TW* The end of the road for me

lexidawg · August 2017

We just came back from seeing my RE. After 14 months of 8 failed IUIs and IVFs, I had a spontaneous pregnancy. Today was ultrasound # 3 at about 7 weeks. Hard to know for sure since I have irregular period. There was no growth from last week and an abnormal yolk sac. No fetal pole. The RE had ruled it a non viable pregnancy. I am beyond devastated. IF and loss are just more than one person should have to handle.

I now have to make the choice of waiting for a natural miscarriage or a d&c. I can't even think, let alone figure out what the right choice for me is.

Can anyone share their experience of what you decided to do and how long I should have wait to decide?

I wish you all happy and healthy pregnancies.

barrelocarol · August 2017

This isn't fair, at all! I'm so so sorry!

babybluu · August 2017

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry you're going through this. No advice but my thoughts are with you

savedbygrace1213 · August 2017

So sorry for your loss! Praying for guidence in this difficult decision.

pbtoast · August 2017

I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. I hope for clarity for you so you can determine the best way to move forward. Thinking of you.

becausescience · August 2017

I am so sorry for your loss. You'll be in my thoughts.

chasingroygbiv · August 2017

I am so sorry you're going through this. I have passed two naturally and had one D&C. They were all tough emotionally, but I thought naturally passing was slightly worse. Physically D&C was easy, naturally was not so.

I know D&C is surgery (and money), but for ME if I had to go through it again I would do another D&C.. Everyone is different.

fiddleRN79 · August 2017

I wish you weren't going through this. I'm so sorry. I went home and thought about what I wanted to do. I initially wanted to wait it out, but I changed my mind. I think whatever you decide is the right choice for you.

scotiagirl · August 2017

I'm so sorry to read this. It's certainly not fair at all. I have no experience for advice on a D&C vs natural miscarriage choice, but I'll be thinking of you and I hope you get the guidance that you need.

hdaley · August 2017

Hugs mommy. Sorry for your loss. This is my experience. On Dec 15, '16 I had a bad u/s too. I should have been 8 weeks but u/s showed only 5 weeks. My dr never gave me the decision to do a D&C. I miscarried naturally on Jan 2. So I went almost 2.5 weeks before miscarrying. Those were the hardest weeks of my life.

heatherdubrow · August 2017

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I opted for a d&c but ended up miscarrying naturally before my surgery date. Sending you lots of love.

hdaley · August 2017

Pressed enter too fast. I wish I could have done a D&C. I ended up in the ER from hemoragging as I miscarried. D&C would have been less hard on me emotionally and physically.

justkeeptrying · August 2017

I am so sorry for your loss. Life is cruel sometimes.

I had a MMC almost a year ago. We found out at my 12 week appointment that baby was measuring 6.5. I opted to wait to miscarry naturally. 5 weeks later I had bled some, but had not miscarried. I opted to take misoprostol to speed things along. The medication essentially induced labour. I laboured for about 3-4 hours at home before officially miscarrying.

I had a second miscarriage this Spring. Baby was 15 weeks. This miscarriage happened completely naturally. And although it was obviously emotionally painful, I didn't find it as physically painful as my first one.

If God forbid I had to do it again, I would still opt to wait to miscarry on my own. But if things weren't progressing, I would ask for a D&C rather than the medication. I found it very hard emotionally and physically to go through that process.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here!

hullabalou · August 2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. I opted for a D&C with a loss in 2014 after 2 ultrasounds showing no growth. It gave me a sense of control over one small part of what was happening and gave me some closure right away instead of waiting for my body to take over. I am sending you T&Ps for comfort and peace.

kiki75 · August 2017

I am so sorry. Especially because this was after IF, too. I understand the feeling of being lost right now.

Now, because I feel like getting the physical healing and taking care of things that have to be taken care of, is important to me as far as emotional healing, I'll jump into it. 1. Is this your first loss? Typically recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) testing is done after three losses but since you have IF, and have struggled so much with it, I think it would be fair to skip straight to that. 2. Based on the IF, I would ask about doing testing on the embryo. If your RE agrees, I'd go for the D&C so they collect the tissue and you don't have to worry about it. 3. Waiting to go naturally is definitely not for me. I didn't want to have to go about my daily life just waiting and worrying about it. I need to get it done and to move forward. 4. I'm not sure why your doctor didn't suggest the medication. I felt like that one was the right balance for me between surgery and waiting. I did take it vaginally, which reduces the GI side effects. Let me know if you have any questions or just want to talk about how totally unfair and what BS this is.

SP128 · August 2017

I'm so sorry to hear this. Loss is so devastating. **tw** I had a loss late October of 2016. I decided to take medicine to help my body miscarry. My cervix was already opening a little bit. I just wanted it over with and didn't want to have a non-viable pregnancy anymore. I wanted to do something less invasive than a D & C.

When you are ready, the ladies over in the TTCAL forum are wonderful. You do not have to be actively TTC to join them. They were my saving grace.

DDRRT1982 · August 2017

This breaks my heart. I am so very sorry for your loss. I am praying for your peace while you make the decision for what is best for you. I am also praying that you get your rainbow baby very soon. Thinking of you.

mmom3 · August 2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you during this time.

bookishbaker · August 2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. You've already gotten some great advice, but I'll add that my d&c experience was positive and helped give me a sense of closure (this was after two failed rounds of cytotec in an attempt to induce an MMC, so my d&c ended up taking place a couple weeks after my confirmed MC). T&Ps.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

Sending you some healing vibes. I wish this wasn't happening to you. It's just so deeply not fair.

lexidawg · August 2017

kiki75 said:

I am so sorry. Especially because this was after IF, too. I understand the feeling of being lost right now.

Now, because I feel like getting the physical healing and taking care of things that have to be taken care of, is important to me as far as emotional healing, I'll jump into it. 1. Is this your first loss? Typically recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) testing is done after three losses but since you have IF, and have struggled so much with it, I think it would be fair to skip straight to that. 2. Based on the IF, I would ask about doing testing on the embryo. If your RE agrees, I'd go for the D&C so they collect the tissue and you don't have to worry about it. 3. Waiting to go naturally is definitely not for me. I didn't want to have to go about my daily life just waiting and worrying about it. I need to get it done and to move forward. 4. I'm not sure why your doctor didn't suggest the medication. I felt like that one was the right balance for me between surgery and waiting. I did take it vaginally, which reduces the GI side effects. Let me know if you have any questions or just want to talk about how totally unfair and what BS this is.

Doc did mention medication as well. I just wasn't able to listen all that well. This is my first pregnancy and first loss. I think I know I need to do the d&c and want testing on the tissue done. I just have a irrational fear of doing the d&c and things could have turned around. There is a part of me that wishes we could just do it today. I'm no good at waiting.

My RE doesn't do d&c's so I'd have to go to my gyn or someone he refers me to.

kiki75 · August 2017

@alana0613 That's probably what I would do at this point, too. I completely understand the irrational fear of doing something permanent with the thought that things may have changed. You can ask for one more US before the procedure to ease your mind. Irrational or not, it's how you're feeling and another US won't hurt a thing.

Hopefully it'll help your doctors figure out what's going on so they can get you a take home baby. Loss is horrible. IF is horrible. Combining the two is a next level hell. You will come out of this. Take care of each other.

bb3vj3n · August 2017

@alana0613 I am so sorry...I remember having to male this decision and it was just awful. I truly feel for you.

Personally, I chose the middle ground. I had a MMC at 10.5 weeks... baby measured 8w3d with no heartbeat. I opted for a medically induced MC (pills). It took a full week to complete and was not only emotionally, but physically very painful. I have also had a D&C- I was trying to avoid a repeat of this as there is always a small risk of scarring and as this was my 2nd loss, I wanted to avoid the risk of damaging my uterus.

in hindsight- I wish I had had the D&C. it's much faster and virtually pain free. I was able to recover from the procedure quickly and felt okay soon afterwards.

Miscarrying somewhat naturally did not allow for this and I don't think I will ever fully recovery emotionally from that experience. I don't mean to scare you during what I know is an incredibly difficult time but nearly 1 year later... I'm still emotionally destroyed.

all I can recommend is to do what feels best and right for you. have someone to support you and stay with you. take care of yourself and allow yourself to be vulnerable if that's how your feeling.

Sending you all the warmest of wishes during this very difficult time.

HappyMonkey817 · August 2017

I'm so very sorry, and I hope you can find peace with whichever option you choose.

vflux33 · August 2017

I'm so sorry to hear this. IF by itself is bad enough. Please take care of yourself.

sassypants2010 · August 2017

I am so sorry. Hope and prayers for your rainbow.

mdfarmchick · August 2017

I'm so very sorry. Thinking of you during this time. I pray you are able to have a rainbow baby soon. This sucks and isn't fair.

eller-2 · August 2017

I am so, so sorry. I agree that IF and loss are more than one should have to handle - life is just really tough sometimes. I wish I could say something to make it easier.

kialei7 · August 2017

I'm sorry for your loss.

Cowboycorgi · August 2017

I have no advice for you, but as an IVF and loss mom myself my heart is broken for you. The universe can be so unfair and unkind. It really is too much for 1 person to have to go through.

ishmoney · August 2017

I'm sorry for your loss @alana0613. I'm praying as you make your decision. Take good care of yourself.

wisewitch222 · August 2017

I am so, so sorry.

isntthatspeshul · August 2017

So sorry. Thinking of you.

StephBrim24 · August 2017

So sorry for your loss! Praying for healing through all of this for you.

kalawa · August 2017

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.

mockingjay1 · August 2017

I am still lurking here (I was due March 2018). My d&c is tomorrow, so I can't speak for that, but I did have a natural miscarriage with my last loss and it was awful, physically and emotionally. With that experience it was easy for me to decide to do a d&c this time. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and wish you the best as you move forward.

Staciefacie · August 2017

I'm sorry for your loss! T&ps for you.

paigew123 · August 2017

Sorry for your loss. T&p are with you

crossfitbabybump · August 2017

so sorry love, you're in my thoughts and prayers

lexidawg · August 2017

Thank you everyone.

I had another ultrasound today to confirm what we saw on Monday. I also had blood work done and my progesterone has plummeted and HCG didn't rise. I will be going through with a d&c either tomorrow or Friday, if they can't get me in tomorrow.

I wish you all the best.

heatherdubrow · August 2017

@alana0613 again I'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts.

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