.

YodaIsGreen · August 2017

I know this is subjective but how long did you breastfeed? At what point did you start pumping and bottle feeding?

oldersis · August 2017

Omg, the post-partum night sweats! I sweat out so much retained water the first couple of weeks. Hormones were crazy for the first couple of months. Most of my baby blues the second time were around feeling like I didn't get enough one on one time with my oldest. My husband knows that this time he just takes the baby as soon as he gets home from work so I get baby-free kid time. Physically it took me about a month to feel ok. I am a big believer in the belly bandit-type wraps and shrinx hips. If you breastfeed, you may not be interested in sex for a while. I just wanted to not be touched after feeling like a human pacifier all day and night. And stock up on lube. Trust me.

I wouldn't bother folding onesie and sleepers. Especially if you have a refluxy baby. You won't want to have to take a new onesie off a hanger every time there is a bunch of spit up, or rehang a million of them!

lavashiner · August 2017

@YodaIsGreen I BFed untill DD was about 18 months. I started pumping when I went to work at 5 months. I stopped pumping when she was 12 months, at which point we just did a bedtime feed. I had wanted to pump until 14 months (when the school year ended; I'm a teacher), but it was a PITA, so I stopped when we transitioned to cow's milk. I think my goal was to BF for two years, but she weaned herself!

DD didn't take a bottle until she had to. We tried at various times, but until I was gone for 8+ hours a day, she refused. After I went to work she got the hang of it on day one! Which was good, since I was stressed she wouldn't take it at all!!!

threatlevelmidnight · August 2017

YodaIsGreen said:

I know this is subjective but how long did you breastfeed? At what point did you start pumping and bottle feeding?

We only made it 2 months exclusively breast feeding. Then I started pumping and supplementing but only lasted a month after that. My son had tongue and lip ties.

sjis · August 2017

@yodalsgreen the first week I had to supplement with formula because my milk took a week to come in. I pumped, bottle fed, nursed for a few months until DD decided she wanted nothing to do with bottles. I tried in vain to bottle feed but then ended up nursing for two years until she self weaned. I think this time around I'm going to stick it through and push the pumping and bottle feeding more.

NME44 · August 2017

YodaIsGreen said:

I know this is subjective but how long did you breastfeed? At what point did you start pumping and bottle feeding?

My second quit on her own at 3 months. I was gonna pump but then I got sick and needed steroids so went to formula feeding.

My first i breastfed for 4 months (supplemented with formula at the beginning) then exclusively pumped for another 3 (by choice.) Then I quit pumping (also by choice) and ended up pregnant the next month. So he had mostly breast milk for 7 months.

edit Bc I typed bottle feeding and meant formula feeding.

acgonzalez22 · August 2017

@elcd458 Post-partum was the absolute worst part of my pregnancy. I remember crying the first week and seriously doubting I was going to survive this, but you will and you do. I had an allergic reaction to my epidural so they had to pump bags and bags of IV fluid in me and I was not only hurting from DS coming out sunny side up (I had a 3rd degree tear and 11 stitches) but I was retaining water and could barely walk. Add in exhaustion from 3.5 hours of pushing plus just being tired from having a cluster feeding newborn, I was a hot mess. With all of that said; in between crying or not showering, in those moments you are surviving. I feel the first few weeks were about survival and that being all over the place is okay, it is normal and it does pass. With all the exhaustion and maybe hormonal downs- there are also ups and many joys. And like these other ladies mentioned, those night sweats are horrendous!! But physically it took me a good month to feel semi-normal and hormonal wise, about 5 or 6 months I think. Take each day as it comes, you may have a fabulous post-partum experience. My sister did, so just try to remember all birthing stories and PP experiences won't be anything like your own but that it is good to at least hear others.

elcd458 · August 2017

Thanks all. I don't know what I'm going to do if kiddo won't take a bottle since I'll be going back to work at 12 weeks. Would it be better to try and exclusively pump (assuming my boobs cooperate with the whole milk thing) and/or use formula from the beginning? Sort of a "they can't miss what they never had" philosophy with regard to bottle rejection?

failuretofly · August 2017

As for clothes organization goes, I thought I was a genius and hung all of DS's clothes in the closet, organized by size. but about 1 week in I realized how stupid that was because i'd end up leaving him (irresponsibly) on the change table to go get clothes from the closet. We had our change pad on top of a wide 3 drawer dresser, so the top drawer was diapering supplies etc, the middle drawer below that was all the clothes he currently fit in (when they're little like that, they all should theoretically fit in one drawer since they're tiny clothes) then the rest of the clothes were hung in the closet by age. Once he grew out of stuff I re-purposed diaper boxes and labelled it with the size to store them.

@flowerpower5838 omg yes the night sweats! I would say, honestly, those didn't go away fully until I stopped breastfeeding! But the first few weeks were DISGUSTING. Honestly, sleep on a towel and be prepared to change 1-3x per night... so gross.

@YodaIsGreen I breastfed DS until 14 months, only quit when I was about 10 weeks along with this pregnancy and my milk dried up. I live in Canada, so I had a full year of mat leave, so I wasn't really forced to pump, but I did occasionally just to build up a freezer supply so I could have some baby free time here and there. I think I pumped for the first time at 2 weeks postpartum and DS got his first bottle shortly there after?

@elcd458 It's so hard to say, some babies switch between bottle and breast just fine, others refuse one or the other. I would say if you introduce the bottle earlier rather than later, though you'll have a better chance of baby accepting it. I've heard MANY mom's say they never had any issues with 'nipple confusion', and I didn't either, as long as the bottle is used sparingly in those first few weeks. The only time DS really had any preference was when he was teething, and even then it was very limited.

cait5413 · August 2017

elcd458 said:

Thanks all. I don't know what I'm going to do if kiddo won't take a bottle since I'll be going back to work at 12 weeks. Would it be better to try and exclusively pump (assuming my boobs cooperate with the whole milk thing) and/or use formula from the beginning? Sort of a "they can't miss what they never had" philosophy with regard to bottle rejection?

It really depends on the baby, so there's no way to know. I went back to work part time about 2.5 weeks after DD was born, and she took a bottle ok. Generally, the recommendation is to wait until breastfeeding is well established before introducing a bottle (e.g., you may want to wait more like 4 weeks if you can). I would be hesitant to tell you to exclusively pump from the beginning--that's so hard!--but some women do it successfully. I would 1) have someone other than you introduce the bottle 2) do it well before you have to go back to work so there is no pressure 3) be prepared to try multiple types of bottles 4) fiddle with milk temp as necessary (DD was picky about it being warm enough). Most babies will find a bottle they like, and some will take almost any bottle no problem

elcd458 · August 2017

@kvacmak @cait5413 Thank you!

I also plan on using a pacifier if LO will take it, so I hope that might help her be more accepting of the bottle too when the time comes.

ETA: Parents did not use pacifier with yours truly which ended up in a decades-long thumbsucking escapade that did not respond well to medical intervention, redneck ingenuity, or bribery. So I've always said I'd try to spare my future children the same fate since you can physically take a pacifier away, but not (legally) a thumb or finger(s).

splsmama2016 · August 2017

I pushed for 5 hours and THAT part was awful. I honestly felt like it was the main reason why it took me so long to even remotely start adjusting to postpartum rrecovery.

We only made it about 6 weeks with nursing/pumping before it was best for all of us to switch to formula.

Marley629 · August 2017

@yodalsgreen i only made it 2.5 weeks with exclusively pumping. We had latch issues & DS ended up having dairy, beef and white potato allergies (which made up the bulk of my diet) and couldn't handle my milk. I didn't have the support needed at that time to get over those hurdles (I didn't know anything about elimination diets, etc) and I felt terrible that he was so sick etc. we ended up a hypoallergenic formula and it was the best decision for us at the time.

elev2017 · August 2017

Sort of following up on the question from @elcd458 . Can ladies who've had c-sections discuss how their recovery went?

ngarciabyu · August 2017

Clothes: I always hung up shirts and dress clothes, folded onsies, pants and pjs

PP Recovery: similar to @kvacmak after my first (pushed for 3.5 hours) my pelvic floor muscles were a disaster. I couldn't walk. Any pressure on my feet hurt and I also had prolapse. Things slowly got better and I would say after about 5 months I was feeling better. After DS2, it was MUCH quicker. Delivery and recovery physically was just fine and I felt normal mostly after a few weeks. I mean overall I feel like "normal" is subjective because I don't feel like I ever went back to days before baby with rest etc, but where I was comfortable and felt like I got some sleep, yeah that took several months. I also had PPD, so that added to that. Mine was more of an anxiety and that went away after about 6 months

breastfeeding: such a success and failure story for me. I was "blessed" to be able to bf both of my boys for so long. 15 months with DS1, 3 YEARS with DS2. And I hated it. I hated the days post partum when I was engorged and sore before my milk regulated. I hated the sore nipples. I HATED the sensation I would get when having a let down. And I hated the 14 times I got mastitis. Yes, 14 times. I was too damn lazy to do anything about it though. I was in such a haze post partum with #1, nursing to sleep at night and not having to deal with bottles became a crutch. Ditto with #2 except now I have a toddler to take care of as well and DS2 had food sensitivities. Would NOT take any type of bottle or hypo allergenic formula so I had to cut dairy, soy, tree nuts and eggs from my diet for a period of time. So basically I was so thankful I was able to nurse, but honestly I hated it. I wanted to switch but there were always things that made BF easier for me. I will likely follow course with this one as well.

sjis · August 2017

Even though I'm a STM, I have a question about bathing a newborn. How do you do it? I posted this in my Sunday ticker change thread and others suggested a bath in the tub with baby or the sink.

As a newborn, DD hated bath time. What are your tips?

failuretofly · August 2017

@sjis swaddle bath! We had one of those mesh hammock type things, put it in the regular tub and then swaddled naked babe with a receiving blanket before putting him in the water. Never made a peep! Actually thoroughly enjoyed bath time once we figured that trick out! It's an NICU trick.

threatlevelmidnight · August 2017

sjis said:

Even though I'm a STM, I have a question about bathing a newborn. How do you do it? I posted this in my Sunday ticker change thread and others suggested a bath in the tub with baby or the sink.

As a newborn, DD hated bath time. What are your tips?

Co bathing was awesome for us. Just had DH help with getting baby in and out. If I needed to bathe him alone, I use the Angelcare bath seat which we loved.

sjis · August 2017

@kvacmak @alyssaleighw seems like co bathing is the way to go. I'm determined not to fumble through it this time.

thanks!

cait5413 · August 2017

@leilagphillips I had a c-section and my recovery wasn't bad; better than I think some vaginal births. I had to be careful getting out of bed to get DD and how I picked her up because twisting the wrong way and/or moving too fast would pull my incision and it would hurt. Also trying to get up/pick her up off the floor (if trying to do tummy time) was hard for a while. They advise you not to go up stairs for a while, and not to pick up anything heavier than the baby (which will be harder this time with DD around). I did go back to work a few hours 2 days a week when DD was about 2.5 weeks old. Not that I recommend that, but clearly I was doing OK or I would not have done it! I had internal sutures and external glue, so no stitches to remove. At first, riding in the car made me nauseated (maybe due to meds I was on?), but by the time I was cleared to drive (10 days), I was ok. I was prescribed 2 pain killers and I didn't finish either prescription. One was stronger and I only had a week's worth, but I stopped taking that one before I used it up and was just taking the other one for a little while, and then weaned off that and maybe just took regular Tylenol for a few more days? The nurses did tell me they thought I had a high pain tolerance, given my contractions and how long I went without an epidural (but I also think I must live in an area where a lot of women go for the epi right away because they seemed very surprised how long I turned one down). I just mention that because maybe some people need the pain meds longer. Overall, I didn't think it was so bad. You should still take Colace after, vaginal birth or c-section!

Now, the hormonal stuff is still there to contend with--there were days when DD would be crying a lot and I would just start sobbing/wailing along with her and days where breastfeeding was hard and gave me anxiety, and days where DH would just annoy the heck out of me for no reason. Like the other ladies have said, it is much easier to feel "normal" when baby is on a good sleep schedule. DD was a pretty good sleeper starting around 6 or 7 weeks, but then in her 3rd month she got an ear infection, followed by the 4 month sleep regression. By 6 months, though, she was pretty much back to being a good sleeper and I felt a little more sane after that. (DH too--I taught night classes after DD was born; one in the first semester (newborn-4 months) and 2 in the second semester, so DH was on baby duty from about 5:30-9:30 or 10 pm 1-2 nights a week, so he definitely experienced some meltdowns and struggles too)

I think someone else also mentioned breastfeeding can affect your sex drive--my boobs certainly no longer felt erotic to me, and often I just felt touched out. I was also very attuned to DD and her needs, which were tied to my body--if DH and I were being amorous, but I could hear her (even if she wasn't full-out crying), that would kill the mood for me ASAP. Lube is also still your friend, vaginal birth or not, due to hormonal changes.

elev2017 · August 2017

@cait5413 thanks for the detailed feedback! Since I'm having twins, I'm planning to request a scheduled C-section since it's likely I'll need one anyway and I want to avoid the chance of needing an emergency one if I try to have them vaginally. I think I have a fairly high level of pain tolerance as well, so your experience makes feel more confident that this is the right choice for me.

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