What should I do?

hullabalou · August 2017

scoogy19 said:

This might also be a UO but I think it's less about respecting men and more about respecting yourself as a woman...

What you wear has absolutely no bearing on respect for yourself or anyone else. This thread is blowing my mind. I can respect myself as a woman while wearing what I damn well please. Respecting myself as a woman means dressing in what makes me feel confident and comfortable in my own skin. The end.

LemmyRN · August 2017

*Lurker* so briefly gotta say

Burka rationale!

Changed gif to less risqué

vjlanier · August 2017

As a Christian educator I respect you ladies for standing up for modesty!! God bless you!

stow2009 · August 2017

I totally hear you ladies, and I figured I might get some disagreement- that's totally fine! Just to clarify, I never think that a man isn't responsible for himself and his actions. But for me, it does come down to who else my body belongs to (the Lord, and my husband), and not clinging to my "rights" to dress a certain way. I'm not judging other ways of thinking, just sharing where I stand on this issue. I don't walk around in head to toe dresses (although I don't think that's bad)- I just make an effort not to show things that are reserved for my hubby.

We are beautiful, I just believe in displaying inward beauty to men as much as possible instead of areas of sexuality. And empowering my daughter to display that, too.

And yes! I totally feel sexy pregnant, just making a joke.

becausescience · August 2017

vjlanier said:

As a Christian educator I respect you ladies for standing up for modesty!! God bless you!

There is a major difference in wanting modesty for yourself and telling others to be modest bc men "can't handle it."

kmalls · August 2017

vjlanier said:

As a Christian educator I respect you ladies for standing up for modesty!! God bless you!

I think you're completely missing the point. Nobody is saying modesty is wrong, it's not a sentiment anyone needs to "stand up for." The problem lies in the statement that men and boys can't control themselves around women who are showing any amount of skin. Let's not confuse that, please, and turn it into an unnecessary religious argument.

becausescience · August 2017

stow2009 said:

I totally hear you ladies, and I figured I might get some disagreement- that's totally fine! Just to clarify, I never think that a man isn't responsible for himself and his actions. But for me, it does come down to who else my body belongs to (the Lord, and my husband), and not clinging to my "rights" to dress a certain way. I'm not judging other ways of thinking, just sharing where I stand on this issue. I don't walk around in head to toe dresses (although I don't think that's bad)- I just make an effort not to show things that are reserved for my hubby.

We are beautiful, I just believe in displaying inward beauty to men as much as possible instead of areas of sexuality. And empowering my daughter to display that, too.

And yes! I totally feel sexy pregnant, just making a joke.

Your body "belongs" to you and you alone.

kiki75 · August 2017

stow2009 said:

I totally hear you ladies, and I figured I might get some disagreement- that's totally fine! Just to clarify, I never think that a man isn't responsible for himself and his actions. But for me, it does come down to who else my body belongs to (the Lord, and my husband), and not clinging to my "rights" to dress a certain way. I'm not judging other ways of thinking, just sharing where I stand on this issue. I don't walk around in head to toe dresses (although I don't think that's bad)- I just make an effort not to show things that are reserved for my hubby.

We are beautiful, I just believe in displaying inward beauty to men as much as possible instead of areas of sexuality. And empowering my daughter to display that, too.

And yes! I totally feel sexy pregnant, just making a joke.

You get to choose who your body "belongs to" but my body belongs to me and me only.

My husband's body doesn't belong to me and mine doesn't belong to him. Please be careful in your phrasing that is the type of sentiment that justifies serious control issues in a relationship and major problems like marital rape.

heatherdubrow · August 2017

I think it's fine if you, personally, feel that way. Dress the way you want, feel the way you want. But when you're trying to push those beliefs on young impressionable students, that's where I have a problem. I'm not ok with anyone teaching my daughters they need to hide their bodies because men can't control themselves. That's backwards thinking that helps no one. And it's not a teacher's responsibility to teach them how to dress and what to do with their bodies. I have so much love and respect for educators, but that is just not part of the job.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

Like I'm not under the illusion that I will change someone's long held mindset, especially on matters of religion and marriage, but I do have to say it makes me really sad when someone (anyone!) doesn't believe they have full ownership over their own body. It makes me worry.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

LemmyRN said:

*Lurker* so briefly gotta say

Burka rationale!

This gif rubs me the wrong way - so briefly gotta say

Don't be weirdly Islamaphobic and get outta here with that gif.

I think there's plenty to be discussed about how religions like Islam can contribute to disempowerment for women, but an edited gif of women in burkas bumbling around like they're blind idiots isn't really the way to go about it.

LemmyRN · August 2017

@antoto
I am not Islamophobic and I did remove that, unfortunately it was a poor choice in gif.
I should have simply left he comment pointing out the burka rationale. That gif was totally distracting, sorry

hullabalou · August 2017

vjlanier said:

As a Christian educator I respect you ladies for standing up for modesty!! God bless you!

As a Christian, I plan to raise my son to know that God wants him to practice self-control and respect for others. Teaching boys that they are not slaves to the "OMG TEENAGE BOY HORMONES" that people love to bring up in these cases is much more important than teaching girls to conform to your idea of modesty.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

hullabalou said:

vjlanier said:

As a Christian educator I respect you ladies for standing up for modesty!! God bless you!

As a Christian, I plan to raise my son to know that God wants him to practice self-control and respect for others. Teaching boys that they are not slaves to the "OMG TEENAGE BOY HORMONES" that people love to bring up in these cases is much more important than teaching girls to conform to your idea of modesty.

This. I think it's so damaging to boys and men to constantly hold them to such low standards. They are not drooling idiots. They have 100% full ability to be respectful and thoughtful just like girls and women. We should demand this standard for all children and adults.

pbtoast · August 2017

Wait this started out weird AF but just keeps getting worse. Much of what I'm reading in this thread (e.g. women should dress modestly to respect men and/or not tempt them) is a huge reason why rape culture exists. "Maybe if you hadn't dressed that way/sent him "signals"/acted like you wanted it, he wouldn't have raped you." I just can't, ya'll.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

*lurking*

Ktjennks · August 2017

@stow2009 I totally see where you are coming from. A lot of girls dress a certain way bc they want to be seen a certain way and desired by boys. Guys do have issues and while it's not the girls fault he has them, she's not doing him any favors by letting her panties hang out for him to see. Have some respect for yourself.

On another note you can totally be sexy for your husband while pregnant! (You might not feel like it right now bc I for sure don't, but mine LOVED it when I was pregnant last time)

pbtoast · August 2017

[Deleted User] · August 2017

Ktjennks said:

@stow2009 I totally see where you are coming from. A lot of girls dress a certain way bc they want to be seen a certain way and desired by boys. Guys do have issues and while it's not the girls fault he has them, she's not doing him any favors by letting her panties hang out for him to see. Have some respect for yourself.

On another note you can totally be sexy for your husband while pregnant! (You might not feel like it right now bc I for sure don't, but mine LOVED it when I was pregnant last time)

Not clear on why having your panties out means you don't have respect for yourself...

becausescience · August 2017

Ktjennks said:

@stow2009 I totally see where you are coming from. A lot of girls dress a certain way bc they want to be seen a certain way and desired by boys. Guys do have issues and while it's not the girls fault he has them, she's not doing him any favors by letting her panties hang out for him to see. Have some respect for yourself.

On another note you can totally be sexy for your husband while pregnant! (You might not feel like it right now bc I for sure don't, but mine LOVED it when I was pregnant last time)

ShawnnaO · August 2017

This thread kind of makes my heart hurt. I hope no one ever makes my daughter feel like the way she dresses is anyone else's business.

missydallas · August 2017

@Ktjennks - I totally have issues when I see a shirtless man with a 6-pack.... I just blame it on my pregnancy hormones. Guys should definitely be considerate and wear shirts when running in my neighborhood - because I can't control myself. These guys are just asking for it (definitely not just trying to stay cool in 100 degree weather).

Edited to add one more piece - I absolutely respect myself and I respect every woman's choice to wear WHATEVER they want and not have to be concerned about men. Stop bringing women down based on how they dress and start uplifting women for just trying to get through life the same as the rest of us (even if they do it differently).

EmilyLove25 · August 2017

Lol my body belongs to my husband. OMG I haven't laughed that hard in a while. It's 2017.

ETA Lurker from January and sounds like there are mostly open minded feminists in the March board. Good luck with the pregnancy all around.

pumpkinpancake · August 2017

antoto said:

Like I'm not under the illusion that I will change someone's long held mindset, especially on matters of religion and marriage, but I do have to say it makes me really sad when someone (anyone!) doesn't believe they have full ownership over their own body. It makes me worry.

I can't agree with this more. Obviously, people are entitled to their own beliefs, but regardless of that, everyone should feel control and ownership over their own bodies. I would never in a million years describe myself as "belonging to" my husband, and I would never expect that from him. We are partners in a relationship, and share equally in our lives.

That being said, there is so much going wrong in this thread that I don't know where to start. Like others have said, empowering women starts with teaching them that they can wear/do anything they want, regardless of what men may think. Men and boys should be responsible enough to be able to handle their desires, and if not, then they need to go take care of that in private somewhere and leave the damn girls alone.

What bothers me the most is that first it starts with people saying you need to wear certain things to show respect for others, then next they'll be saying that women should keep their mouths shut and opinions to themselves "out of respect", and it goes on and on from there. I, for one, will be making a devoted effort to teaching my son that to "respect" women, is to treat them equally and allow them to make decisions for themselves. If you wouldn't be telling a boy he couldn't wear certain clothes, why should it be any different for a girl?

Ktjennks · August 2017

@missydallas hahaha I never said anything about them asking for it,I wasn't talking about rape. I just said that some girls do want the attention from guys and guys do have issues. If you have different view points thats totally fine.

If you want to let your daughter run around naked, go ahead.

the_other_mother · August 2017

EmilyLove25 said:

Lol my body belongs to my husband. OMG I haven't laughed that hard in a while. It's 2017.

ETA Lurker from January and sounds like there are mostly open minded feminists in the March board. Good luck with the pregnancy all around.

Sorry, but how open minded is it to literally laugh at someone with different views than you?? If she chooses to give her husband her body (which is actually more figurative than anything) then what tf does it matter what year it is? It's her body to do with it what she wants.

pbtoast · August 2017

ShawnnaO said:

This thread kind of makes my heart hurt. I hope no one ever makes my daughter feel like the way she dresses is anyone else's business.

I agree. We have to do better than this raising our daughters AND sons.

missydallas · August 2017

@Ktjennks - not really sure why you're concerned with what we think since in your last post in this board was to call most of us "disgusting".

hullabalou · August 2017

Ktjennks said:

@stow2009 I totally see where you are coming from. A lot of girls dress a certain way bc they want to be seen a certain way and desired by boys. Guys do have issues and while it's not the girls fault he has them, she's not doing him any favors by letting her panties hang out for him to see. Have some respect for yourself.

On another note you can totally be sexy for your husband while pregnant! (You might not feel like it right now bc I for sure don't, but mine LOVED it when I was pregnant last time)

But no. "Guys" don't have issues. That's an unfair stereotype of boys/men. It's insane to me that people really think it's okay to hold boys to such low standards and make them think they aren't capable of being strong, self-disciplined, and respectful. If you plan to raise your future sons to think they have no control over their own body and all control over the girls around them, you're part of the problem.

Ktjennks · August 2017

@missydallas Trust me I am not trying to gain approval, if I were then I'd sit here mindlessly agreeing with you. So please explain to me how I am coming across like I care what you all think? I was simply telling someone that I see their points and agree with some of the things she had to say.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

Ktjennks said:

@missydallas Trust me I am not trying to gain approval, if I were then I'd sit here mindlessly agreeing with you. So please explain to me how I am coming across like I care what you all think? I was simply telling someone that I see their points and agree with some of the things she had to say.

Wait, which points did you agree with?

Also FWIW running around naked is actually illegal... so... generally frowned upon.

kiki75 · August 2017

Ktjennks said:

@missydallas hahaha I never said anything about them asking for it,I wasn't talking about rape. I just said that some girls do want the attention from guys and guys do have issues. If you have different view points thats totally fine.

If you want to let your daughter run around naked, go ahead.

Ktjennks said:

@missydallas Trust me I am not trying to gain approval, if I were then I'd sit here mindlessly agreeing with you. So please explain to me how I am coming across like I care what you all think? I was simply telling someone that I see their points and agree with some of the things she had to say.

loganjsmommy1978 said:

Ktjennks said:night

@missydallas Trust me I am not trying to gain approval, if I were then I'd sit here mindlessly agreeing with you. So please explain to me how I am coming across like I care what you all think? I was simply telling someone that I see their points and agree with some of the things she had to say.

^ this

QFP. I thought all y'all GBCBed?

HappyMonkey817 · August 2017

Everyone should respect everyone. No one belongs to anyone else. That is all.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

loganjsmommy1978 said:

Ktjennks said:

@missydallas Trust me I am not trying to gain approval, if I were then I'd sit here mindlessly agreeing with you. So please explain to me how I am coming across like I care what you all think? I was simply telling someone that I see their points and agree with some of the things she had to say.

Every time you comment now, *they're gonna find you. Oooooo, scary (insert sarcastic shudder)

I'm so confused though... you said you no longer wanted to be part of this community?

Also we aren't "finding you" we are actively posting in a thread and you happened to join in. Because apparently you love drama and just couldn't resist.

missydallas · August 2017

@loganjsmommy1978 (I thought you were quitting our BMB?) @Ktjennks

This board is about uplifting and offering support of fellow women (while also being a reasonable human being). Neither of you have posted since the "heartbeat" debacle. Just coming out to comment on a thread because you dislike some women on this BMB (which really seems like what you're doing....let's be honest) isn't being supportive or helpful.

EmilyLove25 · August 2017

@the_other_mother I certainly didn't mean to imply I was open minded. I definitely am not when it comes to any belief someone holds that a man has ownership of her body. Having said that, I do agree with you that it is OP's right to feel that way about her own body. It's a belief used to bolster and underwrite centuries of repressing women and perpetuate destructive heteronormativity and still is "innocently" touted in many religions/cultures today. I find it terrifying, so I laugh somewhat out of discomfort... but again I do agree that everyone can and should make their own decisions about who "owns" their bodies.

[Deleted User] · August 2017

loganjsmommy1978 said:

missydallas said:N.Y.

@loganjsmommy1978 (I thought you were quitting our BMB?) @Ktjennks

This board is about uplifting and offering support of fellow women (while also being a reasonable human being). Neither of you have posted since the "heartbeat" debacle. Just coming out to comment on a thread because you dislike some women on this BMB (which really seems like what you're doing....let's be honest) isn't being supportive or helpful.

Pretty sure she was commenting like any normal member until YOU brought up last week. How is that helpful or supportive?

Because generally when you call people disgusting they typically remember that and have a hard time interacting with you unless you apologize. People are so weird, huh?

the_other_mother · August 2017

EmilyLove25 said:

@the_other_mother I certainly didn't mean to imply I was open minded. I definitely am not when it comes to any belief someone holds that a man has ownership of her body. Having said that, I do agree with you that it is OP's right to feel that way about her own body. It's a belief used to bolster and underwrite centuries of repressing women and perpetuate destructive heteronormativity and still is "innocently" touted in many religions/cultures today. I find it terrifying, so I laugh somewhat out of discomfort... but again I do agree that everyone can and should make their own decisions about who "owns" their bodies.

Ok cool..I get it. You appreciate open-mindedness when it comes to feminist beliefs, but not other's beliefs.

missydallas · August 2017

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

missydallas said:N.Y.

@loganjsmommy1978 (I thought you were quitting our BMB?) @Ktjennks

This board is about uplifting and offering support of fellow women (while also being a reasonable human being). Neither of you have posted since the "heartbeat" debacle. Just coming out to comment on a thread because you dislike some women on this BMB (which really seems like what you're doing....let's be honest) isn't being supportive or helpful.

Pretty sure she was commenting like any normal member until YOU brought up last week. How is that helpful or supportive?

Because generally when you call people disgusting they typically remember that and have a hard time interacting with you unless you apologize. People are so weird, huh?

^THIS

[Deleted User] · August 2017

loganjsmommy1978 said:

antoto said:

loganjsmommy1978 said:

missydallas said:N.Y.

@loganjsmommy1978 (I thought you were quitting our BMB?) @Ktjennks

This board is about uplifting and offering support of fellow women (while also being a reasonable human being). Neither of you have posted since the "heartbeat" debacle. Just coming out to comment on a thread because you dislike some women on this BMB (which really seems like what you're doing....let's be honest) isn't being supportive or helpful.

Pretty sure she was commenting like any normal member until YOU brought up last week. How is that helpful or supportive?

Because generally when you call people disgusting they typically remember that and have a hard time interacting with you unless you apologize. People are so weird, huh?

The way you treated her was disgusting. You basically just admitted it yourself, you won't let it ho and move on and let her contribute to this "community".

Um like me specifically? What did I say or do specifically that was disgusting? I believe it was only the two of you who were hurling insults and aggressive behavior around.

And FYI I let it ho all the time.

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