TTCAL Week of 7/10

zamoraspin · July 2017

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: If you could time travel to any time and any place when and where would you travel to, and why?

dpjennifer · July 2017

Status: Benched for life.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? This Monday is like a soul-sucking leech. My month and a half of happiness brightside looking came to an end last night for no reason whatsoever... and now I just wanna throat punch everyone. *sigh* Hoping it's a hormonal thing and that it will fade away in a day or so.

GTKY: If you could time travel to any time and any place when and where would you travel to, and why?
Image result for next stop everywhere

LOVE ME SO DOCTOR WHO!
But I'm also hella into History (I mean, i work in archives, so it's sort of a given). So:
Image result for river song gif

msmeeseeks · July 2017

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
MC at 6 weeks in March

Status: TWW... but not very optimistic. Only managed one sexy time during FW.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm seriously struggling with motivation right now and I have some annoying family situations happening, but other than that I'm doing ok!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Still waiting to hear from my new OB about some test results, but I expect that will take a couple more weeks.

GTKY: If you could time travel to any time and any place when and where would you travel to, and why?
Ha, I've never watched Doctor Who (Flame Free Monday Confession?), so this is where my head goes when it comes to time travel:

And also:

As for where I would go... maybe my hometown in the 1950s? That was apparently the peak, and the place went downhill from there.

msmeeseeks · July 2017

@dpjennifer - Sorry things are rough for you today. FX that things are looking up again soon!

ChloandCoco · July 2017

@dpjennifer - I'm sorry you are having a rough time. Hopefully things will turn around soon!
@msmeeseeks - I hope your test results come in sooner than you think and good luck with all the family situations.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. I had a loss at 6w6d, it was diagnosed as a blighted ovum.

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I've been extremely moody these past few days and I have no idea why. I just need this week to be over, it's slow at work which means this week will just drag on...

Any testing coming up/any recent results? None

GTKY: If you could time travel to any time and any place when and where would you travel to, and why? I would like to travel to the 1970s or 80s. I wouldn't want to travel too far back because I can't image life without plumbing.

rachelg777 · July 2017

@dpjennifer Sometimes it's okay not to look on the bright side and those days happen! I hope things look up for you soon. FX for your weight loss journey.

@msmeeseeks Hope your family situations straighten out! Also, hope your test results are positive.

@ChloandCoco Hope the work week somehow speeds by for you!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Partial Molar Pregnancy found at 11 weeks in June

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are actually going okay. Still super bummed that we can't TTC yet but soon enough I guess. Life is pretty busy right now so I have a lot of things occupying my mind. We are going to the home run derby tonight and the all start game tomorrow so I am pretty pumped for that!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? My HCG is down to 15, now a few days later I am finally getting negative hpt's. Maybe I will be negative this week!

GTKY: If you could time travel to any time and any place when and where would you travel to, and why? Uuuuum I think I would like to go back in time to the old American west during/after it was first being explored. I enjoy the freedoms we have as modern day women so obviously wouldn't want to stay but it would be super interesting to experience life in that time. Hopefully I wouldn't die before I could travel back.

catlady1215 · July 2017

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
back to back losses. sept 2016 and dec 2016

Status: ttc-wto

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I have been really concerned with egg/sperm quality. --TW-- with our son's pregnancy, we had a chance of 1 in 20 for chromosome problems. that's extremely high chances for a healthy 30 yr old --END TW-- so that combined with my losses, my mind is racing that direction. but after a convo in the CS/Q thread yesterday (thank you again!) I decided to just message my OB and see if any testing would be covered yet. she just replied that she can schedule me for a MFM/perinatology consult. and that genetic studies for both of us may be in order. I'm slightly irritated cause why didn't she tell me back in feb? and we could have done that while we were benched? But i'll skip my happy butt into that office if it can either give answers or free my mind of worry eventually. So now I'm hoping she actually does do this/gives me a name easily.. and I don't have to chase her down with office calls (that's annoying with her office.. that's why I went the message route).

Any testing coming up/any recent results? nope

GTKY: If you could time travel to any time and any place when and where would you travel to, and why? anytime, as in back in time? I actually would like to have met my dad's parents. they passed when he was 18.

@dpjennifer hope your throat punchiness eases up alittle. I hate those days.

@msmeeseeks it only takes once, good luck! sorry about the family stuff.

@chloandcoco hope this week goes fast for you!

@rachelg777 fingers crossed for negative next week! glad you're keeping yourself occupied, that always helps.

zamoraspin · July 2017

@dpjennifer I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I hope the pounds fall off soon so that you can move along with testing and getting answers.
@msmeeseeks Fx for your test results. I confess I am actually not super familiar with the current BBC Dr. Who series, but I watched the original series when I was a kid, which, from what I can tell was much campier than the current version.
@ChloandCoco I hear you on the plumbing thing.
@rachelg777 I bet you are right, you will be at zero on this next check. I hope you get to come off the bench soon but I'm glad you are finding good distractions.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Went through loss of first pregnancy this June due to mmc.

Status: TWW, 5dpo, and trying to manage my expectations. Guess what, they are unreasonable.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? We had people over on Friday night for MH's bday and everyone had a lot of fun (everyone got to do a painting if they wanted to and they turned out really well). Saturday we went to bday party for a friend. TW Friend A is ku and I saw her at both parties. I did fine with it the first time but at the second party A and me and a few other people had a long baby convo (do you have a name, shower date, etc, etc). Very few people know about my mmc, but friend B knows and was part of the convo. She came over after and sat with me and said she was sorry because probably that had been kind of painful to talk to friend A about baby stuff and I started crying. We ended up sitting outside on the front porch just the two of us for probably an hour talking about it. Once I start crying it can be hard to turn off, I wasn't sobbing, but just, you know, lots of sniffling. Anyway, we did have a really good talk. She and her H are not planning to have kids but I think that is more due to him than her and we had a very honest talk about that part of it and she opened up to me about it in a way she hasn't really before. End TW

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope.

GTKY: If you could time travel to any time and any place when and where would you travel to, and why? So there are a lot of times I would like to visit - like, key times in history I'd be curious about (did you guys see that they have photographic evidence that Amelia Earhart landed in/near the Marshall Islands and was taken captive?) but I would pick visiting the future I think - probably like 100 years in the future as that would be beyond my lifetime. I'd like to see the U.S. I guess, walk around and then also learn about all the stuff that has happened.

zamoraspin · July 2017

@catlady1215 I missed you because I left and came back to my post. I'm sorry, because that sounds super frustrating that your dr didn't just order that testing after your second loss. But, I'm also glad you got that advice to get testing done and are going to move forward with it. I think the more "modern" approach is to consider two losses RPL and do testing, but I know the old way was to wait until three losses. I really hope that your mind will be set at ease with the testing or that there is some easy fix. I agree with you that I would want to know, whatever the outcome. Fx for you.

msmeeseeks · July 2017

@ChloandCoco - Hahaha, I too enjoy indoor plumbing. I will definitely take that into account in any time traveling I might do!

@rachelg777 - FX that you are down to zero this week! SO JEALOUS about the home run derby/all-star game! I want to go someday. I'm guessing you are rooting for NL?

@catlady1215 - I hope you can get some testing done and you get some helpful answers.

@zamora_spin - Sorry about needing to cry during the party. I'm the same way, once I start crying I gotta keep going! It sounds like overall it was good to talk to your friend. She's a good friend!

looeeze · July 2017

@rachelg777 OMG I'm so jealous!!!! MH and I incorporate baseball into as many aspects of our life as possible because we both love it so much. Take pictures and post them! If you see Nolan Arenado, tell him that looeeze thinks he is gorgeous AND the best player in the entire league and sometimes when I'm sad, I just watch clips of him fielding amazing plays.

ChloandCoco · July 2017

@rachelg777 - Definitely bittersweet, but I hope your betas are down to 0 this week.
@catlady1215 - Good luck with at your consult. Hopefully you get some answers.
@zamora_spin - It's nice that you were able to confide and open up to a friend IRL. And I would also like to travel into the future!

icecubeinthedesert · July 2017

@dpjennifer, I know that feeling you have, and in my case it was almost certainly hormonal. I hope it passes soon for you. I found that forcing myself to do something active really helped me, so that's when I picked up doing yoga in earnest.

@msmeeseeks, I've never watched Dr Who either, so you're not alone. FX for you one time was enough. And sorry that it sounds like you've got some family drama going on.

@ChloandCoco, I would also blame your moods on hormones. I definitely feel it for a few months after my MCs.

@rachelg777, yay for those numbers!

@catlady1215, sorry your doc is changing her mind about the testing. My doc is also dragging her feet about it because she doesn't think my insurance will cover it after two losses, even though the insurance company's guide makes it sound like they consider everything after two losses RPL testing. I have been meaning to get the codes for the testing from my doc and call my insurance company to ask, but just haven't had the time or patience for it. As for the egg quality thing, your testing results from before might or might not actually be tied to a quality issue. But there are some things you can do to improve it. I think I read on a different thread that you are starting to read "it starts with the egg." I found it informative and helpful, and have added in ubiqinol to my routine. There are specific recommendations for RPL.

@zamora_spin, oh hey, I'm right there with you unreasonable expectations. And I haven't even DTD during FW yet. Sheesh. I'm sorry you had a rough night at the party, but it sounds like you found a good person to connect with. I have also talked with my BFF about everything were going through, and even though she is single and doesn't really want kids even if she does get married, she's still very understanding.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. losses in September 2016 and March 2017.

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? We had a great trip back to my home state for an extended weekend. I think I mentioned a few weeks back about how if I get KTFU in the next three cycles, I'll probably have to miss my sister's wedding. She asked me to be her MOH, which I kind if expected. I still feel really guilty about it. I think we'll see how things go this cycle. If I O early again this cycle like my current CM would suggest, I could potentially make it if we drive across country with a 1 month old. If not this cycle, we'll have another discussion about maybe TTA for a month. I know I'm totally putting the cart before the horse at this point. But we did go bridesmaid dress shopping on Saturday, so I'm trying to think about what kind of dresses would actually work if I'm post partum or really pregnant. I wish I could have had an honest conversation about it with my mom and sister, but I didn't know that we were meeting my sister's future MIL and SIL there. Oh, and the future SIL is due in October, so she couldn't try anything on. FML.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? nope

GTKY: I'd like to go back to the 1950s and go out dancing with my grandma. It sounds like she had a lot of fun. Bonus, I could meet my grandpa, who passed away before I was born.

msmeeseeks · July 2017

@icecubeinthedesert - What an annoying dress shopping situation! That must have sucked. fI hate that you didn't have the opportunity to talk to your mom and sister. If you do get KU this cycle, your mom and sister will be absolutely thrilled for you!

Re GTKY: What a cool idea, your grandma sounds like a cool lady! That's another reason why I would go back to my hometown in the '50s. I never got to meet my grandparents, and that was when they immigrated to the US.

zamoraspin · July 2017

@icecubeinthedesert I'm sorry you didn't get to have that conversation with your mom and sister. I agree with @msmeeseeks that they will be thrilled for you. If I remember correctly, you haven't told them about your second loss, is that right? I hope you get to share with them whatever you feel comfortable sharing soon. I know I worried a lot about telling my family and bumming them out, but have found that people really want to be supportive and haven't regretted telling anyone. I sure hope this is your cycle!

On the high expectations - it's like there's my rational brain and then there's this other part that thinks nonsensical things. For example I have already started symptom spotting which is BSC and completely ridiculous.

icecubeinthedesert · July 2017

@zamora_spin, yea that's right that I haven't told family about our second loss. That's DH's wishes, so I kind of feel like telling them might be a betrayal of trust since he feels pretty strongly about it. I know they'd be happy for me. But for whatever reason my mom makes a comment at every wedding whether there's a pregnant bridesmaid or not. She even expressed how happy she was that I didn't have any pregnant bridesmaids. I remember being taken aback by that comment because I could have cared less if I did. I don't know what that's all about, but I would hope she would be happy for me. And not expect me to wait a year to get pregnant since it's almost been a year since our first MC. But it's definitely feeding into my guilt.

rachelg777 · July 2017

@msmeeseeks yes for the national league! We are Rockies fans!

@looeeze omg are you a Rockies fan!? Arenado is amazing and super sexy! My husband is the biggest Rockies fan out there and naturally he got me on board long ago. We also love doing all things baseball! The Home Run Derby was awesome!

looeeze · July 2017

@rachelg777 MH might dispute that YH is the bigger Rockies fan.

But yeah Arenado is amazing. Do you live in FL? How'd you snag tix for both awesome events?

rachelg777 · July 2017

@looeeze haha then they might give each other a run for their moneys. Nah we live up in the D.C. area. My husband is in a veterans mentorship program (his dream is to work in the front office of a baseball team, preferably the Rockies) and we scored free tickets to both from his mentor who works high up in the MLB office. Pretty freakin lucky! Are you guys in CO?

looeeze · July 2017

@rachelg777 that is awesome! I'm gonna PM you in the morning cause I have follow-up questions and will tell you more of the baseball things

dpjennifer · July 2017

msmeeseeks Sorry about the lack of motivation.

ChloandCoco Sorry about the moodiness. I don’t know what’s going on, but it apparently isn’t just us! It seems like everyone was having an issue the past few days, maybe it’s from the weather? Maybe the apocalypse?

Image result for supernatural apocalypse gif

catlady1215 Ugh. That’s frustrating that your OB didn’t tell you that you could’ve done testing while benched. #Frustrating.

zamora_spin Cool idea to do a painting at a party! Unique. I like it. Also I’d heard something about Amelia Earhart in the news, but hadn’t heard the whole story yet. I will now be googling!

@icecubeinthedesert Hormones suck! That’s what I think it is and on the bright side, means it should settle down in a day or so. Feeling a bit better today. Phew! Super glad you guys had a great trip! And dancing in the 1950s with grandparents sounds amazing.

catlady1215 · July 2017

@icecubeinthedesert oh no sorry to hear your doctor is dragging her feet! I'd def just call the insurance company to make sure.

ChloandCoco · July 2017

@dpjennifer - Trust me, I will be partaking in some liquor tonight. The weather is cooler today and everyone is in a better mood.

dpjennifer · July 2017

@ChloandCoco Yesterday was MUCH better.... hoping for the same today.

zamoraspin · July 2017

@dpjennifer I'm glad you had a better day yesterday! I hope the same for you today as well.
@ChloandCoco I hope you are also doing better!

FYI, there is kind of a board debate about the dailies (TWW and WTO) and whether LO's should be mentioned more sparingly/what needs a TW. Got me thinking - what do you guys think needs a TW in this thread?

dpjennifer · July 2017

zamora_spin Personally I prefer TW before mentioning LO's/children on loss boards; however, since this thread is in TTGP I expect that people don't do that and so I'm more chill about it (as opposed to the TTCAL board where I expect more TWs for live children). But I'm on a personal journey to try to be less bitter about people having children when I may not... so I'm kinda in a self-Get your Big Girl Panties on and move the h*ll on phase...

labgrand2012 · July 2017

Sorry I am so late to this,

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es) , diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. You can see everything in my siggy

Status: TTA

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are going well this week, I had a great weekend where we did a lot of fun things and hung outside as much as possbile to enjoy the beautiful weather. We went to our local botanical gardens for the first time and it was beautiful there! And of course got ice cream after, I love ice cream during the summer.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I have another blood draw where I am hoping to be at zero. I was at 16 least week.

GTKY: If you could time travel to any time and any place when and where would you travel to, and why?
Well the obvious lack of modern amenities and healthcare is scary, I would love to go back to the early 1800s. I just imagine the life being more laid back, focus on education, that arts and skills. Of course I would be in a family that is not poor and experience that kind instead of the struggles. I would also really like to see what Camelot really looked like.

looeeze · July 2017

@labgrand2012 FX that your levels keep going down! When is your test?

Status: WTO. Or maybe I just O'd. I dunno. See R/R

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am feeling all sorts of moody these past few days. And I think we missed our FW. This is only the second cycle after MC so maybe things are still wonky, but it's only CD12 (I usually O on 14) and I had a temp spike today, and a change in CM that I was not ready for. Our timing is SO terrible because we waited to do today, tomorrow, and Friday. So as soon as I saw the temp spike I woke up MH and made him do it, but I fear it is too late. I'm so pissed about it! Gonna take a OPK in a few hours, took one yesterday that was -, another last night that was almost + but not quite, and another this am that was definitely +.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? NA

GTKY: If you could time travel to any time and any place when and where would you travel to, and why? I think I would go to the future, like 500 years, just to see if we've actually made any advancements as a society since sometimes it feels like we'll never be better.

labgrand2012 · July 2017

@dpjennifer I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I hope it has gotten a little bit better since Monday.
@msmeeseeks Ugg, family situations are never fun. But FX for your test results.
@ChloandCoco I hope your week hasnt been too slow at work! HUMP DAY
@rachelg777 Did you have fun at the derby and that all star game?
@catlady1215 I hope you can get everything you need from your doctor. That is so frustrating.
@zamora_spin That is so nice to have a friend that can empathize with you and just listen. How are you doing with the TWW?
@icecubeinthedesert it is hard to think about the future when you have no idea how things are going to work out. And sorry you couldn't talk with your sister and mom like you had hoped. But I agree with everyone, they will be thrilled whatever happens. Did you find any fun dresses?

dpjennifer · July 2017

@labgrand2012 I love the thought of traveling to the past to 'visit.' But like you said, lack of amenities, women's rights, health issues, etc. would make me leery of staying!

looeeze Have you ever seen the movie Idiocracy? It's good, but based upon the premise that instead of the future being full of technological advancements and intelligence, that the smartest people in the world put off having children, and the 'idiots' procreated like rabbits... leaving a future society where houses are held together with rope and everything is falling apart. It's good,although sobering while comical.

zamoraspin · July 2017

@looeeze I'm sorry that temp spike is throwing you off, but if you got a positive OPK this morning I would think you will O tomorrow or in the next few days, so your timing should be perfect.

@labgrand2012 Fx for your next labs. I love botanical gardens! I can't grow anything but I like to look at other people's plants. TWW is up and down for me. I'm trying to manage my expectations and just be grateful that we are cleared to ttc again and that I O'd. But unfortunately part of my brain won't be gracious and I end up getting too hopeful and I'm afraid of how I will feel when I test this weekend.

looeeze · July 2017

@dpjennifer lol, yes! sometimes I think that movie was just a documentary sent back from the future. And it's definitely crossed my mind more than once during this TTC journey.

ChloandCoco · July 2017

@labgrand2012 - FX your levels reach 0!
@looeeze - Hopefully you O in the next couple of days rather than today. HIO again tonight just in case?
@zamora_spin- FWIW, I would prefer not to use TW for LOs on this thread. That being said, this thread is more sensitive and TW** I avoid talking about my DD **End TW. Currently, I only participate on this thread and very rarely GTKY threads. I won't start the dailies until I start a new cycle and on those threads I would still avoid unless it was affecting TTC somehow.

dpjennifer · July 2017

@looeeze I think of that movie ALL the time with my troubles to conceive! Especially when I see some idiot with her 4 kids she can't afford to feed getting KU again.
Image result for idiocracy

ChloandCoco · July 2017

Question for you ladies, what was your period like after your miscarriage? Was it lighter, normal, or heavier?How long did it last? I know everyone is different, I just have a hard time with unknowns. I started spotting today which means I will get CD1 in the next couple of days.

icecubeinthedesert · July 2017

@ChloandCoco, I think mine were a little heavier, but not much. But they were more watery or mucousy at times.

looeeze · July 2017

@ChloandCoco I usually spot a bit before AF but the first cycle after MC, I spotted a full week before. It was various shades of brown and sometimes heavy, sometimes not. Then when I finally got it, it was much the same as usual the first two days then it got really light the next two.

mispanda · July 2017

@ChloandCoco I know it will differ from person to person but both of mine were pretty consistent with my usual periods. Perhaps it was because I never got too far along. If anything seems out of the ordinary and your're bleeding more a quick call to the doctor wouldn't hurt.

ChloandCoco · July 2017

Thanks, ladies! And if anything seems wrong, I will definitely call my doctor.

zamoraspin · July 2017

Ugh to that multiples troll. Reminded me of something that happened last night . TW for loss in the spoiler below, just don't read it if you're feeling vulnerable atm.

I got a reminder in the mail yesterday from my ever-so-helpful insurance company letting me know that if I wanted to continue to receive discounted prices on my prescription of Misoprostol (ie Cytotec) I needed to go ahead and send in a form. Umm, yeah, I don't plan to need a monthly prescription of abortion pills to help me miscarry, thanks! Anyway, I teared up a bit reading that notice and MH noticed. That in conjunction with me crying about something unrelated the night before, plus I guess the Saturday night party incident, prompted him to ask me if we should maybe go to therapy. My sisters (way back when I went to my sister's baby shower AS I WAS HAVING MY MC) also asked me if I was going to go to therapy. I think maybe I am pretty stoic so seeing me get visibly upset is something close to me don't see all that often, but I really am an emotional person I just tend to be very private about it.

I want to be really clear that I think therapy is a wonderful and helpful thing and I think there should be no stigma attached to it. But it did kind of make me feel like MH and my sisters were suggesting I should not be so upset or more quickly get over what has happened, and sometimes I just feel like I still need to cry it out. For goodness sakes, it's been a month. I have talked to a family member and a co-worker who had mc's more than 25 years ago and they still think about those losses sometimes and feel sad.

looeeze · July 2017

@zamora_spin *hugs* the thoughtlessness of insurance companies is astounding sometimes.

And I have family members who are really similar. They get uncomfortable when I show sad/hurt emotions that are totally normal and healthy to have, and ask if I've ever gone to therapy. At which point I tell them, not that it's any of your business but the only reason I'm able to cry in front of you and be content with allowing myself to feel my feelings is because of three years of therapy so maybe you are the ones who need therapy because you're clearly uncomfortable when other people express non-happy emotions. Sounds to me like you're doing exactly what you need to do to work through your grief, because you're not holding it back and you're not letting it overtake your life. You got this.

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