I don't feel fabulous today and my toddler has been an absolute handful. I put on Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 because I know it's guaranteed to keep him happy and quiet for at least an hour and a half. I contemplated restarting it when it was over... not sorry.
I'm going to an all day bridal shower and bachelorette party tomorrow. Bride rented a yacht for her bach and has invited men, too. I'm not looking forward to being stuck on a boat for 7 hours with a bunch of drunk people, and have to confess I'm having some serious body image issues. My bump isn't protruding obviously, a swimsuit is not an option, my butt has grown more than my stomach, and seeing all of these girls in their teeny tiny bikinis drinking rose is just the last thing I feel like doing (for multiple reasons). Plus, most of these people have tons of money, yet somehow I'm stuck bringing food for 50 people (with another girl) and I'm not even a bridesmaid (thank god). We move next weekend and I'd rather pack.
@EmilyLove25 But how will you raise your children to be moral and good without a church?!?!??!
Kidding! We don't take Miles to church -- I run pretty "like I fuckin' know?" when it comes to religion, so agnostically not practicing anything. But the result is that I'm accidentally raising an atheist, lol. "Well, Mom, I just don't believe in God because I believe science, and there's no evidence."
So, we had a talk about what faith means to people, and how it's important to respect that, but how people shouldn't use their faith to be bullies* and also discussed how faith and science aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. I've always felt that he can come to his own conclusions about religion as he wants/needs to in life.
(* One of his friends said Miles couldn't be his friend anymore because he didn't believe in God. They're still friends, though, so.)
@libbberty no fun. I'm at the beach right now and only squeezed myself into my suit so DS could experience the ocean for the first time. So uncomfortable, and i know people were trying to make me feel better by commenting on my body, but could you not?? Hopefully you'll have some fun!
@maueraa07 exactly! I'm the first of this group to get pregnant and wish I could take a shot (or better yet, have a piece of cake) for each time someone makes a comment (you're starting to get a bump!), asks me how I'm feeling when they've never met me before, or says "your body is just making room, enjoy it". Good intentions. Poor delivery.
Trying to to convince myself the vitamin D will be worthwhile! I bet DS loved the beach! Those first ocean moments tend to be pretty amazing.
I hate people right now. For no reason but all day, every day lately, I say in my head "GOD I HATE PEOPLE." No one is even doing anything. I'll be looking at clothes online "I hate everyone". I think I'm just a hateful person right now.
@cricket99 100% with you. DD is too much today. I love her, but today I don't like her. We may go out shopping later because I don't think I can stay home all day with her attitude. But then we're playing roulette-will she throw a public tantrum or be excited to be out? Girl's only 13 months and she's already acting like a 3 year old.
@scatteringashes I so appreciate people who make sure their kids are raised to respect others and their beliefs. My faith is extremely important to me, but I know that other people's different beliefs are just as important to them, so I'm not going to go shoving my religion down their throat. My hope is to raise DD to feel the same.
@libbberty I'm sorry that doesn't sound like fun at all. I hope you're still able to somewhat enjoy yourself!
ETA my FFFC: I don't like swearing. The extent of my swearing vocabulary is "shit", "dang", and my personal favorite, "balls." I'm such a child.
@schaze UGH I am so jealous. I am good about not swearing in front of DD but seem to be unable to eliminate it/cut down on my regular life and really want to... the words just come out in weird situations lol.
@schaze I love that you said you don't like your DD today. I have many days I feel like that with DS and you get the worst looks if you accidently say it out loud. More people need to admit that kids are a pain sometimes and we don't have to cherish every moment.
My FFFC is that ever since I've become pregnant again (100% planned) I've been feeling like such a crappy mom. I am a sahm and have no energy or desire to play with DS. I've already had many occasions where I regret deciding to have this baby then instantly feel like garbage for even thinking that, then worrying that my thoughts will somehow cause something to go wrong with this baby.
@schaze DH has already had to have his first "no no that song is about ducks" convo with DS. He hasn't said it just in conversation but apparently he likes to try & sing along sometimes. I say this is what he gets for continuing to play Slipknot in the car with a kid who's learning to talk.
@EmilyLove25@scatteringashes I'm an atheist, DH is not, but we've turned into C&E church people so I don't think DS has any idea. We never got around to having him baptized either, bc 'our' church was going through a big pastoral transition around that time. (Not that I care, neither was I. Apparently my v. Catholic grandma was deeply disappointed. My parents not so much)
So...my UO about religion is that I undecided. I accept that DH is an atheist (and absolutely accept this in others, just not my point here), and I'm agnostic half the time anyways, but because I was raised Methodist and I'm still just not sure what I'm going to feel/believe the rest of my life, we got married in a church and we'll baptize our LO. My faith is still evolving and I'm not ready to put a permanent label on it. The institution of the church simultaneously disgusts me and comforts me. I believe in science and God. I believe they can work together and people can still have tradition/values without religion. Many of the atheists I know have equally rich value systems to those who are religious (and sometimes they're even more reflective/intentional).
DH and I are on the same page about attending various services with our LO - Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, and whoever else will have us. We both agreed early on that we don't want to project too much on LO. However, we want to expose him/her to alternative ways of thinking so when s/he is ready, LO can make the choice (or not - whatever). I know this will be a lot of effort on our parts, but we're intent on trying.
I do have a hard time with people who are so against religion/spirituality that they don't expose their children to any of it. Nobody needs to go to service or engage, but being educated about what others believes makes you a global citizen - I think the same about politics.
@scatteringashes kudos to you for having these conversations early!
I hate people right now. For no reason but all day, every day lately, I say in my head "GOD I HATE PEOPLE." No one is even doing anything. I'll be looking at clothes online "I hate everyone". I think I'm just a hateful person right now.
I prefer the term "blistering rage-ball."
Confession: I hate my husband's guitar playing, it makes me want to scream. He works hard at it and practices for hours every night while I fantasize about grabbing it and smashing it over his head.
@maueraa07 Hugs. If I was still a SAHM, I think I would have
gone through similar feelings right now and especially in the first trimester.
Try thinking about the distant future when you can go on family vacations and
the two are bonding. And don’t feel like garbage for thinking that… you are not
alone!
@libbbertyI really believe everyone’s beliefs should evolve
as they go through life. You sound super open minded and smart!
Great confessions today. Kudos @auntieraindrop for not crushing his dream.
My FFFC is I just got Into 2 arguments with DH. 1. I called him cheap because he bought me some nasty grape jelly all bc it was on clearnace. I told him not to buy me clearance things anymore, there is a reason they are on clearance bc NO ONE ELSE WANTED IT.
2. He is watching Rouge One. And I told him I hate Star Wars since Disney took over. There is no plot to the movies. It's 3 hours of nothing. He didn't agree
@auntieraindrop DH constantly plays the same song on the piano. And not even a whole song, it's like one page. It drives me crazy!
@burnsmommy27 I wasn't a huge fan of The Force Awakens, so I didn't go see Rogue One in theaters. However we just watched it on Netflix a couple weeks ago and I was pleasantly surprised. Nothing compares to the old ones though. Not the dumb newer trilogy, the ones with Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford. I hated the new ones.
FFFC: I am religious and stand firm in my faith. I run a small group in church and serve. The last 2 years have been an amazing spiritual journey.
Flip side, I think christians with the right heart would never judge or look down on a person because of where they are on their walk (or if they are on a walk at all). My husband is an atheist and even though I wish he was walking with me, I love him all the same.
@schaze I totally feel you, I did not like DS today. He was such a handful. the worst part was that we were stuck at home because I had the movers coming to survey our house in the morning and some loaner appliances being picked up this afternoon. I love the little turkey, but today really tried my patience...
Flip side, I think christians with the right heart would never judge or look down on a person because of where they are on their walk (or if they are on a walk at all).
I'm conflicted about the whole religion thing. Both DH and I were raised Catholic, all the way to conformation (which is the last sacrament before marriage). I've been to faith-based (mostly Catholic) schools all my life. I want our children to go to Catholic school for various reasons, but the problem will be that A.) DH and I aren't married in the church and B.) we're not practicing Catholics and i will literally cry if i have to go back to church on a regular basis. On the flip side, DH said that if he had to do church again, he wouldn't do anything else but Catholic and i agree (basically b/c we're familiar with it and it's in our comfort zone). I'd classify myself as being down for the spiritual and moral aspects of religion, but none of the organized part of it. I also believe (and i've told DH this) that even though neither of us are very religious, we come from families with some devout Catholics, and there is definitely a possibility one of our kids might be into the whole religion thing, in which case we'll have to get our act together and participate in it, b/c there's no way i'm telling a child they can't go to church if they want to go. So...very conflicted here, not sure what we're going to do as of yet, stay tuned i guess
Edited: my B.) turned into a smiley face with sunglasses and needed to be corrected haha
@gilsam1 I taught in a Catholic school before I became a SAHM and no you will not need to attend church nor will they care if you are married or not. ( at least that's the way it is around here, I live in Philly.) I attended catholic school, and my daughter is starting K this year at Catholic school and all they care about is your tuition is on time and you contribute your church envelopes. (Which you can just drop off , you don't actually have to go to Church lol) I stopped going to church years ago mainly because I got lazy and life got busy. But I do intend to go back now that my daughter is starting Kindergarten!
DD1: 2/28/12 DD2: 9/12/13 Baby #3: Due January 2018
Confession 1: I like seeing PDA. Not because I'm a creeper, but because I think it's sweet. I like to see people who are in love.
Confession 2: I am a STRONG supporter of late-term abortion. After what happened to us last year, with our son receiving a terrible medical diagnosis at 24 weeks, suffering terribly after birth, and then dying, I will fight tooth and nail about this. I think it's often more sadistic to force a very, very sick baby to be born then it is to do a termination for medical reasons. At the very least, the parents should have a choice in this situation. But for some crazy reason, more and more states have moved the cut off to 20 weeks. That's exactly when people get their anatomy scan. And most people can't make a choice based on the anatomy scan alone. They have to see a specialist who can confirm the diagnosis. And by the time they do that, it's usually too late. THAT'S MESSED UP.
Confession 3: I think people who don't ask to get the anatomy scan at 18 weeks instead of 20 weeks are dumb. Or blissfully unaware. See confession number two. Flame me if you want. Whatever. If this encourages someone to get the test done just a little earlier, it's worth it.
Confession 4: I worry about when Queen Elizabeth II will die. Like, WORRY worry. It's dumb. But I love following the British royals. They fascinate me because I don't understand how they've managed to survive. They're such a cute anachronism.
@PleaseSendPicklesNow I'm getting my anatomy scan done at 22 weeks. I also didn't get any genetic testing done at all. I know, you think i'm completely insane and stupid. This is probably mostly due to my FTM ignorant-bliss, but i'm also aware of everything that could go wrong since i'm a medical professional. I remember seeing some horrific things during my OB and Pediatric rotations in school. But, you make some very good points and i would totally recommend to my patients everything you said b/c it makes sense. In my medical ethics class, i remember i wrote a paper about euthanasia for newborns, and i think it was something that was possible in the UK (but don't quote me, and it was a while ago). It's a very interesting topic.
Because of all of the football talk on the UO thread, I figured I'd share this FFFC here: I hate football. Luckily I married a man who is not into sports either, thank goodness...because I couldn't handle having that crap on in my house all the time.
So, we had a talk about what faith means to people, and how it's important to respect that, but how people shouldn't use their faith to be bullies* and also discussed how faith and science aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. I've always felt that he can come to his own conclusions about religion as he wants/needs to in life.
(* One of his friends said Miles couldn't be his friend anymore because he didn't believe in God. They're still friends, though, so.)
THIS! I wasn't raised to specifically bully folks, but I sure was a Christian "elitist" (for lack of a better term) and encouraged to be so for fear I may swing in the less Christian direction. Other kids probably did feel bullied and judged by my holier-than-thou attitude in school. College really helped even me out. Like I want to go to my next high school reunion to show people I'm not Miss Self Righteous anymore. All that to say, +1 to @Dani0329 's comment! It is my intention to be and to raise children who are accepting of and loving towards others, Christian or not, supporters of (insert anything that Christians often denounce) or not, etc.
@maueraa07 I don't know what its like to be in your shoes (FTM), but I doubt you're the first to feel any of that and I don't think you're bad for thinking any of it. Hugs! I'm pullin' for ya!
@PleaseSendPicklesNow - I like to think I'm generally more informed about abortion and have a more even-keeled opinion on it than many at my church but have been generally against abortion, especially late term. However until I became pregnant, I had no idea about all the different implications and complications that happen during pregnancy and how often! I won't say I've done a 180 but you're story is making me think a lot more about it. Also totally down with confessions 1 & 4!!!
My confession is random...I got road ragey because I got stuck behind a guy who left a sawz-all on the back of his tool box lid and was driving down the road at 70 mph with clearly no idea what he'd done. I was at a total loss of how to even get his attention, so I just hope it stayed there until he got to where he was going and didn't fly off and hit anyone...
January 2018 Board September Siggy Challenge: Fall
I've never parallel parked. I just never learned how and I make my husband do it because I'm afraid I'll mess up and hit someone's car since the spaces are tight.
I don't have any athiest friends who are cognizant about how much religion means to some people in the normal realm. They bash on it every time they get a chance and bring it up even when it's off topic. It's usually about what the religious nut cases are doing that mainstream religious individuals themselves don't even agree with. I'm just left awkwardly making eye contact with the religious people I know in the same room shrugging like "whatcha gonna do?" I think because of this I have a really slanted opinion whenever I meet a new person who is athiest. I automatically think they are full of hate and loathing, it's something I've been focusing really hard on not doing though.
I'm generally a "you do you and let me do me" kind of person, and have the overall opinion that everyone should butt out of everyone else's business.
My son's dad and I were both raised Catholic as well, and actually went through confirmation with plans to get married in the church. (Spoiler alert: we didn't.) We even had our son baptized, because I think we had ideas of being more Catholic than we were. I usually tell people now that I have cultural Catholic tendencies (boy, I do love wine and gossip), but don't practice anymore. That said, if my son had ever been more than passably interested in attending church, I'd've started it up again. So, same, lol. It was interesting to attend my grandfather's Catholic funeral, both because I forgot a lot of the little parts of the rituals and also in how comforting the ritual of it still feels. My uncle (who is firmly atheist now) and I chatted about how odd and archaic it feels to be back at a church service, and how interestingly designed the whole thing is.
My husband was raised Baptist and neither of us practices anything anymore, but we both have religious families (ranging from "firmly but quietly" to "praying as a group before meals at the family reunion"). I have no idea if people are going to have any particular thoughts on our lack of baptism plans in any church, but they were all chill about us getting married by a friend at the park pavilion, so hopefully they're all calm.
Gah! I'm so late to the religion conversation but can I just say how much I love it?
I was raised in a variety of denominations while my parents (specifically my dad) evolved in their beliefs. I do not ascribe to a particular denomination anymore. It's a topic that we just don't talk about much, because I think that it's disappointing to them (specifically my dad) that I don't share their faith. Out of 7 siblings, 5 of us are out of the house and we all have varying degrees of faith that we practice. I myself do believe in a higher power, but I believe that there is more than one way to exercise that faith. I see a medium now and then, use angel cards daily and carry crystals in my purse, am getting to know astrology, and basically try to be the best human being that I can be. I think that Native American spirituality is fascinating, along with a more historical view of the New Testament and Jesus (including the theory that he was married), and I plan on letting my kids experience different cultures and religions in a way that was discouraged for me. I'm eclectic and I love it that way.
@gilsam1 I... Wow. Honestly, I'm scratching my head over this one! I'm curious about your reasons. Since you're a medical professional, and you know all the risks and terrible possibilities, I figure you must have well thought out, logical reasons for not wanting to know anything before birth. For not even wanting to do a non-invasive genetic test, which carries zero risk to you and the baby.
Or, perhaps you live outside the United States, so terrible news at a 22 week scan won't leave you with zero options? If that's the case, it makes a little more sense.
If you sit in the "I would never ever ever have an abortion no matter what" camp, that is something I understand and respect, too. But even in that case, wouldn't you want to know in advance that your child needs extra help? So you could be switch to a hospital with specialists who specialize in their condition, and will be present during labor and delivery? So you can tell your insurance company in advance and get a personal caseworker, so your child's care goes more smoothly? So you can prepare for all the early intervention care they'll need? So you can find the right schools? Like in our case, if our son had been less profoundly affected and survived, we would've needed to find a school for the deaf and blind.
It can be a pretty big deal.
I don't know anything about infant euthanasia, but I do know about infant hospice. We looked into it and met with two very sweet hospice caseworkers, before we found doctors in Boston who thought they might be able to help our son. Hospice can be a beautiful option to reduce suffering after birth, when you know there is no chance at life.
@beans17 Thank you! That means a lot to me. More than you can possibly know.
Honestly, before this happened to us I was pro-choice, but I didn't approve of late term abortion. Because I didn't understand it! I was like, "If you want to have an abortion, don't wait until the pregnancy is half over. That's dumb and mean!" I didn't understand that people don't wait until that point unless they WANT the baby. They LOVE the baby. And then they get terrible news that changes everything.
I don't want anyone else to go through this. EVER. And I don't want any other babies to suffer the way our sweet son did. It's why I've become a tireless bore, talking about this so much! If I can change one person's mind, or if another baby suffers less because their mom did an earlier scan, or if another baby with a rare genetic condition survives because they got genetic tests in advance and gave birth with the right specialists on hand… Then being a bore is worth it!
@PleaseSendPicklesNow Well, I live in Los Angeles. There's some pretty good hospitals and providers here, and i'd have some good options. Personally, i couldn't do the abortion thing, no matter what, so that's off the table. If we get some bad news at the Anatomy scan and needed additional testing/monitoring of course i'd do that, but i think one of my top choices would be to deliver at a hospital with a higher level of care than our current hospital. I'd have to drive about an hour (hopefully not a lot of traffic!) into downtown, but there's a hospital that is right next door to Children's Hospital Los Angeles (CHLA) and they actually have a skyway built between the L&D dept and the NICU so it's almost like the two are connected (and i only know this b/c i did a rotation there, but i thought it was pretty cool at the time so i remember that). CHLA is an amazing hospital, and luckily both of those hospitals are in-network for me. My out-of-pocket max is a comfortable number for me as well. I do agree with you on the infant hospice though, i would definitely utilize that if necessary. I didn't get the non-invasive testing done b/c i have an anxiety disorder, and i know myself, and it wouldn't have been healthy for me to be able to excessively worry and dwell on things i can't change that far out. But, i also believe in being prepared once the time has come for action. So, as things get farther along and planning/decisions needed to be made, i would be on top of that. I don't know how well i explained that, or if it makes sense, but it seems like the healthiest decision for me personally
I really appreciate reading/lurking these posts of yours.
Gilsam: I did the NIPT twice and for a full month I was a nervous wreck as both blood draws came back inconclusive. It was a very real rabbit hole of googling (never do that) and I could not stop thinking about the little person and their health. I can only imagine what that would have been like for a person with an anxiety disorder.
Pickles: your story and your advocacy encouraged me to continue with testing (which so far has come back great and reassuring).
@PleaseSendPicklesNow Because of your post I researched the laws in my state and am making sure I get my anatomy scan early enough to be able to have all the information early enough to make the right decision if there is anything out of the ordinary. Thank you.
@PleaseSendPicklesNow i totally understand you. I had to have a late term abortion with my 5th pregnancy. If i hadn't the baby would have suffered miserably for a very short life. I had to travel to Kansas for it, stay in a hotel for a week, cross picket lines daily, and all because i didn't want to watch my baby suffer and die. When i was there all the other ladies were there for similar reasons, none of us because we didn't want the babies or changed or minds. I was always pro-choice before, but also one of the i will never have an abortion, but once the worst hit me, it's something i felt i had to do. To this day everyone except my ex, his parents, my dh and my mother thinks i had a miscarriage. Because no one would understand.
My OB requires all anatomy scans to be done at 18 weeks, and I think that's because in SC abortions are banned after 20 weeks, so I'm grateful for their foresight.
Along the religion thread, I am religious and like going to church for the community, and I grew up in the church. DH isn't as religious and didn't go to church growing up because his mom was a hard-working single mother who couldn't take him even though she wanted to, and his dad was an atheist so he didn't go on the weekends he spent with him. When we lived in the city, our church was 2 blocks away and I'd walk to it on Sundays and meet my parents there. Now that we live 45 minutes away from that church in the country, I haven't found a new church because most likely I'd have to go alone. DH works weekends but goes in late on Sundays (1 pm). He likes to sleep in because Sunday is sort of like the start of his weekend. We only get Mondays off together, and I cherish the time we spend together so I haven't been going to church alone or dragging him unwillingly with me. However I want to raise this baby in the church so I think I'm just going to have to start going alone or driving 45 minutes to and from Church on Sundays.
edited to add: I'm also going to have a conversation with DH about it, but I've been holding back for the above reasons.
@mamaof5already I just wanted to say. First sorry you had to go through that. You should not of had to cross picket lines to do the right thing got your child. Second I think you are a very strong person for making that decision and traveling away from home to do it.
@williams-jen It's hard to go to church alone! I mean even going on Sundays when my DH is out of town, to the church we're regularly a part of, is intimidating. I think it's worth it though and I will be cheering for you from this side of cyber space. Best wishes when it comes to talking it over with DH too!
January 2018 Board September Siggy Challenge: Fall
@mamaof5already I just wanted to say. First sorry you had to go through that. You should not of had to cross picket lines to do the right thing got your child. Second I think you are a very strong person for making that decision and traveling away from home to do it.
Thanks for sharing.
Yes, agree - well said.
Me-37, DH-38
Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012
Baby Boy born June 1, 2015
He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)
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Re: FFFC
FFFC: I'm an atheist. Happy Friday!
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
I use Hypnobabies! http://www.hypnobabies-store.com/link.cgi?affiliateID=472
J18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies!
EDD: 1/6/2018
Eva Jane: 7/23/2014
Kidding! We don't take Miles to church -- I run pretty "like I fuckin' know?" when it comes to religion, so agnostically not practicing anything. But the result is that I'm accidentally raising an atheist, lol. "Well, Mom, I just don't believe in God because I believe science, and there's no evidence."
So, we had a talk about what faith means to people, and how it's important to respect that, but how people shouldn't use their faith to be bullies* and also discussed how faith and science aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. I've always felt that he can come to his own conclusions about religion as he wants/needs to in life.
(* One of his friends said Miles couldn't be his friend anymore because he didn't believe in God. They're still friends, though, so.)
Trying to to convince myself the vitamin D will be worthwhile! I bet DS loved the beach! Those first ocean moments tend to be pretty amazing.
J18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies
@scatteringashes I so appreciate people who make sure their kids are raised to respect others and their beliefs. My faith is extremely important to me, but I know that other people's different beliefs are just as important to them, so I'm not going to go shoving my religion down their throat. My hope is to raise DD to feel the same.
@libbberty I'm sorry
ETA my FFFC: I don't like swearing. The extent of my swearing vocabulary is "shit", "dang", and my personal favorite, "balls." I'm such a child.
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
My FFFC is that ever since I've become pregnant again (100% planned) I've been feeling like such a crappy mom. I am a sahm and have no energy or desire to play with DS. I've already had many occasions where I regret deciding to have this baby then instantly feel like garbage for even thinking that, then worrying that my thoughts will somehow cause something to go wrong with this baby.
@EmilyLove25 @scatteringashes I'm an atheist, DH is not, but we've turned into C&E church people so I don't think DS has any idea. We never got around to having him baptized either, bc 'our' church was going through a big pastoral transition around that time. (Not that I care, neither was I. Apparently my v. Catholic grandma was deeply disappointed. My parents not so much)
Jan 18 December Siggy Challenge: Christmas Movies
I do have a hard time with people who are so against religion/spirituality that they don't expose their children to any of it. Nobody needs to go to service or engage, but being educated about what others believes makes you a global citizen - I think the same about politics.
@scatteringashes kudos to you for having these conversations early!
Confession: I hate my husband's guitar playing, it makes me want to scream. He works hard at it and practices for hours every night while I fantasize about grabbing it and smashing it over his head.
@maueraa07 Hugs. If I was still a SAHM, I think I would have gone through similar feelings right now and especially in the first trimester. Try thinking about the distant future when you can go on family vacations and the two are bonding. And don’t feel like garbage for thinking that… you are not alone!
@libbbertyI really believe everyone’s beliefs should evolve as they go through life. You sound super open minded and smart!
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
My FFFC is I just got Into 2 arguments with DH.
1. I called him cheap because he bought me some nasty grape jelly all bc it was on clearnace. I told him not to buy me clearance things anymore, there is a reason they are on clearance bc NO ONE ELSE WANTED IT.
2. He is watching Rouge One. And I told him I hate Star Wars since Disney took over. There is no plot to the movies. It's 3 hours of nothing. He didn't agree
@burnsmommy27 I wasn't a huge fan of The Force Awakens, so I didn't go see Rogue One in theaters. However we just watched it on Netflix a couple weeks ago and I was pleasantly surprised. Nothing compares to the old ones though. Not the dumb newer trilogy, the ones with Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford. I hated the new ones.
Flip side, I think christians with the right heart would never judge or look down on a person because of where they are on their walk (or if they are on a walk at all). My husband is an atheist and even though I wish he was walking with me, I love him all the same.
@schaze I totally feel you, I did not like DS today. He was such a handful. the worst part was that we were stuck at home because I had the movers coming to survey our house in the morning and some loaner appliances being picked up this afternoon. I love the little turkey, but today really tried my patience...
Edited: my B.) turned into a smiley face with sunglasses and needed to be corrected haha
DD2: 9/12/13
Baby #3: Due January 2018
Confession 2: I am a STRONG supporter of late-term abortion. After what happened to us last year, with our son receiving a terrible medical diagnosis at 24 weeks, suffering terribly after birth, and then dying, I will fight tooth and nail about this. I think it's often more sadistic to force a very, very sick baby to be born then it is to do a termination for medical reasons. At the very least, the parents should have a choice in this situation. But for some crazy reason, more and more states have moved the cut off to 20 weeks. That's exactly when people get their anatomy scan. And most people can't make a choice based on the anatomy scan alone. They have to see a specialist who can confirm the diagnosis. And by the time they do that, it's usually too late. THAT'S MESSED UP.
Confession 3: I think people who don't ask to get the anatomy scan at 18 weeks instead of 20 weeks are dumb. Or blissfully unaware. See confession number two. Flame me if you want. Whatever. If this encourages someone to get the test done just a little earlier, it's worth it.
Confession 4: I worry about when Queen Elizabeth II will die. Like, WORRY worry. It's dumb. But I love following the British royals. They fascinate me because I don't understand how they've managed to survive. They're such a cute anachronism.
I hate football. Luckily I married a man who is not into sports either, thank goodness...because I couldn't handle having that crap on in my house all the time.
@PleaseSendPicklesNow, I'm also weirdly obsessed with the royal family.
@maueraa07 I don't know what its like to be in your shoes (FTM), but I doubt you're the first to feel any of that and I don't think you're bad for thinking any of it. Hugs! I'm pullin' for ya!
@PleaseSendPicklesNow - I like to think I'm generally more informed about abortion and have a more even-keeled opinion on it than many at my church but have been generally against abortion, especially late term. However until I became pregnant, I had no idea about all the different implications and complications that happen during pregnancy and how often! I won't say I've done a 180 but you're story is making me think a lot more about it. Also totally down with confessions 1 & 4!!!
My confession is random...I got road ragey because I got stuck behind a guy who left a sawz-all on the back of his tool box lid and was driving down the road at 70 mph with clearly no idea what he'd done. I was at a total loss of how to even get his attention, so I just hope it stayed there until he got to where he was going and didn't fly off and hit anyone...
I think because of this I have a really slanted opinion whenever I meet a new person who is athiest. I automatically think they are full of hate and loathing, it's something I've been focusing really hard on not doing though.
I'm generally a "you do you and let me do me" kind of person, and have the overall opinion that everyone should butt out of everyone else's business.
My son's dad and I were both raised Catholic as well, and actually went through confirmation with plans to get married in the church. (Spoiler alert: we didn't.) We even had our son baptized, because I think we had ideas of being more Catholic than we were. I usually tell people now that I have cultural Catholic tendencies (boy, I do love wine and gossip), but don't practice anymore. That said, if my son had ever been more than passably interested in attending church, I'd've started it up again. So, same, lol.
It was interesting to attend my grandfather's Catholic funeral, both because I forgot a lot of the little parts of the rituals and also in how comforting the ritual of it still feels. My uncle (who is firmly atheist now) and I chatted about how odd and archaic it feels to be back at a church service, and how interestingly designed the whole thing is.
My husband was raised Baptist and neither of us practices anything anymore, but we both have religious families (ranging from "firmly but quietly" to "praying as a group before meals at the family reunion"). I have no idea if people are going to have any particular thoughts on our lack of baptism plans in any church, but they were all chill about us getting married by a friend at the park pavilion, so hopefully they're all calm.
I was raised in a variety of denominations while my parents (specifically my dad) evolved in their beliefs. I do not ascribe to a particular denomination anymore. It's a topic that we just don't talk about much, because I think that it's disappointing to them (specifically my dad) that I don't share their faith. Out of 7 siblings, 5 of us are out of the house and we all have varying degrees of faith that we practice. I myself do believe in a higher power, but I believe that there is more than one way to exercise that faith. I see a medium now and then, use angel cards daily and carry crystals in my purse, am getting to know astrology, and basically try to be the best human being that I can be. I think that Native American spirituality is fascinating, along with a more historical view of the New Testament and Jesus (including the theory that he was married), and I plan on letting my kids experience different cultures and religions in a way that was discouraged for me. I'm eclectic and I love it that way.
Or, perhaps you live outside the United States, so terrible news at a 22 week scan won't leave you with zero options? If that's the case, it makes a little more sense.
If you sit in the "I would never ever ever have an abortion no matter what" camp, that is something I understand and respect, too. But even in that case, wouldn't you want to know in advance that your child needs extra help? So you could be switch to a hospital with specialists who specialize in their condition, and will be present during labor and delivery? So you can tell your insurance company in advance and get a personal caseworker, so your child's care goes more smoothly? So you can prepare for all the early intervention care they'll need? So you can find the right schools? Like in our case, if our son had been less profoundly affected and survived, we would've needed to find a school for the deaf and blind.
It can be a pretty big deal.
I don't know anything about infant euthanasia, but I do know about infant hospice. We looked into it and met with two very sweet hospice caseworkers, before we found doctors in Boston who thought they might be able to help our son. Hospice can be a beautiful option to reduce suffering after birth, when you know there is no chance at life.
Honestly, before this happened to us I was pro-choice, but I didn't approve of late term abortion. Because I didn't understand it! I was like, "If you want to have an abortion, don't wait until the pregnancy is half over. That's dumb and mean!" I didn't understand that people don't wait until that point unless they WANT the baby. They LOVE the baby. And then they get terrible news that changes everything.
I don't want anyone else to go through this. EVER. And I don't want any other babies to suffer the way our sweet son did. It's why I've become a tireless bore, talking about this so much! If I can change one person's mind, or if another baby suffers less because their mom did an earlier scan, or if another baby with a rare genetic condition survives because they got genetic tests in advance and gave birth with the right specialists on hand… Then being a bore is worth it!
You kind of made my day. Thank you.
I really appreciate reading/lurking these posts of yours.
Gilsam: I did the NIPT twice and for a full month I was a nervous wreck as both blood draws came back inconclusive. It was a very real rabbit hole of googling (never do that) and I could not stop thinking about the little person and their health. I can only imagine what that would have been like for a person with an anxiety disorder.
Pickles: your story and your advocacy encouraged me to continue with testing (which so far has come back great and reassuring).
BFP: May 6, 2017 EDD: Jan. 13, 2018
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
Along the religion thread, I am religious and like going to church for the community, and I grew up in the church. DH isn't as religious and didn't go to church growing up because his mom was a hard-working single mother who couldn't take him even though she wanted to, and his dad was an atheist so he didn't go on the weekends he spent with him.
When we lived in the city, our church was 2 blocks away and I'd walk to it on Sundays and meet my parents there. Now that we live 45 minutes away from that church in the country, I haven't found a new church because most likely I'd have to go alone. DH works weekends but goes in late on Sundays (1 pm). He likes to sleep in because Sunday is sort of like the start of his weekend. We only get Mondays off together, and I cherish the time we spend together so I haven't been going to church alone or dragging him unwillingly with me.
However I want to raise this baby in the church so I think I'm just going to have to start going alone or driving 45 minutes to and from Church on Sundays.
edited to add: I'm also going to have a conversation with DH about it, but I've been holding back for the above reasons.
Thanks for sharing.