What should I do?

muggle621 · August 2017

loganjsmommy1978 said:

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

missydallas said:N.Y.

@loganjsmommy1978 (I thought you were quitting our BMB?) @Ktjennks

This board is about uplifting and offering support of fellow women (while also being a reasonable human being). Neither of you have posted since the "heartbeat" debacle. Just coming out to comment on a thread because you dislike some women on this BMB (which really seems like what you're doing....let's be honest) isn't being supportive or helpful.

Pretty sure she was commenting like any normal member until YOU brought up last week. How is that helpful or supportive?

Because generally when you call people disgusting they typically remember that and have a hard time interacting with you unless you apologize. People are so weird, huh?

The way you treated her was disgusting. You basically just admitted it yourself, you won't let it go and move on and let her contribute to this "community".

I missed the part where she basically admitted it herself.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

the_other_mother said:

EmilyLove25 said:

@the_other_mother I certainly didn't mean to imply I was open minded. I definitely am not when it comes to any belief someone holds that a man has ownership of her body. Having said that, I do agree with you that it is OP's right to feel that way about her own body. It's a belief used to bolster and underwrite centuries of repressing women and perpetuate destructive heteronormativity and still is "innocently" touted in many religions/cultures today. I find it terrifying, so I laugh somewhat out of discomfort... but again I do agree that everyone can and should make their own decisions about who "owns" their bodies.

Ok cool..I get it. You appreciate open-mindedness when it comes to feminist beliefs, but not other's beliefs.

I mean yeah. She said that.

It's sort of like saying "I'm not open minded to sexism and racism".

[Deleted User] · August 2017

<blockquote class="Quote">
<div class="QuoteAuthor"><a href="/profile/kmalls">kmalls</a> said:</div>
<div class="QuoteText"><blockquote class="Quote">
<div class="QuoteAuthor"><a href="/profile/vjlanier">vjlanier</a> said:</div>
<div class="QuoteText">As a Christian educator I respect you ladies for standing up for modesty!! God bless you!</div>
</blockquote>
I think you're completely missing the point. Nobody is saying modesty is wrong, it's not a sentiment anyone needs to "stand up for." <b>The problem lies in the statement that men and boys can't control themselves around women </b>who are showing any amount of skin. Let's not confuse that, please, and turn it into an unnecessary religious argument. </div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="Quote">
<div class="QuoteAuthor"><a href="/profile/antoto">antoto</a> said:</div>
<div class="QuoteText"><blockquote class="Quote">
<div class="QuoteAuthor"><a href="/profile/hullabalou">hullabalou</a> said:</div>
<div class="QuoteText"><blockquote class="Quote">
<div class="QuoteAuthor"><a href="/profile/vjlanier">vjlanier</a> said:</div>
<div class="QuoteText">As a Christian educator I respect you ladies for standing up for modesty!! God bless you!</div>
</blockquote>

As a Christian, <b>I plan to raise my son to know that God wants him to practice self-control and respect for others. </b>Teaching boys that they are not slaves to the "OMG TEENAGE BOY HORMONES" that people love to bring up in these cases is much more important than teaching girls to conform to your idea of modesty.</div>
</blockquote>
This. <b>I think it's so damaging to boys and men to constantly hold them to such low standards.</b> They are not drooling idiots. <b>They have 100% full ability to be respectful and thoughtful</b> just like girls and women. We should demand this standard for all children and adults.</div>
</blockquote>
All of these things.

FFTC: This is why I always said I wanted to be a boy-mom, (back when I thought I would just "be ready," and start having kids. Like 9 boys and a girl at the end. Le sigh.) <b>BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO FEW GOOD MEN IN THE WORLD!!!! </b> While I do agree that it's not necessarily <i>smart</i> for a woman to attract untoward attention with her public attire, the bottomline is 1) anybody is free to dress herself however s/he chooses. Not my business. 2) Even if one <i>does</i> attempt to dress more modestly, they <i><b>1000% have less than zero control over how they are perceived by others,</b></i> especially low-life pervs.

Case in point, a woman dressed "modestly" in professional attire could be "too much" for a perv to handle - omg curves, ankles, hair in a French twist - whatever. It would be <i>unprofessional</i> for her underpants to be hanging out, imho, and if she wants to be viewed as a professional, they probably aren't. I don't want my bra-straps showing or pantilines because to me it looks sloppy and/or unflattering. <i>That also has less than zero to do with worrying about a man being so turned on my my brastrap that he jumps me in the parkinglot. There is zero connection whatsoever to how I choose to dress and what men may be thinking about my choices. </i>I dress however I feel I look/feel good that day and for the particular setting or occasion.
That's it.<i>
</i>
Not sure if that example helped or hurt. Lol

And 3) the obvious should go without saying but I'll say it anyway, how a woman dresses never gives a man an excuse to touch them. At all.

So as great of a topic as this is!!! I don't really know how we got so far off from OPs original topic and the real problem here:
<blockquote class="Quote">
<div class="QuoteAuthor"><a href="/profile/missydallas">missydallas</a> said:</div>
<div class="QuoteText">@Ktjennks -<b> I totally have issues when I see a shirtless man with a 6-pack....</b> I just blame it on my pregnancy hormones. Guys should definitely be considerate and wear shirts when<b> running in my neighborhood - because I can't control myself. </b>These guys are just asking for it (definitely not just trying to stay cool in 100 degree weather).
</div>
</blockquote>
<b>WHERE IS YOUR NEIGHBOURBOOD AND LET'S HANG OUT!!!! :D

</b>But seriously. There is so much truth being dropped here. Sometimes people dress in ways that they want to be noticed for. For all sorts of reasons. To each his/her own. Regardless -
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/re/d6lohwar6ejo.gif" alt="">

[Deleted User] · August 2017

@muggle621 I would strongly suggest you edit your comment. You can get a warning from the BGs for telling someone to leave. It's not that I disagree with your comment, I just don't want you getting in trouble.

muggle621 · August 2017

@antoto Thanks for the heads up!

ShawnnaO · August 2017

@BusinessWife THAT GIF

[Deleted User] · August 2017

***still lurker status*** Lol omg I take too long with my response and miss all the dramz.
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/0l/v9py0yyyqzf3.gif" alt="">

[Deleted User] · August 2017

loganjsmommy1978 said:

Moving on...let it go and let's agree to move on. We are adults, after all. Hormonal, but adults.

I mean... I feel like adults apologize when they say mean things though...

heatherdubrow · August 2017

FWIW I don't think anyone was disgusting to @Ktjennks. I actually really like her and simply disagreed with the information she was putting out there. And agreed with @antoto that when someone slings insults and leaves in a huff, I genuinely appreciate an apology before resuming a conversation @loganjsmommy1978.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

loganjsmommy1978 said:

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

Moving on...let it go and let's agree to move on. We are adults, after all. Hormonal, but adults.

I mean... I feel like adults apologize when they say mean things though...

O.k., not moving on, check.

So... no apologies then? That makes it hard to move on.

I can't imagine a person acting like this IRL with me. Like if one of my friends called me shallow and disgusting and then a few days later was like "It's time to be adult and move on!" without apologizing I would be so blown away. Do you really act like that?

chasingroygbiv · August 2017

I go to try and parent my kids that haven't had a with it mother for the last month and I miss it all...... Also........ what? Where did this even come from? I'm so confused. This is like something for Hot Topics. Is that still a thing or am I dating myself now? I don't even know. That's how confused I am from reading this.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

loganjsmommy1978 said:

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

Moving on...let it go and let's agree to move on. We are adults, after all. Hormonal, but adults.

I mean... I feel like adults apologize when they say mean things though...

O.k., not moving on, check.

So... no apologies then? That makes it hard to move on.

I'm not playing this game with you. Don't like me, like me, let it go, or don't. I'm done with this thread. I've extended the olive branch, I'm moving on.

I'm missing the part where there was an olive branch. You accused us of ganging up and being disgusting. That's not an olive branch.

pbtoast · August 2017

I can't stand when people blame poor behavior on hormones.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

Also lol at the evolution of this thread.

pbtoast · August 2017

loganjsmommy1978 said:

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

Moving on...let it go and let's agree to move on. We are adults, after all. Hormonal, but adults.

I mean... I feel like adults apologize when they say mean things though...

O.k., not moving on, check.

So... no apologies then? That makes it hard to move on.

I'm not playing this game with you. Don't like me, like me, let it go, or don't. I'm done with this thread. I've extended the olive branch, I'm moving on.

Wait- just saying "ok, let's move on" without properly addressing the situation and taking responsibility for your part in it, is not in any way an olive branch. That's not how this works.

Edited: typo

lund · August 2017

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

Moving on...let it go and let's agree to move on. We are adults, after all. Hormonal, but adults.

I mean... I feel like adults apologize when they say mean things though...

O.k., not moving on, check.

So... no apologies then? That makes it hard to move on.

I'm not playing this game with you. Don't like me, like me, let it go, or don't. I'm done with this thread. I've extended the olive branch, I'm moving on.

I'm missing the part where there was an olive branch. You accused us of ganging up and being disgusting. That's not an olive branch.

Agreed. All I've seen is nastiness and a bunch of GBCB.

and +1 to hating it when people blame poor behavior on hormones. Wait, isn't that the point of most of this thread? I guess if you think that hormones are an excuse for men to behave poorly, then it's an excuse for pregnant women to behave poorly. Neither of which I agree with in the least.

ETA forgot a word

chasingroygbiv · August 2017

Can I get a quick TL:DR recap???? Desperate over here, but my phones almost dead!

ShawnnaO · August 2017

antoto said:

Also lol at the evolution of this thread.

I really want OP to return because I'm starting to think they may have just been baiting us. And if they weren't, I'm genuinely curious as to their reaction towards all the different opinions on this thread.

heatherdubrow · August 2017

pbtoast said:

I can't stand when people blame poor behavior on hormones.

Omg yes, this.

bettyvonsomethingstein · August 2017

Is this thread still going? Because I ran home to get my torch and pitchfork.

muggle621 · August 2017

antoto said:

Also lol at the evolution of this thread.

Right, and also how the original poster was like "Release the kraken" then ghosted.
At least we learned some things today.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

@lund I like how you brought this full circle - You can't use hormones as an excuse for shitty behavior.

pbtoast · August 2017

I mean I'm pretty sure the OP was a troll. He/she succeeded in engaging and agitating people, which I'm sure was the only intention. Having said that, there were so many things brought up in this thread that I just couldn't NOT respond to. Hate to feed the trolls, but omg some of these comments.

meatballs37 · August 2017

I'm team modesty because that is how I was raised and how I feel most comfortable. However, if I was an educator in a public school system, I would NEVER push my beliefs of modesty on my students simply based on the reasons of "hormones" whether it be from either sex.

But I am also disappointed in some of the people here who laughed at the beliefs that are of Christian value to themselves alone (to clarify, not the ones they think they should encourage others to have, but what they believe is right for themself alone).

I believe that how I dress my earthly body is a direct reflection of my religious beliefs and respect for God. And anyone who laughs or belittles that is no better than those who berate those who believe the opposite.

Again, I do not judge those who don't dress modestly and believe opposite. It's just how I choose to live. I do NOT dress modestly because of the opposite or heck even same sex hormones. I think we can all agree that argument is just ridiculous.

HappyMonkey817 · August 2017

Help! I've run out of post-its!

Also, I'm betting this thread will be closed by an admin within the hour.

pbtoast · August 2017

@meatball37 I actually didn't see anyone laughing at anyone because they choose to dress modestly based on their personal or religious values. All I saw was people taking issue with statements that women are responsible to men through their dress in one way or another. If I missed any instances of the former, I agree that's not cool.

kiki75 · August 2017

Please do not diminish people's opinions by blaming hormones or attempt to make excuses for behavior based on hormones. When you attempt to claim that people are reacting the way they are due to hormones, you dismiss and diminish their fair and well-reasoned arguments. It's reminiscent of people's claims that we shouldn't have women in politics because hormones. (But somehow it's okay to have men who also have hormones in politics...) It's rude and is a very weak way to dismiss someone's opinions without forming a rational argument for your opinions. For the next 8+ months, each of us are still rational people who can actually form opinions, be happy, be angry, be sad, and have discussions without being dismissed as being "hormonal."

As far as using it to excuse bad behavior, that's pretty much like using alcohol to excuse behavior. It doesn't bring out anything that wasn't there before. All it does is to drop inhibitions and let the truth shine through--good, bad, or hideous.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

meatball37 said:

I'm team modesty because that is how I was raised and how I feel most comfortable. However, if I was an educator in a public school system, I would NEVER push my beliefs of modesty on my students simply based on the reasons of "hormones" whether it be from either sex.

But I am also disappointed in some of the people here who laughed at the beliefs that are of Christian value to themselves alone (to clarify, not the ones they think they should encourage others to have, but what they believe is right for themself alone).

I believe that how I dress my earthly body is a direct reflection of my religious beliefs and respect for God. And anyone who laughs or belittles that is no better than those who berate those who believe the opposite.

Again, I do not judge those who don't dress modestly and believe opposite. It's just how I choose to live. I do NOT dress modestly because of the opposite or heck even same sex hormones. I think we can all agree that argument is just ridiculous.

Absolutely no one laughed or made fun of anyone for specific religious beliefs. Several of us expressed concern and were highly critical of the idea that a husband owns the body of his wife.

No one here has been disrespectful of religious people just because they are religious, but also just because a concept is based in scripture doesn't mean it's exempt from us being critical of it. I don't have a problem with anyone who chooses to be religious. But I do have a moral problem if they choose to promote and teach beliefs that are rooted in sexism and misogyny.

ETA - It is wrong to persecute someone because of their chosen religion. But I also think it's wrong to say that all beliefs and opinions are exempt from critique just because they are religious. I don't find that acceptable logic. If you don't want comments and critiques don't put your personal opinions and beliefs on an open forum. If you DO then please expect people to respond with their own thoughts and feelings.

meatballs37 · August 2017

@antoto @pbtoast I am specifically referring to those comments who think its laughable that someone believes their body is not their own based on their religious beliefs. And yes shocker, Even their husband. I don't take it in a misogynistic or sexist way at all. Maybe it was poorly communicated in how that OP worded it. But I took it as a respect for your husband kind of way. Certainly not laughable. But I have a feeling that no matter how I explain this, there will be people who disagree. I was simply pointing out that telling people they are wrong in their religious beliefs is just as wrong as roping modesty on hormones into the same boat.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

meatball37 said:

@antoto @pbtoast I am specifically referring to those comments who think its laughable that someone believes their body is not their own based on their religious beliefs. And yes shocker, Even their husband. I don't take it in a misogynistic or sexist way at all. Maybe it was poorly communicated in how that OP worded it. But I took it as a respect for your husband kind of way. Certainly not laughable. But I have a feeling that no matter how I explain this, there will be people who disagree. I was simply pointing out that telling people they are wrong in their religious beliefs is just as wrong as roping modesty on hormones into the same boat.

I'm not sure I accept that though. If there was a religion that advocated for human sacrifice would you tell them they are wrong for believing and doing that?

I don't believe any religion is magically exempt from critique.

meatballs37 · August 2017

antoto said:

meatball37 said:

@antoto @pbtoast I am specifically referring to those comments who think its laughable that someone believes their body is not their own based on their religious beliefs. And yes shocker, Even their husband. I don't take it in a misogynistic or sexist way at all. Maybe it was poorly communicated in how that OP worded it. But I took it as a respect for your husband kind of way. Certainly not laughable. But I have a feeling that no matter how I explain this, there will be people who disagree. I was simply pointing out that telling people they are wrong in their religious beliefs is just as wrong as roping modesty on hormones into the same boat.

I'm not sure I accept that though. If there was a religion that advocated for human sacrifice would you tell them they are wrong for believing and doing that?

I don't believe any religion is magically exempt from critique.

And now I think you are missing the point. I'm not surprised. I mean come on, human sacrifice isn't even comparable to dressing in a way that respects your religious beliefs. Major eye roll here.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

meatball37 said:

antoto said:

meatball37 said:

@antoto @pbtoast I am specifically referring to those comments who think its laughable that someone believes their body is not their own based on their religious beliefs. And yes shocker, Even their husband. I don't take it in a misogynistic or sexist way at all. Maybe it was poorly communicated in how that OP worded it. But I took it as a respect for your husband kind of way. Certainly not laughable. But I have a feeling that no matter how I explain this, there will be people who disagree. I was simply pointing out that telling people they are wrong in their religious beliefs is just as wrong as roping modesty on hormones into the same boat.

I'm not sure I accept that though. If there was a religion that advocated for human sacrifice would you tell them they are wrong for believing and doing that?

I don't believe any religion is magically exempt from critique.

And now I think you are missing the point. I'm not surprised. I mean come on, human sacrifice isn't even comparable to dressing in a way that respects your religious beliefs. Major eye roll here.

Sigh. Take out human sacrifice and insert racism. Or whatever is comparable to sexism for you.

I'm not sure I missed your point, I think you are choosing to miss mine and instead pick on the metaphor I selected.

ETA - And I am NOT critiquing dressing in a specific way. I am critiquing the idea that a woman does not own the entirety of her body.

Please do not put words in my mouth.

meatballs37 · August 2017

antoto said:

meatball37 said:

antoto said:

meatball37 said:

@antoto @pbtoast I am specifically referring to those comments who think its laughable that someone believes their body is not their own based on their religious beliefs. And yes shocker, Even their husband. I don't take it in a misogynistic or sexist way at all. Maybe it was poorly communicated in how that OP worded it. But I took it as a respect for your husband kind of way. Certainly not laughable. But I have a feeling that no matter how I explain this, there will be people who disagree. I was simply pointing out that telling people they are wrong in their religious beliefs is just as wrong as roping modesty on hormones into the same boat.

I'm not sure I accept that though. If there was a religion that advocated for human sacrifice would you tell them they are wrong for believing and doing that?

I don't believe any religion is magically exempt from critique.

And now I think you are missing the point. I'm not surprised. I mean come on, human sacrifice isn't even comparable to dressing in a way that respects your religious beliefs. Major eye roll here.

Sigh. Take out human sacrifice and insert racism. Or whatever is comparable to sexism for you.

I'm not sure I missed your point, I think you are choosing to miss mine and instead pick on the metaphor I selected.

Agree to disagree.

the_other_mother · August 2017

antoto said:

meatball37 said:

@antoto @pbtoast I am specifically referring to those comments who think its laughable that someone believes their body is not their own based on their religious beliefs. And yes shocker, Even their husband. I don't take it in a misogynistic or sexist way at all. Maybe it was poorly communicated in how that OP worded it. But I took it as a respect for your husband kind of way. Certainly not laughable. But I have a feeling that no matter how I explain this, there will be people who disagree. I was simply pointing out that telling people they are wrong in their religious beliefs is just as wrong as roping modesty on hormones into the same boat.

I'm not sure I accept that though. If there was a religion that advocated for human sacrifice would you tell them they are wrong for believing and doing that?

I don't believe any religion is magically exempt from critique.

You are using a fallacy known as slippery slope. It is not an acceptable argument.

Anyway, if you live in the United States (which you may not idk) you are granted freedom to practice religion. Obviously of a religion practiced human sacrifice that would be against the law and (duh) would never be allowed to happen.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

@meatball37 and please note my ETA on my previous comment because I don't think that was very kind of you.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

the_other_mother said:

antoto said:

meatball37 said:

@antoto @pbtoast I am specifically referring to those comments who think its laughable that someone believes their body is not their own based on their religious beliefs. And yes shocker, Even their husband. I don't take it in a misogynistic or sexist way at all. Maybe it was poorly communicated in how that OP worded it. But I took it as a respect for your husband kind of way. Certainly not laughable. But I have a feeling that no matter how I explain this, there will be people who disagree. I was simply pointing out that telling people they are wrong in their religious beliefs is just as wrong as roping modesty on hormones into the same boat.

I'm not sure I accept that though. If there was a religion that advocated for human sacrifice would you tell them they are wrong for believing and doing that?

I don't believe any religion is magically exempt from critique.

You are using a fallacy known as slippery slope. It is not an acceptable argument.

Anyway, if you live in the United States (which you may not idk) you are granted freedom to practice religion. Obviously of a religion practiced human sacrifice that would be against the law and (duh) would never be allowed to happen.

I mean feel free to pick whatever *insert thing you disagree with here*. Picking on a pointless aspect of an argument is also a logical fallacy, so don't be so quick to get up on your high horse. My argument is still valid and hasn't been addressed.

looeeze · August 2017

**lurking from April**

If my body belongs to MH, how do I transfer this nausea over to him for a bit? I need a break.

OH WAIT that's not how bodies work.

meatballs37 · August 2017

antoto said:

@meatball37 and please note my ETA on my previous comment because I don't think that was very kind of you.

I think people can still have a spicy debate here on TB and agree to disagree.

ETA: I don't see where I was unkind. I don't believe what you do. That does not make me unkind. I had an eye roll because your comparison was so far out in left field.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

meatball37 said:

antoto said:

@meatball37 and please note my ETA on my previous comment because I don't think that was very kind of you.

It's all good. I think people can still have a spicy debate here on TB and agree to disagree.

That's fine. I just want a fair argument. I don't think it's fair to accuse me of attacking a religious woman's right to wear whatever she wants. That is not even remotely true. I don't like people putting words in my mouth.

pbtoast · August 2017

Oh, yeah. I think the issue of a woman's body belonging to a man is QUITE different from laughing at how someone chooses to dress. Very different issue. And I agree with others that saying just because that belief is religiously-based makes it exempt from criticism. It's a human rights/social justice issue as far as I'm concerned.

Want a personalized experience?

What should I do?

Re: What should I do?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards