Question for TTM++

Re: Question for TTM++

• mdfarmchick member

  July 2017

  I'm so glad you asked this... I've been thinking the same thing!

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• pghctwife member

  July 2017

  Baby wearing!!!!! Soooo key. 
  Making sure you give your oldest attention and you don't just jump for the baby at every peep if it interrupts your time with your big kid. Baby can fuss for a minute while you finish a story or making a snack etc. I'd wait and ask big kid 'do you want me to finish the story first or get baby?' He'd usually say to get the baby. And screaming would be different obvs. 
  
  I use nursing time time to read stories, snuggle with them, etc
  
  Thanks to babywearing I don't really break stride. With my 2yo we were at the playground like 2-3 days old. I wore him and kept in the shade, and my big kids got out of the house. Get out with them, they'll need the escape and release.
  
  speciel big sib stuff, special tee, gifts, attention and praise. Let them hold the baby, middle liked to 'help' baby nurse by putting his hand on his head while he nursed. 
  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  
  11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
  

  05/2017 cp
  08/03/17 no hb 8w
  
  

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• heatherdubrow member

  July 2017

  My kids are just under 2 years apart. I felt like the first 6 months were really hard. It took a long time to get out the door, I felt like I was making no one happy, and it felt really overwhelming. But a flip switched around the 6 month mark. 
  Don't beat yourself up if you're not doing all your usual stuff right away, or if your big kid has to watch a little more tv while you figure it all out. 
  Baby wearing made life a little easier, as did having a solid group of friends. 
  I made a point to set my older daughter up with a snack or activity right before I started nursing so she was reasonably occupied. I also gave her lots of opportunities to "help". Like handing me a diaper, holding the wipes or diaper cream, playing peekaboo with the baby...
  Basically go into it knowing it will be challenging but you will be fine!

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• kmalls member

  July 2017 edited July 2017

  ^^^ all of that. Also I think you'll be surprised at your level of confidence. With baby #1 it took me literally hours to get out of the house. With baby #2 I had no problem jetting out the door and grocery shopping with the newborn in a mei tei (an ergo now that she's older) and the 1.5 year old in the shopping cart seat within the first few days at home. You'll adjust ridiculously quickly, I promise! 
  
  ETA: I don't mean to sound like it was all rainbows and butterflies. It wasn't. For me, the emotional adjustment to having two (actually, two under two) was waaaay harder than the physical adjustment. I have never been so drained in my life than when DD was a newborn and DS was 1.5. The demands were constant and sleep was nonexistent. Like @heatherdubrow said, around the 6 month mark things started to turn around and I hit my stride as a mom of two. Just always keep in mind that things will get better! 

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• DDRRT1982 member

  July 2017 edited July 2017

  My oldest is 10 1/2 years older than his siblings, so I don't really count that transition as being difficult, bc he was already very self sufficient.  I felt like the transition of adding a baby with a young toddler was the hardest.  Once I added a baby to two toddlers I had most of this down.  I do feel that baby wearing is key, but mostly for my toddlers.  Having at least one of them wrangled helped.  I set expectations for going out, so my children don't act like wild animals or we will leave.  As much as I love to give consessions for age and bad days, when you have two or three crying and throwing temper tantrums it can be insane.  I also give myself a break.  This usually came in the form of the gym.  They go play and I workout, which boosted my energy.  I minimized everything in my house.  I just don't have one of those awesomely decorated homes right now, but it is easy to ... posted too early... clean and not much temptation for kids to get into my stuff.  I minimized laundry to and have one closet all their stuff goes to.  I have done other things.  I just can't remember.  I will add as I remember.  

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• pghctwife member

  July 2017

  One other thing is that personality plays a big role. My oldest was (and still is)by far my hardest baby. Add in general ftm learning curve and big change if having a baby, who was kinda screamy, and our 0-1 transition was by and far the hardest. My second and third were pretty easy babies... spitters which was gross and annoying, but happy and low key and loved being worn. For me adding in a second and then third wasn't that bad. Dh had a harder time adding #3, but I think that's bc he never really had to do 'zone defense' till then, and he was on big kid duty more and my oldest was 4, hos worst age. 
  
  I do think that generally the learning curve is huge and being an experienced mom helps a lot with #2+. But if your first was a 'trick baby' and you get a colicky mess for number 2, you may find it a harder transition. 

  
  

  
  

  
  
  11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
  

  05/2017 cp
  08/03/17 no hb 8w
  
  

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• chasingroygbiv member

  July 2017

  Mine were pretty far apart (5 years) so I don't know how helpful I am, but having the older child see themselves as a "helper" was huge in our house! He LOVED helping any way he could, even if that was grabbing me a diaper and wipes. Have a nap/rest time each day. Either use that time to rest as well OR to get stuff done, whatever you prefer.  Ummm... I'll probably come back with more haha. 

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• livingthedream-3 member

  July 2017

  Mine are just over 2 years apart. Make sure to give your oldest enough attention. If you have to put a crying baby down do it to give big a hug or help them with something. Honestly upsetting big could have a downward progression of pissed off people in the house, if big is a toddler like mine was. The baby won't know the difference. Don't be afraid to play favorite for awhile. I needed to make big feel like she was the favorite even though baby was needing of a lot of mama's attention. This is a short phase and it evens out so there are no "favorites", but it's easy in the beginning for big to worry they are being replaced. Just make sure they know they aren't. 

        

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• rsquaredr member

  July 2017

  My oldest was 19 months when I had my second. She was and is super laid back and easy going. She was a huge help and I know she'll be wonderful again. 
  
  Now my 2nd will be just 2 years when baby #3 gets here. She's completely the opposite. Whiny, fussy, high needs. She'll be jealous for sure. 
  
  Babywearing helps and I also would take just my oldest so she still felt special. We were planning on sending my oldest to preschool a couple mornings a week but now I think I'll need her for my sanity

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• Staciefacie member

  July 2017 edited July 2017

  Mine are four years apart. DD was my helper and most of the time she would sit on the couch and watch tv while I breastfed or she would lay with me in bed the first few weeks. The transition was hard for me after my mother went back home and my DH went back to work. That's when I had to drive her to and from school, make dinner and keep up the house. I bought a soft structured carrier and it was a life saver. DS loved being worn and made cleaning the house ten times easier. 
  
  Another thing, don't try to push yourself to do everything in one day. It's all about balance. Take time for your older child, S/O, chores, and the baby. It may seem like a lot on your plate but you will find what works for you and your family! 
  
  ETA - don't be afraid to ask for help either! We all need help sometimes!! 

  DD born August 17, 2010
  DS born October 13, 2014
  Baby #3 due March 2018
  
  

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• pumpkinpancake member

  July 2017

  This is a great thread, thanks for starting it! I don't have anything to add since I'm only going to be. STM, but I'm so worried that DS is going to get upset at first when the new baby is here, since he won't be getting all the attention anymore. He'll be just 2 when the baby comes, so he won't be able to "help" out as much as if he were older, but I'll definitely take all of the suggestions about making him feel special and included. 

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• 3littles3angels member

  July 2017

  Take it day by day is my bed advice. Mine are 8, 7 and 4 and I am still trying to figure stuff out lol

  Rylee 2.18.09
  Kaitlyn 12.20.09 (36 week preemie)
  Ziva 8.12.13 (31 week preemie)

  Losses: 2.3.17 - 4.19.17 - 7.25.17 

  BFP: 8.16.17 Heartbeat: 9.8.17 EDD: 5.1.18

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• LiveNLove44 member

  July 2017

  We read a lot of older sibling and "big kid" books that empowered DD to step into a new role in our family. With new "responsibilities" came new "freedoms" which also helped the cause. Admittedly, there were hard times like when I was nursing DS and DD cried and "just wanted someone to play", but those times were short and the long term has been great.
  
  With that said, DD was our easy one. She was a good eater, sleeper, potty trainer, etc. She made becoming a big girl look easy (with the occasional challenge here and there at almost 4). DS, on the other hand, is much more needy in terms of attention and human touch. I wore him a lot, but I also wore DD a lot, and my mom is convinced that's why he is this way. I'm just convinced he has a totally different set of needs than my DD, and we just go with it. Each kid needs to be shown love a different way! I'm hoping he does well with the transition to being a big brother, and I think his sister will help with that. She'll encourage him to do things with her (in my ideal scenario), so hopefully that all plays out

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• rsquaredr member

  July 2017

  I also told myself going from 1 to 2 that someone would probably always be crying and it might sometimes be me. I didn't realize how much crying though lol. I also had/have severe ppd with my 2nd and although I saw my ob when she was 6 months and my pcp when she was 9 months, I didn't wean her and start medicine until she was 13 months. I'm a bit nervous this time around about it.

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